Chapter 13 #3
“Ha!” Cordelia rose, her cheeks reddening as she started to pace again.
“That is utter nonsense. I gave him rules, you see, before I accepted his proposal, and he is breaking one of them! He may be at his club, but who knows? He could be with one of his many, many mistresses, spending days languishing in bed while we all sit here alone even though I’d asked him not to.
I didn’t want him to embarrass us with his philandering, and now he is also breaking another rule by leaving me on my own to make decisions about this new nanny as well as the myriad of other decisions I’ve had to make as the children’s new guardian. ”
Emma cleared her throat, and Cordelia realized how loud she’d been speaking. Both Tim and Olivia were gazing up at her from where they sat, looking surprised. For a few seconds, everyone was silent.
Quickly, she smiled at them. “Everything is well, children. Forgive me. I am simply overtired.”
They returned to playing, and Emma whispered, “Best not to mention mistresses in front of the children, perhaps.”
“Oh, this is ridiculous!” Danae cried. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Cord! I would stake my life on the fact that His Grace is not philandering about with any mistress. He is at his club and doing only sensible things. You will see.”
“Don’t be silly, Danae. He doesn’t look at me in any such way.
” A flash of stark blue eyes filled her mind as did the feel of his lips on her cheek as he leaned close at the dinner table.
Cordelia shook off the memory. “But what does it matter?” She sighed and sat down again, glad to see that tea was arriving.
She ignored Danae’s statement about him being unable to be near without being with her.
“He is still not here, and I feel alone in these matters with the children. It is all just too…overwhelming.”
“Tell me something,” Emma asked, once they were each holding a steaming cup of tea. “In these notes you’ve sent him, you’ve asked questions, made requests?”
Cordelia sipped slowly and nodded. “Yes, questions about clothing for the children, questions about money, a signature here and there to add to a letter.”
“And has he provided all these things? Answers, money, signatures?”
Cordelia paused. “Well, yes. The butler has brought me a number of things either verbally or the object itself. But no letter. He has never written to me himself by way of reply.”
“So then, you can be certain he is at his club, forever ready to answer you,” Danae said smugly, biting into a bit of cake.
“And it is not as if he is not caring about you or the children,” Emma added, and Cordelia frowned. “He is responding even if there is no letter.”
“Why are you determined to make me think well of this man?” She took a bite of cake and felt sullen. She wanted to be angry at him, to fume and rage, but yet again, people would instead compliment him or fall at his feet.
Even sensible Emma is now under his spell, it seems!
She pushed aside thoughts of how she too had felt the pull of that urge too, more than once when she’d seen the look of happiness on his face when Olivia had quieted in his arms, or how kind he was to give Jenny more money than she’d ever requested.
“Because it would be just delightful if he was wonderfully good and kind as well as desperately handsome,” Danae supplied unhelpfully.
Emma groaned. “No, it’s only because we were taught to see the good in people. Mama wants you to give him a chance, as you know. And it’s better to try to see the good at first, before we allow ourselves to despair. We want you to be happy, Cord.”
Cordelia was silent for a few moments as she took that in. “He does not wish me to think well of him.”
“Whatever do you mean?” Emma asked.
Cordelia frowned. “I don’t understand it myself but any time I wish to compliment him or thank him, he brushes it aside as if it was nothing and returns to his charming self.
It is infuriating and makes me want to think ill of him!
” She sighed. “But I suppose you’re right.
Things will take time, but I can’t promise that I will ever think he is wonderfully good and kind. ”
She could see it sometimes though, little moments, however small, and she didn’t know what to do with it.
“But you think him desperately handsome.” Danae giggled, and this time both Cordelia and Emma rolled their eyes, Emma smiling ever so slightly.
Cordelia took couldn’t help but smile a little at her younger sister’s hope. “I should warn you, Danae, that one being a handsome man does not make one a good man.”
“Sage advice,” Emma added, and this time, Danae rolled her eyes.
“I know more than you give me credit for. Even despite his handsome face, there is something good about the duke. I can feel it.”
They turned their conversation to other things to Cordelia’s relief, but by the time her sisters left, she was resolved. She would no longer sit around and wait for Nicholas. She would face him head-on and get the answers out of him that she wanted. Straight out of his mouth.