Chaos （Shadow Security, Book Three）
*Excerpt is unedited and subject to change.
Chapter One
Chaos
I buried my fiancée and her son on a Wednesday.
I remember because Wednesdays were her book club night and all the members arrived with a book they wanted to put in the coffin with her.
Three-year-old Chance was already in there—that’s what she would have wanted—and the books made it look fussy and overwhelming, but I didn’t say anything.
Mostly, I stood there and stared.
Frozen.
Shocked.
Accepting condolences that didn’t mean anything.
Unable to process the fact that a week ago we were planning a wedding and then in the blink of an eye they were both gone.
For two weeks after the funeral, I went to the cemetery every morning to talk to her and Chance. To tell them about my day. That I missed them. That I would do anything to switch places with them.
But they didn’t hear me.
They were wherever souls go to spend eternity.
It took about that long for me to accept that there was no coming back from this.
And once I did, exactly two weeks from the day I buried them, I walked away and haven’t been back since.
I don’t think about them, I don’t talk about them, and I got rid of every single thing of theirs I possessed. Pictures, books, toys, clothes, even pots and pans—all of it was donated except for the things her mother wanted. Obviously, I let her family take anything they asked for.
Other than the ring.
I kept that, locked in a drawer that I never, ever opened. I don’t even know why. Even if I could fathom the idea of falling in love again, I certainly wouldn’t give Aubrey’s ring to someone else. But I couldn’t bring myself to sell it or even give it to her mom.
Today, I’m grumpy as hell because for one thing, it would have been her thirtieth birthday. For another, I’m only about thirty miles from the cemetery. I’ve been here for two months and I still haven’t gone.
Setting foot in that cemetery would be like ripping open a wound.
I can’t.
My demons already haunt me day and night. Going to see them, talk to them again, would be like throwing the last two years of healing out the window.
But today is my day off.
I’m also so damn close and out of excuses.
Aubrey wouldn’t be upset—she understood everything about me, including my dark side—but she might be a little disappointed.
I grab my keys and step out of my hotel room, running right smack into Lacy.
Lacy Fontaine, the gorgeous movie star I’ve been protecting as part of my current assignment with Shadow Security.
“Oh, sorry!” She looks up with a soft, apologetic smile.
Today is Sunday, and everyone is off. It’s also raining buckets so I didn’t expect to see anyone out and about.
“Where are you off to?” I ask curiously.
“I’m going to Serena’s. There’s a hockey game this afternoon and we’re all going.” She pauses. “I asked you if you wanted to go, remember?”
I do remember.
I was in a piss-poor mood that day and I said no.
Now I’m regretting so many of my life choices.
A hockey game would be fun.
Too late, though, so I just nod. “Right, it slipped my mind. Have a good time. Do you want me to drive you?”
I normally drive her when she needs to go anywhere.
“Oh, Serena’s downstairs waiting. She came to get me. I figured you needed a day off too.”
“It’s my job to keep you safe,” I reply. “I don’t get days off.”
“And I appreciate it, but you definitely get today off. I’ll be fine.” We move toward the elevator together.
I walk through the lobby with her and see Serena’s SUV waiting right outside.
“Have a good time,” I tell her.
Serena works on the show as well, and I wave. She lowers the window and leans over. “Hey, Chris! You sure you don’t want to come to the game? I can still leave a ticket at Will Call for you?”
Serena’s husband, West McGregor, plays for the Atlanta Thunder, the local professional hockey team. I used to be a pretty big fan, so it was dumb to say no to tickets. And now I’m getting another chance.
“Uh, sure,” I say slowly. “I have a couple of errands to run but they should only take a couple of hours. What time is the game?”
“Three.” She smiles and nods. “I’ll call West now and get you a seat. You don’t mind sitting with the WAGs, do you?”
The wives and girlfriends?
Yeah, Chris Chaos is always at his best in a group of women, so I grin. “What do you think?”
Lacy rolls her eyes and gets into the SUV.
“Drive safe—I’ll see you guys at the game. And thanks, Serena.”
She nods. “Bye!”
They drive off and I watch her taillights disappear down the block.
Now it’s decision time.
Do I drive to the cemetery or not?
Come on, Chris—it’s not that hard.
Aubrey’s voice in my head is soft but firm.
But it propels me forward, into my rental SUV, and toward the highway.
***
The rain has stopped by the time I get to the rural cemetery that’s located about forty minutes north of downtown Atlanta.
I feel a chill as I pass through the gates. I’ve never liked cemeteries. They don’t scare me, but they’re a reminder of loss. Pain. Grief. Things that men like me don’t like dwelling on because they’re not tangible.
Revenge is an actionable item.
I can think about ways to make Aubrey and Chance’s killer pay—assuming I ever find him.
He’s managed to evade police for more than two years, but he won’t evade me for much longer.
A private detective I hired found a clue to his identity and I sent it to Shadow Security’s cyber expert to trace for me. Hopefully, she’ll have news tomorrow.
I stopped for flowers so I carry them in my hand as I approach Aubrey and Chance’s gravesite.
Aubrey LaSalle
September 5, 1996 – July 1, 2024
Chance LaSalle
December 7, 2020 – July 1, 2024
“Hey, Aubrey.” I squat down and start arranging the flowers in a vase that’s already there. Her mother comes sometimes, so I imagine that’s where it came from. “I know, it’s been too long. I’m sorry.”
I pause like I’m waiting for a response.
“It’s been a rough couple of years without you. Every birthday, anniversary—they gut me. I don’t know how to live without you. I’m trying but all I care about is revenge. I’m going to find him, honey. I hope you know that.”
I sit there for a while, wondering what she would say if she were here.
It’s on the tip of my tongue ask her how she likes the coffin I chose, and I do a quick head shake. I’m starting to lose my mind. Who the fuck likes a coffin? I want to know if she’s warm enough, if it’s okay that she and Chance are in there together—is it too hot in summer?
Jesus.
I need to remember that she doesn’t feel anything anymore.
Nothing good, nothing bad, nothing at all.
I can only hope she’s in the proverbial better place even though she was not at all religious.
I did my best to honor her wishes even though I didn’t know what they were since we didn’t think about or discuss death.
Who thinks about end-of-life planning in their twenties?
Not us.
I straighten up and stare down at the tombstone, my vision blurring with tears I’ve never allowed to fall. Not once. I can’t. I’m terrified that once they start, they’ll never stop. The way I haven’t stopped missing them.
Chance wasn’t mine biologically but he was in every way that mattered. I loved that kid as much as I loved his mother and losing them both was unimaginable.
Until I didn’t have to imagine it because it happened.
Out of nowhere, the hair on the back of my neck stands up, and I freeze.
I’m a mess when it comes to Aubrey and Chance, but I’m a former military man and what’s considered an elite bodyguard, with skills that very few people have. That’s why Shadow Security hires me.
So when I sense danger, it’s often a physical reaction.
I don’t move, though, spending a few seconds taking in my surroundings. The rain has stopped but it’s still dark and overcast—another storm is moving in.
There’s an elderly couple about a hundred feet away, kneeling by a grave, talking softly.
The hum of a lawn mower in the distance tells me cemetery employees are taking advantage of the break in the weather.
Otherwise, there’s relative silence.
An occasional insect buzz, cars in the distance, nothing out of the ordinary.
Except there is something.
I just can’t put my finger on it.
Pulling out my keys, I act natural, like I’m not high alert.
I glance off to the north and there’s nothing unusual as far as the eye can see.
Then to the east, where I see the elderly couple.
I turn to the south.
And that’s when I see him.
Dark figure in a raincoat or something that covers most of him.
It’s far too warm in Georgia this time of year for a coat like that.
I can’t make out his features but I know he’s watching me. And now he knows I’m watching him.
He stares for a beat, slowly lifts his hand, and then turns, disappearing around the bend.
Did that motherfucker just shoot me a bird?
Well, we’re about to find out.
I take off in the direction he went, running faster than I ever have in my life.