Chapter 1.15
Darcy remained stunned, in disbelief, following her with his gaze. Her luscious scent still hung in the air, and the traces of her delicate fingers still warmed his face.
That gentle caress had washed over all his senses.
Unconsciously, he licked his lips to taste her delicious flavour and closed his eyes to prolong the moment.
His shattered mind still could not comprehend what had happened and could not believe she dared to do what he so wanted but had dared not do. “I am completely at her mercy.”
The happiness he felt was something so new and powerful that all other thoughts vanished, and he forgot about Wickham and Lydia Bennet or her father and uncle waiting for him outside.
After a few minutes of total stillness, the unpleasant reality seized him again when he remembered Elizabeth’s grieved countenance, and his anger was directed more violently than ever towards the man who had caused it.
The worried voices of the two gentlemen and their request to leave as soon as possible gave him the last needed impulse. The most important thing at the moment was to end the reason for Elizabeth’s pain; then he would see her—and touch her—again. When that moment came, it would be his turn.
∞∞∞
Elizabeth saw and heard nothing during the short ride home.
She wondered how one could fall from the loftiest cloud to the deepest abyss in seconds with so little awareness of it happening.
She was astonished by her daring gestures towards Mr Darcy without regard for the proprieties of ladylike behaviour.
Never had Elizabeth been kissed or caressed on her face, and the thought that she had done so to him mortified her and made her whole body flush.
Shame and remorse overwhelmed her. While her youngest sister was passing through the most tumultuous time of her life, all she could think of were her own wanton desires.
She knew—she could feel—that he also wanted to close the gap between them that night in Georgiana’s study, but he was a proper gentleman and treated her with respect.
Not like her. If he had any remaining doubts regarding the end of their connexion, her wanton behaviour surely convinced him she was as improper and wild as her sister.
Elizabeth did not notice when the carriage stopped.
She listened, as if in a dream, to her aunt and Jane talking between themselves and to her, but she paid little attention.
She finally reacted when they spoke about the possibility of returning to Longbourn immediately and about how poorly their mother would deal with all that was happening.
Kitty and Mary had no real support and probably wished for the help of their older sisters.
Of course, no decision could be made before speaking with Mr Bennet on his return.
Mrs Gardiner proposed that at least an express should be sent to Longbourn, and Elizabeth offered to write it herself. But when her aunt returned ten minutes later, the paper was still blank. Mrs Gardiner sent her to bed and accomplished the task herself with all the tact necessary.
Elizabeth ran into her room, wanting nothing more than solitude and seclusion.
Jane visited her a little later, offering to stay and talk.
They did so for about half an hour even though Elizabeth would rather have been left alone with her thoughts and grief to try to put together the broken pieces of her heart.
Her sister’s company was not as welcome as it once was.
Apparently, Jane was oblivious to the deeper implications for all of them of Lydia’s unfortunate situation.
She continued to express her opinion that Mr Wickham must have known Lydia had no money, and if he had decided to elope with her, perhaps it was because he really loved her.
Elizabeth could only respond with a bitter, incredulous smile to such kind na?veté, but she did not contradict her too strongly, thinking it may be best not to burden Jane with more grief.
Despite the ultimate outcome, she hoped Mr Bingley’s affection for Jane would overcome the obstacle; moreover, he had no history with Mr Wickham and could not be as affected as Mr Darcy was by the connexion.
Once Jane left her room, the whole house went silent; darkness surrounded it.
Fighting fatigue and the sorrow that threatened to overwhelm her, Elizabeth began to rationalise, seeking the slightest hope, but she could find none.
The small and acknowledged unrealistic one was that nothing improper had happened and, despite the scandal that would surely follow, Lydia could return home without being forced to marry Mr Wickham.
Otherwise, such a husband would assure Lydia an unhappy future.
Sleep mercifully put an end to her torment near dawn, but it only cast her into strange and frightening dreams: Mr Wickham hurting her sister in the most horrible ways while Mr Darcy caressed her, kissed her, held her in his arms, and then left without a word.
The impression was so real that she could sense his touch and scent as if she were allowed to steal a glimpse of something she could never have.
She awoke terrified and trembling, her nightgown soaked with perspiration and her heart beating violently.
Daylight filled her room, but darkness plagued her soul.
What good could a new day bring? The previous evening, she was hoping and praying for this day to come sooner.
It was the day meant to open the gates of happiness for Elizabeth—the day Mr Darcy would ask his question and she would say “Yes.” The day had come at last and brought nothing but painful suffering and despair.
She was about to go downstairs when Mrs Gardiner knocked at her door.
“How are you, dear?”
Elizabeth’s eyes, surrounded by dark rings, spoke for her.
“You did not sleep at all, did you?”
“Very little…I found little peace or sleep.”
She tried to conceal her sadness but with little success. Her eyes, red and swollen—unmistakable proof of a tearful night—betrayed her and worried Mrs Gardiner even more.
“My dear, I do not want to mislead you with false hopes, but I gave it a lot of thought last night, and it appears to me unlikely that Mr Wickham would form a dishonourable design on a girl who is by no means unprotected or friendless. Could he expect that her friends and family would not step forward? Perhaps he is indeed fond of her and intended to marry her as Lydia said in her note.”
“Do you really think so?”
“I do, upon my word. And, my dear, no matter what happens, I think you are reacting a little too strongly. You should try to be more calm; your family might need to depend on you.”
“I know, Aunt, and I do not deserve your kindness and patience. I am ashamed to admit it, but I am a horrible person—selfish and inconsiderate.”
“How is that, dearest?”
“I am concerned not only for Lydia but for my own selfish reasons. I am not as good a sister as Jane is. I mean…I would do anything to have Lydia safe, it is just that…” Her voice became barely audible as tears threatened her eyes again, and she fought heartily to stop them.
“Now, now, calm yourself; do not talk like that. None of this will be needed, I am sure. What selfish reasons make you a bad sister?” She smiled a little and tried to comfort her as she did her own children.
“I did not mention this to you but…last night…I believe Mr Darcy intended to…he said he wanted to ask me a question today. But now that will never happen! And I cannot stop blaming Lydia for it. My only hope is that, at least, Mr Bingley will continue his attachment to Jane and his intention will bring a happy conclusion for them. And I fervently pray that Papa will find Lydia and she will be safe.”
“I am praying for this too, Lizzy. Fortunately, Mr Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam offered their help. I have great hopes that everything will resolve as well as can be expected under the circumstances.”
Mrs Gardiner stopped a moment and looked thoughtfully at her niece, carefully choosing her words.
“As for Mr Darcy…did he give you any indication that his intentions towards you changed after he learned of the news? I do not want to be indiscreet, but I could not fail to notice you delayed a little with him when we departed.”
“No, Aunt; he was very nice—very gentle—and he told me he would do everything in his power to bring about the best resolution to the situation. And he said I must trust him and have faith.”
“Well…that sounds very promising to me. I think you have little reason to be upset and disappointed.”
“But, Aunt, how can I not be so? What resolution can be achieved that would preserve any hope? If Mr Wickham does not marry Lydia after eloping and spending time together in God knows what sordid inn, the scandal will ruin the whole family, and our name will be compromised forever. No honourable man will want to have anything to do with us and surely not Mr Darcy. The duty to his name and to his family would forbid it, and I could not blame him.”
Mrs Gardiner shook her head in disagreement, but Elizabeth continued, more animated.
“And even if they finally marry, how can anyone expect Mr Darcy to overcome a sentiment as natural as abhorrence against any relationship with Mr Wickham? Brother-in-law of Wickham! Every kind of pride must revolt from the connexion!”
“My dear, sit here by me and try to calm yourself. There…now, Elizabeth, listen to me: you are an intelligent young woman, and I shall not deny that everything you said is just. Moreover, I am sure you are aware that, even without this unfortunate occurrence, the differences between our family and Mr Darcy’s cannot be ignored, and a union with you—even under the most honourable circumstances—would bring little pleasure or contentment to his friends and relatives.
And Lydia’s unfortunate situation will indeed not favour any of us—not our good name nor our reputation. ”