13. Kellan
Chapter thirteen
Kellan
There was a time when nothing could beat the adrenaline rush of a race. Just two cars, no limits, and pure speed. There’s always a risk in street racing. If the car is pushed too hard or not rebuilt properly, it could catch fire or fall apart during the race. If the driver doesn’t have full control of the car, it could spin out or flip from the smallest thing because of the high speed.
Some drivers wear helmets or have a five-point harness installed in their seats. Or they strip their cars and rebuild them around a steel cage to keep the driver protected.
But not me.
I live for this shit.
The risk. The danger.
For putting my body on the line and hoping it might make me feel something for a change.
To have that split-second oh shit moment where even I don’t know what will happen next.
I wait for that moment as I shift into my last gear and smoke the car behind me. The finish line passes me, but I don’t slow down. The victory tastes bland and empty. At the very least, I’ll make good money tonight, but I’ve now reached the point I knew was coming.
Boredom.
Last time, I started and built up an underground fight club. I lived for the fight and beating my opponents down. Until it wasn’t enough anymore, and I needed to find something new.
And now, street racing is losing its shine.
I jerk the wheel to the right, riding and balancing on two tires for a few seconds before I crash and bounce back to the ground. I take long, drawn-out gulps to heat my blood and numb my mind.
Two chances.
Raegan had two chances to give me something . I’d take fucking anything from her at this point to prove us wrong. That we were missing something and she hadn’t betrayed us.
I barely believed it even when she told us.
Now, there’s no Gordon, no island, no reason to hold back.
And all she gave me was a bullshit excuse about some promise.
Then she killed our mark.
It feels like she’s betrayed us all over again.
Once I’m back in the line-up on standby for the cars participating in the next round of races, I throw my door open. The asphalt is cold on my bare feet, but it’s a nice shock to the system compared to the warmth swimming through my veins.
Stefan calls out to me from his car, and I grin so wide my teeth are a threatening flash of white behind my thick and overgrown bush of facial hair. My brothers keep telling me to cut it already, but now I’m finding sick pleasure in pissing them off by leaving it.
So, looks like Yeti-Kellan will be around for a while longer.
I clasp hands with Stefan as he congratulates me on my win or something to that effect because I’m not entirely listening. Everything around me feels out of focus. Like I’m here, but I’m not really here.
And then the world sharpens in an instant, and I freeze.
But she can’t be standing there. She wouldn’t be. Not unless she went out of her way to find me. And after what happened at our last encounter…
“Kell…” Raegan starts.
Her voice snaps me back to the present like whiplash, and I scowl at her. “The fuck are you doing here?”
There’s a flash of some emotion in her clear blue eyes before it’s quickly covered up by a nose scrunch. She used to do that when she was annoyed, but not angry . Little did she know that we adored that cute gesture and would annoy the fuck out of her to see it again.
Seeing it on her now, all grown up and more beautiful than I could have ever imagined she’d be, wakes the beast in me. No one else has ever compared to the memory of her.
Even in the harsh headlights that illuminate the lot, she’s perfect.
Long, blonde hair that looks soft to touch and begs me to slide my fingers through it. Vibrant, wild blue eyes lined by dark lashes. Full, pink lips that I’ve imagined running my tongue across too many times to count.
She continues, unaware of the unwanted effect she has on me. “I didn't know you were going to be here,” she answers defensively .
I snort and shake my head, then gulp the hard liquor from the bottle. That’s hard for me to believe. I already told her I own this city. And she would know best that would include any of its illegal activities. The question is why she would seek me out. The time for talking has passed. I know now that I meant nothing to her. Not as much as this promise of hers. It sounded like there was nothing more to say after that, and she moved on.
Then I find out earlier today while working on my ride that Dane disappeared. Jackson was nowhere to be found either, as usual, so it was down to Aiden and I to orchestrate a full-on man-hunt for Dane to make sure GE hadn’t gotten ahold of him.
They’ve been hunting him ever since we left the island. Any time he went out, they would show up within days or even hours. They almost snatched him one time when he was out alone. We killed the guys who had him before they could get far, and now we’ve kept him under house arrest ever since.
His disappearance from the Loft was a red alert, all hands on deck situation.
But no. He was safe.
He’d just tracked Raegan down and pulled a gun on her.
And Jackson had gotten between them and dragged Dane back to the Loft, where Aiden has him back under house arrest.
It’s been a fucking day , and she wants to act like everything’s fine?
“I heard there was racing happening here tonight.” She crosses her arms over her chest, but I can see the vulnerability she’s trying to hide behind. “Are you going to let me stay? For old times’ sake?”
I know exactly what this is about. She’s looking for danger and something fun to take her mind off it all and, even with the years and bullshit between us, she came right back to me.
Something stirs in me at that realization, but I shut it down. I’m not her backup partner only when she needs it. That’s not a partnership. She’s already moved on, right?
I cross my arms to mirror hers and raise an incredulous eyebrow. “For old times, huh? I thought we’ve already moved on, beautiful. At least, that’s what you told me. So, how about you fuck off to wherever you’ve moved on to? This is my turf, and you’re not welcome.”
Her nickname rolls off my tongue uninvited, but it’s too ingrained in me when I see her to stop. Her face flushes at the memory, probably out of anger, and I kinda like seeing that.
My mouth stretches to a devilish grin at her expression. Her lips thin to a flat line, and then when I think she’s about to turn and walk away, she jumps at me instead. I catch her wrist before she can grab my arm like she seemed to aim for.
I yank her up against me, wrapping my arm with the bottle around her lower back to keep her trapped. She feels so small and fragile in my arms, and my body tightens on impulse, like I’m about to protect her from everything around us. It’s what I did so often as a dumb young kid—wrap her up in my arms and she could just let go.
But we aren’t those kids anymore. And I won’t be fooled by her this time.
I lean down to her ear and lower my voice. “Nice try, but we both know you won’t use that with all of these people around. And it wouldn’t hurt me anyway.”
She tilts her face up to look at me, and her eyes are lit with a determination that should worry me, but I feel a hit of adrenaline instead. She should be scared of being at my mercy like this. She knows what I can do. And she knows what she can’t do to me. And yet she’s looking at me like she’s won this little game, and I don’t even know it yet.
It’s hot as hell.
“You’re wrong,” she replies with a smirk of her own. And fuck, if that look on her face doesn’t get me hotter than any alcohol ever could. “People will make up anything to avoid acknowledging weird shit happening before their eyes if it’s done right. And second, it does hurt you before your gift takes over. Tell me…”
Something moves at my thigh and then her hand grabs my dick through my jeans. My hard, interested dick.
Fuck.
I know it’s a threat. I know it would hurt like a motherfucker before my gift kicks in to heal whatever damage she gets in. I know I should be pissed or worried, but…
Raegan is touching—no, gripping —my dick.
It lights a fire in me I thought I’d long since extinguished, and my body instinctually presses her more tightly against me. A smug smirk pulls at my mouth, and her confidence falters for half a second because I didn’t crumble right away at the threat.
“Don’t get the wrong idea,” she snaps at me, and my smirk grows.
“Shouldn't I be telling you that? You seem to have gotten distracted, beautiful. ”
We’re in dangerous territory, but I can’t find it in me to stop it or pull back. I know I should hate her. I should say something nasty and throw her away so she’ll never pop into my life again, but I can’t think of any of that while her soft, warm frame fits so well against mine. I inhale, and her vanilla scent sends my dick into overdrive. Does she taste like vanilla too?
Her grip tightens on me, probably intended as a warning, and I groan obscenely, not caring about what she thinks or anyone else around us. “Fuck, beautiful. If that’s what we need to finally say our goodbyes, then I can make some time,” I growl.
Raegan tries to shove away from me, but my hold on her is solid. She’s trying to dig her nails into me, but my jeans block them from making any difference. It’s enough to tell me that she’s uninterested in what I’m offering, though, and while I may be a complete asshole, I would never force myself on anyone.
I drop the forty to the ground, letting it shatter at our feet. Raegan startles, and in the distraction, I grip her hair and yank until I have full control of her head when I make her look at me. “If you’re not offering, then let go of me. I’ve got a line of girls who are ready and willing for me. I’m just fine saying goodbye and fuck off for good like this.”
Heat sears through my jeans and to my cock. My skin begins to burn and I react in an instant. I shove her back, and she stumbles a step, but then she’s laughing hysterically and pointing at me. There’s a hole in my jeans to my boxers. My dick, thankfully, appears unharmed.
“Are you sure this is how you want me to remember you, Kellan?” The little she-devil pretends to smile sweetly at me. “Or did you want to go for that ride and then you can change your clothes? I didn’t realize the risk of street racing meant your pants could catch fire. Or have you just been telling some naughty lies?”
There are a few snickers around the crowd, but no one brave enough to actually laugh at me. Fucking cowards. This shit is funny.
I grin and plant my hands on my hips, even arching my back to push my pelvis out to draw more attention to it. She wants to play? I’m game. I’ve never been embarrassed before, and this? This is nothing.
“You can remember me however you like. Though I’m pretty sure the feel of my dick is more memorable than a peek of skin.”
Raegan touches a finger to her lips like she’s actually thinking about it and then shrugs with a smirk. “Nope, not for me.”
I don’t falter, even though now all I’m thinking about is bending her over my car and showing her just how unmemorable my dick can be. “Well, you’ll still be thinking of it either way when you think of me, so I’d say it’s fine we leave this as is. As you can tell, I’ve got something to take care of and another race to win,” I say with a shrug and start to turn away.
“Wait.”
I turn my head over my shoulder just enough to see her. She’s gnawing at her lip and looking past me to my car.
“You wanna go for a ride, beautiful, then you’ll owe me one.”
“Owe you what?”
I give a noncommittal shrug of one shoulder. “I’m not sure yet. Think of it as an IOU that I’ll call in at a later date and time of my choosing.”
She sighs. “Fine.”
Raegan never was one to turn down anything before, so I shouldn’t be surprised that she’d be willing to accept an open favor for a race. I still am. Good to see that some things didn’t change with her. Even though other things did.
Aiden and Dane are going to be pissed about all this, but she came to me, not the other way around. Which they would both find suspicious. Her persistence in trying to spend time with me is too, but I also couldn’t care less if those are red flags. I’m not afraid of her or what she might do.
No, I’m excited by it.
“Let’s go, then.” I wave her after me and return to my seat in the car. She follows to the passenger’s seat and goes to reach for where the seatbelt should be.
“Where’s the seatbelt?”
“Oh, I got rid of those a while ago.”
“Are you crazy?!”
I scoff.
“Of course. Aren’t you?” I grin madly at her.
There’s the smallest hint of a smile tugging at the corner of her lips before she squashes it and tries to cover it up with an eye roll. “I guess we’ll find out if you actually want me dead or not then, huh?”
It’s true, this would be an easy opportunity for an accident to happen. But I could never kill her, even after all that happened.
Something about her killing Vera or working for GE just doesn’t add up to me. I don’t care what Aiden or Dane say. The girl who used to be my partner in crime wouldn’t have done that without good reason. Or she’s lying and didn’t kill Vera.
She’s definitely hiding something, and I plan to find out what that is.
“Guess so,” I offer back with a wink. I turn the key in the ignition, and my car roars to life.
“Is there anything I can hold on to at least?” she shouts over the noise of the revving engine, looking around almost frantically for something to cling on to. Raegan finally looks at me and, seeing my smirk, snaps, “Don’t even say it. For fuck’s sake, Kellan. Is this how you treat all of your enemies? By trying to get them to touch your dick?”
That sparks a howl of laughter out of me. Damn, I forgot how good it felt to laugh. We drive back into the queue for the next round of racing once I hear who my competitor is and move up beside them. “Beautiful, you grabbed it all on your own without me doing anything.”
I pull up to the line, my hand on the shifter, and gaze now focused on Roger with the flashlight. I rev the engine and let the tires warm on the pavement until the light flashes. We launch forward like a rocket ship at blast-off. Raegan squeals, but a quick side eye reveals her smiling face and the excited look in her eyes now that we’re on the move.
She always had been one for danger. Ready to do anything on a dare or get the heart pumping and prove to ourselves that we’re alive. That, for one small moment, we were in charge of our own destinies. Even if it ended horribly wrong, it was our choice .
I can feel the need to shift when it’s time, and when I thrust us into the next gear, we’re thrown back into our seats. Raegan’s gasp changes to breathless laughter, and I can’t stop the wild grin from spreading across my face. I’d forgotten how much more fun things had been with my partner in crime.
We whiz past the competition in seconds, eating up the pavement like we’re starved for it and passing the finish line while leaving the other car in the dust. I don’t slow down, though, ripping toward the end of the strip and the black, open water of the bay.
When she realizes I’m still not making any move to stop the car or turn away from the water, she warns, “Kell…”
“What? You scared, beautiful?” I challenge and turn to face her instead of the shrinking road.
Her blue eyes lock on to mine. “Never.”
My heart gallops at the fierceness of her gaze and the tenacity in her voice. It beats louder than I ever remember it before. Like she’s kickstarted it back to the rhythm it was always supposed to be and had forgotten. I tighten my grip on the shifter and hold her stare even as I see the edge approaching out of the corner of my eye.
My foot jumps to the clutch, and I yank on the emergency break. My body moves on autopilot to swing the car around, the back tires skidding along the edge of the pavement before I gun it to the left.
I snicker and finally break our staring contest, pleased to see that she didn’t crack once. “Good to see you’ve still got your guts.”
She smiles, but catches herself when she realizes what she’s doing. She hurriedly turns to look out her window, the coastline of the bay whipping past us as I drop down a gear. We’re still moving fast, because she didn’t come to me for a slow ride, but at a more manageable speed as I turn us out of the airport and onto the city streets so our ride doesn’t have to end just yet.
“This good enough for old times?” I prompt teasingly.
I know I shouldn’t do this; that this will all come back to bite me later by giving in to her random and impulsive urge to pretend everything is okay, but it feels like I’m riding a high I haven’t felt in a long time.
She hums, but the sudden quiet quickly becomes disconcerting.
“What?” I ask roughly.
She shakes her head and focuses her attention back on the side exit I’m taking to get us back into the city. “Nothing.”
I hate that word.
There’s no such thing as nothing with her. Not to me.
Knowing my luck with her, it’ll be some ruthless commentary that’ll kill the moment and rip my soul out. “Spill it,” I growl, already on the defensive.
Rae settles back into her seat and looks at me. My blood heats under her scrutiny and, not for the first time, I wish I could read her thoughts.
“I’m sorry. This was a mistake.”
My breathing slows. “What?”
“I shouldn’t have come here. To you. It wasn’t right, and I’m just making things worse,” she says in a breathless rush that I can barely keep up.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I demand, my voice rising and my foot pressing more heavily on the gas .
“This! I don’t know what I was thinking. It was stupid—”
I grind my teeth. Hanging out with me was stupid? She’s regretting this already while I was dumb enough to fall for it, for her, again.
The car skids against the curb and slams to a halt. “Here you go. Either stay and stop talking stupid shit, or get out if that’s what you really want.”
Her mouth pops open as she stares at me. “Here?”
“I’m not your chauffeur. Either you’re riding with me, or you’re out of my car. Pick one,” I growl. I’m done playing games. Part of me hopes she proves me wrong. That she’ll tell me that it was all a bad joke and she’s staying. The other part knows that there’s no way she’ll stay. She’s already backed out of what we had. I was a mistake .
Raegan’s eyes narrow at me and my ultimatum, and I hate that the neon lights are illuminating her just right to give her a hauntingly blue glow. She looks like a dark goddess hellbent on ruining me, and my chest constricts until I can’t breathe.
I know then that I’m never going to love anyone else. I’m cursed to love someone who betrayed me and who I’m supposed to hate. I’m already addicted to the way she makes me feel, even when she does shit like this, and I know I’ll be hunting her down for more when I need my next hit.
I wait her out, impatient for her to make her decision.
Pick me , my inner voice roars, but my lips remain sealed. This is her choice. This will tell me what she wants.
“Fine,” she concedes sharply. She throws the door open to get out. Her head swivels, to find any familiar landmark, and when she finds none because we are outside of the city center, she picks a direction and starts walking without looking back.
I clench the steering wheel until my knuckles are white and the leather creaks.
There’s my answer.
Again.
I throw the car in gear and slam my foot down, speeding past her in my fury.
It’s mere minutes of racing through the city streets before I’m pulling into the parking garage attached to the Tower. The looming skyscraper lined with steel and glass is just as cold and empty as I feel when I take the elevator up to the Loft where my brothers and I live.
The Tower was already decked out with most of its fancy features when we took it over two years ago, but Aiden and Dane made a few special enhancements of their own. Our Loft received the biggest changes.
I scan the tattoo on my wrist when the elevator reaches our floor for it to open. When Dane had first thought of using tattoos for access to this floor, I’d thought it had been a joke. I mean, the GE scientists had tattooed our skin with barcodes to keep track of us. Like we were products to be made and sold. And he wanted to do the same thing?
But this one was different. It was hidden within the sleeve of tats that extended from my chest, over my shoulder, down my arm, and to the back of my hand. Unless you knew the exact tattoo to look for, you wouldn’t know it was used for this at all.
The doors open into a foyer and then another door uses facial recognition to unlock and bring me into the living room. It’s late, so I don’t expect anyone else to be up, but Dane is cooking something in the kitchen with his face drawn tight in thought. Aiden is sitting at the dining table with a coffee in one hand and his phone in the other.
I walk further into the room and find Jackson sitting on the balcony railing, floating origami animals above one hand and sending them into a dance around one another.
Aiden looks up first and then blinks as if I’ve surprised him or something.
“What?” I growl.
Dane brings plates of French toast to the table and then looks me up and down. “Where’s your pacifier? I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you so far from a bottle.”
Shit, what had happened to it? Did I leave my spare in the car?
Well, I’ve no interest in them digging too deeply into that, so I stride to the liquor cabinet and grab another bottle out.
To ease their worried souls.
“Finished it on the way up.” I toss the cap over my shoulder, grinning at Dane’s glare, then drag a chair out at the table and sit before taking a drink. “So. Did we already talk about Rapunzel escaping his tower and putting us all at risk today? Or almost killing one of us?”
Not that Dane would have actually followed through with it. I know he’s angry, but I also know his history with Raegan. I don’t think he’d do it.
Doesn’t mean I appreciate him testing that theory .
“She’s not one of us anymore,” he snaps out automatically.
I don’t react immediately to his temper. I get that years going by doesn’t change that he lost his sister to someone he trusted.
But I can look at this more objectively. I liked Vera. She was fun sometimes and I had no problem looking out for her when I could out of respect for Dane. But she and I had never been close. Not like she had been with her actual brother. And Raegan.
Hearing about her death hurt, but more because of the impact it had on my closest friend. And that it was Raegan who admitted to doing it.
I’ve had a lot of years to think about her and what she said. I wasted the first few in a haze of alcohol and self-destruction; her words that she was with GE and killed Vera running on an endless loop. And then, one day, I started to wonder if there was more to it.
I can’t believe that all our time together was fake. Either GE had something to do with what happened and why she said that, or else she is with them like she says and she wound up falling for us as much as we fell for her. Tonight proved that she’s the same girl as the one on the island. That was real.
Even if she is with the bad guys, I’ll win her over.
I dig into my early morning breakfast and then point my butter knife at Dane. “You threaten her like that again, and I’ll stab you with this knife.”
His chair screeches against the hardwood floors as he jumps up. His hands are already fisted and glowing with his gift. “Let’s go, then. I haven’t been sitting here every day for years twiddling my thumbs. You know what I’m capable of. ”
Aiden sighs and sets his mug and phone down on the table but doesn’t bother interrupting.
I smirk at Dane and shove another forkful of toast into my mouth before responding. “And you know what I’m capable of. You really think you can take me on when I’m being serious?”
Jack pockets his paper creatures and hops down from the railing, then slips inside and sits on the table. Not between us, though. No, more like he wanted a closer seat to the fight that might break out.
There’s a moment of silence, but I can feel the brewing violence like electricity in the air.
Dane rushes me while I’m still seated, but I catch his fist before it can strike me. I squeeze it and bare my teeth at him. “You’ll have to do better than that.”
He smirks, and something wraps from his wrist to mine. I drop his hand and pull away, but whatever he’s attached doesn’t loosen. He grabs my hand back and mutes my gift. What should be warm and steady in my gut is now quiet and glaringly void. I hate the feeling, but I’ve felt it before and have learned how to move past it. I have to remind myself that it’s temporary.
I yank my hand back, pulling him to me, and then slam my other fist into his stomach. He grunts and folds forward. My elbow drops into his back, and we both fall to the ground. I flip him over and pin him down with my other arm at his throat, growling in his face.
“That was a cute trick, but now you need to learn how to use it. Until then. Don’t. Touch. Raegan.”
“Since when do you care?” he spits at me as he struggles to find an opening to get out from under me .
There isn’t one.
His fists pummel into my sides, but I’m built of solid muscle, even without my gift being able to come into play.
“Since I saw who she really was tonight. The same girl we knew on the island.”
“And that girl killed one of us. Who’s to say she isn’t here to finish the rest of us off? To lure you back so she can kill you too? I won’t lose another one of us!” He continues to fight against me, and I press down more until he’s forced to grab at my arm instead. The bracelet around my wrist—that looks like a slimmer and less clunky version of handcuffs—drops to the ground. “We never meant anything to her. She’ll never care about you. Your protection is wasted.”
His words echo the doubt that has taken me hostage since she returned, and it sinks like a boulder in my gut. I stand. He coughs and rubs at his neck as he sits up.
“That’s my business. Not yours.”
“Is it also your business as to why there is a gaping hole in your pants?” Aiden finally intervenes.
Oops, forgot about that.
“Sure is,” I drawl.
Jackson cackles and picks up a piece of French toast to take a bite. No syrup, no silverware. Just eats it like an animal. “I’m sure our little Raegan had something to do with that. Couldn’t get your clothes off fast enough or trying to maim your dick?”
Fuck, do I wish it were the first one.
“None of your damn business. Are we done here? We can consider that piss-poor attempt at a fight as me spanking Dane for leaving, yeah?”
Aiden nods and drinks more of his coffee. Seriously. Caffeine at four in the morning, and I doubt any of them have slept. And they say I have drinking problems.