Chapter 36
I draw a ragged breath, and I don’t look away as Roiven stares into my eyes. I can feel his heart swelling. There’s a yearning in his chest, growing from the heartbreak like a tree in rocky ground.
Because no matter how broken the world is, how broken we are, he’s right. The Empire turned me into a killer and kept me from my familiar. But I’m not theirs anymore. I’m not Roiven’s, either. I’m my own. I’m the kraken’s.
And I shouldn’t be a queen to these people, after everything I’ve done to hurt them. But I can at least use that power to fix some piece of what I’ve done.
His hand traces down my cheek and cups my chin.
“I was sick earlier,” I warn him.
There’s an amused look in Roiven’s eyes. He ignores me, and bends his neck to press his lips against my closed mouth. Then my cheek. I shiver delightedly and let my eyes fall shut, and his lips ghost gentle kisses on my eyelids, so delicate I barely feel his touch.
He kisses slowly down the line of my neck.
“Do you still hate me for tricking you into being my wife?” Roiven asks.
“Right now, I can’t be bothered.”
“I want to be with you,” Roiven whispers against my skin. “After everything that happened tonight, I don’t want to fight myself, too.”
“Then don’t fight. Just give in.” I stroke my hand down his back and Roiven shivers against me.
Before this, it was easy to just call my desire lust. I hated him so strongly there was no room for anything else. But maybe, as that hatred ebbed, something unnoticed grew to take its place. Roiven can say he planned everything all he wants. I don’t believe it’s the full truth.
No matter what he says, I’m certain it was real when he held me after the Governor’s ship sank.
When he sat with me after my nightmare in the village, and when he took me riding on Sava’s back in the middle of the night.
It was more than lust, the way we took comfort in the warmth of each other’s bodies.
It was a closeness. A connection and a trust. Just like he says the bond is.
“Roiven? You said I didn’t ask the right question. What was I supposed to ask?”
He tenses, then exhales slowly.
“Whether I’d still choose you as my wife, if I had no other reason to,” the Witch King rasps.
“...You couldn’t possibly.”
“I’ve never wanted someone the way I want you.”
I let go of him and peel his hand off my waist. Roiven steps back an inch, and I feel his uncertainty, wondering if I’m telling him to stop.
But I lace my left hand together with his.
“Then don't trick me like a coward. Claim me outright.”
His fingers are tight around mine for a moment.
And then he lets go. He reaches down, grabs me around my waist, and tosses me up.
My legs wrap around his hips as Roiven holds me up against him and against his hardening length.
His mouth finds my neck again as he carries me towards the rock wall of the hidden cove.
Every kiss he presses to my skin sends a splinter of lust through me.
He’s offering me an escape right now, and I need one.
I open the barrier between us and let him feel how I want him. How I crave him.
The way he wants me back nearly shatters me apart without him having to touch me at all.
My back presses against the hard stone wall.
When Roiven’s hand lets go and reaches between us, I unhitch my legs and let them fall to the ground.
His hand slips beneath my waistband, rubbing over my undergarment.
I draw a sharp breath through gritted teeth, my hips canting towards his hand, and try not to let the feeling overwhelm me.
“Don’t hide from me,” Roiven says. “Show me how good that feels.”
My left hand holds onto his shoulder, keeping me upright when my legs just want to buckle and collapse. I reach for him through the bond and let him feel every ounce of pleasure he’s giving me.
His finger slides beneath the fabric. Roiven groans.
“Don’t take your time,” I tell him. “I want all of you. Now. Please.”
He exhales hard, and draws his hand back. Roiven peels my trousers down around my thighs, and then shoves down his own. His heavy length swings free.
He hauls me back up against the wall. And then he pushes my knees up against my chest, holding me by the hips, and rubs himself against my entrance. I bite my lip, eyes squeezed shut.
“Look at me,” Roiven demands. My eyes flutter open and he exhales sharply. “Keep those eyes on me, majesty.”
Lined up, he drives inside me. In this position, with my legs pinned up against my chest and kept tight by the trouser waistband still around my thighs, it’s almost unbearably tight. I gasp as he pushes deeper, my body stretching to accommodate his girth, the pressure overwhelming.
Roiven groans, his jaw slack and his own eyes lidding heavily down.
“Gods,” he groans.
All I can do is whimper. He strokes an inch out of me, unable to pull out all the way while his body is keeping me pinned up against the wall.
Roiven slams back in hard, grinding his hips tight to my entrance.
“More,” I gasp. His breath shudders out of him and he hammers against me again, and again, like the crash of the waves, pulling back just to fill me. With every stroke I clench tight around his length. His teeth close around my neck, biting hard as I whine and arch against him.
This isn’t lovemaking. It’s two broken people, in the dark, finding something to hold on to. And I never want to let go.
“I think you were made for me,” he growls, as he drives into me again.
“I’m my own.”
“Then I was made for you,” he says, grinding harder against me. “To find you. To bring you back to us. To serve you.”
“Roiven,” I whimper. He pulls out as far as he can and then slowly inches back in, teasing me with frustrating control. My eyes squeeze shut again and I pant. I try to jerk against him, but his hands grip my hips so tight they can’t move.
“Made to fill you,” he whispers, as he finally slides all the way in, stretching my body around him as he rolls his hips. “Let go, Cai. Keep your eyes on me and let go.”
“Of what?” I whisper, opening my eyes to find him staring at me.
“Of everything you’re holding back,” he says, and presses his forehead to mine. His eyes are so intense, against everything I’m feeling, that I feel the need to look away. I fight the urge, and I keep my eyes on him.
And I let go.
With the next thrust of Roiven’s hips I break open, crying out as the waves crash against the shore. My body shakes, toes curling in my boots as pleasure ravages through me like lightning. I clench tight. Roiven groans and pulses inside me. He finishes buried deep between my legs.
We stay like that, panting, tangled together, his forehead against mine, my legs pinned up to my chest. The sun is still low, but fully risen, spilling golden warmth across the black stones and our bodies.
“Cai,” he whispers softly, and his eyes fall shut.
“Will you regret it?”
“Regret you? Never.”
He lets go slowly and lets my feet fall down.
I’m too exhausted to support myself. As Roiven tucks himself back into his trousers I start sliding down the rock.
With a single huff of laughter he catches me.
He tugs my own pants up, but doesn’t bother fastening them like he did his own.
Then he lifts me back up, one arm under my legs and the other under my back. My head lolls against his chest.
“We should get some sleep, beautiful,” he says. “This is far from over.”
The last thing I want to do right now is climb all the way back to my bedroom at the top of the mountain. I’d be crawling by a quarter of the way up.
“I don’t think I can walk.”
“You don’t have to. But your armor…”
I glance down at the broken metal casing on the beach.
“Let the sea take it. May it wash to the depths of the bottom.”
With a nod, Roiven turns, and carries me all the way back up the mountain.