Chapter 33 #3
If he thought the bond would keep anyone from touching me, he must be mad they disrespected him. That makes more sense to me than him worrying about my safety, when I’m clearly fine.
“Ask Torain, if you need to know. But if who I am is so gods-damned important to you, why the fuck are you keeping it secret?”
His hands grip into fists and he drags in a deep breath. I can feel the anger boiling in him. Pure, deadly fury.
“Because I’m still waiting to see if you’ll wake up one day and decide to run me through with your sword,” he snaps. “I wasn’t going to give them hope just to take it away.”
“Tempting,” I hiss. “And glad to know you never believed in me at all.”
“Your Hellions have killed the other ancients. I thought our dragons were the only ones left, until the kraken rose up to protect you from Savasaeirn. I will do anything it takes to protect my people. Anything. You and me together, no matter what you are or who you’ve been, are the best chance we’ve got right now. ”
“But marriage?”
“I needed to be able to find you if you ran. I needed to be able to trust you if you said you were on our side. And yes, I needed to make sure nobody would try to kill you. I thought it would stop them.”
I wet my lips and swallow. None of those reasons have to do with me. Just the war. That thing, in the ocean. He really thinks he needs it to survive.
He tricked me into being his wife just to gain another weapon. No wonder Roiven is so fixed on why I hate the sea. He needs to find a way around it.
I should be relieved that he doesn’t want me. That he didn’t want to trick me into marriage; he really did just need the bond. And yet. For some reason I can’t name, that hurts worse. Far worse.
The War-Father only wanted a weapon, too.
“Just tell me this,” I whisper, as my anger ebbs and leaves only emptiness behind. “Am I nothing but a tool to you? Do you look at me and see anything more than a weapon that you hate?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me. Tell me.”
Roiven runs a hand through his hair.
“I planned it all, Cai,” he growls. “I calculated everything between us to get you to see you were on the wrong side of this war. Hate me if you must, so long as you hate the Empire too.”
My chest is so tight it hurts.
But he didn’t answer me with a yes or a no. And he’s staring desperately into my eyes.
“You didn’t answer. Tell me you hate me.”
“I hate the Empire. I hate what they did to you. I hate what they convinced you to do.”
I draw a ragged breath. My hope is so thin I could snap it in half.
“But me,” I whisper. “Don’t you hate me?”
“What do you expect me to say?”
Still not a real answer.
“The truth. If you want me to fight for you, at least give me that.” He runs his hands over his face.
“The truth?” he whispers hoarsely. “The truth is that you’re destroying me.”
“How?”
His hands find the sides of my face. Roiven stares down at me, breathing hard. I shiver and don’t push his hands away.
“Because I should hate you, but I don’t. And because I shouldn’t want you, but I do. Because when I hear you screaming in the middle of the night the only thing I want to do is hold you so tight you forget every horror you’ve ever faced.”
“Roiven,” I whisper, my voice shaking. He keeps going.
“Because I want to rip every bone of the War-Father apart for taking you away from us and making you someone I was supposed to hate instead of someone I was supposed to love.”
“Love?” I whisper. “Thats…”
“I’m not supposed to love you, Cai,” he rasps. “Don’t ask me if I do.”
He hasn’t earned my forgiveness. He still tricked me, and he had no right, no matter what excuses he thinks justified it. But relief tastes so sweet that my anger stands no chance.
I reach up and grab his shirt collar in my fist, and drag his mouth to mine.
Roiven’s body slams back against me, pressing me into the wall as his tongue sweeps into my mouth. His anger and frustration and lust pound into my head. I let go of his collar and dig my hands into his hair, pulling on his scalp and kissing him back just as deeply.
His lips drag away from me and he pants, his breath hot on my skin.
“I have nothing to promise you.” One of his hands runs up my leg, until he finds my hip and grabs it.
“So what,” I whisper.
“I took a gamble you’d be on our side instead of against us,” he says. “That if you could just feel what I feel, if you just saw these people through my eyes, maybe you’d give a shit about what happens to them.”
“I’m not heartless,” I mutter. “I care. The bond goes both ways—you must know I care. But how did you expect me to feel? I don’t want to be treated like a pawn.”
Roiven’s eyes darken.
“Of course you’re not a pawn,” he says, his voice so low it’s nearly a growl.
“Haven’t you been listening to a word I said?
The kraken, the most powerful of ancients, chose you.
You’re our long-lost Queen, and the future of this world depends on whether you care enough to do anything about it.
So? Are you going to help me save our people, or are you going to run? ”