Chapter Twenty – Diesel #2
Rebel shoved Kaia’s hand down. “Fuck love! Does this motherfucker even like you? He’s letting you put your feelings on your fucking sleeve and all the fuck he can say is thank you?”
Jana started to cry again.
“Uh, I hate to say this,” Mattie started, “and worsen the situation, but, uh, Rebel’s right.”
“No one has ever loved me before though,” Jana said. “I have enough love for me and Diesel.”
Rebel threw him a putrid look. “Are you fucking ashamed yet?”
“Not in the fucking least.”
“Of course you aren’t,” she said with sarcasm.
“We’re sister and brother, so it’s none of your fucking business,” Diesel snapped.
“You’re losing your fucking mind, Diesel,” CJ told him. “Shut the fuck up.”
“Losing my mind? I’ve already fucking lost it.
Do you know why?” He pointed at Rebel. “Because she is a fucking nosy, unfiltered, spoiled brat. She can’t ever shut the fuck up and leave me in peace.
Allow me just a shred of fucking happiness.
Is this the fucking burden I have to carry as punishment for believing my mother deserted me? ”
“What are you talking about?” CJ asked in confusion.
“Oh, you haven’t heard, little brother?” Diesel asked, angry with the fucking world.
Still furious with Jana for using drugs.
Enraged that Rebel was Rebel. That Kaia was still alive.
Hating himself for feeling like his father because of Rebel.
“My father beat my mother so bad he left her brain damaged. Do you know what else?” He laughed wildly.
“She gave birth to me when she was fifteen because he knocked her up at fourteen.”
He stared at Rebel, truly despising her, wanting to throw up. Scream. Get high himself and forget everything.
“Diesel?” Aunt Meggie’s voice traveled up the main staircase. “Come here, son.”
“No!”
“If you make me come up there, you will be sorry.”
“I’m not fifteen, Aunt Meggie!”
“Your body isn’t. Your brain is. Now, get down here. I’m counting to three. One…”
Incredulous that she had the fucking audacity to actually do a fucking countdown, he stormed down the staircase, aware of CJ hot on his heels. Aunt Meggie stood at the bottom, still in her robe.
Even though he charged toward her, she stood her ground, not flinching.
“What do you want?” he snarled, right in her face.
“Step the fuck back, Diesel,” CJ barked, trying to jerk him away.
Aunt Meggie shook her head at CJ, then looked at Diesel. “Come with me, son,” she said gently.
“You don’t fucking know—”
“I heard every word. It was hard not to with the way Rebel went ballistic and Jana was sobbing.” She nodded to the archway. “Come on.”
“I want to come,” CJ said.
“If it’s okay with your brother,” Aunt Meggie said, lifting a brow at Diesel.
“It doesn’t matter,” he told her.
She turned on her heel, leading them to her office and closing the door before nodding to her sofa. “Sit, Diesel.”
When he complied, she sat directly in front of him on the coffee table. “Tell me what happened when you saw your father.”
“My mom never left me on purpose,” he whispered. “She doesn’t remember I exist.”
Aunt Meggie took his face between her hands. “Tell me,” she coaxed gently.
Diesel’s nostrils flared. It dawned on him that he’d called Theresa Rivers his mom. “Aunt Meggie…I didn’t mean…you’re my mom.”
“So is she, love. She was your mom first. I’m just lucky enough to share that title with her.”
“Who is lucky to have me? What kind of a son was I that I believed the fucking worst about her? All she ever did was love me and I couldn’t give her the grace she deserved.”
“Tell me what happened,” she said again.
“Jana never asked what was wrong with me,” he said harshly. “Neither did Tabitha.”
“I’m sure Rebel did,” she said.
“When doesn’t she ever shut the fuck up?
She stays in my fucking head because she always opens her fucking mouth.
I had a little bit of peace yesterday until that brat came to my room and interrupted my time with Jana.
” Diesel tried to jerk away from her, but she held his face tighter.
“I’m just like him. I fucking hate him so fucking much.
I want to beat him again. Strangle him again. "
Aunt Meggie lifted a brow, so Diesel told her what happened when he went to Brookings and found the courage to knock on his father’s door.
He was vaguely aware of CJ’s hand on his shoulder as Aunt Meggie hugged him.
“It’s okay, son. You did right. He deserved exactly what he got.” She kissed his cheek. “I want you to tell Christopher everything you can remember about her, so Riley can find her.”
“I couldn’t do that to you or to her,” he said. “If that motherfucker was believable, she wouldn’t even know me.”
“You aren’t doing anything to me,” she said. “Even if she doesn’t know you, you’ll know her. Depending on her circumstances, we can set up an anonymous trust for her.”
He swallowed, unable to think of anything to say except, “You’d do that for me?”
“I don’t think you will be happy with this life until you resolve that life.”
“I’m so sorry, Aunt Meggie.”
“If you’re apologizing because of that open wound, there’s no need.
If you’re apologizing for Rebel…” Sighing, she got to her feet.
“When she’s older, you’re going to have a choice to make.
You’re either going to be a member of this family or you’re going to be an outcast and Rebel’s whatever.
You will have no access to any of us or all the perks of being a Caldwell.
Christopher will let you live, but you won’t be in the club anymore. ”
“Mom, I thought—”
Aunt Meggie shook her head at whatever CJ was about to remind her of, because that motherfucker always stuck his nose in everyone’s business as if he had the fucking right to.
“I’ve tried to accept the idea of Rebel and Diesel, CJ.
” She looked at Diesel again. “But you won’t behave.
You even moved Jana in here against my wishes.
You know why? Because she’s your buffer.
” Her look turned severe. “You can’t even give yourself a real chance with her. ”
“I want to marry her.”
Aunt Meggie glowered at him. “Her?”
He flushed. “Jana,” he clarified.
“Mom, I understand how you feel.” CJ’s interference irritated the fuck out of Diesel and he regretted allowing him to listen. “I swear I do, but unless you plan to disown Rebel, it won’t matter. As a matter of fact, you’ll just make her want Diesel more.”
“CJ—”
“We already lost a lot,” he interrupted Aunt Meggie. “I don’t know when Rule is coming back. Jo isn’t home yet. Do you really want to risk losing Rebel too? If she still wants Diesel when she’s eighteen—”
“You told me twenty-one, son.”
“Yeah, well, I was fucking delusional. If you would’ve seen those two… If she’s eighteen when they get together, it’s because Diesel has self-control.”
Aunt Meggie recoiled and Diesel scowled at CJ. The fuckhead pretended he didn’t see.
“I’m marrying Jana,” Diesel said quickly, wanting to throw CJ out to talk to Aunt Meggie alone.
He had so much he’d like to get off his chest about Theresa, his memories of her, and his anguish now.
Not in front of CJ, though. Either he’d brush Diesel off or hit him with some type of ‘wisdom’.
“I don’t intend to touch Rebel,” he said, sticking to the matter at hand.
“Mom—”
“Enough, CJ!” Aunt Meggie ordered. “They are brother and sister. Both of them as stubborn as Christopher. You know? Like their daddy?”
CJ gave her a disapproving look. “You said that to Rebel, didn’t you?”
“It worked,” Aunt Meggie sniffed.
“Only for a little while,” CJ argued.
“I can’t believe you’re making a case for this jackass and Rebel,” she said. “What about Kaia?”
“What about him?” CJ said irritably. “He’s kind of like Jana. She’s grateful when Diesel smiles at her and Kaia almost swoons when Rebel looks at him. Kaia is not this fuckhead.”
Diesel frowned at them.
“Oh, shut up, Diesel,” Aunt Meggie snapped. “You know I think highly of you, but you’re a jackass in this situation.”
“And a fuckhead,” CJ added because he had to be heard.
“I can do without your commentary, little brother.”
CJ ignored him and looked at Aunt Meggie again. “What about Axel? He adores Diesel. If you send him away, Ax will be crushed.”
“The thought of leaving Axel devastates me, too,” Diesel said sincerely. “I love him so much.”
“Thanks, fuckhead. You only love Axel, huh?” CJ spat.
Aunt Meggie frowned at CJ, then looked at Diesel and shook her head, aware he was about to explode.
“As hard as it is with Rule gone, I can’t imagine losing Rebel,” CJ continued. “She’d go with Diesel just to spite you and Dad. Disowning her wouldn’t matter. You know that. Please, Mom?”
“What about Jana?” she asked dubiously, once again gazing between the two of them, reducing Diesel to his fifteen-year-old self–to her son.
Bowing his head to hide his smile, he stood a little taller, eased by the realization.
“You and Diesel are being so unfair to that poor girl if you two see her as a placeholder until my daughter, your sister, is of age.”
“His adopted sister, Mom.”
“Legally adopted, CJ.”
“They don’t share blood. Is that better?”
“No!” she yelled, placing her fisted hands on her hips and looking at Diesel. “You don’t love her. That’s as plain as day.”
Her words, her inflection, horrified Diesel. “Are you fucking implying I love Rebel?” he spat.
Aunt Meggie straightened and glanced around the room. She spotted a pair of stilettos on her desk. Stalking to it, she picked up one of the shoes and threw at his head, not fucking caring that the heel could be used as a deadly fucking weapon.
He ducked as it careened his way.
“Stop playing me for a fool, Diesel Caldwell,” she ordered, lobbing the other one at him, too.