Chapter Twenty-Seven – Matilda
Standing in the doorway of the room her father was using, Mattie frowned.
Light from the hallway cast a golden glow around him as he sat on the edge of the bed, exchanging pleasantries with her.
The lone window didn’t provide the best light, especially since the room was south facing and in the shadow of trees.
“Do you need anything, Daddy?” Mattie couldn’t think beyond basic questions, afraid he’d want to talk about what happened Monday.
As long as she pretended it hadn’t happened, she was fine.
Every time she looked in the mirror, she attributed her bruises to something else. Anything else. “A snack, maybe?”
Daddy leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. Obviously, something was on his mind. He’d been gone most of the day, returning about an hour ago in a strange mood. “I’ve been summoned to emergency church,” he muttered. “Christopher is giving me no choice but to attend.”
Uncertain how to respond, Mattie nodded.
“Where’s Kendall?”
“In her office.”
“Of course she is. Searching for other ways to ruin my fucking life.”
“Uh—”
Footsteps approached behind her, and her heart sped up. She turned and watched as Rory approached the room, halting beside her. His eyes were red-rimmed as if he’d cried buckets. Before she questioned her brother, he spoke.
“Dad,” Rory croaked, “we have to leave in ten minutes if we’re walking to the club.”
“How can I show my fucking face, son?” Daddy sounded so devastated, Mattie could almost excuse him not noticing Rory’s distress. His nostrils flaring, he glanced hesitantly at Mattie. “I never meant—”
Instead of talking about her, she wanted to know Rory’s issue. However, she didn’t want to desert her father, so she asked, “Do you…do you want to talk about why you can’t show your face?”
“Thank you, sweetheart.” Daddy rubbed the back of his neck. “But, no. This is irreparable. All because Kendall—”
Annoyance settled into Rory’s face. “All because of you. If you don’t want to blame yourself and Brooks, blame Bash.”
Tense silence followed Rory’s words. Neither her father or brother noticed her trembling. Behind her, her mother’s footsteps clipped toward them.
“Rory, it’s time for you and your father to leave,” she said, stopping between Rory and Mattie. She settled a hand on Mattie’s shoulder. “I need to talk to you, darling…” Her voice trailed off and her hand tightened. “You’re shaking. Motherfucker, what have you said to Mattie now?”
“Nothing, Kendall—”
“Nothing, Momma,” Mattie said. “I was thinking about how I barely escaped.”
Daddy jumped to his feet and rushed toward her, but Momma jerked Mattie behind her.
“I’m not going to do her anything, Kendall. I swear.” He sounded tired and defeated. “Please, trust me.”
“Trust is earned, motherfucker,” she spat.
“You’ve accused me of being unfaithful. You’ve fallen apart because of Logan when you’ve professed for years you aren’t him and you don’t want to be him.
Logan would blame Mattie because that motherfucker accosted her.
You’ve given me no reason to believe you won’t do the same. ”
“I don’t fucking blame her for Wally, Jr.”
“Don’t speak that motherfucker’s name in this fucking house,” Momma spat.
“I swear I won’t hurt her.”
By the time, Momma moved to Mattie’s side and allowed Daddy to step closer to her, she felt dizzy, frozen to her spot.
“Talk to me, Mattie.”
Daddy had a full beard. Dark circles ringed his eyes and his cheekbones were more prominent from the weight he’d lost.
His comfort the other day seeped into her mind. Perhaps, that’s why she opened up about almost everything plaguing her.
“Eric and Billy…I got the weed from them.” Her nostrils flared and she lowered her gaze, unable to look into her father’s eyes any longer.
She couldn’t read his expression. “They probably laced it with something.” Which was why it came at such a high cost to her body.
She knew about the peace deal with Bash, although the memory of her fight with him also haunted her.
“I fought Wally, Jr. I wasn’t high that day, but he had wild strength.
I thought he was going to kill me. Eric and Billy threatened to kill me a lot. ”
Daddy stared at her, tipped her chin up, and studied her.
He thumbed away tears slipping from her eyes then bent and kissed her cheek.
“I’m so proud of you for your quick thinking.
You did good, sweetheart.” He kissed her other cheek.
“I wish I had killed those two motherfuckers. Their deaths were too easy.”
She still had nightmares about seeing Billy and Eric die.
Daddy grabbed her in a tight hug. Mattie held herself stiffly for a moment, images of Wally, Jr., Bash, Billy, and Eric vying for space in her head.
Memories of Wally, Wally, Jr’s son, and how he enjoyed hurting her.
But then she breathed in her father’s scent and safety, warmth, and love filled her.
She clung to him, Daddy, and sobbed, until her mother tugged her away.
“Johnnie has to get to the club, sweetheart,” Momma said in a broken voice. “It’s an emergency meeting so it must be important.”
She guided Mattie away. At Mattie’s bedroom, Momma followed her in, closed the door, and guided Mattie to her bed.
“Goddamn, I always forget how fucking pink this room is.”
The words penetrated Mattie’s brain, and she laughed through her tears.
Momma smiled and sat next to her. She settled an arm around Mattie’s shoulders, tugged her close, and kissed the top of her head.
“Mattie…My God—” She shuddered. She wrapped the other arm around Mattie and rested her cheek on top her head. “My beautiful, sweet, baby girl. What would I do without you?”
“Billy and Eric used to tell me I was getting what I deserved and what I made them do.”
Momma stiffened, recoiled and jumped to her feet. “Those motherfuckers,” she raged.
“They’re dead, Momma. Because of me. There’s no use in working yourself up over them.”
The words halted Momma, and she kneeled in front of Mattie, linking their hands.
“Matilda, sweetheart, listen to me. I was sixteen when I lost my virginity, to a fifty-year-old teacher who fucked me in exchange for a passing grade. It was in the back of his classroom on the dirty floor. For so many years, I convinced myself that I did what I had to do. I didn’t see it as a dirty fuckhead preying on a vulnerable girl.
That is exactly what the fuck those assholes did to you. ”
“I didn’t lose my virginity to them.” Mattie bowed her head in shame. “It was to Wally Bart.”
Momma leaned in and hugged her tightly. “No, no, my darling. Do not bend in defeat. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. Do you hear me?”
She heard her. It was just hard to believe. “It was rarely about…about…” She couldn’t finish. This was her mother she was talking to. She was certain Momma wouldn’t want too much information, even if Mattie was grown. “Never mind.”
“Men like those two fuckheads use sex as a weapon. It’s about control, not pleasure.”
“Wally Bart isn’t a man.”
“He’s still a motherfucker,” Momma snarled.
“If it wasn’t my fault, I wouldn’t need birth control. You wouldn’t have agreed.”
An alert beeped on Mattie’s phone, but she ignored it.
She had several different alarms. One was for a scanner to make sure she didn’t have any unknown devices listening in.
She’d put that in place months ago because of Wally, and all his threats.
Since he and his brother were friends with Ryan, she didn’t trust that they wouldn’t find a way to spy on her and try to use it against her.
Ryan knew about hacking, too. Uncle Stretch might have all types of firewalls and dedicated servers in place. However, just like Mattie could bypass them, Ryan could as well.
Another alert sounded.
“Text messages?”
Mattie nodded. “Reb and I are looking at clothes.”
Momma brushed her fingers through Mattie’s hair.
She wore contacts today, although her eyeglasses made her look so studious and elegant.
To Mattie, her mother was the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen.
She chose colors that complemented her red hair and brown eyes.
Since she’d worked from home today, she wore a simple green blouse, black skinny pants, and black flats.
Her clipped up hair allowed her pearl studs to be easily seen.
“Mattie, darling, I agreed because I don’t want you in a position to where you end up having sex, on your terms, and then are worried about a pregnancy before you’re ready.”
Mattie thought about that, then nodded. “It isn’t that I don’t want protection. I was just worried about the reason.”
“You’re so very young. I tried so hard to keep the club away from…
” She leaned back on her haunches. “From Rory. When he was a small boy. I went about it completely wrong and regret my behavior. But I knew MC life would swallow him…steal him away. Even a club like the Death Dwellers, where life is a little more valued…it doesn’t matter.
I knew eventually he wouldn’t escape it.
I was happy that the club doesn’t allow women into its ranks, but I was living in a fantasy world to believe you wouldn’t be affected by this life.
” She got to her feet and dusted off her pants.
“Going forward, please don’t hide anything from me. Especially abusive assholes.”
“I promise.”
“I have to get to the club. Will you be okay?”
“Yeah, but isn’t church happening? You won’t be allowed in.”
“Trust me, darling.” With that cryptic statement, she turned and sailed out of the room.
Mattie pondered her mother’s meaning, until another alert came through.
This one was different. It belonged to Rebel’s scanner that she’d placed yesterday during her visit.
She wasn’t sure what she was looking for or who she was suspicious of—Ryan or someone else.
But if Ryan was somehow spying on Harley, it was reasonable to assume, he was also spying on Rebel and Mattie.
At one time, he’d been deep in with the Bart brothers, formerly known as the Byrds. Suppose whatever was going on with Harley was because of them?
It was a stretch and she felt guilty for her mistrust of Ryan, but something wasn’t adding up.
Sighing, Mattie opened her phone and frowned at videos downloading. As she viewed one after the other of her and Rebel in some of their most intimate moments, a sick feeling roiled through her.
She hurried to her laptop and got to work discovering the servers connected to the cameras.
Thirty minutes later, she gasped.
Goddamn, this was so fucking bad.