Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Twelve Years Before
Ryland
I t’s Saturday, and Raine is hanging out with me in Pops and Nan’s living room. Pops and Earl left early this morning to go hunting. Why they chose to go hunt in the freezing cold is beyond me. They invited me to tag along, but I gladly turned them down, especially knowing that I would get to spend time with Raine.
However, I wasn’t anticipating Nan sitting between us for most of the visit. But she hasn’t been feeling her best, and I’m not about to leave her alone. Plus Raine is happy to share her snacks and watch The Golden Girls with us.
I peek over at her as she laughs at something Sophia says.
“You grow old, you sag, and you get over it. I’ve never heard a wiser statement.”
“Ain’t that the truth. Sophia is my favorite,” Nan admits, grabbing a handful of popcorn and shoving it into her mouth. Earlier, I couldn’t get her to eat anything, but once Raine sat down next to her, she started sneaking some of Raine’s snacks. “I think Sophia would approve of your new hairstyle.”
Raine’s smile brightens as she reaches up to run her fingers through the short strands. She recently cut her hair into a short bob style, and it’s taken everything in me not to run my fingers through it.
We haven’t had a free moment to talk about what happened at school a few days ago—or more like what almost happened. The unknown has been floating around in the air between us, and it’s been driving me crazy not knowing what could’ve happened if the teacher hadn’t interrupted us.
I was going to kiss her. And I was going to tell her how I truly feel.
“Honey, would you care to grab me some more water? This popcorn is making me so thirsty.”
“Of course. Ry, do you need anything?”
Just you, alone, so I can finally see what your lips feel like against mine.
“No thanks,” I say instead, watching each step that she takes toward the kitchen, admiring the way her hips sway as she moves. She’s wearing a pair of tight blue jeans and a cream-colored sweater. She looks happier today, and I hope that it’s because of me. I guess I can give Nan a little credit.
I look over at Nan, who is staring at me with a wicked grin on her face. “What?”
“I think you know.”
“Know what?” I play dumb and study the popcorn in my bowl before placing a piece into my mouth. I try to focus on the buttery flavor instead of the ever-growing grin on my grandmother’s face.
“What’s going on between you and Raine?” She nudges me with her bony elbow, right in the ribs. I frown, and my brows pull together. “Oh, don’t give me that look. I’ve seen how you’ve been staring at her.”
“I have not been staring?—”
“Yes, you have. Listen, I know a thing or two about love. I’ve been married to your Pops for almost fifty years. I know the signs.” She waves her hands in front of my face with a soft chuckle. She’s enjoying this a little too much. “And I know she feels the same way about you.”
I perk up at her words, and suddenly, I’m done with playing dumb. “Really?”
“See, I knew it.” She smirks, and a grin spreads across my face. And dare I say that I feel heat grow in my cheeks. Am I blushing? With my grandmother? “Just tell her how you feel already.”
“I’m scared,” I admit, feeling my shoulders slump with the weight of the truth.
“Of what? That girl is just as crazy about you as you are with her. There’s nothing to fear.”
How can she be so sure? I want to ask her, but Raine waltzes back into the room, and immediately, it’s a little stuffy in here.
“Thank you, dear. I might try to rest for a bit. Why don’t you and Ryland go play in the snow and give me some quiet time.”
“Yeah, sure,” Raine says, bending down to give Nan a quick hug before grabbing her thick coat. “We won’t be far, in case you need anything.”
“Oh, don’t worry about me.” She swats the air and gives me a wink when Raine isn’t looking.
“You’re trouble,” I whisper to Nan before giving her a peck on the cheek. “I’ll be back to check on you.”
“Go get your girl.”
Once we’re bundled up and walking down the stone path that leads to the lake, all courage leaves me. We fall silent, our shoulders brushing as we walk, and I press my lips together to keep my thoughts from tumbling out. There’s a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, like after a dip on a rollercoaster.
A light breeze is blowing, making the air feel much colder, and it brings the scent of snow with it. The sound of large snowflakes hitting the ground and the crunching from our feet echo around us. After a few moments, Raine’s voice fills the air between us.
“Wanna hear the weird dream I had last night?” she asks. It’s become something normal between us, deciphering each other's dreams. I hum in approval, thankful for the distraction.
She giggles, and the sound is contagious. “Okay, don’t judge me for this one. So, it starts out with you and me eating ice cream. We seem to be having a fun time. But then I smack my lips together and notice I have a clump of hair in my mouth. I look down at my ice cream cone and notice it’s not ice cream—it’s a kitten. I was licking a kitten, Ryland.”
I grin and turn to look at her. I take in the way her eyes sparkle, how she wrinkles her nose and is animated with her hands as she continues.
“And the weirdest part is that I continue to lick this poor little kitten. I look over, and you’re doing the same. So, there we are, licking our kitten cones—” She snorts as a laugh escapes her lips.
I laugh with her because how can I not? Her eyes widen as she peers over at me, and I find myself tracing the lines of her lips with my eyes as she continues to laugh. How easy would it be to reach over and brush mine against hers?
“And then someone walks in and grabs a puppy-cone, but when the puppy sees the kittens, it starts chasing our kitten-cones all around the ice cream shop. And we just sit there, smiling at one another, like everything that is happening is completely normal. Please, Ry, try to decipher that crazy dream.”
Her bottom lip is tucked between her teeth as she restrains herself from giggling, and all I want to do is reach over and run my thumb across her mouth. I want to hear her laugh for the rest of my life. I don’t know how she does it, but she always brings a light with her everywhere she goes. And it’s refreshing to see after the past few heavy weeks we’ve had.
It’s crazy to think that Raine and I have been best friends for three years now. The first moment that I met her at the Wiley farm, something in me became lost in her. I think it took some time, but after we spent a few months getting to know one another, my heart started to feel more for her. I found myself falling in love with her.
It’s more than just three words that I ache to say to her. It’s the way I always seem to laugh harder when I’m with her. It’s how I feel more when she’s around. It’s trusting her with me—the real me. It’s how she’s the first person I think about in the morning and who my thoughts drift off to during the night.
I want to be her friend—the friend she falls hopelessly in love with. As I watch her face light up with a smile, the reflection of the sun in her eyes, the wind blowing pieces of her hair, I want to tell her that—that my heart is full from the love I have for her.
“I mean, where do I even begin?” I laugh.
She shoves against my shoulder, shaking her head but giving me a soft smile.
We make it to the dock and stand next to one another, looking out over the still lake. Not a boat is in sight with it being in the middle of winter. I always like this time of year, when the lake is silent and layered with white fluffy snow.
“Okay. Maybe it means…” I begin, keeping my eyes on the water as I try to explain what I’m feeling inside. “No matter what we’re doing in life, even when life gets a little crazy, we’ll always have each other. We’ll always be happy when we’re together.”
I reach over, feeling brave, and run my hands down her arm until I can lace our fingers together. I look at her, watching her smile slowly fade as she watches our hands become one. I wonder if she feels the prickle of energy up her arm in the same way that I do?
“Only you could find something meaningful in an unexplainable dream like that,” she whispers.
“Only you can make me feel happy when life is full of chaos.”
Her eyes dance with mine before rolling down my face and landing on my lips. She stands there in silence, snowflakes gathering in the strands of her hair, and I realize I’ve never been more sure about something as I am at this moment.
I lean toward her, keeping our hands tightly wrapped together, and I press my lips against hers. Our eyes flutter closed at the same time, and I use my free hand to reach up and slide a strand of her hair behind her ear, gripping the side of her face to bring her lips harder against my own. She takes in a deep breath before pulling away.
“Ry,” she says breathlessly.
“I’m in love with you, Rainbow.”
Her gray-blue eyes widen with shock at my sudden confession, but I can tell by the way her lips turn up into a grin, revealing the dimple that always drives me crazy, that she already knew. I think we’ve both known for a while now but were just too scared to admit it to one another. Too fearful of messing up the friendship we’ve built.
“Who knew all it would take was for me to dream about licking kittens for you to admit that you love me.”
Raine is looking at me differently now, all droopy-eyed and parting lips, heavy breaths and a blush coloring her cheeks. It feels like honey dripping inside of me, warm and liquid, pooling in all the places that I’m absolutely desperate for her.
“There have been so many times that I wanted to kiss you,” I admit out loud, my eyes landing on her lips again.
“Like in the stairwell the other day?” she says, the words a mere whisper in the wind around us.
“Yeah,” That one word is all the encouragement she needs. Raine wraps her arms around me and pulls me closer.
“I love you too.”
Raine smashes her lips against my own with no sweet introduction. No gentle learning. Instead, she reaches up, scratches her nails into my hair, and tugs me closer. There’s a certain demand in the way her mouth works against my own. She kisses me like she’s hungry, like she’s been dreaming of me the same way I’ve been dreaming about her.
Kissing Raine has never felt more right than in this moment, on the dock where we’ve shared many memories, with her wrapped tightly in my arms. Our touches are careless; every point of contact between us feels important.
We hear the sound of a car door shutting which snaps us both back into reality. We separate but refuse to hide the happiness written on our faces. I wish I would’ve done this sooner. A seed of gratification takes root in my chest and blooms, spreading throughout my body.
“We should check on Nan,” she says, keeping her hand entwined with my own.
We hold each other’s hands and jog toward the cabins. Raine’s giggle rings out, and it sounds like music—the kind you can only get in nature, the kind that feels like peace. From the look on Raine’s face as she looks over at me and smiles, I know she feels it too.
We see Pops’ truck outside of the cabin and make our way inside. We were only gone for maybe thirty minutes, but I feel guilty for being caught away from Nan when I told him I would look after her.
“We were letting her rest,” is the first thing I say when both Earl and Pops turn to see us shedding our jackets at the front door.
“I told them to go outside and let an old lady get some shuteye, but I couldn’t sleep.” I peer behind Pops to see Nan wide awake with a cardboard box opened beside her. “Come here, Raine. I want to give you something.”
Nan’s glassy brown eyes dance over Raine’s face, and her expression must give Nan the answer she is looking for because she looks over at me and gives me a thumbs up. Raine studies her for a moment, confusion etched in the way she looks back at me then she reaches out and takes something that Nan hands to her.
“A camera?” Raine says. Her voice is soft, and the look that washes over her makes me wonder if she’s about to cry.
“Yes. This is something I’ve had for years, but it’s been sitting inside this box, unused. It needs someone to take care of it and use it again. You're the perfect person for it with how much you’ve been loving that Polaroid camera of yours.”
“Oh, Nan, I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. The way you love my grandson is enough for me.” Raine’s eyes widen, and she swings her head to face me, giving me a bright smile.
“That’s kind of you, Anna. Thank you for giving this to Raine,” Earl says, studying the camera, as if her comment about Raine loving me was nothing new to him.
After he gives Nan a hug, Earl turns and gives me a wink before following Pops into the kitchen, leaving the three of us standing in the living room until Nan finally laughs and shrugs her shoulders. “We all called it.”
“Called what?” Raine asks.
Nan chuckles and says, “You two finally getting out of that pesky friend zone. Took ya long enough.”