19. ATLAST
NINETEEN
atlast
Hudson
“Good news,” Doc finally declares, pulling off her gloves. “You’re healing faster than expected. You’ll live to annoy another day.”
Eva laughs and bends to hug me with surprising strength for someone so petite.
Enzo claps my shoulder, firm but careful, though his eyes say the most right now.
One face is now missing. Did I dream seeing her only moments ago?
I scan the room, frown tugging at my lips. “Where’s Pippa?”
Luna, who’s been leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed, shrugs. “She had to head to work. So do I. Don’t worry, I’ll cover for you at the office.”
There’s something in her tone. It’s tight, deliberate, like she’s smoothing over a wrinkle she doesn’t want me to notice. She crosses the room and drops a quick kiss to my forehead and slips out before I can push.
I glance at Enzo. He’s begun pacing, jaw locked, a storm building behind his eyes. Something has shifted while I was out, it’s fucking heavy in the air now.
Eva lingers a beat longer, fussing with my blanket until Enzo shoots her a look. She sighs and presses a kiss to my temple, like Luna did. Jules mutters something about being tougher than I look. Then everyone disperses one by one, leaving me to decipher whatever Enzo hasn’t said yet.
He moves to the foot of the bed, arms folded. He looks like he wants to punch something but doesn’t trust himself not to break me instead.
I let out a dry laugh. “You can relax. You heard Doc, I’m not dying today.”
Nothing. Not even a twitch.
“Seriously, man. Don’t look so grim. You’ll give yourself wrinkles and then where will your brooding reputation be?” I give him a slow smirk.
Still stone-faced.
I sigh, shift against the pillows. “What? You’re gonna fucking stand there brooding until I guess what’s eating you?
” I know Enzo better than I know myself, and I know exactly what is going on here.
“Let me guess: You’re blaming yourself for getting us mixed up with our very own Charlie’s Angels and pushing Pippa away? ”
“You think I don’t see it?” Enzo asks, voice low. “That you’ll joke your way through the pain, keep us all smiling, so none of us notice how close we came to losing you?”
Well, fuck.
Enzo’s hand grips the rail of my bed. “I was scared, Hudson. In that van, holding you as you bled out, listening to your voice fade, feeling your pulse drop… I realized I couldn’t lose you—not you, Hudson.”
My chest tightens. Surprise cracks through whatever shitty mask I had left. I can’t tell if he means this the way friends care for each other. Or the way I’ve only recently allowed myself to hope for.
Enzo sits beside me, takes a deep breath, and finally looks me straight in the eye. “Hudson, I love you. I’ve always loved you. Most of that time loving you has been as a friend, as my family, but it’s also always been a little bit more, too.”
My heart stutters. Panic and hope collide in equal measure. “Enzo, don’t— Shit, you don’t have to—”
“Yes, I do,” he cuts in gently but firmly. “Please let me say this. I’ve been sitting here for hours worried you’d never wake up and I’d never get the chance. So I’m going to say my piece.”
I offer a small smile, encouraging him to continue.
“When we were growing up, I knew I’d be married off to some mafia Don’s daughter. It was the path I was born into. I remember when you told me you were bisexual, I was jealous of you. I never told you that, but I was.
“I was jealous of your freedom. Jealous that you got to go explore who you were and what you wanted. I was jealous of all the men I thought would steal you from me. I remember that the most—feeling like I wish you didn’t need anyone other than me.”
My throat closes.
“I didn’t understand my feelings at the time. I didn’t even really let myself explore those thoughts. I was seventeen when I was first introduced to Ciara, and even though I never loved her, I believed she’d be my wife and that meant something to me.
“And after that blew up, after my parents… I was so young. I was so scared. And I was so grateful to have you and Eva in my life. For years now, I haven’t thought about much more than survival. But I only knew I could survive because you were by my side.”
I swallow hard. “I…I don’t know what to say.
I never knew you felt that way. I never thought that you might.
I—I never dared to even dream about it.” A breath slips out of me, half a laugh.
“Okay, that’s a damned lie. I’ve dreamt about it plenty.
But it always seemed a fool’s dream. Not my reality. ”
His hand drifts and his knuckles brush my forearm—testing, careful.
I don’t pull away. I don’t want to. When his fingers slide into mine, it feels like something clicking into place after years of the almost-perfect position.
We stare at our hands like they’re proof this is real.
“Hudson, I don’t know how to do any of this,” he says quietly. “I’m sorry it took Pippa coming along for us to talk about the possibility of us. I’ve been an idiot, but I’m hoping you’ll forgive me for being blind to what was right in front of me. I want to give this a try.”
“Pippa,” I say softly. Not accusatory, probing.
His jaw tightens. “I didn’t think the alliance through enough before inserting myself into their mission. We don’t know these people, not in the way real allies should, and I’m not sure we can really trust them—”
“Not all alliances result in deceit,” I say, watching him closely.
His chest tightens visibly at the name. I can almost see the memories clawing their way up.
“Ciara fucked me up, it’s true,” he admits.
“But I wasn’t heart-broken when she left me for Junior.
If anything, I was relieved. But then my parents died because of Ciara’s duplicity.
Last night, you almost died because of an alliance with people who might not have our best interest—and safety—in mind.
It’s too similar. I can’t risk you or Eva. I just can’t, Hudson.”
I press my hand over his, grounding him, rubbing my thumb over his fingers. “Look at me.”
He lifts his eyes to mine, tears barely contained.
“You’re not going to want to hear this, but I need you to listen. Your father chose to go after Donovan and Volkov when the alliance with the Irish was broken. He put himself and his family at risk—”
Enzo starts to interrupt, but I place my hand to his cheek. He closes his eyes.
“Volkov didn’t kill your parents because of Ciara’s choice. He killed them because he’s a mobster. It was a goddamned territory war, one they all died for and no one even fucking won. It wasn’t your fault.” I rub my thumb across his cheek.
His eyelashes flutter.
“It wasn’t even Ciara’s fault. You were forced into an arrangement as kids.
I loved your parents like they were my own.
And you know I mean no disrespect, but, Enzo, their lives were always at fucking risk from a rival family or the feds.
We are, too. We’re criminals. And I wasn’t at Malin’s estate last night because of your choice, man. Did you force me there?”
“I forced you into that warehouse two weeks ago.”
I chuckle at that, returning my hand to my side. “Yeah, you sure as shit did.”
He returns a slight smile.
“The minute Luna sent me that file, the minute I had Jane’s real name, you think I was going to stay away from her?”
“Probably not,” he agrees.
“Definitely not,” I assert. “I’m sorry I scared you last night.”
For a long moment, it’s just us. The machines. The quiet. The fact that I’m still breathing and he’s still here.
He raises his other hand to my face. His thumb brushes my cheek, reverent. I lean into his touch without thinking. When he leans down, closing the space between us, I don’t hesitate. Our lips meet, soft and careful, like we’re both afraid this might disappear if we move too fast.
Then, I tilt my head and open for him. A quiet moan slips from my throat.
Whatever restraint he had burns away, and suddenly it’s as if he’s been starving—tongue, heat, lightning. Everything we’ve buried for decades detonates at once.
My hand slides into his hair. His grip tightens at my jaw. Touch after touch, greedy and desperate, mapping what we’ve denied ourselves, fuck. It feels like coming home.
Eventually, we pull back before we do something truly stupid in a clinic bed.
I smile crookedly. “At least you wouldn’t have to worry this time about Pippa leaving you for another man.”
He arches a brow, wary.
“She’s already with the other man.” I smirk.
He groans and drops his head against the side of the bed.
I chuckle, then wince in pain.
He laughs, just a little. “Maybe, but that doesn’t change the fact that we don’t really know her.”
“You’re right,” I say. “I know protecting Eva and me is the most important thing to you. But, shit, maybe we should try to get to know her more instead of pushing her away.”
“It may be too late for that,” he admits.
I know him well enough to know whatever damage he’s caused, this won't be resolved right away. “We’ll talk to her when she gets back, then. Yeah?”
He nods.
“Did Doc say I was cleared for more than kissing?” I waggle my eyebrows.
“Absolutely not, pretty boy,” he says as he gets up, smiling. “Let me get her again. You need some food and some pain meds.”
“Enzo?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you, too.”
We smile at each other a few beats.
He squeezes my hand one more time, kisses my forehead, and exits the room.
I close my eyes with the biggest grin on my face.
Enzo is mine.
Enzo Luciano. My best friend. My world. He’s decided he can give me everything. Fucking everything.
Together, I know we can get Pippa back. I just wish it didn’t take me getting shot to make us open our eyes. But now that they’re open, I don’t want to close them ever again.