Chapter 15 – Christopher #2
“I’ll ignore your noted subject change,” Rebel said morosely. “I guess I am gross wanting to know if you’d think a girl was weird if she touched herself and it was filmed. Or if she walked around her room without clothes instead of dressing in the bathroom.”
Christopher blushed to the bottom of his fucking feet and he covered his face.
Embarrassment threatened to incinerate him.
This was fucking karma in the worst motherfucking way.
All the girls he’d ogled as they walked around without clothes or encouraged to touch their…
their…private parts taunted him and he almost burst into tears.
“I thought Diesel was jealous of Kaia but maybe he lured me into the natatorium because he just thinks I’m worthless after he found out about the videos.”
Christopher blinked. Allowed the words to sink in. Dropped his hands and stiffened.
Rebel started to sob. Unable to do anything else, Christopher pushed the ashtray behind him, wrapped an arm around her shoulder and hugged her. She leaned her head against his chest and cried.
“Why’d he do that to me, Daddy? I trusted him.”
Although the ‘he’ could’ve been Ryan, Christopher suspected she meant Diesel. He couldn’t hold onto his anger when she was so devastated, and he just wanted to comfort his daughter.
If one of his boys had been recorded doing whatever, he’d tell them not to think twice about it. They were in private, doing whatever. He’d say their bodies weren’t shameful.
Rebel needed to hear the same from him. Somehow.
Between Rule targeting her for the very same reason Christopher had been so annoyed with her—growing up—and Ryan using her private moments for his own benefit, she was spiraling.
Suddenly, he was so fucking grateful to Megan.
He was proud of her and loved her so much for being such a good ma.
“How Diesel lured you in the natatorium?” Christopher asked, to get his bearings and figure out what he needed to say to Rebel.
“He told me I needed to get over my fear and get back in the pool,” she said, still so brokenhearted as she gave a play-by-play of what that motherfucker did. “He doesn’t even understand why I hate him so much now.”
“Sometimes, forgivin’ a motherfucker more helpful than holdin’ onto fuckin’ hate,” Christopher said.
Rebel lifted her head from his chest and looked at him. “Remember that the next time you see Uncle Johnnie.”
He smiled. “Exceptions exist, baby.”
“Not for lowdown traitors and psycho fuckheads.”
Christopher nodded. “I hope I ain’t about to confuse you, Rebel,” he told her. “Bein’ a girl dad so fuckin’ hard. All I wanna do is hide you from the fuckin’ world. Your ma would fuckin’ kill me.”
“I’d help her,” Rebel declared.
“Axel would, too.”
They exchanged a glance and snickered.
“Say what you have to say, Daddy. I’m listening.”
“Answer this first. If you want Diesel when you turn eighteen and I refuse to give my blessing, would you run away with him?”
“I’m not fit to go on the run.”
He didn’t agree, but he’d accept that answer.
“Let me explain since you don’t seem to agree.”
“I ain’t said that.”
“I saw it on your face.”
“I’m listening,” he told her, prouder than he’d admit that she was so perceptive.
“Going on the run means roughing it. Our accounts probably would be frozen because we left under those circumstances. We’d have to fly under the radar, which means Diesel couldn’t get a decent job.
We’d live in ratty motels with hard mattresses and threadbare sheets, eat cheap food, not have manis and pedis, couldn’t buy new clothes.
It would be horrendous. You and Momma didn’t spoil me for my entire life just so I could end living a hard, depressing existence. ”
Christopher didn’t know what to say to that.
“Besides, Daddy, I’d never hurt Momma, you, or my brothers that way. Leaving under those circumstances isn’t on my radar. It would also mean choosing. Him or you all. If I wanted to reconnect, I’d have to walk away from him to save his life. Is love really worth that?”
“Real, true love is,” he told her quietly.
“I know,” she said, sighing. “I know it was just puppy love.”
“You so fuckin’ young, Reb. Not even sixteen—”
“For what it’s worth, CJ is the one who keeps pushing the Diesel narrative with me or so I have been informed.
I don’t know what that boy is thinking. Diesel is trying to have a future with Jana and I sincerely like Kaia.
Am I a little jealous over Diesel and Jana?
Sometimes, but not as much as before. CJ, though, won’t let it go.
He’s determined to control the situation and just sees Kaia and Jana as fill-ins until he thinks Diesel and me can be together. ”
“Ima talk to him.”
“To say what? I get why he’s doing it. Almost losing your life because of crazy motherfuckers makes you feel completely out-of-control.
CJ’s badass just like you, so he’ll be fine, but he just wants something to go his way.
Manipulating my life is easiest because he knows you’ll co-sign in some way and the rest of the boys will help. ”
“You see a lot. More than I give you credit for.”
“Your ability to read a room, people, always amazed me,” she said softly. “Those three little fuckheads left me little choice, but I started assessing situations to be like you, Daddy.”
He hugged her again. “I’m so fuckin’ proud of you.”
This time, Rebel wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. “I’m proud to call you my daddy.”
Christopher’s heart melted, and all the sweet memories of him and his baby girl through the years rushed through him.
“About Diesel…Ryan…the natatorium…”
“That motherfucker deserve a fuckin’ beatdown for what the fuck he did. Diesel ain’t had no fuckin’ excuse for that shit. Normally, I ain’t givin’ a good fuck. I just hand out punishments, but you been through enough. If you ain’t wantin’ me to beat him, I won’t.”
“I don’t,” she said immediately.
Disappointment surged into Christopher but he’d keep his word.
“Next, it don’t fuckin’ matter what the fuck you doin’ in your own bedroom even that, this your private sanctuary.
The female form, uh, a human body nothin’ to be ashamed of.
Some, uh, bod…uh…form…uh…shapes…uh…all of them…
uh…” He heaved in a breath, embarrassed all over again, and scrubbed a hand over his face.
“You a girl. Not a grown girl, but still a girl. I saw you when you was born. Your ma ain’t got you a sex change,” he rambled.
“Uh, she ain’t said she did, so you still got a…
a, uh, vagina,” he whispered, sweat popping from him.
“And, uh, uh, uh…uh, you know, don’t be ashamed you got one.
Even if a thousand motherfuckers see it…
” Realizing what he said made him squint.
“Uh, don’t let a thousand motherfuckers see your it…
your there…Not willingly…uh, yeah, even if they do, I can kill them and blind them.
Blind them and kill them. Not Ryan cuz of your Aunt Bitsy.
But…” He rubbed his hand over his sweaty brow.
“Don’t be ashamed of yourself. You’re so gorgeous.
Even if you was ass ugly, don’t let no motherfucker make you ashamed of yourself.
And…and…and…whatever the fuck you did not gross.
It’s just fuckin’ life. Don’t ever let no motherfucker shame you or bring you to your fuckin’ knees.
You a fighter, baby. You as fierce as your ma.
More than that, you just like me. You take that shit to the fuckin’ grave.
Hear me, Rebel? Hold your head up and stand tall cuz not a motherfucker around can bring you down without your fuckin’ help.
Don’t ever give a motherfucker that satisfaction or that control. ”
“Okay, Daddy,” Rebel said, sitting a little taller, her demeaner changing. “I’ve forgiven Ryan.” She told him about the conversation she had with that fuckhead and Devon not long after the girls exposed Ryan.
“You been through a lot, but I’m so fuckin’ proud of you.”
Rebel smiled. “I’m proud of you, too, and I love you so much.”
Christopher left with those words ringing in his ears.