Chapter 17 – Meggie #2
“Partially. But I’m also doing it for you.
It seems important to you to get a degree.
I’m not equipped to help you through your emotional trauma.
You, yourself, are very young. Still a young adult.
It’s hard for fully grown men to settle down with one girl.
You need to find yourself before you can be any good to anyone else.
Maybe you don’t ever want to settle down.
Or, maybe, you’ll welcome a wife and kids after you play the field a little while.
One thing I’m not doing is subjecting my daughter to the pain of you growing up. Our life is hard enough.”
“It seems like a very charmed existence.”
“A glossy apple is very tempting on the outside, but inside you might find a very rotten core.”
Kaia widened his eyes.
“Rebel and I live in a world dominated by men. We’re in a fishbowl because we belong to Christopher.
Our every move, every word, is discussed.
Even though Rebel was born into club life and I’ve lived it since I was eighteen, it’s hard.
She wants to do things in the club that her gender will never allow.
She wants to be treated equally to her brothers.
As much as I fight for her, even I know that won’t ever happen.
I try my best, but I don’t always make the right decisions.
” She thought about those hideous journals.
“The Death Dweller culture bleeds from one generation to the next with little variation, no matter how much we try to alter the outcome. Christopher and I, our family, found ways to give our children options, an out, a life that my husband only dreamed about growing up. But it’s a delicate balance and a constant battle, so no, it isn’t a charmed existence.
It’s an illusion created by Christopher and me to hide the reality.
Rebel has everything her daddy and I could give to her: our love, acceptance, money, beauty.
She no longer feels safe and secure. She no longer has her twin.
This life did that to her. I help whoever I can because I truly believe it’s the right thing to do.
But I also am trying to bribe God to keep my husband and my sons safe.
I’m currying favor so Rebel can find peace again and happiness.
I’m repaying yet another debt because Jo survived.
Is it right? Absolutely not. Do I pray? Regularly.
But I lost my father, my mother, my son, and my brother to this life. ”
“Rule is coming home,” Kaia said quietly.
“Not him. Patrick. I miscarried him after a severe beating and my pregnancies were never the same again.”
“I didn’t know.”
Meggie shrugged, once again longing for the safety of her husband’s arms.
“If I don’t accept your offer, will you fire me?”
“I don’t know, Kaia,” Meggie said, sighing, regretting not hiring a stranger to fill Kaia’s position. Or at least a mere acquaintance.
Maybe if she’d hired Gypsy, she would’ve still been alive.
Of course, that would’ve been another problem because of her and Diesel’s history.
Since Derby was still a jackass, although a devastated and grieving one, Gypsy would’ve probably targeted Diesel again.
Who knew how that idiot would’ve responded.
“Would you prefer Rebel with me or Diesel?”
Meggie gave him a sardonic smile. “That’s like asking me if I want to put my daughter in the path of a lion or a shark. Neither option is prudent or safe.”
Kaia beamed at her. “You called me a lion.”
Meggie couldn’t help but laugh. Kaia really did have the maturity of a fifteen-year-old. “That’s what you got out of that statement?”
“Diesel’s a little vicious.”
“Diesel’s a lot vicious. I suggest you don’t cross him.”
“He has Jana.”
“He wants Rebel.”
“You’re okay with that?”
Meggie threw him an exasperated look. “You’re here, aren’t you?”
“Oh.” He thought for a moment and then gasped. “Ohhhhhhh. You chose me to…ohhhhhhh. You thought I was good enough for Rebel.” He sounded truly shocked before he frowned. “Ohhhhhh! Fuck. That’s why you’re so mad at me.”
Meggie drummed her fingers on the counter, allowing Kaia to work it all out.
When he did, he grinned and sat a little taller. “Thank you. Truly. From the bottom of my heart. Truly. I’m so honored.”
Another idea came to Meggie. It was dirty and cutthroat.
Unless Fia died, that girl would never stop trying to hurt Rebel by using Kaia.
Maybe she did like him, but he was also a means to an end.
“You can always apply to the schools you’d been eyeing.
There are application deadlines. Even if you’re accepted, it doesn’t mean you have to attend.
However, talk to Rebel. See what she has to say and then decide. ”
She was almost certain Rebel would want Kaia to take the opportunity Meggie offered. She slid to her feet and indicated he stand with a wave of her hand.
“I’m going to check on Axel and Rebel, then I’m turning in. You should probably do the same. I’m calling Father Wilkins as soon as the sun rises to ask which day is better to visit Rule. Today or tomorrow. Either way, we have an early start. The car service will be here for ten.”
“I thought I was the chauffeur.”
“I want you to witness the traffic as a passenger before I throw you into that particular fire.”
“I like that idea.”
“It wouldn’t matter if you hated it, that’s my final decision.”
He smiled. “Okay.”
Kaia and Axel were in Lou and Kaleb’s shared room.
Meggie gave a short knock, then opened the door, startled to see him sitting on the edge of his bed.
“Sorry for the intrusion,” she said. “I thought you were still downstairs.”
“It’s been a long two days. I’m exhausted.”
She bet he was. “Hmmmm.”
“About Fia—”
“Not another word about Fia. I’m trying to be fair, but I’m this close to telling Christopher to kill her.” Meggie held her thumb and index finger slightly apart. “Please stop bringing her up. You like her but if you like her alive, you’ll heed me.”
He nodded.
A little snore emanated from the other bed. Stepping to the side, she saw that Axel was asleep, too.
Meggie squinted. Her son’s fingers gripped the comforter so tightly, they were turning white. She swore his eyelashes fluttered.
Another snore, much louder this time.
Shaking her head, Meggie backed away until she stood in front of Kaia and placed a finger over her lips.
“Have a good night,” she said, walked to the door and closed it.
Folding her arms, she waited.
“That was close, K. The Blonde Warrior—”
“Is right here,” Meggie snapped, stalking to Axel’s bedside.
Axel’s eyes widened, then he scrambled out of bed—fully dressed—stretched his arms out in front of him and started walking. “I’m sleeping a lot,” he said in slow tones. “I don’t know I’m out of bed.”
Kaia snorted a laugh. Unable to help herself, Meggie laughed too.
“Why were you pretending to sleep, son?”
Hands still straight out, he glanced over his shoulder and opened one eye. “I’m sleepwalking, Mom. How am I faking?”
Meggie glared at him.
“Oh brother. You’re good. You get a man to confess his crimes with just a look.” He marched back to the bed and grinned at her. “You’re so pretty, Mom. Cool, too. So cool you’d never punish me cuz I need to talk to Kaia.”
“You need to talk to Kaia?” Meggie didn’t understand his reasoning. “That’s why you didn’t want me to wish you goodnight?” she asked, hoping for clarity.
Axel ran to her and hugged her. Unable not to respond, Meggie returned her son’s hug and kissed the top of his head.
Tipping his head back, he grinned. “You’re forgivable so you won’t hold a grudge and stay mad.”
“Forgiving,” Meggie corrected.
“Yeah, that.”
“You still haven’t told me why you pretended you were asleep and why you’re fully dressed.”
He glanced down at himself, then looked at Meggie again. “A wizard knocked me out. When I came to, I had my clothes on again.”
“Axel,” Meggie gritted.
“I was going to get ice cream float stuffs for me and Kaia, then see if he wanted to walk outside a little while. I forgot my robe and it’s chilly outside.”
Meggie accepted the explanation. He got into a lot of mischief, but he didn’t lie. “If Kaia doesn’t want to walk outside, you can’t go.”
“But I’m not afraid, Mom.”
“Promise me, Axel Caldwell.”
“You’re hitting me with the double name. I should probably quit while I’m in front.”
“You probably should.”
“Don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not. I just want you to be upfront with me. You don’t have to hide anything from me.”
“Okay. Mom?”
“Yes, son?”
“Can you go back to calling me Sweet Pea? That double name thing was non-necessary. It scared a man.”
“Unnecessary, and it was quite necessary.”
“So I don’t hide stuffs from you?”
“Exactly.”
“Okay, so here’s one thing. Dudes in other club got the road name Axle. If CJ wasn’t so fucking stupid, I could use my real name.”
“Most road names are spelled like a motorcycle axle is. Unlike yours. By the way, stop calling CJ names. I don’t like it.”
“It’s how I feel, Mom,” he said irritably. “And you just told a man to tell you his stuffs. Now, you’re mad at that.”
Meggie gritted her teeth.
“You want to know why I think CJ is stupid?”
“There’s no justification but tell me.”
“Cuz he don’t want you to call him ‘Potato’ cuz he always worry about other motherfuckers before he worries about himself.
Me? I stand on business. I love C, Dad, and Diesel, but those motherfuckers lost their minds.
Dad’s senile so I think he’s already forgotten his lesson.
My point is even motherfuckers I love and admire got to be punished sometimes.
That’s a basic lesson. Dad says he loves me when he beats my ass. ”
“CJ has a lot of respect—”
“Too much cuz most of those motherfuckers don’t respect him.” Anger blanketed his little face. “Rory is a first example. He’s a crybaby, hippopotamus, Uncle Johnnie-wannabe, lying, pretending, fuckface, fuckbag, motherfucker, who betrayed CJ.”
Hippopotamus? Uh… “You know the word hypocrite, don’t you?”
“Yeah, Mom. Dad’s a big one.”
Meggie heaved in a breath. “Don’t disparage your father. He’s a very brilliant man.”
Pursing his lips, Axel shrugged.
“Anyway, I think you mean hypocritical, not hippopotamus.”
“Whatever I mean, that’s what Rory is.”
“Do not retaliate.”
Axel eyed her with suspicion, then smiled again. “I’m not there to re or de? Taliate, I mean. I’m not sure which one I heard.”
“Re. We’re having your hearing checked in two weeks. The appointment is already scheduled.”
“If I’m hearing challenged, will I still be a rough rider?”
This time, Meggie smiled and kissed her son’s forehead. “You have the world at your feet, Sweet Pea. You can be anything you want to and no impairment will stop you.”
Axel hugged her. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, son.”
“Okay, so can you leave now? I got to talk to Kaia.”
“Don’t stay up too late. We have an early start tomorrow.”
“To see Rule?”
“I’m not sure yet. It depends on what Father Wilkins says.”
Rocking on his heels, Axel bit his lip and bowed his head.
“What is it, buddy?”
“I don’t want to see him.”
“You talk to him regularly. Either on the phone or with video chat.”
“That’s different. He’s there and I’m somewhere else. If I see him that means I got to leave him because he can’t come home with us.”
Meggie swallowed and hugged Axel tightly. “I won’t force you to come. You and Kaia can hang out here or you all can find something to do somewhere else.”
“Okay,” he said, his little voice hoarse.
Releasing him, Meggie headed for the door. “Good night, boys.”
“G’night,” they chorused.
Meggie closed the door, then headed to the master suite in an entirely separate wing from the kids. That was good. She’d shower, then video call her husband.