Chapter 12 #4
“It’s hard to enjoy ‘the beauty’ when this place keeps trying to kill me!
” Toni argued, pushing herself off the tree.
She thought she’d been so prepared for this hike, even having gone out to get new shoes and a camelback backpack.
Ranger had assured her he would carry all the heavy supplies, like a first aid kit, extra water, and snacks, in his much bigger backpack.
Yet, it hadn’t taken long for Toni to realize just how unprepared she was for this journey.
“I have walked into three cobwebs, slipped on some moss, got a splinter, not to mention the bird that shit right in front of me. If I hadn’t paused to sneeze, it would have landed on my head instead of my shoe!
” She lifted her new shoe like a child at show and tell, even though Ranger had already seen the white stain on the canvas as he’d wiped most of it off for her.
Ranger just grinned down at her as she listed off her complaints of the Great Outdoors. Though Toni was glaring at him for his obvious delight at her woes, she still accepted the hand that he held down to her to help her up to his level.
“You claimed this was the easiest of the trails, Liam.”
He wrapped an arm around her waist, dragging her closer to him. “It is,” he promised her. “You just need practice.”
“I think I need to find a new boyfriend,” she grumbled. “One who’s more of a couch potato.”
The sound that emanated from him sent chills down her spine. “No couch potato boyfriend can fuck you like I can,” he growled, their noses nearly touching. “Nor can they show you a view like this.”
Ranger shifted his body, and Toni gasped as she noticed the thinning trees. Rushing forward, Toni crested the ridge and stared down at the valley of orange, red, yellow, and green leaves below them.
She didn’t know the cardinal direction instinctively like Ranger did, but could see the edge of Mount Grove just visible through the trees below them.
It was small enough from this height that she could cover the visible buildings with her hand.
The valley stretched out in shades of green, and in the opposite direction of the town, she could make out the small clearings she knew were Amish farmlands and pastures.
The river curved through the green like a thread of pulled silver, catching light wherever the trees parted enough to show it.
Beyond the valley, more mountains rolled toward the horizon, layer after layer, each one slightly paler than the last until the farthest ridges blended into the sky. A large bird, maybe a hawk, circled somewhere over the middle distance. She hoped whatever it was hunting was fast enough to escape.
The breeze, smelling of warm pine and the crispness of stone, sent a chill over her exposed skin. She understood why Ranger had encouraged her to bring a jacket, immediately feeling the cooler temperature now that she wasn’t huffing and puffing her way up the side of the mountain.
Arms snaked around her from behind. “Told you it was beautiful. Any view a couch potato would offer you wouldn’t do this justice.”
Toni, begrudgingly, had to admit he was right about that. As beautiful as a scenic picture was, it couldn’t incorporate all the senses like the real thing could. Even the throbbing in her feet somehow made the moment better, more surreal.
“Fine. You win. This is pretty awesome.”
He lowered his head, nibbling on her ear. “And I know how to make it even better.”
“Um, I’ve already peed in the woods for you. I am not having sex in the woods.” She’d already survived a splinter in her finger. She did not need one in her ass, or anywhere else more delicate, too.
Ranger laughed. “Good to know. But I meant s’mores.”
Excited, Toni rounded on him with wide eyes. “You packed s’mores?”
“Told you I was going to grab the essentials.”
Toni smiled. “I will never doubt you again.”
* * *
143-150 Days Sober
Other than tracing the money to the Irish mob in Pittsburgh, the club could not find Pike’s supplier.
Even from the residents in Mount Grove who wanted to get clean and were willing to help the club, they had limited information.
The only person they’d ever seen or spoken to was Pike, but a few mentioned him texting someone when a customer wanted a larger order or to try something new.
No one knew who, though, and based on the data Keys and Rose pulled from Pike’s phone, his partner or supplier used burner phones with rotating SIM cards, all purchased with cash.
They got a variety of cell tower data, but it was too scattered between Mount Grove, Morgantown, Johnstown, and Cottonville to confirm a location or a base.
Cross’ advice was reasonable and logical, but not overall helpful.
Basically, if they didn’t want to get sober, they weren’t going to get sober, and forcing them would only make them fight the system harder.
While Cross was still active as Ranger’s sponsor, he had stepped back over the past two weeks to help another sponsee who was struggling after losing his mother.
Cross gave all his sponsees numbers to other local sponsors who were willing to help out in case Cross was unavailable when one of his sponsees needed him.
Ranger still saw him at meetings and checked in with him daily, but it wasn’t the same as it had been during his first month following rehab.
But Ranger understood and respected Cross’ dedication.
He’d given the same level of attention to Ranger once, too.
Since it was proving harder to get some of the townspeople on Pike’s client list to want to seek sobriety, Colby the Arrogant Fucker came down to Mount Grove to help out. In all honesty, it was good to see him. But Ranger did end up punching his friend in the balls when the man flirted with Toni.
While Scar did not murder Rockland, he was the first to agree to go to Alexandria and was already enrolled as a patient by the time Colby arrived in Mount Grove. He might have also been missing a fingernail or two.
Ranger was working with the club to help encourage residents to join him at AA or NA until it was discovered that Pike was supplying heroin.
For all his progress, Ranger had not expected such a visceral reaction to seeing that baggie of off-white powder.
It had stopped him in his tracks, and he was ashamed to admit that he didn’t know if he would have taken it as he so badly wanted to if Colby hadn’t been there to talk him down and get him out of that house.
The days that followed were not good ones, and it only proved that for all his progress, it did not take much to remember how easy falling could be.
Even knowing the disappointment he would cause his family and Toni had not been enough to make him walk away when the antidote to the hollowness in his soul was so close.
In many ways, it felt like he was starting back at Day One all over again.
* * *
155 Days Sober
Of the fifteen chairs set up in a circle, only eight were filled.
It was a low participation night, but that wasn’t too surprising with the high school football home game playing that night, too.
Toni recognized all but one gentleman, who looked like he’d just come from a funeral in his all black suit and jacket and morose expression.
Susie had asked her out to drinks that night, but Toni had declined.
It wasn’t just that she’d already had this meeting on her schedule while Ranger attended AA at the church across the street either.
Toni needed to attend. After three weeks with no sign of her mom, and the bad couple of days Ranger just experienced, she needed this meeting.
“I yelled at my boyfriend’s best friend today,” Toni told her group.
“I’ve talked about my parents before and being raised by addicts, but recently I started seeing someone.
I didn’t know he was an addict when we first met.
He didn’t lie, but it’s also not something easily told to a stranger, you know?
We’ve been doing really well. Set up a structured schedule, he’s at AA right now while I’m here, and I really, really care about him.
He tries so hard. Sometimes too hard,” she added.
“I think he feels like, if he does relapse, it’s the end of us.
I’m not saying it is and I’m not saying it isn’t,” she clarified, “but it’s not so black and white.
There’s a lot of circumstances. A mistake I can forgive, but lying or hiding the truth from me would be a completely different story.
But honestly, I don’t think it’ll come to that.
He’s doing really well, and he’s very dedicated to the program.
He’ll have his six month coin in time for Christmas,” she declared brightly.
But then her mood turned sour as she recalled the conversation she’d had with Ghost a few hours ago.
“I found out that he’s been trying to encourage others to get sober.
Don’t get me wrong,” she justified, “I am not against him helping others out in any way, shape, or form. But I learned that a few days ago, he unknowingly walked into a house with heroin openly on the table. I knew he’d been struggling, knew that he’d been having a few bad days, but I hadn’t known the cause until this morning.
” Toni closed her eyes, trying to rein in her anger.
“I can’t be angry at him. He didn’t use, and while he struggled, he did walk away from the drugs.
But damn it all to hell, I have to be mad at someone.
I know he felt really good when he was helping others in the community, but not at the cost of his own sobriety.
I can’t forgive that, but how can I not when he was trying to do good?
How can I be angry with him for being selfless?
Especially when he already feels shame and guilt for being tempted? ”