Chapter 15
After Essence’s confession, I got the kids dressed and took them to my parents’ house because I couldn’t handle this alone.
On the way, I stopped at Walgreens to buy a pregnancy test. As soon as we got to my parents’ house, I took Essence into the bathroom.
Ten minutes later, we were both relieved that there was only one blue line.
However, my only relief was for my child not having to face what I had at her age.
She had another chance at doing motherhood the right way, though I was sure this situation would haunt her and make her hate her parents for life.
I had to talk to Rah. I had been ignoring him for days, but, as I got the kids settled, I replied to his text message, telling him to meet me at our house.
He needed to know how far he had gone. I wanted him to know just how much his selfish acts had ruined our family.
This shit had gone too far. Beyond fucking up my life, he had fucked up my daughter’s.
Finally, he replied to me via text, telling me to meet him at the house in fifteen minutes.
“How are you going to take care of this?”
My mama was just as devastated and angry as I was.
I was sure the poor lady was going to have a stroke, she was so angry.
She was right on my heels, chasing after me, barefoot wearing a bonnet and her old mumu.
She followed closely behind me as I left the guest room that Essence was sleeping in.
I guess finding out that she wasn’t pregnant gave her so much relief that she passed out.
“I’m going to go up to that home in the morning, mama.”
“You need to be calling the police right now.”
“I have to do that in the morning. It’s been a long night. They are going to want to talk to Essence. She needs to rest.”
“You need to file this report now, Solae!”
I breathed heavily with growing irritation. I had enough on my mind. It was swimming with all kinds of realizations that were sending me further and further into a frenzy. I didn’t need my mother’s nagging in addition to the bullshit.
I stopped suddenly. I spun around in the middle of the living room. She was following so closely behind me that she nearly ran into me.
“Mama! I will take care of it.” She looked scornfully at my disrespectful tone, but I wasn’t in the mood to be chastised. “I have to go.”
“Where are you going?”
“To talk to Rah.”
“Why are you talking to him, Solae? He doesn’t mean you or these kids any good. You need to forget that that bastard even exists.”
“Mama, I gotta go.”
I had to. I had to get this off of my chest. The lies, the abortion, Aaliyah, their baby, taking my kids; he’d done so much, and I just needed to know why.
I needed to know why he had to go as far as putting my kids at risk just to prove a point.
I couldn’t understand how the love we had vanished so quickly, replaced with enough hate to make him go this far.
As promised, he was sitting in front of the house when I pulled up. I wondered why he didn’t get out of his car as I climbed out and locked mine.
I approached his car feeling as if I was in the twilight zone.
I wondered how this nigga could be so manipulative that he hid this evil side of him from me for so long.
I hated him for what he had turned us into, what he turned me into.
I felt hate inside of me that I never felt before.
I despised him, when just a few months ago, I loved him too much to even imagine my days without him.
He rolled down the window as I approached his driver’s side.
“Get in,” he simply told me.
“Where are we going?”
“Let’s just take a ride. I don’t want to argue in front of the kids.”
I rolled my eyes into the back of my head. Yet, I fought the venom that was threatening to come out of my mouth in words.
I knew him. Had I started going off right then, he would stubbornly pull off before I was able to say what I had to say.
“The kids aren’t home. We can go inside.”
I could hear him huffing and puffing as he got out of the car, like me even asking him to come inside was putting him out of his way.
By the time we made it to the door, his heavy sighs had my skin crawling.
The man had the nerve to act haughty, like he hadn’t done a damn thing wrong, like I was the problem.
We stayed quiet as I slid the key into the lock and pushed open the door.
The silence wasn’t peaceful; it was suffocating.
I went straight to the kitchen, because if I was gonna deal with Rah, I needed a shot.
He followed, taunting already, “You’ve really been showing your ass, Solae.
You’re causing all this drama in the family for nothing. ”
I spun around, glaring at him. “For nothing? You called DCFS on me, Rah! You cheated on me and had a baby on me. You have an entire home with another woman! You think that’s nothing?”
He shrugged, smug. “You’re making it bigger than what it is. You’re overreacting. If you knew how to play your role, half this shit wouldn’t even be happening.”
Even though Rah had been showing his entire ass as of late, I was still shocked that he could be so nonchalant about all of this. I stared at him, blinking slowly, wondering how he could be so heartless. But he just looked at me like he was disappointed in me.
“Your games caused Essence to get sexually assaulted in that group home!” I finally told him. “Do you hear me? Your bullshit, your selfishness caused some older boy to take advantage of our child!”
I thought that would cause the Rah I knew to return. I thought he would change back into the loving father that he once was. Yet, Rah just sucked his teeth, rolling his eyes. “That’s not on me. Don’t try to put that on me, Solae.”
I stepped closer, shaking, screaming now. “Are you fucking serious?!”
He sneered. “Yeah, it’s your fault those kids got taken because you overreact to everything.
You shouldn’t have burned my money or put me out.
You’re making yourself the victim. But this is on you.
If you was the ride-or-die bitch for your man that you supposed to be, none of this would’ve happened to Essence. ”
My stomach dropped, but he wasn’t done. He leaned in closer with venom dripping from his words.
“You don’t seem to care too much about Essence, since you already got another boyfriend.
You probably was fucking him while we were together.
No wonder you put me out so fast. Maybe if Essence wasn’t such a hoe like her mother, then maybe this wouldn’t have happened to her. ”
I felt my soul leave my body. Anger coursed through me so hard I couldn’t breathe. My vision blurred red, and before I even knew what I was doing, my hand reached for the knife set on the counter.
The handle was cold against my palm as I yanked one free. Every ounce of pain, every betrayal, every word he’d spit at me boiled over.
“You motherfucker!” I screamed, and then I lunged at him with the blade.