Chapter - Jana
After walking outside with his brother, Grant and CJ, Kaia decided to hang around. As long as he steered clear of Diesel and his friends, he enjoyed himself and the attention from the girls, especially Fia, who’d slipped her number in his pocket during one of their dances.
He didn’t intend to call her. If Rebel found out, she wouldn’t forgive him this time. Yet just knowing Fia’s number was in his pocket tempted him. If only Rebel had taken him up on his offer.
In hindsight, he realized he’d been pressuring her. Was it so bad that he wanted to spend hours kissing her?
And more.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t ready for more. He was, specifically tonight when those girls—Fia—had grinded all over him, wearing next to nothing.
Standing outside with alcohol buzzing in his veins and lust percolating in his balls, the idea of returning to his room alone and rubbing one or three out while dreaming of a girl he couldn’t have right now wasn’t the least bit appealing.
As much as he didn’t want to betray Rebel, he wanted relief that only a girl could give to him.
He was already walking a fine line, though. If he fucked Fia, he had to make sure she kept her fucking mouth shut. Because, though the beer and tequila shots had lowered his guard, the idea of Rebel’s anger and hurt seeped into his brain and wilted his hard cock.
Scowling, he lit a cigarette, flip-flopping between pleasing himself—which a kid Rebel’s age couldn’t do—and behaving and waiting until that kid was of age.
“Heading home?”
Ryan’s voice startled him and he glanced in the direction it had come, toward the parking garage.
Kaia turned and watched as Ryan closed the distance between them.
He was dressed in jeans and a Polo shirt but Kaia preferred his black wide legged pants with a matching blazer that had a red rose on each side, which made his red cashmere sweater all the more outstanding.
He’d purchased this outfit himself from his first paycheck he received from Meggie.
Ryan wore black boots, but Kaia thought his red patent leather lace-up Oxfords matched his outfit better.
“We can walk the trail together,” Ryan offered.
“Maybe.” Kaia flicked ashes away from his cigarette. “I’m thinking of staying,” he admitted, wondering if he was oversharing.
Ryan was persona non grata because of his fucked-up behavior, but they kept him on the fridges of their group on his mother’s behalf. The family had a dynamic Kaia would never understand. They frequently fought, sometimes physically, but when it counted the most, they stood together.
“Fia?” Ryan asked once he lit his own cigarette.
“Excuse me?”
“You’re staying for Fia,” Ryan guessed. “She’s been dogging your steps all evening.”
Kaia pursed his lips, absently dragged on his cigarette, and flicked more ashes. “Do you think Rebel noticed?”
“Probably not.”
“She is gorgeous,” Kaia said with a wistful smile. “She probably thinks…” No one would ever cheat on her died on his lips.
“A motherfucker wouldn’t fuck another chick if she was going steady with him?” Ryan supplied.
Playing dumb, Kaia didn’t answer.
“It isn’t that.”
Kaia begged to differ. Rebel loved herself, but Ryan sounded so confident, he had to ask, “Then what is it?”
“Trust, dickhead. She trusts you. She grew up watching women surround Uncle Christopher and Aunt Meggie never once doubted his faithfulness. It was only recently that it was called into question.”
Guilt squeezed into Kaia, and he winced. “Are you sure she trusts me? She constantly says CJ and Outlaw set her up to meet me.”
“She knows her father and brothers, Kaia. They did set her up. That goes back to Uncle Christopher and Aunt Meggie, too. He is notorious for manipulating situations so they come out the way he wants them. Rebel can trust you in one way, but not in another. In the scheme of things, keeping your cock in your pants is much more important to her. That other shit can be worked out. That couldn’t. Especially if you fuck Fia again.”
“Should I…?” Flushing, Kaia flicked his cigarette away. “Rebel’s on birth control.” He felt so unfair even thinking that because it meant pressuring her for sex. “I can take her on a date and…should I sleep with Rebel instead?”
Ryan shrugged. “If you’re tired of living.”
He absolutely wasn’t tired of living. He loved life, but he enjoyed sex, too.
Fuck, he probably shouldn’t have drank as much as he had. Alcohol always made him horny, which brought him right back to the Rebel dilemma.
“I’ve never gone steady with a girl that I can’t fuck.”
“Yeah, dickhead, then you shouldn’t have agreed to go steady with a fucking fourteen-year-old on a tight leash.” Ryan rolled his eyes. “That’s common sense.”
“I couldn’t risk losing her.” Besides that wasn’t quite how it all happened. But he’d gotten caught up in her beauty and was drowning in guilt after the first time he’d slept with Fia.
“I get that. My cousin is already a knockout and hell-on-wheels. I can see how you fell for her.”
“I like her a lot, but I’m not sure how deep my feelings…”
Ryan lifted his brow and more guilt poured into Kaia. He didn’t know how to explain himself and his meaning was coming out all wrong.
“I mean…suppose I wait for however long, and she doesn’t like sex or we aren’t compatible in bed. She doesn’t please me. She doesn’t suck dick or like her pussy licked. She doesn’t like the smell of sex or the sounds. What then?”
“Let me ask you this, beta boy. Do you like Rebel or do you like the idea of her?”
“What the fuck’s a beta boy?” Kaia asked, evading the question, since he didn’t have an answer.
He enjoyed her company, but he was so enamored that a girl like her found him funny, intelligent, and handsome, he’d never considered much beyond that.
This was also his first real club party.
He hadn’t hung around for Nyx’s initiation, but tonight, girl after girl approached him for no-strings attached sex.
To keep him company. To dance with him. He’d never experienced anything like it, where he had his pick of women, alcohol, and blunts.
He realized Ryan hadn’t answered him. “Are you insulting me?”
“You’re the epitome of a beta, cuck,” Ryan replied. “Once I would’ve been insulting you. Now, it’s just one of my terms of endearment.”
“They don’t feel very endearing, especially when you call me a cuck. Which I’m not.”
“Do you prefer incel?”
“I’m voluntarily celibate, so fuck no,” Kaia snapped.
“Oh-ho,” Ryan chortled, wagging a finger at him. “I think you know what a beta boy is, but it hits too close to home, so you claim ignorance. That, or you’re dodging my question.”
“I like Rebel,” Kaia responded. What the fuck else was he supposed to say? He couldn’t properly sort through his feelings while Fia’s promises of sucking his cock dry floated in his brain. “She is very special to me.”
Very true, especially when he was sober and sated.
“I’m not standing out here all night, holding your hand, fuckhead,” Ryan said.
“You have to make the choice yourself.” He started to walk away, then stopped and turned.
“Just remember, Rebel doesn’t deserve you fucking over her.
You were specifically chosen to do one fucking job.
You complicated it. Don’t hurt her. She’s been through enough. ”
“Part of which you’re responsible for,” Kaia reminded him, his tone sharp. Him and the alcohol wouldn’t allow Ryan to lay all the blame at Kaia’s feet.
“I am,” Ryan said. “I regret that so fucking much. None of my cousins deserved…fuck, never mind. When all’s said and done, it doesn’t matter what the fuck I did. It doesn’t give you, or anyone else, the right to pile onto the bullshit.”
“I don’t intend to hurt her.”
“Best laid intentions of mice and motherfuckers. Remember that.”
“It’s mice and men,” Kaia slurred. “And their intentions often go awry.”
“Exactly. Mice, men, or motherfuckers.”
Kaia shifted his weight, his balls heavy and achy. “If I fuck Fia, will you tell?”
“We just established I’ve done enough, so no, but I can guarantee that bitch will.”
“Suppose I give her one band to buy her silence?”
Smirking, Ryan whistled and shook his head. “Using the money Aunt Meggie pays you to fuck over her daughter. Nice, bro.”
“How big of a deal will this be?” Kaia slid his fingers through his hair. “Honestly, the girls I’ve dealt with see me as a toy. They pay for cock and for me to listen. A lot of them don’t even care if I get extra pussy on the side. They don’t see me as a catch.”
Ryan glanced over his shoulder, then looked at Kaia and sighed. “Do you know how CJ got to be so good at football?”
“By working his ass off and studying the game.”
“Studying you,” Ryan amended. “You were so fucking good. Your injury redirected your life, but it doesn’t have to ruin it. Aunt Meggie has given you this opportunity. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and use it.”
“I’ll try,” he mumbled. “But for my more immediate problem—”
“Aunt Meggie won’t have you killed as long as you and Rebel don’t break up because of another girl.”
“I don’t want to break up with her.”
“Then you want to die. First, you were flirting with Jana, now you’re about to fuck Fia. Either you’re tired of living or tired of Rebel.”
“So, I should just jerk off for the next…however long I have to wait for Rebel?”
“First, cuck? TMI. Second, yeah. Or build up Diesel.”
Kaia would yank his own tongue out first.
“Remind her how important he is to her and that she should try to rebuild her relationship with him.”
“Fuck Diesel,” he blared, frowning. “Why would I want to do that? She’ll think she’s in love with him again.”
“Exactly. Even Rebel couldn’t fault you for breaking up with her while she pines for Diesel.”
“I don’t want to break up with her,” he reiterated.
“You just want to cheat on her and hurt the fuck out of her. Your priorities are so fucked up.”
“Haven’t you fucked Fia?” Kaia demanded. “You know why I want pussy from her.”