Chapter Johnnie
“Hey, Mort,” Kendall said hoarsely, opening the door to find him standing on her veranda. When the bell rang and she looked at the camera, she hadn’t been surprised to see him. He always checked on her. Once he walked in, she closed the door. “How was Church?”
“Prez got shit done,” he said with a combination of relief and admiration. “He always do.”
“He does.”
“But I’m not here to talk about club business, Red. I came to check on you.”
“Do you want a drink?” she asked on the verge of tears again.
Meggie had brought Kendall to her house just as she’d promised.
Roxy came and they’d talked to her for a solid hour.
But Kendall wanted to get home and cry. Roxy insisted on escorting Kendall home.
She hadn’t left immediately. She’d even read Blade a bedtime story while Kendall took a hot shower.
Then, she just wanted to be alone, so Roxy honored those wishes and left.
Rory and JJ were still with Johnnie and Mattie texted to let her know she was with Rebel and Harley.
“A beer?” Mort asked.
“I have your favorite vodka, the really expensive brand,” she told him, “but beer is good, too. I’ll meet you in the den.”
“I don’t want to have to fuck up your man,” Mort said. “If that motherfucker get home—”
“One beer,” she coaxed. “For me?”
Shaking his head, Mortician snickered. “You saying you want that motherfucker fucked up on the down low, baby?”
“Absolutely not,” she said primly. “You and Johnnie know better than to fuck up my house with blood.”
“If I drag that motherfucker outside, you fine with that?”
She glared at him.
“One fucking beer, Kendall,” he said with irritation. “But I fucking swear if Johnnie target Bailey again because I’m your fucking friend, I’m cutting his fucking tongue out.”
“You came over, so you knew there was a chance you’d run into him.”
“He was with his motherfuckers at the club and he didn’t look interested in leaving.”
“Right,” Kendall said, calling herself a fool because she’d expected different from Johnnie after he said they’d work through everything together. “I don’t care.”
“One beer, Red,” Mort relented, gentling his tone.
A few minutes later, Kendall carried opened bottles of beer to the den, where Mortician already sat on the sofa, smoking a cigarette, and listening to music.
One of the things Kendall loved most about her friend was his love of music. She handed him his beer and sat next to him.
“Roni?” she asked, chugging half her beer.
“I used to play that for Bailey all the time,” he said, plumes of smoke rising around him. He gulped from his own bottle. “I didn’t come to talk about my fucking problems, though. I came to check on you.”
She drank again. “Was Christopher… Outlaw… him…really mad at me?”
The heat of Mortician’s gaze burned her, but she refused to look at him. “He levying a fine against Johnnie for all the damage. He understood, though. We all do. Me more than anybody. You and Potter already made peace. I think you wanted to use that bat on Johnnie.”
All Kendall heard was her daughter’s voice echoing in her head, telling her stories, sounding so alone. Johnnie hadn’t really entered her mind when she’d stormed to the club. He’d even comforted her when she needed him so bad.
She finished off the bottle, then sat it on the side table, regretting how quickly she’d downed her beer.
“No, I didn’t want to use it on Johnnie, no matter how he deserves it,” Kendall said, blinking back tears. “I was only thinking of Mattie and what she went through. How young she is. If she wanted weed, I could’ve gotten it for her.”
“Now we both know that’s not fucking true, baby. Don’t tell that blatant fucking lie. We all looked down on Prez and Meggie a little for allowing Rebel to smoke when she turned twelve or thirteen. Fuck, however old she was.”
“I didn’t!” Kendall said defensively, afraid if she admitted that everyone would take it the wrong way.
Mortician wrapped an arm around her shoulder and drew her closer. “It’s not a crime to disagree with Meggie girl.”
She settled against him and leaned her head against his chest. “I do. We’ve had many arguments over the years. You know that.”
“True that, Red,” he said, sighing. “Anyway, in hindsight, Meggie keep an open line of communication with her kids because she don’t shy away from shit with them or judge them when they talk to her.”
“Johnnie and I were working so well. I tried my best to follow his lead, even with the kids. He wanted us, our family, so I trusted him. It wasn’t until Rebel started acting up that I noticed how Johnnie treated Mattie. Is that bad?”
“Don’t beat yourself up. Boys hard enough to fucking raise, but being a girl parent takes special care.
I try to teach my sons to always respect women and to stand up for their beliefs.
I try to show them that a motherfucker got as much responsibility in a marriage and raising children as a woman.
With Harley, I wanted her to see how a man supposed to treat a woman.
I tried to show her that I would always be there to pick her up when she fall and to fuck up any motherfucker who hurt her.
I wanted to put the word out to any motherfucker who wanted a chance with her”
“Unfortunately, the motherfucker you told that to was the one she hurt the most,” Kendall said. “The one who is such a sweet kid.”
“I regret that so fucking much. I still blame myself and wonder if I’d shut the fuck up would CJ have been more willing to work things out with her.”
“I doubt it. Our nephew isn’t a pushover,” Kendall said. “He’s much more patient than his father, but when it comes right down to it, he’ll stand up for himself.”
“I love that kid so much.”
Kendall nodded. “Me, too. You love all the kids.”
“Not all the kids,” Mort grumbled. “I can think of one I don’t ever have to fucking talk to.”
“Ryan?”
“I plead the 5th, baby.” He removed his arm from around her, so Kendall sat up and he stood. “I got to get the fuck. Johnnie another motherfucker I don’t ever want to talk to again in fucking life.”
“Why do you keep your hair queued nowadays?” she asked, totally relating to Mortician’s comment right now. Until Johnnie acted like he had fucking sense and gave her more false hope. “You look so sexy when your dreads are flowing around you.”
Mortician smiled. “Flattery can open a lot of fucking doors.”
She lowered her lashes. “Is it working on you?”
Shaking his head, he sat next to her again and presented his back to her. “Take the fucking hair tie out.”
Kendall quickly tugged it down, then combed her fingers through his hair and arranged his dreadlocks in her favorite style.
He even turned toward her and stayed still while she draped his hair around his shoulders.
He’d cut his dreads completely off some years ago.
Otherwise, they would’ve been so much longer.
“There’s my Mort,” she said once she was done. “How about I give you a massage?”
“Kendall, exactly what you trying to do, baby? Have Johnnie find us together to make him jealous? To have me fuck him up? Or for us to sleep together?”
All good questions that stole Kendall’s momentary peace. She really didn’t know what she wanted. “I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts. When Roxy was here earlier, I just wanted a chance to think.”
“What are your thoughts telling you now?” he asked gently.
“A bunch of things.”
“Are they saying to hurt yourself?”
Kendall shook her head. “I could never do that to my children.”
“I know how much you love your kids. They would be so fucking lost without you.”
“If not for them, I might just throw in the fucking towel.”
“Your children your priority, but Roxanne and Meggie would be heartbroken. Know who else? Me. I would be so fucking devastated if I lost you.”
Kendall wasn’t sure how to respond to the intensity in his voice or on his face.
She knew what she wanted to do, but she also knew she’d be crossing so many lines.
“Maybe you and Johnnie should wife swap. Him and Bailey could live in fucking misery for a week or two and you and I could live in bliss and harmony.”
Mortician laughed. “I never know what the fuck you going to say, Red.”
“You didn’t say you’re opposed to the idea.”
“You saying that because you want us to fuck, which would solve nothing.”
“I disagree.”
Smiling gently, Mort took her hand in his. “We just fucking had this conversation a few days ago. You always been so fucking stubborn, though, wanting what you want. It was what drove Prez so fucking crazy.”
Kendall tugged her hand away. “I’m sorry. Roxy would hate me if she knew.”
“She could never hate you, Kendall. And you got more of a chance to make me forget my fucking wedding vows than any other woman. But you love Johnnie and I love Bailey. We both hurt and I don’t know if we really attracted to each other or if we just familiar and safe.”
“Maybe both?”
“Maybe, baby.” He studied her mouth. “I never let myself think about when we first met.”
When he’d undressed her to check her for microphones.
“Never?”
“That’s disrespect to the highest fucking degree,” he said.
“Not only to you, but to Bailey. That woman broke my goddamn heart because I love the fuck out of her. If she got fucking sense anytime soon and was willing to work on our marriage, I would go back to her. Even if you and me slept together. The last fucking thing I ever want to do is hurt you like that. What kind of a motherfucker would I be to take advantage of you when I’ve spent almost half my goddamn life protecting you? ”
He had. That’s why she loved him so much. “I understand. I guess you think I’m a hypocrite for going after Symphony and now pressing you for the same thing.”