Chapter 50 – Diesel
After a delicious meal of squash and crab bisque, strawberry and romaine salad with walnut vinaigrette, butter pepper salmon topped with blueberry sauce, fingerling potatoes, and apple tart as dessert, Diesel, Jana, Uncle Christopher, and Aunt Meggie sat in the living room with Amy and Sue Reynolds.
The living room was rarely used, a dividing line between family and friends or special guests. This was the one room in the entire mansion that rivaled the Donovan décor. The fireplace was a masterpiece with luxurious drapery and a coffered ceiling.
Conversation buzzed around him. He kept a dutiful arm around Jana, feeling a little stifled by how she leaned against him and barely moved when he tried to adjust for a more comfortable position.
When Aunt Meggie picked up Gunner and excused herself after the family meeting, Uncle Christopher went behind her, leaving Diesel with Jana and the boys.
Axel engaged Jana in conversation which drew Ryder and Ransom in, but Diesel could only think about Rebel and all that he’d said. He wanted what he’d said about Jana to be true. Yet, once he spoke them and Rebel didn’t react, Diesel felt even more uneasy.
It relieved him when Uncle Christopher and Aunt Meggie returned and began discussing the details, although Diesel tuned in out of that conversation too.
Jana tugged on Diesel’s sleeve. “Our wedding date has changed, hasn’t it?”
Fighting to feel excitement, Diesel nodded. “July of next year.”
“Next summer?” Amy demanded on a gasp. “I’d never have enough time or money.”
Diesel narrowed his eyes. “You should have enough of both.” He’d just made a second deposit into the account. “As a matter of fact, the venue, the caterers, the food, fuck, everything should have deposits.”
“You and Jana never set a date,” Amy argued. “How could I make a deposit for anything?”
“Did no one discuss a date in the beginning?” Aunt Meggie asked. “I understand why that will be amended, but initially, plans should’ve been discussed.”
“I-I thought we did, Mama,” Jana said, then looked at Sue. “Weren’t you there, Dad? I found a pretty gown—”
“It’s white,” Amy said briskly. “Definitely not a color you can wear, which I told you.”
“Excuse you, this isn’t your fucking wedding,” Diesel said. “It’s Jana’s. If she wants to dress in a giraffe costume, I expect you to find that motherfucker for her.”
“It’s okay, babe,” Jana said quietly. “Mama did tell me and I-I forgot. I thought I picked out another one.”
“Your brain is fried, Jana. Of course you don’t remember the truth. You didn’t pick out anything,” Amy said with self- righteous indignation.
“Oh,” Jana whispered.
“How fuckin’ much you been depositin’ in the weddin’ account, Diesel?” Uncle Christopher asked.
Too fucking much.
“Jana, dear, your mother’s right,” Sue started. “The one white gown wasn’t right for you given your past and the cost—”
Lifting her chin, Amy cleared her throat.
“You fuckin’ sure you ain’t stealin’ my boy’s fuckin’ money or sabotagin’ your girl’s weddin’?” Uncle Christopher asked.
“Your son put me in charge of the budget,” Amy said flatly. “As Jana’s mother, I have the right to tell her if she’ll make a fool of herself. I also have the right to withhold funds if I don’t agree with her vision.”
“What is your vision of your daughter’s wedding, Amy?” Aunt Meggie said. “As opposed to hers? You know? The bride.”
“What would a girl like her need with the kind of wedding her drug-addled brain has conjured up?”
Aunt Meggie lifted a brow and Amy laughed nervously.
“I am looking out for your son, Meggie,” she said.
“She wanted custom everything. A custom-made gown. A designer cake. Tons of flowers. A sit-down dinner. A band. An open bar. This. That. The other. I almost fell off my chair when I discovered I’d pay nearly three hundred dollars per person.
Even with twenty-five guests, that’s seventy-five hundred dollars for an overpriced meal. For her.”
Jana flushed and could barely meet Diesel’s eyes. He wondered how mad she’d be if he stabbed Amy. She probably would miss that cunt since she still wanted them acknowledged as her parents.
“I think twenty-five dollars a person is more than enough.”
“Six hundred twenty-five dollars for these twenty-five people,” Aunt Meggie said.
Amy nodded. “Exactly.”
“I suggested fifty dollars a person,” Sue said. “I showed Amy a pretty dress for Jana that cost two hundred fifty dollars.”
Diesel slid forward to the end of his seat and rested his elbows on his knees. Uncle Christopher always hid Aunt Meggie’s face if she were close when he had to kill motherfuckers. He probably should send her and Jana away.
“You’d like that, right, J-Bird?” Sue asked, smiling at Jana. “You know how your mama is.”
Jana returned her father’s smile. “Yes, Dad.”
“What we need to see are receipts,” Aunt Meggie said. “I know my son has started funding that account, so if everything Jana wants is too expensive, what have you been doing with the money?”
“I didn’t say it was too expensive,” Amy gritted. “I said Jana didn’t deserve what she wanted.”
“I beg to differ,” Aunt Meggie said evenly. “That’s up to Diesel and Jana to decide. What have you done with the money?”
“I resent your implication,” Amy screeched.
“Raise your fuckin’ voice to my woman one more fuckin’ time and Ima fuckin’ kill you before Diesel can get his fuckin’ hands on you,” Uncle Christopher snapped.
Sue loosened his tie, then reached over and grabbed his wife’s hands. “Leave this to me—”
“I’m not interested in what you have to say,” Diesel said.
“Diesel, son—” Sue smiled weakly. “What’s more embarrassing? An inexpensive wedding or in-laws in debt?”
Diesel processed that information and almost exploded in rage. “Are you fucking telling me you used my money to pay your goddamn bills?”
“That isn’t a nice way of putting a very dire situation,” Amy said tightly.
Jumping to his feet, Diesel growled. Unfortunately, Uncle Christopher got to his and grabbed Diesel. “Neither your ma or that whiny cunt your wanna marry want them dead, so take a fuckin’ walk and cool off.”
Either he obeyed or he killed. Since Aunt Meggie laid down the law, he stormed out of the living room.
He intended to take a walk outside via the mudroom to cool the fuck off but a flash of golden hair caught his attention, so he redirected his steps and followed her into the rose garden, walking in just as she sat on the bench, looking so incredibly sad.
She heaved in an agitated breath. “Go away.”
“Hurting you the way I did was the last thing I wanted to do.”
“I know. It was your primary goal. Just like it was the last time and the time before that.”
“As your brother—”
“I’ll give you that. As my brother, you don’t want me hurt or making mistakes or any of the many other things you’ll come up with.”
“The alternative is—”
“That shipped sailed weeks ago.”
He took a step toward her, leery that she might throw another punch of kick or find something to lob at his head. But she didn’t, so he sat next to her and took her hand in his, kissing the back of it.
“I’m sorry,” he told her sincerely because she left him no choice. Fia and those cunts left him no choice. “I’m jealous. I can’t…I can’t imagine anyone else touching you,” he told her, and flushed, ashamed of himself but so fucking tired of fighting. “No one except me.”
“Don’t imagine anyone else then. Even if you do, it’s no longer your concern. None of me or what I do with me should matter to you that way. I had Kaia, but I don’t anymore.”
She started to cry and he put an arm around her, hugging her close.
“Don’t cry. Please? Your tears tear me up, sweetheart.”
“Are you fucking sure about that? I think they get you off since you find every way possible to make me cry.”
Instead of agreeing, he told her, “I hate Kaia. I want him dead. Gone. The thought that you might give yourself to him—”
“I don’t plan to have sex any time soon, Diesel. I’m not ready for that. If I was, I’d expect you to be the type of big brother who’d help me sneak around.”
Diesel gave her an incredulous look. “That will never fucking happen, Rebel.”
“Unless it was with you, right?”
“Rebel—”
“I wish my lessons didn’t have to be so devastating. I can’t imagine the type of bitch I was in a former life.”
Diesel laughed and she smiled at him, the kind she once gave him where she giggled and blushed at everything he said.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. For everything.”
“Don’t hurt me again the way you did.”
“I swear I won’t.”
She nodded, then turned to him and pressed her lips against his cheek.
“You’re quite the adversary,” he told her.
“Yeah, well, you’re quite the asshole.”
This time when he laughed, she giggled, and he knew she’d truly forgiven him.
“How was dinner with the in-laws?” she asked.
He shoved aside whatever he felt at her calm question. It had no enmity, no jealousy. “Dinner was delicious. I missed you.”
He pretended she wasn’t so tragically beautiful that his heart sped up.
She got to her feet. “Have a good night, brother.”
Diesel should’ve been elated that Rebel didn’t want him any longer. He had Jana. He had to protect her. Kill her fucking parents. Spoil her. He didn’t need Rebel torturing and tormenting him, in his head and turning him into something gross and pathetic.
At the door, she halted and turned to him. “Be nice to Jana, Diesel.”
“I’ll do better,” he promised.
“For her. Not me.”
“Does it matter why?”
“To be fair to her? Yes, it does.”
“Remember Julia?” he asked.
She rolled her eyes and sighed. “I know. That’s what you and Jana will name your daughter.”
“I don’t want children with Jana, Rebel.”
“That can change, but just so you know the name was mine, so I want it if I ever have a baby.”
“I thought you were afraid of pregnancy.”
“I don’t know what I am anymore,” she said.
“My Monkey Butt.”
She smiled. “Always,” she said and left Diesel alone, wishing for things he couldn’t have.