Chapter Kahlani
KAHLANI
When I heard Solae giggle, I looked over at her. “What’s funny?” I asked in a whisper.
It wasn’t anything funny in this court room.
Watching defendant after defendant go up was depressing.
Most of them were young boys fighting drug and weapons charges.
Some of them came out of the back in chains.
They were fighting more serious charges.
Some of them were women, and I wondered if they were like me, in jail because of a man that she loved too much to put in her place by telling the truth.
“It’s just funny that I’m here with you,” she told me, still laughing. “A courtroom is the last place that I want to be unnecessarily.”
Suddenly, I felt bad for asking her to come to my hearing with me. “I’m sorry, Solae. Why did you come?”
“Because, girl, you’ve been there for me. You needed me to be here, so I’m here.” Then her smile faded and she got serious.
“What?” I pressed.
“You’re going to think I’m crazy.”
“Why?”
“I want to talk to Rah.”
“About what?!” I whispered harshly.
“I know I’m wrong for stabbing him and have to be punished for that, but his lies are making it even harder for my bullshit attorney to fight for me. When I heard what he had told the police, I was sick to my stomach. I just want to know why he lied.”
“He’s not going to tell you the truth.”
She pouted, saying, “I know.”
For a second we sat there in silence. Then Solae leaned closer.
“You need to be honest with Moses about the stabbing. Y’all have something real, something most people don’t get to have.
It’s truly loving and loyal. Don’t start hiding things from him now.
That’s how cracks in the foundation of your relationship start. He deserves your truth.”
Her words hit me in a place I’d been trying to ignore. I let out a breath, whispering back, “You’re right. I’ve been feeling guilty for keeping it from him. It’s been eating at me, like I’m betraying the same man I’d ride for.”
Solae gave me a small nod with soft eyes. “Then tell him, sis. Before the guilt does more damage than the truth ever could.”
Just then, my case was called. Solae smiled and held my hand. Her being here made me feel better, so I stood with a little more confidence.
Confidence or not, this was happening. As stupid as it might be, I was going to take this deal.
I stood next to my lawyer, stuffing my hands nervously into the slacks that I was wearing.
As I told the judge that I was agreeing to the plea deal, I was able to say it with confidence in knowing that I was doing this, not to prove that I was some ride or die bitch, but to save my family and to ensure that unlike other children, my son would have a father that was free to raise him and take care of him.
When I got home, Moses was stretched out on the couch, watching TV, still moving slowly from his surgery.
He looked up the second I walked in, and his eyes softened the way they always did when he saw me. That only made the knot in my stomach tighten.
I stood there for a moment, feeling how damp my palms were. I’d been carrying the truth around like a bomb strapped to my back, and Solae’s words in that courtroom kept ringing in my ears.
I couldn’t keep hiding this.
“I need to tell you something,” I said finally.
Moses sat up straighter, concern flashing across his face. “What’s wrong?”
I moved closer, but I couldn’t look him in the eye. “The night Solae stabbed Rah… she called me. I went over there. When I got to her house, Rah was laid out on the floor, blood everywhere. She told me that she just snapped, that he kept blaming her. For a minute, we both thought he was dead.”
His brows drew together tightly. “Kahlani…”
I rushed to get it out before I lost my nerve.
“I panicked. I didn’t even think; I just started helping her clean up the blood.
I was scared for her, scared for what would happen if anybody found out.
But then… Rah made a sound. He wasn’t dead.
That’s when Solae came up with the self-defense story.
She told me to leave, that she’d cover it up, and she did.
She never mentioned I was there to anybody. ”
The silence that fell between us was suffocating.
I finally forced myself to meet his eyes.
“And now I get it, Moses. I was so mad at you for keeping Rah’s dirt from me, for hiding who he really was.
But now… I understand. It’s not about agreeing with him or saying he’s right—it’s about being stuck in a moment where loyalty, fear, and love all blur together. ”
His jaw clenched and his eyes were unreadable as he leaned back slowly. I could see the questions flickering in his head.
I swallowed hard. “I should’ve told you sooner. I’ve been carrying it around and it’s been eating at me. But I couldn’t keep it from you any longer. Not when you’ve given me nothing but loyalty and love.”
His eyes softened, but instead of pressing me with questions, Moses just opened his arms. “Come here.”
I went to him, almost on instinct, and the second his arms wrapped around me, I broke. He held me close, with his chest against my cheek and his hand smoothing down my back like he was trying to iron out all the knots inside me.
“I get it, baby,” he murmured against my hair. “I understand why you held it down for Solae. I probably would’ve done the same thing if it was me. That’s your girl, and you wasn’t about to let her face that by herself.”
My tension loosened just a little, hearing him say that.
He pulled back enough to look at me. “She lied about the self-defense part. But the way I see it, she still was defending herself. Maybe not that night, but against all the shit Rah ever put her through. She had been defending herself against him for weeks. That knife was just the last swing she had left.” His forehead pressed to mine, and his breath brushed across my lips.
“You got a good heart, Kahlani. That’s one of the reasons I love you. ”
Those words made me love him even more. I buried my face in his neck and let myself cry, not from guilt this time, but from relief. Because he wasn’t pushing me away. He wasn’t judging me. He was still holding me, still choosing me, even with all my mess laid out in front of him.
Moses was quiet for a long time. He held me like he was scared to let go.
Then he pulled back just enough to look me in the eyes. “I got something to tell you too.”
My heart skipped a beat. “What is it?”
He hesitated, like the words were rocks in his throat, then finally let them fall. “I was in the house when Carlos got killed.”
The air around me froze. Before I could react, he kept going. “I didn’t pull the trigger. Rah did. I saw him do it.”
I just stared at him, in complete disbelief, not knowing what to say.
He explained everything—how Rah had told him he could work off what he owed Carlos, how Carlos had been eating dinner when he agreed to give Moses the work, how nervous he’d been about making the run after I’d just been arrested.
“Carlos went to grab the bricks and came back. Next thing I knew, I heard shots. Rah hit me in the process. He didn’t even help me at first. He went straight for the cash and finally came back for me.
Last thing I remember was him helping me down the stairs and thinking I wasn’t fucking with Rah no more. ”
This should have made me hate him. But it didn’t. I just held him tighter, because now the pieces fit. Now, his rage towards Rah made sense.
I held him tighter until his breathing evened out, and then I said the thing every scared part of me needed to hear. “I don’t judge you, Moses. I get it now. I get why you wanted to kill Rah yourself. After everything he’s done to you, to Solae, who wouldn’t want to kill him?”
He swallowed hard. “Baby, I swear I didn’t know it was gonna go like that. But I been thinking—” His hands trembled on my back. “—I been thinking about putting that nigga in the ground myself.”
I cupped his face, feeling the tremor in his jaw. “No. You can’t. Promise me.” My voice broke on the last word. “Please. I can’t lose you.”
As Moses closed his eyes, I felt the fight in him softening. “Alright. I promise.”
I was relieved, but it didn’t erase the fear. “What if they figure out that’s your DNA in that house?” The question came out before I could swallow it back.
He sucked in a breath. “It’s possible. But they haven’t yet. I’m praying they don’t.”
We continued to hold each other, breathing on the same rhythm, both of us knowing the rug could be pulled out from under us any second. The danger didn’t feel distant; it felt like a pressure behind our ribs that was constant and real.
All of it because of Rah.