Chapter Eight –Christopher #3
If she needed a bit of optimism to hold onto so she wouldn’t sink into a pit of despair, Christopher wouldn’t take that from her.
“We already are, yeah? We talkin’ about the peace agreement but look at it as a new beginning.
We tidyin’ up loose ends. Seein’ to Molly.
Harley’s play. The kids gettin’ back in fuckin’ school.
Megan and me goin’ to the cabin. Nothin’ too excitin’ but fuckin’ necessary to really fuckin’ move on.
Let Johnnie settle his fuckin’ ass down and think he forced whatever happen between the Dwellers and the Scorpions.
Let us get the fuck back to doin’ family shit and club meetins.
Your Johnnie probably comin’ back to you. ”
She blew her nose, tossed that tissue, then grabbed another one and dabbed at her eyes. “At the meeting with Bash, Johnnie was…my virtue…he said…”
Snapping his brows together, Christopher studied her, trying to make sense of what the fuck she meant. “What fuckin’ virtue?”
Shame and despair blanketed her face. “You think I’m a whore too, and that Meggie’s a paragon.”
What the fuck? Christopher couldn’t fucking imagine Johnnie being so goddamn angry and vindictive that he’d humiliate Kendall in front of Bash.
“Listen up, I’ve called you a whore before cuz you pissed me the fuck off, but I was a hypocritical motherfucker cuz I was a fuckin’ whore, too.
I fucked more bitches than I can fuckin’ remember.
I ain’t got no virtue either, and neither does your motherfucker. ”
Christopher had seen Kendall at her fucking worst, so bad he’d choked the fuck out of her once or twice and would’ve danced naked under the fucking moon if he’d been able to put her to ground. Maybe he hadn’t valued her enough to notice, but in his memory, he’d never seen her so broken up.
“Kendall, baby, you worked so fuckin’ hard on yourself and I can’t fuckin’ express how fuckin’ proud I am of you.
I ain’t too fuckin’ sure why Johnnie still got a brain in his fuckin’ head since that motherfucker useless, but you either got to overlook what the fuck he says and does or let me fuckin’ kill him. ”
“He’s on Meggie’s No Kill List.”
Yeah, that motherfucker was, which made Christopher very fucking unhappy.
Even more unhappy was seeing Easton’s name added to it when Megan produced her ledger this morning.
Howfuckinever… “Megan keepin’ that motherfucker alive for you.
The minute you ain’t givin’ a good fuck if I shoot him with nine or ten different guns, he’s dead. ”
“I don’t want Johnnie to die,” she said pitifully.
“Of course fuckin’ not,” Christopher said sourly. “Tell me why the fuck that motherfucker called you a whore?”
Listening to her explanation, hearing how Johnnie insulted her to high fucking heaven, almost made Christopher find that motherfucker and shoot the fuck out of him anyway. But that would mean crossing Megan.
He snatched his cell phone from his pocket and fired off a text to Mortician.
I’m at Kendall’s office. She’s in a bad way. Can you come and talk to her? If you can’t, it’s fucking fine. I’ll think about calling Megan but me and her supposed to spend the afternoon fucking. If I got to give up that time with my woman, I might saw Johnnie’s cock off with a butter knife.
Mortician: Say less. I’ll be there in thirty.
Satisfied, Christopher shoved his phone back in his pocket. He needed to tell Kendall about the DNA test he planned to order, but he didn’t want to distress her further.
“I love Johnnie,” she started in a watery voice. “But I’m tired of not mattering to him at all. I don’t want Mattie afraid of Johnnie. I don’t want to discover Jana is his daughter and have him act like a flaming fucking jackass toward her.”
“Too fuckin’ late,” Christopher grumbled, detailing Johnnie’s meeting with Jana Sunday before last.
Her face fell.
“You not upset that you not the only one who had kids by him?”
“The old me would’ve been livid and—”
“We ain’t lookin’ at the old you, Kendall. I couldn’t stand that cunt. But lookin’ back a waste of fuckin’ time. Let’s talk about the current you. Fuck that other bitch.”
“If we don’t learn from the past, we’re bound to repeat our mistakes.”
“You already fuckin’ learned. Hard fuckin’ lessons. Reflect on them, but don’t fuckin’ dwell on them. You so much fuckin’ better than I wanted to give you credit for. You better than what Johnnie’s fuckin’ doin’ to you. I’m so fuckin’ sick of that motherfucker.”
“And that frightens me,” she said hoarsely. “When I leave him, I don’t want to take away his last line of defense.”
Christopher didn’t comment immediately. He just allowed her words to sink in.
Life was so fucking funny. All the goddamn years he would’ve performed handstands in Siberia with his fucking cock swinging if it got Kendall to leave didn’t mean a fucking thing.
He’d accepted her as his family and actually liked and cared about her.
The idea that one day, she wouldn’t be a part of their dynamic unsettled him.
“I take it Johnnie don’t know.”
“No.”
“Mort?”
“Only Roxy.”
That made sense. “When you leavin’?”
She swallowed. “When Rory turns eighteen. I-I don’t want to leave my son solely in Johnnie’s hands.”
“Rory love you. He might leave with you.”
“He loves me, but he idolizes Johnnie. He’d never come with me. I can’t put that burden on him and ask him to make that choice, but I need to serve as the buffer between my son and his father.”
“Maybe Johnnie might straighten the fuck up by then.”
“A part of me hopes so, but I know that’s just a pipe dream.
There’s nothing I want more than for my husband to look at me and remember what we had.
How we were. There’s so much between us now.
I also know if he treats a girl not responsible for her birth as Logan would have that will further alter my opinion of him. I want him to respond how you would.”
“Johnnie not me,” he told her. “In my eyes, that motherfucker was so much better. Until he wasn’t.
If you basin’ how you’ll feel for Johnnie by how you think I’ll respond, don’t.
I ain’t in this situation. My response to Jana would depend on Megan’s response to her, me, and the entire situation.
If Jana was mine and Megan told me to kill her or she’d leave, I’d kill her.
If she told me to never look at her again, I’d do that, too.
Would it be unfair? Like a motherfucker, but life ain’t fair.
I wouldn’t fuck up my marriage and piss Megan the fuck off for a girl whose ma didn’t think I had the fuckin’ right to know about her existence.
For a girl I accidentally discovered was mine.
Who the fuck knows? I might be pissed no matter how the fuck Megan responded. ”
“Weren’t you upset at Johnnie’s response?”
“I was,” he confirmed. “But I fuckin’ hate Johnnie, so it’s easy to be upset with whatever the fuck he do.”
“You don’t hate him.”
“I fuckin’ despise him,” Christopher said flatly, meaning that with every fiber of his being.
If Johnnie was killed in the next second, he wouldn’t give a fuck.
“As much as I once loved that assfuck is how the fuck much I hate him now.” She looked as if she didn’t believe him, so he revealed, “If he died, I wouldn’t give a motherfuck. I detest Johnnie.”
“But you’re protecting him.”
“For you. For Rory, Mattie, JJ, and Blade. Me? I gave up on him when he kept fuckin’ with Megan. Added to that is all his fuckery with the club.”
“You’re hurt and angry, but I don’t think you can ever truly hate him.”
“Says you. Which you don’t have to cuz I already told you that the motherfucker stayin’ alive, so shut the fuck up.”
She opened her mouth to protest but Christopher was done discussing how much he hated Johnnie.
“I ordered a fuckin’ paternity test for your motherfucker and Jana.”
“I guess owning a lab has its perks,” she said dully.
Christopher gave her a half smile. “Ima use a motherfucker Megan and Zoann know. Ain’t trustin’ Johnnie not to fuck with the results of my lab since he still CEO.”
“When is it scheduled and does Johnnie know?”
“Nope, and tomorrow evening. I’m invitin’ the family back over.”
“Why?”
“Am I doin’ the DNA?” he asked to be sure.
She nodded.
“Mainly cuz of you. If she ain’t Johnnie’s kid, you can rest easier. If she is, you can come to terms with that and don’t live your life wonderin’.”
She blinked, on the verge of tears again. “I just want to matter.”
“You matter to a bunch of motherfuckers, baby. You just want to matter to that motherfucker. I ain’t judgin’ you cuz as long as I matter to Megan, I ain’t givin’ a fuck who else care about me.”
“It’s important how my children feel about me. I’m sure you feel the same way. Meggie always extol your virtues as a father.”
“Megan see the best in me cuz that’s what she look for.
You know as much as I do as much as she do that I ain’t winnin’ father of the year.
Am I better than Johnnie? Fuck yeah, but that bar quite fuckin’ low.
Megan always on my fuckin’ ass about what I got to do if she not here.
Without her, there’s no me. Without her, I don’t want to be fuckin’ here and I don’t care who the fuck I leave behind.
I know who the fuck I am. Johnnie don’t.
He can’t ever fuckin’ change if he not aware of who the fuck he is in the first fuckin’ place.
I’ve tried to be the father Megan see me as.
I thought I was, then she collapsed.” Clenching his jaw, he glanced away and shrugged. “We all know what the fuck happened.”
“You love Meggie. You love your children and your family. Johnnie only loves himself.”