Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Now
Ryland
I n my rearview mirror, the cabins are swallowed up by the trees, rolling hills, and distant mountains. I follow the winding back roads toward the Wiley farm, rolling down the windows to let in the smell of wildflowers and freshly cut grass. Over the whir of the engine, I can make out the sound of the babbling creek that leads toward the driveway.
Earl’s truck is sitting next to Raine’s vehicle by the garage. A bright-red lawn mower is making its way across the front yard. I greet Earl with a wave before grabbing my tool belt and box from the bed of my truck and walking over to him.
“Rough morning?” he asks as he turns the mower off, his pale-blue eyes giving me a once-over, the edge of his mouth twitching as he fights a smile.
“Do I look that bad?”
Earl rubs my head, a smile spreading across his face, before a bark of laughter escapes him. I always found Earl’s laugh to be one of the best sounds in the world. He has the type of laugh that causes his whole stomach to bounce, the sound more of a roar than a chuckle. It’s contagious .
“It took a lot of effort to get Annabelle to school on time this morning. Sometimes, she acts like a teenager instead of a seven-year-old.”
What I didn't mention was the fact that I hardly got any sleep last night after my ice cream date with Raine. We talked for hours, discussing how things went with her and her mom, and catching up on things we missed through the years. Something felt different with Raine, a light shift in the air, like she could be thinking about staying. I wanted to ask her last night if that could be a possibility for her but I chickened out and because of that, I tossed and turned all night.
Earl grins, shaking his head, and gives me a knowing look that tells me he understands. “Rusty was the same way.” His smile fades just a bit, as it always does at the mention of his deceased son, but he’s quick to tuck it away.
He points behind him, and my eyes follow. I see Raine holding a basket in one hand and a camera hanging down her neck as she shuts the door to the chicken coop behind her. She’s wearing a long cream floral dress that fits her body a little loosely. I try not to gawk, especially while standing in front of her grandfather, but my lips part on their own, and I can’t seem to take my eyes away from her.
Her gaze lands on me, her eyes always holding an appreciation for many things. Somehow, I got lucky enough to be one of them.
I peel mine away from her and return my attention back to Earl, whose grin has grown into a smirk. Heat rises up my neck as Raine approaches us and watches me curiously.
“Rough morning?” Her Southern accent is making an appearance this morning. She shakes her head, biting her lip to keep from laughing.
“Like grandfather, like granddaughter,” I reply with a chuckle. I run a hand through my hair, and sure enough, its’ sticking up everywhere. I hear the sound of a click and look up to see Raine’s camera pointing at me. As she moves it down, peeking out from behind the lens, the grin she gives me warms every cell in my body.
“I didn’t sign up to be your model today.” I point at her, and the edge of my mouth spasming as I hold back a smile, remembering how she used to have her lens pointed at me a lot as teens.
“Clearly,” she tosses at me with a mischievous grin. “Actually, I was photographing the animals and garden in the morning light. I woke up feeling inspired.”
“The farm will do that to ya,” Earl adds with a sad smile. “Your Mamaw loved how the flowers looked with morning dew still on their petals. After our morning coffee, I would sit on the porch and watch her walk around, gathering inspiration for her next painting. She would have that look of awe in her eyes, and when that morning light would hit her, it always took my breath away.”
Raine shifts on the balls of her feet and slips her bottom lip in between her teeth. I want to reach out and hold her hand, but Earl beats me to it. He motions for her to do a little spin, and a shy smile spreading across her face as she twirls, the dress flowing around her legs. “You look so much like your grandmother, especially wearing her dress.”
I agree with him. It’s easy to compare how my heart feels for Raine with how Earl and Johanna loved one another. The same type of love that my Nan and Pop had. A kind of love that so many people pray for. The truth hits me hard right then, that I’m still in love with Raine.
“I hope it’s okay that I’m wearing it. I was looking through her things, and wearing her dresses makes me feel closer to her.”
He nods his head in understanding. “It's okay. It suits you. She’d want you to wear it and be here to take care of things.”
We stand there under the shade of the old oak tree and discuss the rest of the renovation plans. The home will be finished by the weekend. A familiar sense of panic finds its place in the pit of my stomach, knowing that once the house is finished, Raine will be returning to her life in Rockdale.
I’ve let time slip away, and I don’t want to make the same mistake I did in the past. Would it be wrong of me to ask Raine to stay? Would she want to stay in Covewood and give us a second chance?
She’s hinted lately that she’s not looking forward to returning to Rockdale. How her job doesn’t feel as satisfying as it once had. She lives by herself in a small apartment. She doesn’t have close friendships besides a few office buddies. And since returning to Covewood, I've noticed how much happier she seems. She has blossomed , Johanna’s words vibrate in my mind. But this time she was able to blossom at home.
Lord, give me strength. I want to ask her if she’s thought of staying. I don’t want to let her go again.
“It all sounds good. The three of us can meet after church on Sunday to discuss the next steps. I’ll leave you both to it,” Earl says, reaching a hand out, and I give him a firm shake. “You all have a good day. I love you, Little Duck.”
“I love you more,” Raine replies, and we watch him walk to his truck and drive down the driveway before we turn toward each other, an awkwardness buzzing between us.
The things that go unsaid are often the things that eat at you, whether because you didn’t get to say them, or because the other person never got to hear what you truly wanted. My mouth opens to say something, but it’s like a scratch is in the back of my throat, itching its way to the tip of my tongue, yet never quite reaching. There’s no amount of tea or honey to soothe these thoughts that I can’t quite choke up.
“I can’t believe it’s almost done,” she says, breaking our awkward silence and looking up toward the house. I study her face for a moment, taking in the freckles that are starting to appear on her nose and cheeks, flowing across her exposed shoulders. A slight redness of a sunburn has appeared on the skin of her shoulders and chest .
She seems different today. She is smiling more freely, her shoulders holding a lightness to them. She releases a breath as a brilliant smile taking over her lips, and I’m captivated by them.
“Mamaw would be proud. It’s perfect.” She hums in delight before turning to me and wrapping her arms around my back, as if she’d been waiting to hug me all morning. I have a list of things to get finished today, but I will greedily take any moment to feel her against me.
“When I first started on the project, I wanted it to be everything Earl and Johanna needed, but I also want it to be perfect for you,” I whisper into her neck.
There is a deep sense of ache that always seems to find my heart when I think about the potential of hers intertwined with mine. I must be mad to have these relishing thoughts and dreams, allowing the what ifs to torment me. It only took a few moments of Raine being back in my company to set my heart ablaze, restoring some hidden hope I buried ten years ago.
I bring Raine closer to my chest, and she presses her body in, soft and warm. My mind feels at peace for the first time in a long time.
I inwardly thank God and hug her even tighter. The type of love she and I had before was something to be cherished. And finally, she’s here. She’s home.
Raine takes a step back to look up at me, the effect of my words clear in her expression. She reaches up and places her hands onto the sides of my face, like a prayer in which no words exist. With each embrace that we’ve had since she’s been home, it’s as if our hearts are rediscovering something familiar.
She releases a breath, her stress evaporating before she pulls away but not completely. Her arms slide down until they land on either side of my hips, and she’s blinking at me with those mesmerizing blue eyes, and the words slip right through my lips.
“Stay.”
Her eyes widen with shock, and nerves twist the inside my stomach. I don’t want to cause her to run, but I need to get these words out before they suffocate me. And the words keep tumbling from my mouth, completely ignoring the warning bells going off in my brain.
“I mean, you could stay if you wanted. Not that your job isn’t important in Rockdale. It’s just… Never mind. I’m butchering this, aren’t I?”
Raine lifts a hand and places it on my elbow. With a gentle squeeze, she gives me a reassuring smile. I expect her to back away and retreat. Instead, she watches me for a moment before saying, “Take a breath, Ry, and try again.”
I inhale and feel myself relax just a bit. “I have this whole speech I’ve been working on,” I admit and run a hand through my already messy hair.
“You were never good at speeches.” She grins and points to the porch, signaling for us to take a seat. Space would probably help me regain my composure. I could never think straight with her body touching mine.
“Remember that time in history class—I think it was our junior year—and you had to do a speech in front of the whole class,” she adds after running inside to pour us both a cup of coffee. She hands me a mug, and the warmth and scent of hazelnut help my nerves to calm down.
We take a seat at the porch table, and I reply, “I’m pretty sure I blacked out because all I remember was walking out the door.”
“That’s what you did. You stood there, stuttered for a moment, and then just bolted out the door.” She laughs at the memory, and the noise loosens some of the tension in my shoulders.
“Yeah, that sounds about right,” I add and look down at the table’s surface. “The house is almost done, and I know you have a life back in Rockdale to return to, but I don’t want to miss this opportunity to tell you…”
So many feelings are running through me as I stare at her, mouth open to say the words, and yet they’re trapped in my throat. Again. I don’t want to scare her. I want to do things right this time. My chest burns, my stomach contracts, the blood seems to rush to my temples, and I try my best to breathe.
Do I have the courage to let her go again? Could I stitch the shattered pieces of my heart back together for a second time? Simply seeing her again has brought back years of memories, and listening to her talk—the trusting and knowing sound of her voice—is like time jumped backward or like we haven’t been away from each other that long.
Raine squeezes my hands, guiding my attention back from the table to her open and eager face. “Tell me what?”
“That I love you. I always have, and I’ve never stopped.”
There it is, all laid out on the table between us. As my words hit her, I watch her eyes grow glossy, and her bottom lip slightly quivers. I want to lean over and place my lips against hers, and without thinking, my body takes over. I stand up and walk to her side of the table. I reach for her hands and gently guide her up toward me.
I place my hand against her cheek before guiding her face closer to mine. Our noses brush together, and I find my lips curving into a grin as I see the skin on her neck grow goosebumps. It gives me the courage to ask her, “Do you still love me?”
My bottom lip barely touches hers, and she shivers, closing her eyes. Her hands find my stomach, inching their way up my chest, and one remains there as the other slides into my hair. It’s such a natural thing, her hands on me, her lips this close, our breaths becoming one.
“I never stopped,” she repeats, eyes opening and locking onto mine, and that’s all I need to finally come undone.
I run my fingers through her hair and smash our mouths together. The rest of the world fades away. Her lips part, welcoming me inside, and I deepen our kiss with all the power I can muster to make up for all of the seconds, minutes, days, weeks, years that our lips have spent not touching. This feels right. Like my soul is saying I’m home.
I run my hands down her arms, down her stomach, until they find her hips. At the same time that I lift her up, Raine hops and wraps her legs around my hips. Her lips find my neck, and she plants tiny kisses upon my skin, starting a fire within me that no one else could ever ignite.
I place her on top of the table and lean my body over hers. Our bodies unable to get close enough. I taste her, and I realize I’ve been starving for the last ten years. I’ve felt love with others, but it was never like this. I only have this with her. I’ve kissed others before, but it didn’t set every nerve ablaze like it always has with Raine. This kiss contains years of all the things we’ve wanted to say to each other and all of the feelings we’ve kept buried for only each other.
I’m the first to pull away, as much as it pains me, but I know if I don’t stop now, I never will. Raine places a hand on my chest, pushing slightly, silently agreeing with me that we both could use a moment to collect ourselves. Her eyes flutter open, and she clears her throat. Her eyes look at my lips, disappointment washing over her face before she seems to come back to reality and moves away from me.
“So…” she says, smoothing out her dress and walking over to the porch swing to put some distance between us.
My eyes follow her every movement. The way her hair is slightly messy from where my fingers were just tangled, the red blotchy skin on her chest and neck caused by the heat between us, the way her lips are swollen from our kiss. I need to get a grip on myself, but all I want to do is march over there, pin her against that swing, and kiss her all over again.
I exhale, clamping a palm to the back of my neck, squeezing away the tension. “I kind of lost control there for a second. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” She smirks, her fingers touching her lips, a dazed look washing over her face. “Waiting a decade will do that.”
“So, what now?” I ask.
She winces as reality hits her. “Well, we still need to talk about…everything. I’ve avoided it long enough.”
I’ve been avoiding the conversation just as much as she has, if not more, because there is something I haven’t told her about that night, and I’m terrified that it might ruin what just happened between us. Wanting to hang on to this feeling for just a little bit longer, I suggest, “Would you like to come over later? I could cook us dinner, and we could talk after?”
She purses her lips together, considering my proposal, and gives me a soft smile as she replies, “Yeah, that would be nice.”