Chapter 37
CHAPTER 37
ELLE
S leep hadn’t come easy, and I wasn’t even sure when I’d allowed myself to drift off into sleep. It was the first time in a week I’d spent this much time away from Griff, and it felt strange not being at his side.
Getting up, I longed for a cup of coffee, and I instantly had the warm scent roll through my nose when I opened the door. “Good morning dear.” Griff’s mom said with a smile as she held a mug to me.
“Thank you, good morning. How did you sleep.”
“Much better than I have been. Why don’t you go sit on the porch and drink that while I whip up some pancakes? Griff always asked for them when he wasn’t feeling good, and when I peeked in on him a bit ago, he asked for them.” She shooed me out of the house and I looked over to where the barn had stood and to the spot on the ground where I’d pulled Griff, and I could see myself on my knees fighting for him.
“It’s never going to go away.” A voice from the porch swing said softly.
“Why are you out of bed?” I didn’t turn because I couldn’t take my eyes off that spot.
“I’ve been in bed for a week, and if I’m going to lay in bed for that long, you better be naked beside me. So, really it’s your fault I’m out here.” The hint of laughter in his voice made my nerves settle, and I turned to look at him.
He looked rested, and his color was returning. Walking slowly, I sat beside him. This time I was on his good side, so he wrapped his arm around me. With a deep sigh, I watched him close his eyes. “Now the world’s right again.” He tightened his hold on me, and I was going to tell him to be careful, but for once in my life, I chose not to be the nagging nurse.
“You know nothing is going to change what happened over there. Not a new barn, not if I pave over the entire yard, and not if we move. It happened, Elle. You’ll see it when you close your eyes, you’ll see it every time I take my shirt off, and you see my scars, and every time you look into my eyes, you’ll see how grateful I am that you gave me my life.” He buried his nose in my hair, and I knew he was right.
“I’m not supposed to do that to people I know. Ten years Griff, I’ve never looked after someone I know, much less someone I was in love with. The father of my baby. I would have worked on you until my heart stopped.” Tears flowed down my face. “I’ve been so closed off since my divorce, and I didn’t want that kind of heartbreak again, but as you lay there motionless and gone, I knew I wouldn’t be able to let you go because you’d made me live again.” Using my sleeve, I wiped at my face, and I sniffled.
“When I have to do that at work, I make sure I close off all feeling because I can’t do my job if I’m a blubbering mess while I do CPR, but all I could do was feel while I was working on you. My heart shattered into a million pieces, and if I hadn’t been able to save you, I don’t know how I would have lived with myself.”
“How do you live with it at work?”
“I know I did my best, and we all fought like hell to save that person.”
“Then that’s what you would have done with me, too. You fought like hell to save me. You know how I know?” His words were quiet, and I shook my head. “I could feel you. I could feel your love willing me to come back. Your anger at having to work on me and your rage when people wanted you to stop. We’ve always had a bond, you and I. I could feel it from the first moment I saw you, but now you’re my savior, the woman who rescued me, the woman who saved my life, and the one who is bringing life.” I listened to his words and pressed my hand over my abdomen.
“This won’t be easy, but we have to talk to one another. I died, Elle, that messes with your head. You used your skills to work on me, knowing the odds weren’t in my favor, but you did the impossible. I love you more than I will ever be able to show you. So please give yourself a little grace, and we will work through this together.”
I rested my head against his shoulder and nodded. “I think I can do that,” I whispered.
“Do we discuss the worries you have about this baby now or later?”
“You’ve got to stop talking to my ex-husband. It’s weird.” I laughed and shifted on the swing. “I don’t have any worries, to be honest. You’ve shown me that it doesn’t matter, you will be supportive and do everything we need to for this baby to have the world accessible to them.” Leaning over, I smiled as I kissed him.
“How long until I can take you to bed?” He mumbled against my mouth.
“A few more weeks,” I giggled. Gently placing my hand over his heart, and feeling it beating steady and perfectly. I’m not sure if I would ever stop checking.
“We’re having a baby,” I whispered as I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sway of the swing and the feel of Griff beside me. With my eyes closed I could ignore the pain of the last week, and it was just him and I.
“Yeah.” He tightened his arm around me. “Do you want a boy or girl?”
“I don’t really care, either for me is good. It’s going to be strange having a baby after all these years. I’ve gotten used to being able to communicate. Ten years between kids is a lifetime.”
“We can learn together because while there’s been kids all around me, I really have no idea what having a baby around will be like.” Griff buried his nose in my hair. There was a warm breeze flowing through the porch, and I tried to fight it but my eyes grew heavy. Being held by him calmed any fear I’d had in my heart and I fell asleep to Griff talking about what he’d do with a little girl, and I secretly hoped we’d have one.
“Sleepy head, I want my pancakes. You’ve got to wake up.” Griff kissed my head and I smiled as his stomach growled.
“Fine.”
“Oh, and by the way, you’re sleeping in my bed tonight.” I helped him stand, and wrapped my arm around his waist. “And every night for the rest of our lives. This sleeping without you is for the birds.”
“Fine, if you insist.” I rolled my eyes and smirked.
We walked into the house, and I looked at the suitcases by the door before turning back to Griff. “Mom, Dad?” he called. As we got to the kitchen, we looked at his parents. “Where are you going?”
“Oh, my dear, we need to get back home. And you both need the house to yourselves.” Gwen said as she smiled up at her son before taking his face in her hands. “You don’t need us hovering.”
“We don’t mind you being here.” He said, looking from Gwen to Wes.
“That’s good, because on our way out of town, we’re going to look at a place that will get us closer to you if that’s okay?” Wes said as he looked from Griff to me.
“What place?” Griff’s back was instantly up.
“We’re not telling you because you’ll just go and buy it. We’ve got the money son and when we sell our house, we won’t have a mortgage.” His dad grabbed two coffee cups off the counter and set them on the table, before grabbing the biggest stack of pancakes I’d ever seen.
“Mom, what place are you looking at?” He arched his brow and waited.
“It’s on the edge of town. A little place with a few acres and a shop where your dad can fool around with his woodworking so he’s out of my hair.”
“Oh, Gwen, you told him too much.” Wes sat down in a chair and grabbed a few of the steaming hot pancakes, and flopped them onto his plate. He was Griff, only twenty-five years older, and I couldn’t help but smile. The apple truly hadn’t fallen far from the tree.
“A small apple orchard on the property?” He asked his mom who nodded emphatically.
“Yes, I’m so looking forward to it.”
“You’re buying the Johnson’s Christmas Tree Farm?” He asked as he gently sat down at the table.
“Yes.” Gwen clapped, grinning from ear to ear. “So you better be all healed up because we’re going to need help this Christmas.” She reached out and took a pancake and handed me the plate. I set a few on Griff’s plate, and he motioned for more. Plopping a few more down, he made the same motion.
“Seriously?”
“Woman, I haven’t had an appetite for a week, you’re lucky I’m not eating that entire platter full.” We all laughed, and I could feel the tension release from my body. Everything was going to be okay.