Chapter 26
JULIAN
Once we get Doc and the girls into the room, I flop down onto the bed with a relieved sigh. PP and Benny are lying at the foot of the bed, eyeing the menagerie skeptically, both throwing me occasional looks that clearly ask if I’m aware there’s a donkey inside.
I should check my insurance policy to find out exactly how boned I am if I get back to a house that isn’t there.
My horses are all insured separately, since they’re my business, but that’s not much comfort.
Sure, I’ll get a payout to buy new horses, but that won’t replace the ones I’ve lost. Getting a new horse to train won’t fill the void left by Dino’s sense of humor and wild spirit or Raleigh’s utter obsession with apples to the point that he’ll chew a hole right through my pocket to get to them if need be.
I braided Bella’s tail yesterday. Will it be the last time?
My chest aches just thinking about them.
Right now, there’s nothing I can do about Butler, my horses, or my house.
That’s all up to fate, but at least I have Doc, PP, and my chickens safe and sound with me.
Ranger didn’t mean anything by it, but when he suggested we leave them outside for the night, I just about had another panic attack.
With everything else so uncertain tonight, I need to know without a shadow of a doubt that at least some of my babies are okay.
Doc saunters over and noses at the bed like he might clamber on with the rest of us. He swings his tail from side to side, tugging at the sheets with his teeth.
“No,” Ranger says and signs at the same time.
“I can live with a donkey in the room, but I draw the line at sharing a bed.” The authority in his tone is hot, even in a stressful situation like this.
Actually, it might be hotter in a stressful situation like this.
I was on the verge of falling apart earlier.
I’m still not holding it together all that well, but it feels like he has this handled, and that’s the most comforting thing I could imagine right now.
Aside from my chickens. They’re pretty comforting too.
Doc draws his ears back and brays at him, clearly not impressed by the boundaries Ranger gave him.
But after a stern look from Ranger, he snorts and lies down on the floor instead.
Yup, the man is ridiculously attractive when he’s in charge.
I’ll have to remember that for later. Would he be into role-play?
“You learned sign language?” I roll onto my side and face Ranger, who’s now climbing onto the other side of the bed.
“Just a few things so I could talk to Doc properly.”
My heart flutters, a smile stretching over my lips. He built a makeshift chicken coop in our motel room, he learned sign language for my deaf donkey…he’s really not making it easy not to fall for him.
“Have you checked in with your brother? He’s safe in LA, right?
” I check, scooting a little closer and laying my head against Ranger’s chest. As soon as I do it, I realize it might be a bit much, but he doesn’t complain.
Quite the opposite, in fact. He slowly runs his fingers through my hair, soothing me with the hypnotic motion.
I hum contentedly, letting my eyelids droop closed.
“He’s okay. The fire’s to the east, heading for our houses, but there’s nothing more than smoke in LA.”
“Good. I’m happy he’s safe.”
“You don’t even know him.” He sounds amused, but his voice is soft, like the cuddling is relaxing him as much as it does me.
“I don’t need to know someone to be happy they’re safe.” I shrug.
His fingers stop moving in my hair for a second, his whole body falling still before there’s a gentle press against the top of my head.
His lips. My heart gives another one of those stupid, happy jolts, which I won’t feel bad about.
I have enough to worry about right now without getting myself all in a tizzy about the fact that my feelings for Ranger are far from casual.
If I’m being honest with myself, I’m not sure they weren’t all that casual to begin with.
I tilt my head back so I can see his face and bring my hand up to his cheek.
There’s a little bit of prickly stubble on his cheeks that abrades my fingertips as I drag them against the grain and then back the other way.
He leans into my touch and presses a kiss to my palm when my hand comes near his lips.
Ranger’s gaze meets mine, and an electric current passes between us. Does he feel it too?
“I have to tell you something.” The moment feels too fragile for anything but whispers.
Part of me thinks I should keep my mouth shut.
My house is probably burning to the ground as we speak.
The last thing I need to do is set our relationship, or rather, our arrangement on fire too.
But maybe that’s just it. I need something stable under my feet with so much uncertainty swirling around me, and if Ranger can’t be that, it’s better to know right now.
“Tell me.” He speaks just as softly, still stroking my hair with one hand, the other finding its way onto my hip and slipping under my shirt.
His strong, steady fingers feel good against my skin, safe and exciting all at once.
I desperately want more, but not just physically, and that’s where this conversation comes in.
“I’m messing up this whole casual thing,” I confess.
He frowns, his forehead wrinkling. “What do you mean?”
“I like you too much. I want more, even though I know it’s not fair to ask you that after you made your feelings on the subject clear.”
His breath hitches, and his body tenses for a second. Yup, I ruined everything. Benny whines and crawls up the bed enough to nose Ranger’s elbow. He takes his hand off my belly and sinks his fingers into the dog’s fur, closing his eyes for a moment until his jaw unclenches.
“Can I have a minute?” he asks, his voice strained.
I sit up and scoot away from him, guilt and humiliation warring inside me. Why did I have to open my mouth? Couldn’t I have waited until we got back home so he won’t have to be stuck with me after he rejects me? Except I’m not sure I’ll even have a home anymore after this.
Ranger swings his legs over the side of the bed and stands up. “I’m going to get some air, and I’ll be back in a few minutes, okay?”
I force a smile. “Sure. Anything you need.”
My heart is in my throat as I watch him walk out of the motel room, the door clicking shut quietly behind him.
“Well, I’m an absolute idiot,” I mutter, and Doc brays, no doubt in agreement. “Hey, excuse you, but I didn’t see you giving me much advice here.” I look over at PP, resting at the foot of the bed. “And you. It’s your fault I’m in this mess to begin with. You weren’t supposed to let me kiss him.”
She doesn’t seem the least bit repentant about her role in all this. Typical.