Chapter 1.4 #3
Overall, the late breakfast was a pleasant affair.
Taking advantage of a momentary break in the rain, Mr Darcy nudged Bingley, suggesting it was time to take their leave and expressing his gratitude towards Mr and Mrs Bennet for their hospitality.
He felt slightly disappointed at not having the chance for another private conversation with Elizabeth, but she did hold his gaze for a moment, even managing to smile at him until her cheeks turned crimson and she averted her eyes.
Before departing, the gentlemen promised to call the next day.
As soon as they left, Elizabeth excused herself, claiming exhaustion.
“Lizzy, after you rest I should like to talk to you privately in the library. Will you oblige me?”
“Of course, Papa. Would you rather speak to me now?”
“No, indeed—it is nothing so urgent. Take your rest. I shall see you later.”
∞∞∞
Bingley and Darcy’s ride back to Netherfield was relatively quiet. From time to time, Bingley expressed his pleasure at seeing both the elder Miss Bennets so well and of his anticipation for the ball.
Darcy was enjoying the memory of Elizabeth’s beautiful face and the recollection of her proximity. He decided that later, after taking a long, hot bath, he would have a glass of wine and further consider the day’s events.
They reached Netherfield quickly only to meet an agitated, even hysterical, Caroline Bingley. She had been worried earlier, but the revelation that Darcy and her brother had tarried so long with that dreadful family only magnified her jealousy of Eliza Bennet.
Darcy thanked her for her care and sincerely apologised for worrying her.
He even tried to explain the reason for their delay at Longbourn, but Miss Bingley’s vicious comments, directed at the Bennets generally and Elizabeth in particular, were too much for Darcy.
His patience had been tried sufficiently for one day by Mr Collins.
“In any case, Miss Bingley, it was fortunate that I did not come here directly. My appearance was barbaric. My cloak was six inches deep in mud—not to mention my hair, which was in significant disarray. I should not have wished to frighten you.”
She quieted immediately, looking at him wide-eyed. He took the opportunity to excuse himself, went directly to his room, ordered a bath, and relaxed. Miss Bingley, on the other hand, was so enraged that she could not speak for many minutes.
∞∞∞
With a knock on the door, Bingley entered Darcy’s room.
“Darcy, may I keep you company for a few minutes? I am sorry for Caroline. She can be quite trying at times.”
“No, Bingley, I am sorry for losing my temper, and I shall apologise to Miss Bingley. It is just…it was a very difficult day.”
“Yes. It was very fortunate that you and Miss Elizabeth met, was it not?”
“Yes—very fortunate indeed.” Darcy hid a smile behind his wine glass.
“I must say, I can hardly wait for the ball. I hope that the time will pass quite pleasantly in the company of Miss Bennet. I have already asked her for the first two dances.”
Darcy only looked at him without answering, so Bingley continued. “Do you still disapprove of Miss Bennet, Darcy? I could not help noticing your displeased looks during our stay at Longbourn.”
“I do not disapprove of Miss Bennet at all, Bingley. She is indeed very beautiful and seems to display a pleasant disposition and proper behaviour.”
“Then what is it, Darcy? I should like to hear your opinion.”
“Bingley, I did watch you at Longbourn, mostly because your preference towards Miss Bennet was…clearly expressed.”
“I see. And, in your opinion, how should I have expressed my preference?” Bingley’s voice became a little irritated.
“I think you should act according to your intentions regarding Miss. Bennet. I am sure you understand that this kind of attention will raise the expectations of Miss Bennet and her family.”
Bingley looked thoughtful for a while. Then turning to Darcy, he asked, “What if my behaviour is in accord with my intentions? What if it is my desire to raise those expectations? What would you think in such a case?”
Darcy took a deep breath before answering.
Only that morning, he would have strongly advised Bingley against such a union, not only for the Bennets’ lack of connexions and fortune, but also for their improper behaviour—not to mention his conviction that Jane was indifferent to Bingley and would accept him only for financial reasons. But now, what answer could he give?
“Bingley, my opinion is not important. But if you want my advice as your friend, I shall tell you this: before making any decision, be sure of the seriousness of your feelings and of Miss Bennet’s affection.”
“I know my feelings to be very serious, Darcy.”
Darcy started to pace the room, searching for the right words. “Bingley, we have been friends for many years, and please do not be upset with me for saying this: I have seen you in love many times! Miss Bennet is very beautiful; it would be easy for any man to become infatuated with her.”
“I am not merely infatuated. I am deeply in love with her. But perhaps you are talking about yourself! Perhaps you also have intentions towards her!”
“Do not be ridiculous, Bingley. I have no intentions towards Miss Bennet. At least not towards the eldest one…” he whispered.
Bingley was taken aback by this assertion.
“Darcy, what did you just say?”
“I did not say anything of importance, Bingley.”
“Yes you did! You said you had no intentions towards Jane. It is Miss Elizabeth, is it not?”
“Bingley, I do not wish to have this conversation. You asked my opinion, and I gave it to you. Now if you will excuse me—”
“No, I shall not be dismissed. Now I understand everything: your behaviour towards Miss Elizabeth is in accordance with your intentions. You are restrained towards her because you do not want to raise expectations you are unable to fulfil.”
“Bingley, I do not want to continue on this subject for the moment. Nevertheless, when I have something to share with you, I shall. Trust me.”
Bingley gave up and returned to the subject of his angel. “So, about my problem…you said earlier that you have no reproach of Miss Jane Bennet—well, except for the fact that she smiles too much, of course. Do you have any reason to believe she has no affection for me?”
“I do not know Miss Bennet well enough to form an opinion. However, I must say that I did not see any special display of affection although she receives your attentions with pleasure. Her countenance is always so serene that I do not think it is easy to reach her heart. But that might just be her character; you should trust yourself to be a better judge in that regard.”
“But surely, Darcy, you cannot believe her to be a fortune hunter.”
“No, not a fortune hunter…however, you must admit that Mrs Bennet can be very persuasive if she chooses. That is precisely why I suggested you not be hasty. Be sure before taking a decisive step.” Then, trying to lighten the mood, he added, “And about Miss Bennet smiling too much…it is odd that I ever said that since no one smiles more than you!”
“Yes, you are right. So you see—we are a perfect match. But Darcy, by your reasoning, you and Miss Elizabeth are totally unsuited for each other: she likes to laugh, and you are serious all the time.”
Darcy stopped a moment and then turned towards Bingley with a mischievous glint in his eyes. This only fuelled Bingley’s curiosity further.
“Maybe so, but you see, I laugh when I have a good reason, and Miss Elizabeth can be serious when necessary.”
A few minutes later, Darcy’s valet announced that his bath was ready.
Once alone, he slipped into the tub and let the warm water envelop him, his eyes closed, wondering what Elizabeth was doing.
Unlike other times—when thinking of her had been a painful struggle—his thoughts now brought a pleasant state of contentment.
For the first time, his own feelings, desires, and needs were not the subject of his reverie.
Instead, he tried to remember—word for word and minute by minute—the time they had spent together, searching his memories for some hint of her feelings for him. The question he asked himself most often was whether she was thinking of him—at least a little.
∞∞∞
At Longbourn, Elizabeth could do little except think of Darcy—the time they spent together, his voice, his face lightened by a smile, all the things he said and did, his hands holding hers and lingering on her shoulders…
She felt so much and feared the feelings that had overwhelmed her in such a short time.
Even more, she was afraid of her reactions when he was near her and the loss she felt when he left.
Was it possible to long for a man she had disliked so profoundly until that day?
And all the sensations aroused in her the last few hours…
could she feel that way towards a man? Could she feel that way towards Mr Darcy of all men?
Her distress was deepened when she considered other aspects of the situation, especially the two things that had bothered her most.
First, Darcy’s intentions towards her were a source of painful wonder. Elizabeth could not—and dared not—believe that a man of his importance could have any serious designs on her or want to be connected with her family. She tried not to allow herself to dream of impossible outcomes.
The second was Mr Wickham’s story. Was it true? Had Darcy done such a dreadful injustice to his old friend and the favourite of his late father?
Now, at a distance from Darcy’s distracting presence, she understood there could be no justification for such cruel behaviour, and confirmation of this story would cast a shadow over Darcy’s character.
She decided to share her uncertainties and fears with Jane immediately. Her sister’s kindness and gentle wisdom often helped to clear her thoughts and find the answers to difficult questions.
Then she would have to talk to her father, who, no doubt, would demand some honest answers himself.