Chapter 11
Immediately irritated, Cordelia put Tim down, and he toddled away to pick up his duck again. “Well, as you can see, we are not all of us happy in this room.”
“I could hear the cries all the way from the other wing of the house. Is this a nursery or a torture chamber?”
Cordelia crossed her arms. She hated to be seen lacking and especially in front of Nicholas who was so smug about everything and confident in his pleasing manners to everyone. She lifted her chin in defiance, trying her best not to notice just how handsome he looked.
He was not angry, but there was a fire to him as he stared at her.
She realized right in that moment that while she had not thought much of marriage, she knew it could only have been with a man who had spirit and fire.
She could not have borne a quiet, timid man, and while Nicholas irritated her to no end, he at least could never have been accused of being boring.
He had undone his cravat and removed his wedding coat so that he stood before her in a loosened shirt, the sleeves of which he’d rolled up, showing his strong, browned forearms. Blinking away thoughts of him without a shirt entirely, wondering if his skin was just as browned underneath his shirt, she focused on her frustration.
“You know, you could assist me,” she replied as calmly as she could, even though she was frustrated. “They simply don’t seem to care for my songs anymore, I suppose.” She threw up her hands in an attempt to be casual, but she heard the strain in her own voice.
He frowned, his eyes watching her for a moment, and she continued, a little unnerved by his cunning gaze. “Don’t you remember how you claimed the children liked you best and that you would win the competition of who the children would rush to upon waking. It is time to prove yourself.”
He stepped closer to her and pushed in the pin that had come loose in her distress in helping the children. She clenched her jaw. She did not want him to be kind to her; she wanted him to help or leave her be. Him being kind confused her.
“Well, I –”
At Nicholas’s pause, Cordelia looked down to see that Olivia had moved across the room to sit at his feet, pulling on his trouser leg. He stared at the girl for a little while, blinking at her in almost shock as if surprised to find her there.
“What am I to do?”
Even though she was furious at him, exhausted and irritated at her lack of success as well as the odd turn her life had taken, she wanted to laugh at his innocent question. Yet she was also filled with a rush of jealousy.
I have spent the last two years of their lives playing with these children while he’d hardly held them at all! Oh, the unfairness of the world! He will be smug about this too, I am sure.
She took a breath. At least Olivia had stopped crying and looked at least hopeful.
“Well, you could pick her up,” she told him. “The way she is looking at you so desperately shows that she would like you to do so.”
He hesitated briefly before he reached down, lifting Olivia up and into his arms. His face looked uncertain for a moment, but his body looked comfortable as he held the little girl against his side, bobbing her up and down a little.
She quieted and stared at him. In fact, she’d quieted as soon as he’d entered the room, Cordelia realized. And it made her want to throttle him.
Cordelia crossed her arms, grateful Olivia’s tears had stopped but unhappy with her own lack of skill. Nicholas’s eyes were on Olivia, his smile genuine. He tucked a finger into her one grasping hand. Cordelia felt something loosen in her body.
Perhaps there is hope.
“There, there. Even the youngest among us can appreciate my virtues. Your godmother remains determined to be difficult.”
Cordelia rolled her eyes and wished to return a barb of her own, but he wasn’t looking at her, and she saw the true smile on his face widen.
She stared at it, entranced by just how handsome Nicholas truly was.
While she had married a man whom she herself disapproved of, she had also married the most handsome man she knew, and that was going to be a problem.
It will certainly make the nights uncomfortable. And the days, and every waking moment.
It was true – she hadn’t stopped thinking about the kiss he’d given her in the church that morning despite all the chaos.
She was nearly weak in the knees thinking about it again.
But she was determined not to give Nicholas any satisfaction in thinking that she would beg for him in the end.
She would keep to her room and that was that.
They could keep their distance from one another.
Mama did say I was her strongest child, and I shall prove my determination.
“Do not listen to a word your godfather says, Olivia. You will need to learn to keep your distance from such rogues when you are older,” she teased, brushing a finger against Olivia’s soft cheek. The young girl at least did not burst into a new fit of tears, for she had only eyes for Nicholas.
When he finally glanced at Cordelia, she saw a sort of satisfaction in his gaze, and he was now smiling at her and not Olivia. It made Cordelia soften. Thankfully, Jenny entered the room.
“Your Graces, I heard the cries.” She curtsied. “I will take the children now. It is time for their lunch, anyway. I am sorry they are being troublesome.”
Cordelia frowned for a moment as she noticed Jenny’s tired face. It seemed she could hardly make it through the day without looking exhausted or the dark circles under her eyes darkening.
“Of course, thank you, Jenny. They are no trouble. We are simply all learning how to get on together,” Cordelia said, smiling but utterly grateful that Jenny had come when she had.
Nicholas’s face shuttered as he placed Olivia in Jenny’s arms, and they both watched as Jenny led the children away and out of the room, her hand brushing briefly to her stomach again as she adjusted Olivia a little uncomfortably in her arms.
Sighing, she turned back to look at Nicholas. Cordelia bit her lip, unsure of how to begin their life. They were now man and wife, duke and duchess, and yet they were not those things. It was in name only, and they had to play a part she was not certain she knew how to play.
He sighed and then turned his face from the door to look at her again. Immediately, his gaze sank to her mouth, where she had her lip clamped between her teeth.
“Don’t do that,” he said.
“And why not?” she asked, blaming the tingle on her skin at his heated gaze on her mouth.
He stepped closer to her, his hands reaching out to brush against her crossed arms. “Keep biting that lovely soft lip, and I will be happy to show you why you shouldn’t.”
Swallowing hard, she moved away from him, goosebumps lifting on her skin as she felt the slide of his hands across her arms.
Looking into the fireplace, she said softly, “The room is wonderful, Nicholas. Thank you.”
He made some sort of grumble in his throat and then she heard him moving to the door.
“Mrs. Wright assisted me,” he demurred.
“She told me you picked it all yourself.”
He grumbled something again. “It was nothing. I have some business to attend to.”
“Very well. I will get myself settled.”
He nodded, the teasing now gone out of his eyes. “I must tell you, Cordelia, that I have no intention in being a father figure to Olivia and Tim.”
“What on earth do you mean?” Cordelia said with a breathless laugh. “You already are. We married for this sole purpose.”
“I mean that I will provide for all of their needs, and they will never want for any necessary thing, but I will not replace their father. I am a mere guardian.”
“But Nicholas, you cannot mean this. David would want you to be a father figure, not some distant provider. You are good with the children; it’s obvious.”
“Don’t argue with me about this, Cordelia. I have agreed to all this, but it does not mean they are my children or that I am their father. It is better this way. They do not need me. They need their true parents, but they have been robbed of them.”
Cordelia’s body shook with hurt and rage. “We have lost them too, you know, and we are doing our best to act in their stead. That is what they would have wanted.”
Nicholas turned away and placed both hands on either side of the doorway as if he was physically keeping himself from running out of the room.
“I know David. He always thought me better than I was, and he did not specify in the will how I was to act as the children’s guardian. This is my decision. Do what you will, Cordelia, but I will act in this manner. As I said, it’s best for everyone.”
And before Cordelia could argue again, Nicholas was off, loud, pounding footsteps walking quickly down the hall and fading away into the afternoon.
Back in her bedroom, a bath was already waiting for her, and Cordelia was delighted at the prospect. Sinking into the warm water, she lay for a long while with her eyes closed, thinking back to that scene in the nursery.
Clearly, Olivia adored him. Why does he fight it?
“Perhaps he merely wishes to keep himself from being shackled more than he already is,” she mumbled to herself.
However, his words had hurt her. She would never replace Helen by any means, but as their godmother, she was going to endeavor to be a mother figure to them. Why was that so hard for Nicholas to do as well?
When a young maid returned to help her to dress, Cordelia was kind but found herself distracted. She wished to fill her mind with something else.
“I am to be your lady’s maid, Your Grace,” the young woman said.
“Oh, wonderful. And what is your name?”
“Anna. You must let me know whatever you need.”
“Thank you, Anna.” Cordelia was at least comforted that she had such a kind-looking young woman to assist her. “Once I am dressed, please tell Mrs. Wright that I am ready to speak to her, if she has time, of course.”