18. Raegan
Chapter eighteen
Raegan
“And then I had to walk to the bus stop and take three buses to get back to the city. With one shoe.” I jab my chopsticks into the pork fried rice to break out a chunk that I can shovel into my mouth. “Mm, ma god,” I moan behind my hand and then swallow. “This is so good.”
Portia giggles and leans back in her fluffy purple butterfly chair, her legs crossed while she holds her own container of Chinese food. Her dark brown hair is tied back in a high ponytail, her eyes and cheekbones accentuated with bright orange makeup and glitter, while bubblegum pink tinted lip gloss is smeared over her lips.
She’s wearing only a strappy bralette—which her breasts are fit to burst out of—and shiny but spandex-fitting, orange mini-shorts.
“I told you to come over to eat any time. I can order you some food when I order out at night, too, if you want.”
I’m busy filling my face with the yummy goodness to answer right away and shrug instead. I’m not used to relying on anyone. Thinking of contacting her, or even Elias, is a conscious effort and definitely not my gut reaction. Which is usually what I go with.
Yet, here I am, gabbing away to Portia like we’ve been friends forever now that she’s moved in to Elias’s apartment and the one right next to mine. She’d had some of her friends in the bar pack up her things at her previous apartment so she could make Elias’s modern and monochromatic one feel more like home.
I’m really interested in seeing his reaction when he comes home and sees it.
“So anyway,” she continues when I’m too busy inhaling food to speak. “That was Aiden who knocked you out and left you there?”
“Kellan,” I correct with a mouthful behind the back of my hand.
“Kellan. Got it. And he does the scaley thing, right?”
I nod while hurrying to finish my current bite. “Yup. I’m not sure what to call it because he’s not invulnerable since he does get injured. It’s more…crazy regeneration that goes into overdrive to protect him once it’s activated? And then he uses that to beat people bloody, so he turns his defensive gift into an offensive one.” I cock my head to the side as I recall the other times I’d seen him use it. “He might get stronger too. Or he could just be that strong, I’m not sure.”
“That sounds sick! I wish I could do more with my gift than just tell people what to do.”
“Porsh. I wish I could tell people what to do. You know how handy that’d be with Gifted Enterprise? Hell, even with Aiden. And Dane .” My eating slows to a halt at that thought. There isn’t much I could, or would, tell Dane to do. I’d use that gift more as protection to keep him from not trying to kill me.
I know I almost let him do it. And I would again if stuck in the same situation, because there’s nothing I can say or do to fix it. But I would rather spend my life taking down the organization that did this to us, to Vera, if I had the choice.
She hunkers back down in her chair like she’s settling in for story time. “Oooh! Yeah. Tell me about Dane. This sounds like it’s going to be juicy.”
My lips twitch automatically in response to her behavior and I shake my head at myself for falling for this girl so easily. I swear she has more than just the ability to tell people what to do. She exudes contagious energy that sucks me in and makes me never want to leave.
“It’s a long story.”
She rolls her eyes and then claps her hands at me. “And I’m a night owl whose night has just started. So whooo, whooo, is Dane?” She hoots.
I laugh at her antics and set my food aside. I’ve never opened up to anyone about something real before. Not since the guys before Vera’s death. But then I met Elias, and his help has been invaluable. And now Portia’s somehow weaseled her way in too. I realize then that I care about both of them. And I think…they care about me too. I feel like I finally have others I can trust and confide in. Even if it’s just these two people, it feels…good.
“Well, we all pretty much grew up together on that island where GE had kidnapped us to. I think we were there for…” I try to count the possible years in my head, but it’s difficult when we had no holidays, birthdays, or seasons to use as benchmarks.
“…I think eight years? Ish? Anyway, we all became close because they all shared a bunkroom, and I was right across the hall. But then, we started learning more about why we were on the island and what they were trying to do with us. We thought we were helping people. Or we would be helping to make the world a better place with what we could do.”
I rub my arms as the memories come back at speed in the forefront of my mind. “ I found out that we were just lab rats. Either they wanted to control us, or they wanted to find a way to steal or replicate our gifts. We already had our suspicions before that, but just as we were digging into it together, something happened, and I…killed one of us. Dane’s sister. That’s why he hates me.”
Portia’s mouth drops open. It closes, then opens again.
Shit. Why did I just say that?
I’m getting twitchy the longer she stays silent and shoot upright to my feet. “I should go.”
“No!” She almost jumps out of her chair and then falls back in it. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to gawp at you like an orange karp.”
A what-now?
“I just can’t believe you killed his sister ,” she continues, and my nerves just spit and frazzle even more. “Why did you do it? Did she try to kill you first? Did she go all batshit cray cray under all the lab testing? Did she pull a Luke Skywalker and go to the dark side?”
“I think that was Anakin…”
“Who’s that?”
“Never mind. And yeah, it was something like that,” I give her. The chances of her talking to one of the guys about this are slim, and the last thing I want to do is lose the one friend I have. And a friend who feeds me, at that.
“Which one? I don’t remember all of the reasons I gave.” She bounces in her chair and her hair swings behind her.
“Cinderella!” A booming voice echoes out in the hallway. “CINDERELLA!”
I look to the door and frown.
It couldn’t be…
“Is that Prince Charming?” Portia hops from her seat and starts toward her door. I grab her arm to stop her.
“Wait,” I hiss and move in front of her. “I have an idea of who it might be, but in case I’m wrong, go hide in your bedroom.”
“I’ll be your backup.” She picks up a fork from the coffee table and nods seriously at me like she believes she will take this person on with only a kitchen utensil.
“At least go behind the couch so they can’t see you.”
Her mouth opens like she realized something, and then she nods. “Got it. Sneak attack.”
“CINDERELLLLLLA!!!” His voice continues back down the hall in our direction.
I turn, blocking Portia’s view of the door, and take both of her hands, and fork, in mine. “No attacking unless I give a signal, okay? I’m just going to check this out. If it’s GE, I need you to escape out a window. Otherwise, just stay behind the couch until I say it’s okay to come out.”
“A window?” she squeaks. “There aren’t any fire escapes out of our windows.”
I start moving her behind the couch. “Let’s hope it doesn’t get to that point then.”
She kneels, and when I bring a finger to my lips to remind her to be quiet, she mimics me and nods.
“CinderELLLLA!!”
I snag one of my knives from the table and move to the door to peek through the peephole. It’s too small to make anything out other than a dark figure stomping up and down the hallway.
Knife at the ready by my side, I open the door and shift into the doorway so that the apartment is blocked.
Kellan grins at me as he walks back down the hallway toward me. Two fingers lift up the strap of the missing heel that had been left behind at the congressman’s house. His blue-green eyes rake over me, and it’s only then that I remember what I’m wearing. A sexy navy-blue romper that Portia let me borrow while my dress and regular clothes are getting washed.
I cross my arms over my chest, keeping my knife in the grip of my hand. “What are you doing?”
He stops with his arm leaning against the side of the doorframe above me so he can cover me in his shadow. “I’m doing the bit from that movie. The girl loses her shoe. Then the guy shouts her name over and over again for her to come out so he can bring it to her.”
I burst out laughing. Then his face scrunches like he missed the punchline, and I laugh even harder. He thinks that’s the movie.
“Look, beautiful, I’m glad seeing me has made you so happy—”
I put a hand up. “Hold up. I’m laughing because you’re an idiot. Who mixes up Cinderella and A Streetcar Named Desire ?”
Kellan doesn’t even look upset or embarrassed. His grin stays put even as I call him out. “My mistake. I forgot you were such a movie buff.”
“Me too.”
There’s a long pause where we both stare at each other, getting lost in the past, when his eyes suddenly dart behind me. I turn to look just as Portia walks up behind me with her fork.
“Hello! Are you the Kellan one? Can I stab you with my fork? Pretty please?”
“Portia!”
Kellan bursts into laughter. “Absolutely…”
Her face glows with excitement, and she steps forward.
“…not,” he finishes sternly, but with his lips still spread wide. He looks back at me. “I’d be surprised that you have friends like this, but…no. This seems about right.”
Portia blows air out, sending her stray hairs into the air. “Worth a shot.”
I turn my body at an angle to slightly face her without putting my back to Kellan. “You don’t just stab him to see his scales. It still hurts him.”
“Aw, beautiful. I didn’t know you cared,” he murmurs into my ear, and his long beard tickles my shoulder.
I swat him back, and he moves out of reach, but maintains his position against the door.
Portia’s looking between the two of us with a mischievous smirk on her lips, and I give her a look. “What?” she asks with a teasing grin.
“Can we have a minute? ”
“Oh. Sure, sure. If you need a bed though, don’t forget yours is next door. I hate washing sheets because then I have to make the bed after.”
“We don’t need one of those. I just need a minute to see what he wants and then he’ll be gone.”
She chuckles and waves to Kellan before heading back to her chair in the living room. It isn’t much privacy, but this is her apartment, and she would probably get me to tell her what happened here anyway, so I let it go.
Kellan’s gaze is trained on me when I turn back around, and a small part of me wonders if he’d checked out Portia. She’s gorgeous, showing a ton of skin, and fearless. All amazing qualities.
What if Portia liked what she saw now that she has a face to his name? My heart grows heavy, and I frown at the feeling.
He grabs my chin and forces my eyes to meet his.
“What’re you thinking about?” his deep voice drawls, and warmth spreads through my limbs.
“Why’re you here, Kellan? We keep having…less than happy encounters, and yet you’re back again. Glutton for the fight?”
He smirks at me. “With you? Always.” My insides clench in a delicious way that I can’t think about when he’s keeping such direct eye contact with me. He drops my chin and lifts the long, lost shoe again. “I’m here with a peace offering. And a request.”
I start reaching for my heel back and then pause when he finishes. “What kind of request?”
“Come out with me tonight. For old time’s sake. Let’s go blow off some steam together and have some fun. ”
My laugh is cold and short. “You’re kidding. Every time I’m out with you lately, you have a habit of leaving me stranded somewhere. Where are you planning on ditching me this time?”
Kellan chuckles and loops the strap over my hand anyway for me to take. “Aw, that was all harmless. And necessary,” he adds, giving me a look. “I swear I won’t do that tonight, though. I really just want to have a good time. No drama. No bullshit. Just you and me. Whaddya say?”
“Mm…still no.” His smirk shrinks but doesn’t completely fall off his face. “Thing is. I don’t trust you. Any of you. This could be some sort of trap for all I know. Why would you suddenly want to spend time with me or invite me to have fun?”
He leans in close again. “Why are you so afraid of having fun with me again?”
“I’m not afraid.” I’m staring at his lips as they breathe on mine before my eyes jump back up to his.
“Then prove it.”
The world falls away as we look at each other. There’s no apartment, no GE, and no bad history between us. I’m just here with Kellan in a silent standoff with my blood singing and my head swimming. A burning ache in my chest drives me to close the distance between us, but my head still has enough sense about it that I avoid leaning into him.
His beard tickles my chin, and I grab what’s hanging off his face. “Fine. But you have to clean yourself up first. And not tonight because I’m having a girls’ night.”
Kellan grins and strokes his beard when my hand falls away. “Deal. I’ll pick you up tomorrow night at nine. Lookin’ my best.”
Smiling, I roll my eyes at him. “It’s not a date, so don’t try getting all fancy. I just don’t need to see you looking like the yeti anymore.” I step back to grab ahold of the door.
“See you tomorrow, Cinderella,” he says with a roguish grin.
I shut the door and smile. Then I turn and remember that I’m not alone here.
Portia’s beaming as she leans forward and clutches the edge of her fluffy chair. “Ooh boy, Rae. We still have so much to catch up on. I need to know what all of that was about. And you still have to finish telling me about the other guys and why you murdered Dane’s sister.”
Right.
Just that.
The sun glares at me as it breaches the horizon. I squint up at the wide window over the couch I’m sprawled on and note that Portia has no window covering. Nada. When I turn my face toward where her bedroom is, I can hear her breathing soundly even though her room is just as bright.
Lucky.
I close my eyes and groan softly at the thundering beat of a headache and the way I still feel buzzed. I roll slowly and then use my hands to push myself off of the couch to stand. I grab my knives and stumble to her door, deciding I’d rather ride this out in my bed with blackout shades so I can sleep for another eight hours. I check the time on my phone and it confirms we’d only gone to sleep a couple hours ago after filling each other in on our pasts. Or what Portia remembers of hers, at least.
I promised to help her figure all of that out once Gifted Enterprise has been destroyed.
The door to my apartment falls open beneath my weight when I try to lean on it after entering my code, and I nearly fall on my face. If I reach the ground, I’ll likely park it there until at least the drunkenness has subsided. I drop my knives and phone on the kitchen counter and blindly make my way to my room in the dark.
“Is this some pathetic walk of shame that I’m witnessing?”
My soul jolts out of my body, and I crash back into the counter so hard that I know my back will bruise. “Fuck!”
“If I’d known you were out doing exactly that, I wouldn’t have wasted my time waiting for you. I didn’t realize that had a higher priority than taking down your enemies. If so, then I shouldn’t have worried.”
I don’t know what’s worse. The arrogant and venomous filth coming out of Aiden’s mouth or the smooth cadence of his voice that would make me believe he’s trying to seduce me if I was dumb enough to ignore what he’s actually saying.
I straighten and find Aiden sitting back on the couch so he has a perfect view of the door. He has one ankle resting across his knee, and his fingers are clasped together, resting on top.
For the first time since I’ve seen him in this city, he’s not in a suit. Instead, he looks almost human, wearing gray sweatpants and a black V-neck shirt that reveals a glimpse of his chest.
“Then get the fuck out! I didn’t invite you over.”
He shifts forward to lean on his knees. “Were you doing that? Fucking someone?”
My mouth drops open at the gall of this man. Then it closes when a thought occurs to me. “Are you jealous ?”
He scoffs and stands. “Of course not. I’m trying to gauge your level of commitment to getting in our way or if you’re…distracted.” Aiden slowly moves around the coffee table. I watch his every step but can’t find it in myself to move away as he closes the distance between us. Moving away from him would be like admitting defeat. It would show him weakness.
I hold my ground as his feet nearly brush against mine when he finally stops. “I didn’t realize I played such a big factor in your plans. Am I screwing them up that well?” I smile at that, and he counters with a frown.
“You are slowing us down. I have to believe that’s intentional.” One of his hands grasps the counter on one side of me and my heart rate spikes as the smell of cinnamon hits me. “If you cared about taking down GE like you say, you wouldn’t have time for meeting people. Unless…” He grips my face. “Unless you’re working for them and just pop in enough to interrupt or distract us.”
I shove at him so he releases the counter, and I get a breath of non-cinnamon-scented air again. “I’m confused. Am I too distracted fucking other men to take down GE, or am I working for them and me having a personal life is somehow distracting you? ”
His face gets in mine like he thinks he can intimidate me.
He can, by the way.
We’re almost pressed up against each other now. My nipples harden, and I’m grateful I have pasties on in this skimpy romper to stop them from poking into him and giving away my body’s betraying reaction to him.
“I’m only going to ask you this one last time. Are you working for them ?” he asks softly, his eyes searching mine for the answer.
It shouldn’t sting that he might actually believe it. That they all might, except for Jackson. They wouldn’t if they knew the truth. If they knew what GE did to me, what he did to me after Vera’s death. And what I did to protect them.
Tell them .
I freeze when the thought occurs.
No .
I’ll never tell anyone what Gordon made me do in that year with him.
“No,” I breathe.
Aiden watches my lips when I answer, then brings his gaze back to mine. His long fingers trail up the side of my face, pushing my hair aside. He leans in close, his lips hovering over mine, and my breath catches.
Is he going to kiss me?
Do I want him to?
He was my first kiss, and I’ve compared every kiss since then to his. That’s one memory that has never faded in the years that have passed. My body arches into his on reflex, as if it’s seeking that same heat, the same rush as that first kiss.
But can I do that? Could he mean it?
Of course, he wouldn’t. He’s playing you.
Still, I don’t move or fight it.
His lips stop so close to mine I can taste him.
“Liar,” he hisses. He grabs my wrists and pins them behind me with one hand, and I watch a wide metal bracelet around his wrist transform into a blade that he grips and holds to my neck. “I know your secret, Raegan.”
My eyes widen, and I stop breathing.
He couldn’t.
“No.”
His brown eyes look pitch black as he glares down at me with contempt. “I do. I found out while we were still on the island.”
I can’t breathe. Fuck, I can’t breathe. My chest constricts tighter and tighter, and I might see dots in my vision, but it’s too dark in here to know for sure.
Was that why he left me on the island? Did he somehow see one of the things I did for Gordon? Is he disgusted by me? Does he hate me for what I did?
I start to slump in his grasp. He frowns and shifts the blade from my skin.
He knows .
I can’t pretend it never happened if someone knows.
It means it’s real.
I fall to the ground and try to drag air in through my lungs, but it feels like I’m getting nothing .
Aiden crouches in front of me and almost looks concerned when he grabs my shoulders and shakes me so I look at him. “You’ve been accused of working for GE before and never freaked out like this. What am I missing? Breathe , Raegan.”
My hands grab for his arms automatically like I might draw strength from him. I pant over the floor and squeeze my eyes shut while struggling to regain control.
He picks me up, and I cling to him, if only to keep myself here and present with him as my anchor. I’m set down on the couch and then he opens the curtains and window. The cool morning breeze sweeps in, and I feel like what air I breathed that time actually worked. I jump toward the window, sticking my head out of it and breathing in deeply. Again. And again.
My body is trembling when I bring myself back to sit on the couch.
“Why would knowing about your birth certificate scare you so much?”
I’m still trying to breathe right again, but my eyes snap to his in confusion.
“Birth certificate?”
His eyes narrow. “Your secret,” he repeats.
“What are you talking about?”
“I found your birth certificate. You were born on the island.”
I breathe a sigh of relief.
He doesn’t know.
“So?” He’s sitting on my coffee table and watching me like I’m the biggest puzzle for him to solve .
I try to ignore the crack in my psyche for what almost happened. “I’m not sure what you found, but I wasn’t born on the island. I was raised by my Gram in Alaska. As far from the islands as you can get.”
He huffs and shakes his head. “You’re a great actress, I’ll give you that. I stole the birth certificate and validated it here. There is no Raegan LaRoux that ever lived in Alaska. Or any of the states for that matter. I checked. Which means everything you told us was a lie. You weren’t kidnapped like the rest of us. You were born there. Probably conditioned since birth, too.”
“Stop it!” I snarl and jab a finger into his chest. “You don’t get to find a piece of paper and accuse me of something like that. I didn’t lie to you. And you don’t get to erase the years I had with my gram just because you don’t believe me. I know my past. That piece of paper is the lie.”
He snatches my wrist. “Oh really? Then what happened to your parents?”
“Car accident when I was little. Or didn’t you look into them from my birth certificate?”
“Their names were redacted.” Well, there you go. Suspicious as fuck. “Why did they have pictures of you on that very island as a little kid?” He yanks something from his pocket and holds it up for me to see. It’s a photo that’s worn around the edges and dirty, like it’s been dragged through the dirt and seen things. A little blonde girl, no more than four or five, waves her arms and grins widely. Behind her is the mansion we’d all lived in for eight years.
My anger stutters when I look at the girl’s face.
It’s me .
My hair, my eyes, my expression.
What. The. Fuck.
“I…I don’t know.” He gives me a look, and I tighten my lips. “But I’m not lying. I know I was in Alaska and lived there with Gram. And I was taken from her.”
His brow furrows, and I silently will him to believe me. There was no way I’d been brainwashed or raised on that island. I remember being taken.
“What else?” he asks instead, pocketing the picture of me.
“What do you mean?” I ask distractedly, my eyes still on the pocket as if I can see the picture there while wondering why he didn’t just give it to me. What use does he have for it now?
“What other secret do you have that made you have a panic attack? Is it about Vera?”
My heart rate picks up again at the reminder. “No.”
It’s wishful thinking he would be satisfied with that and move on. But, of course not.
“Gifted Enterprise?” he presses on.
I squeeze my eyes shut and my breathing shallows.
“Raegan…”
I jump back and open my eyes before his hand reaches my leg. “Please. Stop asking. It’s...personal. It doesn’t matter.”
“Then let me—”
“No!” I shout reflexively.
Besides, it has nothing to do with them. Or Vera.
Just me.
And Gifted Enterprise .
It’s between us.
His brows pinch as he studies me. At last, he sighs and leans back. “Back to the other matter, I think you believe what you’re saying, but it doesn’t explain the birth certificate or the pictures.”
He stands and moves to touch his wrist where a sleeve normally is, then clears his throat when he must realize he’s not in his suit. “Until I know one way or the other, it’ll be best if you stay out of our way. And stay away from Kellan and Jackson.”