8. Raegan
Chapter eight
Raegan
Elias doesn’t ask me about what happened, and we continue on our hunt for information. But my mind isn’t so forgiving and keeps running back over what Aiden said, and I’m only getting more and more distracted as it stews and festers. When I make a snarky remark to the current person we’re talking to, Elias apologizes and excuses us.
“Go take a breath outside. Or are we done here?” he asks calmly. There’s no hint of sarcasm or annoyance at my behavior. This man has the patience of a saint.
I nod. “Let me take a quick break, then I should be okay to keep going.”
“There’s a side exit over there that should be quiet. I’ll wait just inside the door to make sure no one follows you out.”
Ugh. Why was I attracted to Aiden shoving me against a wall but not Elias being considerate of me?
I’m definitely broken.
He guides me to the door and stands off to the side. I open it and am instantly hit with the soft, cool breeze of the evening. I take a gulp of fresh air and already feel like my head is clearer. I keep walking away from the building until there’s some space around me. A single light above the door illuminates the area I’m standing in while the rest of the alley is dressed in shadows.
I clench my fist to my chest, trying to calm the frantic beat of my heart that hasn’t settled since being near Aiden. He’s thrown me off my game. I can’t concentrate on what I’m supposed to be doing here, when all I can think about is how my body reacted to him. How it was drawn to him as much as it always had been. Like coming home.
And then having reality slap me in the face with the undeniable truth of all I am to them now.
Their enemy.
I knew I had to stay away from them. Hearing his voice one more time, feeling his body against mine…that’s all it took to stir up the longing and regret I’ve been avoiding since I last saw them.
I slowly bunch my dress up to check for my weapons, only to feel something strange where my gun should be. I pull it out and then stare at the disfigured metal that comes out instead.
What.
The.
Fuck.
How dare he use his gift to warp my one good weapon. I stole it from the first Gifted Enterprise goon I took down on my own three years ago. It’s my only long-distance weapon. The one that’s gotten me out of too many bad situations to count. My one gun I used to keep myself safe and take out the recruiters. Aiden, that son of a bitch !
I throw the mutilated metal away from me and start cursing him eight ways ‘til Sunday.
Now how am I going to get out of close calls without it? While I’d like to say that I’ve gotten better at this, I know I still make mistakes. But at least I had that to get me out quickly and have the chance to escape and start over again somewhere else.
Not only is he distracting me, but he’s putting extra road blocks in my way.
“Aiden make that piece of art for you?” a deep voice drawls from the shadows.
I reach for two of my knives and turn toward the, unfortunately, familiar voice. I’m expecting a man of six feet to come out of the darkness, but a built, six-foot-four man steps out instead, wearing Kellan’s face.
There’s a cigarette dangling from his lips and a full bottle of whiskey clutched in his right hand. His beard is long and overgrown, his dark brown hair shaggy, and I’d call him a mountain man or Yeti if I didn’t recognize the twinkling blue-green eyes staring back at me.
He looks…terrible.
There’s a second of hesitation as I take that in while comparing him to the Kellan I remember. What happened to him? Why did Aiden look put together while Kell looks like he’s been through hell?
I shake those thoughts from my mind as I think back to Aiden. I’m their enemy and I can’t let my guard down. I’ve already lost my focus and my one gun because of Aiden. I can’t afford to lose anything else with Kellan.
I raise my hands in a fighting stance with my knives poised to strike if he takes another step closer. “You look like crap,” I tell him honestly.
He takes me in while sucking on his cigarette and then smiles, smoke billowing from between his lips. “Aw, don’t be like that, beautiful.”
The old nickname stabs at my chest, and I grit my teeth from the painful memory. “Don’t call me that.” Don’t make this harder than it already is .
His face twists and darkens, but I don’t understand what I’ve said that could have possibly upset him. He wanted nothing to do with me anymore, right? So, why make this more painful by rehashing old nicknames and memories?
By calling me the one thing he never called anyone else. The nickname that made me feel beautiful. Special. Wanted.
And we both know that’s not what I am to him anymore.
He draws on the smoke again, and even though I tell myself that I shouldn’t give two shits about him or why he looks like he does, I can’t stop the words from tumbling out. “Smoking is a nasty habit. Maybe start with fixing that. And a haircut.”
“I don’t need advice from you ,” he sneers, taking another deep drag and getting closer to me like he’s going to blow smoke in my face. I bring my blades against his gut and throat.
“Don’t you dare blow that at me. I’ll stab and leave you here.”
Kellan turns his head to expel the smoke and chuckles darkly. “ Oh, you could do so much better than knives. Why are you bothering with them when we both know the real weapon is you ?”
He snatches my wrist and pulls it closer to him until a line of red wells up between him and the knife. “We both know you can never hurt me, but it’s cute to see you try.” He drops my hand and raises his arms up. “Go ahead. Do your worst. Let’s see what you’ve got.”
I yank the knives away, and if I slash his skin while I’m at it, then so be it. “What’s the matter with you? You turn into a masochist or something?” I scowl at him and wipe the bloodied blade against the inside of my dress.
He scoffs and tosses his cigarette to the ground, then steps on it. He raises the bottle to his lips and drinks like he’s gasping for air. It stretches out his torso, though, and I get a clear view of the scratch healing itself and then changing from skin to…something else. We never figured out exactly what it was. Just that it was hard and impenetrable once it filled in.
His gift made him invincible. Any injury would self-heal and then be covered in golden scales and impenetrable skin for the next hour that nothing could pierce through or scratch. He was right; I couldn’t hurt him. No one could.
But that was one of the reasons why I’d leaned on him so much when I was younger.
He was safe from me. Always.
But now, he doesn’t look at me like someone he wants to protect. He looks at me like the bad guy.
And I am.
“Good to know you spent your freedom doing nothing but smoking and drinking your life away.” I funnel my anger at this entire situation that I’ve gotten myself wrapped up in tonight at him. I can’t take much more of this. I need to push them away so we can all keep our distance from each other.
Kellan smashes the bottle on the ground and turns on me. Okayyy. He may look like shit, but he’s also huge. His body blocks out the light when he faces me until I’m lost in his shadow. “You don’t know anything of what I’ve done these last five years.”
“Of course not! You all left me behind. Whose fault is that?”
“Yours!” he roars. “When you betrayed us!”
“I didn’t, I—” I slam my mouth shut and look away. I can’t let the truth slip out. No matter what they say.
His hands grab my shoulders. “Tell me. Give me a reason that we can put the past behind us, beautiful.” Kellan’s expression is almost desperate. I’ve never seen him like this; like everything in the world has narrowed down to this one request.
I squeeze my eyes closed. I can’t look at him without wanting to break my promise. I knew it would be hard. But knowing did nothing to prepare me for this.
If I told them, it would all be for nothing. The year I endured with Gordon. Keeping Vera’s image preserved for Dane’s sake.
It doesn’t change the fact that I killed her.
I don’t deserve forgiveness after everything I’ve done. Knowing Kellan, he’d probably give it to me anyway.
I can’t give in just because seeing them again is hard. My promise to own what happened and protect Dane from Vera is stronger than this .
“I can’t,” I gasp out. “I made a promise.”
“A promise?” Kell growls. “Is a promise more important than us? Than me?”
Yes . Breaking the promise would only hurt them more.
Kellan’s face shuts down with disappointment when he sees my firm resolve. He releases me and steps back.
My chest tightens. I’m sorry, Kell. My only goal in life now is my revenge against GE.
It takes all of my willpower to keep any tears in check as I finish with, “There is no future for all of us. I’ve already moved on from the past. You should too.”
I brush by him to the door, and he scoffs. “Oh yeah? You move on with GE?”
“I’m here to take them down.” I twist my head to look at him over my shoulder, but he doesn’t bother turning after me. “We’re leaving,” I tell Elias when he glances over to me walking in. “There’s nothing more for me here.”