Solae
I stood outside the county jail, staring at the dull gray building that would soon swallow me whole. The cold bit at my face, but it wasn’t the chill that made me tremble. It was knowing that I was about to walk away from everything I knew and into the unknown.
Essence clung to me like she was six again instead of thirteen. Elijah stood beside her, trying to act tough, like his grandfather, but his eyes gave him away. They were big, brown, and wet with tears he refused to let fall.
I crouched down between them and pulled them both into my arms. Their little bodies pressed into mine. “It’s just a little while, okay? Just one year. That’s it. You be good for Grandma and Grandpa. Do what you’re told and look out for each other. Okay.”
They tearfully mumbled in agreement.
“Promise me,” I urged.
Elijah nodded fast. Essence just buried her face in my shoulder, saying. “I don’t want you to go, Mommy.”
“I know, baby. But Mommy did something she shouldn’t have, so I have to make up for it, so I can come back home and never leave you again. You hear me?”
She nodded, hyperventilating into my shoulder.
When I finally pulled away, I kissed both of their faces like I could somehow seal pieces of myself inside them to keep them safe.
My parents stood a few feet back. My mom’s face was blotchy and swollen from crying.
My dad held her, with a stiff jaw and glassy eyes filled with the tears he refused to let fall.
When I turned to them, my father pulled me into his arms. “Keep your head up in there, you hear me? Don’t let nobody break you,” my dad told me.
“I won’t, Daddy.”
My mother smoothed my hair like I was a little girl again. “You’re gonna be okay, baby,” she whispered through tears. “God’s already gone ahead of you.”
I held her wrists, telling her, “I love you, Mama.”
Kahlani came towards me, taking me into her arms. “You got this. This time is going to fly by.”
I fell into her, and for a moment, I let myself fall apart. She held me the same way she did after the stabbing.
Moses stood nearby, with glassy eyes and his hand rubbing the back of his neck. “We gon’ look out for them, Solae. You ain’t gotta worry about that.”
I nodded, even though worry was all I could do.
Then Priest stepped forward and reached for my hand. My fingers slipped right into his. “You ready?” he asked quietly.
“No,” I admitted, and I could hear my voice break. “But I gotta be.”
He nodded once, then lifted my hand and kissed the back of it. “C’mon.”
Priest walked me toward intake with our fingers still intertwined. My legs felt so heavy, like they were cemented to the outside.
When we got to the doors, a female correctional officer appeared, and her previously stoic, masculine expression lit up the second she saw Priest.
“What’s up, bro?” she greeted with a smile.
Priest grinned from ear to ear as they dapped each other up. “What’s good?”
I blinked, caught off guard. “You know each other?”
The officer smiled wider. “Oh, we go back. He told me you were coming in today.” She looked at me with kind eyes that softened the chill in my bones. “Don’t you worry, sweetheart. You’re family now. We’re gonna make sure you’re taken care of.”
I turned to Priest with tears blurring my vision.
He only shrugged wearing a cool smile. “Told you I’d look out for you.”
That did it. My tears came fast and hard.
“Thank you,” I could barely get out as the officer gently touched my arm.
Priest’s hand lingered in mine until it couldn’t anymore. The officer gave him a nod that silently told him, “I got her,” before leading me through the metal detector.
She allowed me to watch him walk away, even after the door had closed.
“Time to go, sweetheart,” she gently told me.
I took one last look back, out of the door through the glass.
I saw Priest standing with his eyes locked on me and his hands on Elijah and Essence’s shoulders.
My parents flanked them, fighting to be able to see me as well.
My last sight before I was forced to walk away was my whole heart, standing outside those walls, wrapped in the protection of the man who loved me enough to plan my peace before I even knew I needed it.