Chapter 1.20 #5
“Oh, have patience. Now I shall come to the point. Until that moment, if I recall correctly, you never showed any kind of open admiration for Miss Elizabeth. Then after the ball, we left together and met them both in London one month later at the same time. So how on earth has it happened that I am still in the same kind of relationship with Jane as I was at Netherfield, while you have become engaged to Miss Elizabeth?! Not to mention the fact that she seemed to accept private meetings with you in your house.”
He was indeed angry and turned quite red, causing Darcy to laugh as he almost choked on a piece of bread. “Bingley, you are hilarious.”
“I am glad you find my anger so entertaining, but I am in no mood for you to laugh at me.”
“My friend, please believe that I do not laugh at your expense. I do understand your torment, and I shall answer you; and trust me, things will not look as bad as they do now.” He turned quite serious.
“Bingley, I must confess that, although I did not show any sort of preference for Elizabeth, I had come to admire her shortly after I first met her. But of course, for some time, I considered her unsuitable as my wife, and as I had no desire simply to flirt and trifle with her, I tried to conceal my admiration. However, that day when the storm caught us truly was my lucky day.”
He looked at his younger friend gravely before speaking further.
“I said that it was lucky because it was then that I understood not only how wrong I was in not considering her worthy to be my wife, but that my behaviour had given her a poor opinion of me. Knowing that, I was able to act so as to improve that impression.”
“Yes, as I recall now, you did…and quite an improvement, I might say.” Bingley’s anger changed quickly to his usually jovial and amiable mien, and he listened to his friend’s story with amusement.
“As for the engagement…I was simply so fortunate as to find Elizabeth visiting Georgiana two days ago, and we started to speak about that dreadful situation with Wickham and…I do not really know how I came to propose to her, but I did, and she accepted. But Bingley, I must tell you what I see as obvious: Miss Bennet is more than ready to accept a marriage proposal from you as well; I have no doubt about that. I am sure that as soon as you have the opportunity for a few private moments with her, you will propose to her.”
“I hope so, Darcy. I intend to call on her this morning.”
“Splendid, then we can go together. There is one more thing I should like to tell you.”
“Yes, what is it?”
“Please rest assured that nothing improper happened between me and Elizabeth except what your sister witnessed. I hope you do not think that—”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Darcy, do not be ridiculous.
That never crossed my mind. However, being alone with her and kissing her…
is much more than you deserve after calling her only ‘tolerable’ that night at the assembly.
Oh, I shall absolutely have to tell that story to your children and to your grandchildren. And to mine too…”
It was Bingley’s turn to burst into laughter as Darcy shook his head reproachfully.
∞∞∞
Elizabeth was expecting Mr Darcy that morning. He did not say when—or even if—he would definitely come that day, but she was certain that she would see him soon.
Her memories of the previous day were so vivid; still, she could not believe everything that had happened. But during the night, other recollections, equally vivid, disturbed her peace and threatened to overshadow her joy. “I have never been in the situation of kissing someone so much…”
So he did kiss other women before. She could understand as much from his answer.
And she did know about gentlemen’s habits: Mrs Gardiner had talked to both her and Jane quite openly since they were eighteen and began to attend balls and parties.
Due to that knowledge, her reason avowed that she could not expect a gentleman of Mr Darcy’s situation to lack experience regarding these…
matters of the world. But her heart and mind ached at the image of him kissing other women.
She could still feel the taste of his mouth and remember the touch of his lips, his tongue invading her and melting her senses…
Did he do the same with other women? What was for her a beautiful and exquisitely pleasant dream of love could have been for him a mere repetition of some previous experiences.
“In truth, I do not think I ever truly desired to kiss a woman before meeting you.”
Then why did you do it? her heart was screaming without finding an answer, and then sleep refused to come for many hours and put an end to her torment.
The first thing she saw when she awoke was the jewellery box; as though under a spell, her spirit lightened in an instant.
She had risen from the bed and run to the window, delighted to see the sun shining on that cold, January day.
Before she called for the maid, she stopped in front of the mirror, wondering at her image.
My eyes are red, and I have dark circles around them.
I look very bad indeed. How could I be such a simpleton?
I cried like a silly girl for…nothing! For something I thought may have happened some time ago.
And William believes me to be clever. I am not at all—quite the opposite.
Well, at least nobody will know about that, thank God.
Papa would tease me forever! A soft smile spread over her face, and she shook her head in disapproval of her own folly.
She took the jewellery box in her hands, remembering his words, his caresses, his kisses, his scent…
She missed him so much that she felt his absence painfully, and she became angry with herself—guilty for putting their happiness in danger.
He has given me his present and his future, and I have allowed an unknown past to cloud my felicity.
He has given me so much, and still I demand more.
She threw herself on the bed, burying her face in the pillow.
I don’t deserve to see him today. Nevertheless, he will come… I just know it.
Mr Darcy did come as soon as the time was proper for a visit, and she went to greet him quite hastily, almost ignoring Bingley who, fortunately, needed nothing except Jane’s smiles.
Mrs Gardiner was still upstairs with some house business, so the couples were pleased to have a little privacy only in each other’s company.
Mr Darcy sat with Elizabeth on the couch, very close to her, taking her hands in his. “I missed you so much…”
“I missed you too.” She blushed, casting a short glance at her sister and her companion before continuing. “I knew you would come this morning.”
He smiled and put her hand to his lips without even considering that they were not alone.
“I knew you were waiting for me to come.”
“Will you stay long, William?”
“Not very long, unfortunately. Today I must see about the marriage settlements. And my love, I have some…interesting news to share with you.”
“Good news?”
“I cannot tell, for you will have to decide for yourself. Apparently, Lady Ellen is quite determined to host a ball for us—for our engagement—no later than a fortnight from today.”
“A ball? But how? So suddenly?”
“What can I say? Apparently, she had an agitated night.”
“Oh, but I have no gowns for such an event. When we came to town we did not expect to socialise much and certainly did not expect to attend such an event.”
“That is the last thing about which you should worry. My aunt has already made appointments for the day after tomorrow at her usual dressmaker. However, she intends to visit Georgiana tomorrow morning and asks whether you will be able to meet her there. I honestly do not think you can decline.”
He tried to sound light and amused, but he searched her face for any sign of distress.
“Oh…I…I do not know what to say.”
“Please, just tell me what you think and feel. Do not search for proper words.”
“Will Jane and—”
“Of course Miss Bennet will be invited, and the Gardiners as well. Her eyes brightened, and a smile spread over her face while his gaze darkened slightly, and he spoke before she could express her joy.
“Elizabeth, did you really think that I would allow your family to be slighted? Have I done anything to make you believe me so inconsiderate?”
She met his eyes, and only then did she understood how easily her words could hurt him. His expression made her heart ache, and she tightened her grip on his hand, entwining her fingers with his.
“No, you have been nothing but wonderful to me and my family. It is I who seem to have lost all ability to think properly. I shall not even attempt to justify my words, only to ask for your forgiveness.”
This time it was Mr Darcy who melted at her guilt and worry, but he wickedly continued the game a little longer. “Unfortunately…I cannot promise to forgive you so easily…”
His tone was grave, and she was startled for a moment, fearing again to have hurt him deeply, but the next moment his thumb started to move slightly, tracing small circles in her palm.
“I shall have to consider the whole situation carefully…and I shall give you the answer tomorrow…after my aunt leaves.”
Her palm suddenly demanded all her thoughts, and his touch spread chills up her arms and down her spine. His gaze lowered from her eyes to her mouth, and her lips unconsciously parted under his scrutiny.
Only the noisy entrance of the children—fortunately, some moments before their mother—made Elizabeth return to her senses, pulling her hands from his so that Mrs Gardiner saw nothing about which to complain when she entered the room a few moments later.
∞∞∞