Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
Twelve Years Before
Raine
O livia is leaning against the bright-red lockers, hugging her algebra book to her chest as she continues her story about… I don’t even remember. Her smile widens as she continues, her eyes scanning through the moving crowd of teenagers, searching for someone, but I don’t have the energy to care who it is. I give her an occasional nod or, “Uh-huh,” to let her think that I’m listening, which I know makes me sound like a horrible friend, but teenage gossip is the least of my worries.
“And then my grandma’s hair caught on fire.”
“Yeah—” My eyes snap toward Olivia, her words sinking in. “What?!”
She rolls her eyes, giving away that the last part is a lie, and playfully shoves me. I try to hide my wince but the pain in my shoulder has been a constant reminder today that last night did in fact happen, and it wasn’t just a nightmare. It’s real life.
“You weren’t even listening. Were you?”
I shrug in response as I place my English book into my locker, my eyes landing on a photograph of the four of us together at the lake, and seeing that version of Luke in contrast with the one from last night makes my stomach churn. I slam the locker shut and mimic her stance.
“What’s going on?” she demands, her overly plucked brows pulling together, silently letting me know she isn’t going to let this go until I tell her where my mind is.
“Luke?” Olivia hisses, her attention locked on him as he does his best to avoid eye contact with us. “What happened to –” she continues but he picks up his pace.
Olivia is petite, but she never allows it to stand in her way. She can also be surprisingly strong when she needs to be. She grabs the back of Luke’s leather jacket and pulls back as hard as she can, causing him to crash through a group of girls, and then his back slams into the lockers. Eyes are watching us, and I feel the heat of their stares. Olivia, however, is oblivious with her gaze searching Luke’s face.
She squeezes his chin, bringing his face close to hers, and he does everything he can to not look at her. She swings his face side to side, inspecting the swollen skin, tsking in disapproval before she releases him. If I wasn’t so hurt by Luke’s actions last night, I might find this spectacle to be somewhat comical.
“Who did this to you?” she practically growls, her hands closing into tight fists at her sides, like she’s ready to attack whoever hurt her best friend.
And I have no doubt that she would. Her loyalty is something I admire about her. But when she learns about how Luke abandoned me last night, will she still feel the same way? Where will her loyalty lie then? I don’t want to come between my two best friends, even if one of them broke my heart.
“I did,” a raspy voice announces from behind us.
I turn and face Ryland, unable to hide my shock. “What?”
He places his arm around my shoulders, like it’s the most natural thing he’s ever done. We’ve hugged before, even had an occasional playful wrestle. But standing in the hallway with his arm slung over my shoulder like we’re—dare I say it—more than friends. Yeah no, this isn’t like us. My internal alarms are screaming as the warmth of him seeps into my skin.
Warning! Warning! Ryland is touching us. Central nervous system shut down! I repeat, shut down!
I’m wrapped in the scent of him: spearmint gum, evergreen trees, and wood smoke from his fireplace at home. My instincts take over, and I lean into him, welcoming his embrace. My hand raises up until it’s planted on his chest, locking me into the first sense of comfort I’ve had since I was in his car the night before. Just the mere presence of him erases all my anxieties. My alarms hit the snooze button. How does he always do that?
I look up at Ryland, who’s glaring at Luke, and I’m reminded of what he just admitted to. I don’t have it in me to move away from his comfort, even with the puzzling look Olivia is giving us. Her face is jumping from Ryland, to me, to Luke as her brain puts the pieces together.
“You three follow me right now !” she commands in full drill-sergeant mode.
The three of us stand firm in our place, the boys in some sort of a glaring standoff, me looking back and forth between them, not knowing what to do. Olivia’s bright-red hair swings into our line of sight again as she turns and points to us.
“Now!” She grabs Luke’s arm and begins dragging him behind her.
“Should we make a break for it?” Ryland whispers into my ear, sending goosebumps down my spine.
“She'll hunt us down and make us regret it,” I add, earning a small chuckle from him before we follow her and Luke down the hall until we’re in the stairwell alone.
Ryland removes his arm from my shoulder and places his hands inside his pockets. I try not to miss the weight of his arm around me, but it’s hard to do. Olivia shoves Luke until he’s leaning against the wall. She then places me by the stairs so no one can escape her wrath. And she makes sure to stand in front of the door. Poor Ryland is left in the middle of us. I can practically see steam rolling from Olivia’s nostrils as they flare in anger like a bull ready to charge.
“Talk.” She points to Luke, and we all watch him closely. Inside, I’m dancing with joy that she picked him first.
He shrugs his shoulders and shoves his hands into his jacket pockets, making sure to keep his eyes downcast. “I deserved it,” is all he says.
My eyes widen with his honesty, and I wish he would look at me. His broad shoulders slump in defeat. I want to release this anger that I have toward him. I’m tired of carrying it around. But it will stay inside of my heart, rotting away, until he apologizes to me. It feels like he doesn’t care that he hurt me.
Olivia’s green eyes study the three of us for a moment before returning to Luke, and she asks, “What did you do?’
No one says anything for a moment, and I’m not sure that I want to be the one to tell her what happened last night. Ryland exhales loudly and removes a hand from his pocket to point at Luke. “Well, to start, this idiot left Raine alone on the street last night in the freezing cold.”
Olivia’s brows pinch in confusion, and she looks at me for clarity. “Luke and Davis got into an argument last night. Luke stormed out and left, but Davis wouldn’t let me leave. So, I snuck out of my window and chased Luke down, but he ended up leaving with Jake Himswell. I called Ryland to come pick me up, and?—”
I can’t finish. I don’t want to admit out loud what Davis did. Luke finally looks at me, pain shining in his eyes, and it takes everything in me not to crumble under the weight of it.
Olivia smacks Luke on the shoulders. “Seriously, Luke? Jake? Why are you still hanging out with that jerk?”
“That’s not all,” Ryland adds, and his eyes bore into Luke’s.
Luke studies Ryland for a moment, and it’s then that I realize Luke has no idea what happened last night after he left. So, when did Ryland punch him? I wanted to take Olivia’s place and start demanding answers, but when Ryland reaches over and tugs the sleeve of my hoodie up to reveal the evidence of Davis’ anger, I freeze.
Olivia inhales sharply, one hand covering her lips, the other reaching out to touch my wrist as she examines the bruise on my arm. “Are you okay?” she whispers so softly I can barely hear her.
I give her a nod. “I don’t think Davis meant to hold my arm so tightly, and I bruise easily.”
“Don’t make excuses for him,” Olivia adds, her fingers tracing over the purple tint in my skin.
“A bruise for a bruise,” Ryland adds, looking at Luke.
Luke’s expression drops along with the color in his face. He pushes himself from the wall and goes to move toward the door, but Ryland is quick and stands in his way. Luke is much larger than Ryland and easily could shove him out of his way, but he has respect for Ryland, and it shows in how he backs away.
“You forget, Luke, that your choices don't only affect you . You made the decision to leave Raine, and look what happened because of that,” Ryland snaps, pointing toward my arm that Olivia is still examining with tears in her eyes. “I took her to her grandparents’ house, but Davis followed us. He even went out of his way to block our way out and threatened not only her Mamaw and Papaw but my family as well. He won’t let her leave so now she’s stuck there without your protection.”
“Who's to say that’s my responsibility?” Luke adds, color returning to his face as his anger rises.
Olivia blinks back her tears and looks up at Luke. “We did when we chose to become friends, Luke. Since middle school, the three of us have always made sure to have each other’s backs. When bullies, like Jake, try to get to us, we put a stop to it and are there for each other. You’re supposed to protect Raine, not cower away for your own benefit.”
“Who's going to protect me, then?” he adds.
“Me,” I say. “I walked into the living room to have your back, Luke, but you turned your back on me when you left me there with him .”
He turns to face me, shoulders falling for a second time. “He’s only been in your life for a little while. I’ve had to deal with him my whole life, Raine. I don’t want to do it anymore.”
“I get it, Luke. I don’t want you to have to suffer anymore. I just—” It hits me then, hard like a baseball bat to the back of my skull, that I’m the one being unreasonable.
Davis has tormented Luke his whole life, and I should want him to escape that pain. I want Luke to be safe, no longer suffering at the hands of his father, and yet I’ve kept things one-sided this whole time. I’m being selfish, and that’s not fair to Luke.
If I want to protect Luke, I need to let him go. If I play my cards right and walk on eggshells at home during the week, then in two years, I will graduate high school and be able to leave for college. I can apply to colleges that are far away from Covewood and finally be free. It won’t be like this forever. I just have to bide my time.
“I made a mistake in underestimating Davis last night. It won’t happen again. I’ll be careful from now on. I’ll follow the rules and make it through the next two years. You shouldn’t have to suffer with me, especially if he’s leaving you alone.”
“What?” Ryland says, but I ignore him and reach out to touch Luke’s arm, bringing his attention to me.
“I’m sorry I didn’t think about your feelings, Luke. And I forgive you.”
A single tear falls from Luke’s good eye, and guilt tries to suffocate me. How did I not see just how much he’s hurting because of his father? The pain I felt last night doesn’t compare to what he’s endured for years. He reaches out and pulls me into a hug, placing a faint kiss on top of my head before nuzzling his face into the crook of my neck.
“I’m sorry I left you. I was scared,” he whispers.
“It’s okay. ”
He pulls himself away from our embrace, sniffing away evidence of getting emotional, before he gives me a nod and releases his hold on me. I peek behind Luke to see Ryland and Olivia both watching us with uncertainty. And then Olivia asks the question that’s been nagging at me.
“So, when did you punch him?”
Luke winces at the memory. Ryland’s face doesn’t hold as much anger as it did before. His shoulders bounce once as he says, “This morning. In the parking lot.”
“He pulled me out of Jake’s car, shoved me against the hood, punched me, and walked off without explaining all of this.”
“I figured you’d put two and two together.”
“I mean, somewhat, but you could’ve explained the parts I didn’t know.” Luke shakes his head and makes for the door, clearly still upset with Ryland. By the looks of his swollen eye, I would be upset too.
We all move out of the way and allow Luke to slip past us. Olivia swings around to face me, her eyes silently asking a question, and I jerk my chin toward the door behind her. “Go. Make sure he’s okay,” I assure her.
Before she leaves, she gives Ryland a scolding look, scrunches her nose, and pokes his chest. “Me and you are not done. Okay?”
He holds up his hands in defeat, a hint of fear etched in his expression—and for good reason. Everyone knows you don’t mess with Olivia, and he’s in for an earful from her. Once Olivia’s gone, the stairwell falls completely silent. It’s so quiet I can hear each breath escaping Ryland’s lungs.
“You were quick to forgive him,” he proclaims, leaning against the wall.
“Well, I learned from the best,” I say. “It’s not right for me to want him to suffer too. I didn’t understand that before.” I exhale, wishing I felt better after forgiving Luke, but the same dread stays firm in its place inside me.
“I get that. I made some sacrifices in order to take the pressure off Zane and Mom when Dad had his episodes. It doesn’t mean that what Davis is doing is okay. He shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it,” he shouts, swearing under his breath.
My mouth drops as the swear leaves his lips, and he apologizes. I know he’s angry at the injustice of it all. He hates that I’m learning firsthand how his father was once to him. However, Ryland’s dad sounds much worse. I wish I could erase the scars I know his father left behind.
“Are you okay?” Ryland asks after a moment of silence. I meet his gaze and notice a hint of heat behind their hazel color.
“I will be,” I say breathlessly and give him a small smile.
There is something buzzing between us, making me feel unsteady. I shift on my feet nervously, twirling the strings from my hoodie around my fingertips, and ask, “So you punched Luke?”
It's not really a question because we both know the answer, but I need to say something to help root me here, by the stairwell, instead of closing the distance between us. Ryland’s hands are in his pockets, and he’s leaning against the wall across from me, and yet with the way his eyes are looking at me, it feels as if they’re touching my skin.
“Yup,” he states, allowing the P to pop.
My eyes shamelessly watch as his lips move, and the urge to taste them takes over. Something has shifted between us, and I’m not sure when or what caused it, but Ryland has never looked at me like this before. I’m enjoying it way more than I should.
“Are you mad at me for it?” he asks, the heat in his eyes dampening just a bit.
I tug the ends of my hoodie string, trying to look anywhere but at him, and attempt to ignore the flow of lava that is currently splashing around in my gut.
“Kind of. You shouldn’t have hurt Luke. But I also understand why you did it. ”
“Do you?” he quickly asks, taking a step away from the wall.
“Yeah?” It comes out more like a question with the way he’s studying me, begging me to answer correctly, but words have yet again failed me. I swallow hard, but it doesn’t help the dryness in my throat.
“I don’t think you do, Rainbow.” Another step toward me. “Or you just don’t want to admit it.”
“Admit what?” I ask, and there is a brief look of desperation on his face. An invisible string between us, pulling tighter as the seconds tick by, and my feet involuntarily take a step toward him.
“That I care about you.” His words start a fresh ache in my chest. My lungs hang on to the air within them, and I stop in my tracks. He closes the distances between us but doesn’t touch me. My skin hums with desire, but I’m too scared to move. I don’t want to mess up this moment.
“I know you care. You’re my best friend,” I finally say. Friends care about each other. That fact alone was just displayed right here in this stairwell moments before. It does nothing to keep my heart from hammering so hard in my chest that I’m sure he can hear it.
He reaches out and places his hand onto the side of my face. I can feel him shaking, and my expression softens, knowing that he’s just as nervous as I am. Is this how we've decided to let each other in? Slowly healing each other’s wounds. Being each other’s source of light when the world gives us nothing but shadows. I've chosen to give Ryland my trust, and now he’s deathly close to my heart.
“It's more than that. Always has been.”
More.
That simple word bounces inside my head a few times before I allow it to sink into my heart. It’s making my head spin. My eyes flutter at the tingle his fingers are leaving against my skin, and I lean into the palm of his hand.
“After last night, I—” His words quiver, and he takes a second to swallow back the emotions he’s trying to contain, but I decide right here that I’m done holding back. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I want to give Ryland my heart. “I can’t stand the thought of not being able to protect you. I want to always be here for you, more than as a friend, because I?—”
I run my hand up his back, over his shoulder, until I thread my fingers through his hair. The movement has his breath hitching. It’s a silent plea, one I’ve been waiting to make for years, as I tug him closer to my face. I’m desperate to hear what he has to say but not as badly as I want to feel his lips on my own. I watch as his lips part and his eyes widening as my mouth inches closer.
“Raine, I?—”
“What are you two doing in here?” a deep voice shouts from behind us. We both jump and release our hold on each other. “Get to class before I send you both to the principal's office!”
I never liked Mr. Philips, with his bad attitude and the way he always spits when he talks in class, but I especially don't like him now. He ruined something I’ve been praying for since I was fourteen years old. Ryland and I both frown as we sulk our way through the door and walk into the hallway. I give Ryland one last small smile before I have to head in the opposite direction to class.