4. Mags
4
MAGS
It’s been a hectic two weeks preparing to go away. I’ve had to arrange all the staffing and deliveries for the diner which was a lot harder than I thought it would be.
Since I first opened the Loaded Hog with ex-husband number two and close friend Greg, I’ve only ever taken a few days off here and there. Knowing I’m leaving for two weeks has meant having to accept a few home truths about myself–I’m a workaholic, a little bit of a control freak, but mostly, I’m surrounded by good people who only want the best for me.
I need this break more than I ever realized. Yes, this trip is about supporting Red and Wyatt, but I’m hoping this getaway will also help remind me what it’s like to have a life outside of running the diner too.
“You think you can resist callin’ us up every hour to check in?” Greg teases from his seat across from my desk.
“I make no promises,” I reply with a grin.
He chuckles as he leans back in the chair opposite my desk. “I know how much this place means to you, Mags. We all know that. But you’ve got good staff and now it’s your chance to show them that you trust them and me to hold down the fort while you’re gone.”
“Well, it's not like I think you're goin’ to burn the place down or anythin’. You own the buildin’ too, remember?”
"I’m not about to forget that in a hurry,” he replies. “I just don’t want you stressin’ about home when you’re supposed to be takin’ a break.”
“I’ll do my best,” I say, feeling a mixture of excitement and nervousness about going away.
Greg and I didn’t work out as husband and wife, but he's still one of my closest friends and the only dad Charlie’s ever known.
I take a deep breath to calm my racing thoughts. We leave tomorrow and I still feel like there’s a bunch of stuff left to do. “Thanks, Greg. I appreciate your support.”
“You’ve got it, Mags. Always,” he says sincerely. “Now don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m kickin’ you out.”
I feign offense, clutching at my heart. "You think you know someone, then they turf you out of your own office."
He rolls his eyes. “I know you , that’s why I know you probably haven’t even packed your bags. I also know you’re draggin’ your feet because you feel guilty about goin’.”
“I do not —” His pointed stare shuts me up. I hold my hands up in the air and sigh. “OK. I’m goin’.”
"Good, because Red sent me a text message an hour ago tellin’ me to make sure you didn’t stay here all day.”
I frown. “Are you two gangin’ up on me now?”
“Hell yes, we are. And it's for your own good. You need to get out of this place and this town for a while. Maybe it’ll remind you that there’s a world outside of Spring Haven.”
“I don’t?—”
“ Mags. Sweetheart. You do. Hey. Maybe you’ll like not workin’ all hours of the day. You are fif?—”
I point my finger at him. “Don’t you dare. I’m not fifty yet. I’ve still got a few months to go, thank you very much.”
Greg’s eyes dance with amusement as he gets to his feet. “You know what I mean. Now start walkin’ or else I’ll make you leave.”
With a grateful smile, I stand up from my desk and start gathering my things. Greg opens the door, holding it open for me. “Besides, I bought reinforcements.”
My head jerks. “Who?”
“Me!” Charlie says, walking down the short hallway from the restaurant. “Hey, Dad.” She gives him a hug and kisses his cheek before jerking her head my way. “This one givin’ you trouble?”
“I’m still here, you know?” I grumble.
“We know,” they reply in unison, lips twitching. “That’s the problem.”
“Come on, Mom. Let’s get you out of here before Dad starts chargin’ you rent!” Charlie jokes, looping her arm through mine.
I play along, letting her guide me out of the diner after I say goodbye to the staff and a few of the regulars, including Starchild’s grandmother Ruth and her Sunday School Sallys friendship group.
Stopping by the front door, I shoot Greg a grin. “Look after my baby.”
“Hey!” Charlie gasps. “I thought I was your baby.”
Reaching up, I pat her shoulder. “You and the diner, Charlie Bear.”
Greg chuckles and shakes his head. “Shoo now, both of you, before I change all the locks!”
I hold my hands up. “Nope. I can’t do it. Your Dad here is stagin’ a takeover, I swear.”
"Go!" the whole diner calls out in a chorus as if they'd known this would happen. Charlie giggles, Greg looks proud as hell for getting one over me.
All I can do is sigh. “OK, y’all. I’ll be back in two weeks.”
“Have fun!” Ruth replies loudly.
“Don’t do anythin’ we would do,” Miss Frances, another one of the Sallys, adds.
“Or maybe do . It might make the trip more fun,” Miss Agnes says.
Then Charlie literally drags me out the door and onto the sidewalk. Suddenly I feel a little choked up.
“Hey,” she says. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothin’. It’s nothin’.” I quickly swipe at my face. “I guess it’s just hit me that I’m actually leavin’.”
Charlie scoffs. “It’s two weeks. It’ll fly by. Or maybe it won’t. But what you’re not goin’ to do is worry about it.”
I take a deep breath and nod. “Yeah. You’re right.”
“I am. You want to know why?” she asks. “Because I’ve got the best mom on the planet and she’s a very wise woman who taught me not to sweat the small stuff.”
“Even though you still do,” I retort.
She snickers. “Even though I still do. But it’s because I know you so well that I’ve organized somethin’ to help put your mind at ease, even for a little while.”
I stop walking and turn an arched brow her way. “What’s that?”
“Follow me.”
Five minutes later, I’m standing inside Starchild’s Happy Auras boutique on Main Street.
The air inside the boutique is a soothing mix of sandalwood and vanilla, the scents wrapping around me like a warm hug. Charlie gestures towards the rows of colorful crystals glistening in the sunlight that streams through the front windows of the shop.
"I thought we could use some good vibes before you head out on your trip," she says with a smile.
I walk over to a display of amethyst clusters, their deep purple hues catching my eye. "These are beautiful, Char. I’ve got crystals at home, though. We didn’t need to bother Star.”
"It's all about the energy, Mom. Not sure if you even realize, but all of us can tell that you’re nervous about this trip—not that I know why .”
“Not sure I know why either. It’s just feels?—”
“Big? Huge? A step into the unknown?” Star adds, appearing from behind a beaded curtain separating the shop from the back of the building.
Starchild is one of the most stylish women I know. Today her blonde hair is gathered in two long braids hanging over her shoulders and she’s wearing a purple and white long-sleeved crocheted jumper with a black henley underneath, matched with an ankle-length matching skirt.
“Why is everyone treatin’ this trip like a big event? Wy asked me to go with him and Red to drop him off for his flight to Dutch Harbor.”
“And?” Star pushes.
“Then we're catchin’ up with the rodeo in Ninilchik, going to a few places to look at Bulls for the Stud then movin’ onto Palmer for the last rodeo of the year. "
Halfway during the week, Red came for dinner at the diner and spent the night sitting on a stool at the front while I worked. It was then he asked if I'd be up for extending the trip to include a few stops. 'Let's call it the scenic route,' he said, ‘a road trip we’re both well overdue for.’
“I think it sounds awesome,” Star says. “How long’s it been since you traveled to our beautiful countryside? Years?”
“Decades,” I say, a small smile playing on my lips. “But I’m startin’ to think that y’all are conspirin’ together to make sure I get a vacation out of this trip.”
“Dammit, she’s onto our plan,” Charlie stage whispers to a now giggling Star.
“ I knew it!”
Charlie holds her hands up. “Let it be known that I’m not admittin’ anything. I just know that Wy needin’ a ride to Anchorage just happened to coincide with the end of the rodeo tour and Rhett and the others decided Red could meet with some potential clients and meet with the rodeo owner while he was in the area.”
“And?” I push.
“ And , you gettin’ a vacation with your best friend who also needs a vacation is a bonus,” my darling daughter beams.
Star chuckles. "Looks like the cat's out of the bag now, doesn't it? Don't worry we've got everything sorted here so that you can leave tomorrow and not have to worry about anythin’.”
“I’m startin’ to see that. If all of y’all have put in this much effort to give me a holiday, then who am I to say no.”
“Exactly!” Star replies. “Besides, I have a feelin’ this trip is goin’ to be just what the doctor ordered.”
I gaze around the cozy boutique, feeling a wave of gratitude wash over me. One thing is for sure. I may not have been lucky in love or romance—my three failed marriages can attest to that—but I have been blessed with good friends and family. “I don't know what I did to deserve such thoughtful women in my life."
Charlie wraps an arm around me, squeezing me. "Don't go gettin' all sentimental on us now, Ma."
I bark out a laugh. “No. We can’t have that now. I’ve got a reputation to uphold.”
Star nods in agreement, a knowing glint in her eyes. “I’m sensin’ good things, Mags. Really good things.”
Tilting my head, I study Landry’s wife. “You know somethin’, don’t you?”
“No, but I had a feelin’ you might come in and I was thinkin’ we could squeeze in a quick readin’ if you wanted one before you leave?”
I look to Char. “Do you mind?”
“Absolutely not. I’m goin’ to go home and spend some time with my lovely fiancée since I have the night off for once.” She comes up and wraps me up in her arms. “I’ll see you tomorrow mornin’.”
“Thanks, sweetheart.”
“Have fun you two,” she says as she bids us farewell and leaves the shop.
Star follows behind her, swinging the closed sign around before locking the door and turning back to me.
“I was thinkin’ we could do a crystal reading. We haven’t done one in a while, and I think your aura will give us more answers than the tarot cards at the moment. Your feelin’s are all on the surface today, so if it’s guidance you’re wantin’...”
I think back to the letter that’s still hiding between the cookbooks in my kitchen and to all the times I’ve been thinking about Anna lately, the way I’ve been feeling a little nostalgic and thinking back to the past. I know it’s all because of the trip and Wyatt growing up and leaving the nest, but it could also have a bit to do with my upcoming milestone birthday too.
If Star can help give me a clue as to why I’m feeling this way and what my future might hold, then bring it on.
“OK. Let’s see what the crystals can tell us,” I say, a mix of apprehension and excitement bubbling inside me.
Star leads me to a small round table in the corner of the shop. On it is an array of crystals scattered on a tray, each one sparkling under the soft glow of the fairy lights hanging above our heads.
I take a seat as Star sits across from me, her gaze fixed on mine. “Close your eyes and take a deep breath, Mags. I can feel the tension you’re holdin’ on to from over here,” she says, a small smile playing on her lips. I sigh because of course she’s right, and do as she says, letting the soothing smell of incense in the air fill my senses.
As I inhale deeply, I feel the weight of all my thoughts and emotions settle in my chest.
Star reaches out and takes my hands, the coolness of her touch grounding me. “I want you to think of a question. Somethin’ that’s been on your mind lately. Let it float to the surface of your thoughts,” she murmurs, her voice gentle and reassuring.
I focus on the letter tucked away in my kitchen, the memories of Anna lingering in the corners of my mind. “What does the future hold for me?” I whisper, almost afraid to voice the question out loud.
With a nod, Star begins to move her hands over the crystals, her fingers hovering over each one briefly before finally selecting a deep blue stone flecked with gold. Placing it in my palm, she closes my fingers around it. “This is a Lapis Lazuli. A stone of truth and self-discovery,” she explains softly as I feel its smooth surface against my skin. “It promotes positive energy. I think this is what you need right now.”
I open my eyes to meet her gaze, a mix of curiosity and determination swirling within me. “What do I need to discover, Star?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.
Star smiles across at me, her eyes reflecting the faint light of the crystals on the table. “The journey of self-discovery isn’t about findin’ somethin’ new but rediscoverin’ what’s already within you.”
I furrow my brow, trying to comprehend her words. ”Rediscoverin’ what?”
"The strength and resilience that have always been a part of you," she replies softly. "Life has thrown you many curveballs, Mags, but time and experience have proven over and over again that you can overcome any challenge that comes your way."
Her words stir up something long dormant in my heart. I think of the years gone by, the struggles and setbacks I’ve faced, and yet here I am, still standing strong. “You think I’m stronger than I realize?”
“I know you are,” Star asserts with unwavering confidence. “You’re also generous and kind, and always puttin’ others before yourself. But it’s time you start prioritizin’ your own happiness.”
I take a moment to absorb her advice, the truth in them ringing loud and clear. “How do I do that? How do I put myself first? I’m almost fifty ,” I whisper. “My life is half over already.”
She shakes her head. “Life is what you make of it. But I’m thinkin’ you’re enterin’ a time when you can start thinkin’ about yourself and what you want. The first step is not thinkin’ your life is half over and believin’ that it’s just beginnin’,” she says. “It starts with listenin’ to your own heart and honorin’ your own needs and desires. You’ve spent so much of your life takin’ care of others, it’s time you start takin’ care of yourself too.”
The weight of her words settles on my shoulders. Could it really be that simple? To just… focus on myself for once?
As if reading my thoughts, Star reaches out and squeezes my hand. “This trip is your chance to test the waters, Mags. I know you’re nervous about leavin’ but believe me, everythin’s goin’ to work out.” She pauses for a moment, closing her eyes and taking a slow deep breath in before exhaling again. “You’re also runnin’ away from somethin’…” She shakes her head. “No, it’s not that. Maybe avoidin’ somethin’?”
A gasp escapes me before I can stop myself. “How do you know?”
She pulls her hand back from mine as a slow-growing smile curves her lips. "Because as soon as I said that, you relaxed.”
My eyes bug out of my head as I silently study her. "You're sneaky."
Star shrugs. “I have gifts, but sometimes just watchin’ people can give you just as many answers as that stone there.”
That gets a startled laugh out of me. “You’re one of a kind, Star.”
“I am. But guess what, Mags? So are you. Don’t let the life you’ve lived before now hold you back. You never know what the universe might have planned for you.”
“You sayin’ there’s a fourth husband lookin' for me out there somewhere? Cause I'm sorry to tell you, it ain’t goin’ to happen. I’m happy with my lot and what I’ve got.”
“And what I’m tellin’ you , Mags, is you need to keep your eyes open. You never know when the universe might have a curveball of its own headed your way.”
I may have wanted some guidance from Star, but as I slowly make my way home to pack for the trip, I realize she’s given me more questions than answers.
All I can hope now is that this trip away will help me start answering them.