Chapter 13
Cordelia awoke to the sound of the curtains being drawn.
“Good morning, Your Grace,” a soft voice said, and Cordelia’s brow furrowed in confusion.
She had been in such a deep sleep that it took her a few moments to raise herself up and open her eyes to see who was speaking. Her young lady’s maid smiled at her.
“It’s me, Anna, Your Grace. Good morning. I let you sleep in a little, but cook has made your tea, and I’ve brought the tray.”
“Oh, forgive me.” Cordelia smiled. “I don’t usually sleep so late.” She noted the brightness of the morning outside her window. “Thank you.”
The blonde maid brought her tray from a nearby table and slid it onto Cordelia’s lap.
“There you are, Your Grace.”
“Thank you.” She was delighted at the sight of a warm pastry next to her teapot.
“I will return once you are finished to take things away.”
“Thank you again.”
“You are most welcome.” Anna went to the door and turned for a moment. “We are very glad to have you, Your Grace. It is nice to have a duchess amongst us. Having a lonely bachelor in such a large house feels rather…lonely, I suppose.”
Cordelia lifted her brows, surprised at Anna’s kind, yet bold words.
“Forgive me, Your Grace.” She blushed and curtsied again. “I only meant—”
“Oh no, you are kind to say so. I’m happy to be here as well. I’m not sure how His Grace feels about it, however.”
“He is delighted, I’m sure!” Anna said, her smile widening. “He is a kind master, and we all wanted this for him.”
Cordelia didn’t like the pleasant bloom that filled her belly at the compliment to Nicholas. At least she had not married a complete tyrant, who terrorized any young woman in his employ with his unwanted advances.
Cordelia blushed and looked down at her hands, a little embarrassed. “Well, I shall leave you,” Anna said, but Cordelia quickly stopped her.
“Anna, I wonder if you might ask Jenny to meet with me after breakfast. I fear she is far too fatigued, and she may need a bit of time away.”
“Of course, Your Grace.” Anna left, and then Cordelia was left on her own.
Slowly, she poured her tea, the daze of sleep still clinging to her mind.
But there was more in her mind too. Her night had once again been full of dreams of Nicholas, the feeling of his lips on her skin, the brush of his rough, stubbled jaw along her cheek, and how he had whispered such dark things in her ear at dinner.
It all made her awaken with a warm wetness between her thighs and an unfinished desire that she was not certain she knew how to slake.
“Ask me to stay,” he’d told her, but she could not and would not.
All he wanted was to bed her, and then he would be done with her, and that would be a cage in and of itself.
She couldn’t bear the thought of that, for her own body was beginning to betray her.
If she could no longer trust her body, then she would have to depend upon her mind to rein in the terrible temptation that now surrounded her.
He does not want you, only that. Remember that he is a rake. Remember that you do not have a true husband.
Turning her mind to thinking instead of what games she would play with the children that day, Cordelia finished her tea and Anna returned to help her dress for breakfast. But at breakfast, she was to find no Nicholas, only a sideboard full of warm food awaiting her.
“Forgive me, but where is my husband?” she asked a waiting footman.
“He is out this morning, Your Grace. He has gone riding and then will return to his club, I believe. He often eats there.”
“Thank you,” she said, annoyed at the slight disappointment she felt at his absence.
Was he really to stay away from her and from the children simply to make a point? Was it all about making sure the children did not get attached to him, or was it all about him desperate to get her to beg for him?
She ate quickly, annoyed at her own annoyance but eager to begin her first day and to speak with Jenny. In the duchess’s private sitting room, she found Jenny already awaiting her, looking nervous and uncertain as she stood from her seat by the fire.
“Your Grace, Anna asked that I meet you here.”
“Yes. Please sit.” Cordelia motioned to the seat and sat across from her.
A lovely fire was already crackling merrily in the hearth, and Cordelia was glad she did not have to wake up to a cool home because they could not afford the wood.
Her life was now so very comfortable in some ways but also quite uncomfortable in others.
It was all so strange, and yet she found that her mind was no longer continually plagued by how she and her family were going to get by, and that was a great relief.
“You know I have mentioned my concern to you about your fatigue.” She folded her hands in her lap and tried to sound comforting. “I was going to propose that you perhaps take a few days off to rest. I need to get to know the children anyway, and this will give me the chance to do so.”
“Oh, Your Grace,” Jenny said, bursting into tears.
Surprised, Cordelia reached out to touch her arm. “Forgive me, I did not mean to imply that you were not the perfect nanny. I know the children love you. I am only concerned for your welfare.”
Jenny continued to cry, but eventually, she found her breath and turned to Cordelia with red-rimmed eyes.
“No, it’s not that. You are too kind. I’m only sorry that I am glad you have asked to meet with me for I can’t stay with you any longer.”
Frowning, Cordelia waited for an explanation but then she saw Jenny’s hand drift to her stomach. “I am with child, Your Grace,” she whispered. “I will be leaving soon to go and get married.”
Blinking a few times in her surprise, Cordelia leaned back in her chair.
“Oh, I see,” she said softly. “Well, that certainly explains the fatigue.”
Jenny nodded and sighed. “I hope you will not be too upset, Your Grace.”
“Not at all.” She smiled, but inside, she feared that the loss of Jenny forever would be very difficult for the children. “Are you certain of your path? We will pay for your travel, of course, and anything else you may need.”
“Thank you, Your Grace. You are most kind. And yes, I am certain. But I will not…turn down your offer.”
“Perfect. It will all be settled before you go. You know, you are good to make your own way in the world, and it will be nice for you to have your own family to think of.”
They spoke a little longer of the plans for Jenny’s departure and how she would break it to the children, and then Cordelia was left alone in her sitting room, wondering how on earth she was going to find a new nanny on such short notice. Jenny was to leave in two days.
They passed in a flash, and while Jenny had done her utmost to spend as much time with them as possible, it felt like it had all gone so quickly.
“You be good for the duke and duchess,” she told Olivia, kissing her on the cheek and pulling her close. “You too, Tim.” She hugged them both, and they cried in her arms.
Cordelia stood by helplessly, Nicholas too. She was touched that he’d come to say goodbye, pulling himself away from his club for a little while, and he’d provided more than enough money for Jenny, which Jenny now had in a bag at her side.
She is so natural with them. I wish to gain my ease back as well. Oh, the children will be so sad without her.
When she rose, she looked at Cordelia. “Thank you so much, Your Grace. You have been so kind. And you, Your Grace.” She curtsied to them both.
“You are most welcome. It is the least we could do after you have done so much for the children,” Cordelia told her. “We shall write to you to let you know how they fare, if you let us know an address.”
Nicholas stepped forward, looking serious. “You may take my carriage to where you need to go. It won’t be safe to wander the streets with money like that in your pocket outside of Mayfair.”
“Oh, it is no trouble. Someone is waiting for me.” Jenny colored, but she curtsied again and thanked them, waving goodbye to the children.
Cordelia picked Tim up, and at her prodding, Nicholas picked up a crying Olivia, looking as if it was the last thing he wished to do. But thankfully, once again, she quieted.
“How sad for you two. Jenny was lovely.” She led the way to the sitting room, and Nicholas followed. “I shall have to find a new nanny, advertise and all that.”
“Do what you must.” Gently but quickly, Nicholas deposited Olivia on the ground. “I must return to the club. Send any inquiries there. I shall get word back to you.”
“Of course,” she replied with an almost sigh. He looked at her for a moment and then he was gone, Cordelia a little crestfallen once more that he kept away as much as he did.
A week passed in much the same way, and Cordelia spent her time writing letters, sending out advertisements and even scheduling a few interviews with various women for the new nanny’s role.
Jenny was gone, and Tim and Olivia were distraught.
However, to Cordelia’s delight, as a result, they traipsed after her throughout the day, playing in the sitting room while she worked or out in the garden while she wrote.
The only trouble was that Nicholas stayed away. He sometimes returned, or so Mrs. Wright told her, but she never saw him, and she was growing more and more irritable.
Must he really leave all this work to myself to handle? We were meant to make decisions about the children together.
Deep down, she worried that he was simply cavorting with his various mistresses, but she would not name the angry feeling that occurred at that thought as jealousy.
It couldn’t be. It was merely because he was not following the rules that he’d agreed to.
That afternoon, while Cordelia watched the children play in the garden, the footman told her that her sisters had arrived for a visit.
“Please do send them in and bring tea,” she asked the young man.
“Now, go!” she called to the children, rolling a ball along the ground and they rushed after it, squealing with delight.