14. Nate
NATE
I stare at Kato, trying to formulate an appropriate response. He reeks of pain. What’s worse is that I know he means every word, that he believes I don’t even tolerate him, when the truth is so far from it.
It would have been for the best if I only tolerated him.
Instead, I’ve wanted him the entire time he’s been here, and I’m still loath to admit out loud how his presence has become a comfort to me.
How I understand his feelings over being the pack outcast. How I enjoy his grumbles at my taciturn nature and how he doesn’t mind when I don’t get his references, because he’s just happy someone is actually giving him attention that isn’t clouded with overt judgement or disappointment.
I don’t remember everything from my rut, but I know it’s why I couldn’t stop myself mating Cas, despite his warnings.
Because Kato did it, and I was unable to watch him and not do it along with him.
It was instinct to open my jaws and mirror Kato’s action.
Even if I’d tried to stop myself, I don’t believe it would have been possible.
My wolf wanted it, so he made it happen.
Putting these thoughts into words isn’t easy for me. Kato has gone quiet, his chest heaving, body vibrating with tension. Seeing him like this, flayed open and vulnerable, makes me want to burst out of my skin.
It’s suddenly too warm in here. There’s no air. I pull at my T-shirt, struggling to form the words that will make Kato stop looking like a kicked puppy.
I finally settle on, “I do like you, Kato.”
More than like, really. But I don’t know how to say it in a way he’ll understand it’s not just an excuse. The timing is too convenient—if I tell him everything now, it’ll sound like I’m only saying it to make him feel better.
I can tell immediately that my quiet admission isn’t enough, the way he’s peering at me, how his mouth is turned down in a frown. That’s when I notice his face is bruised, one eye swollen. I don’t remember how that happened, and I don’t know how I didn’t see it until now.
“Your face,” I say roughly. “What happened? Was that me?” My memories of last night are fragmented, my head full of nothing and too much all at once. Memories of claiming Cas scatter every time I try to grasp hold of one.
Kato shakes his head, once, decisively. “No. A ‘congrats on your mating’ gift from my uncle. I’d have preferred a box of chocolates, if I’m honest. Flowers, even.”
I shoot to my feet, my bad leg spasming.
I ignore it, the thought of Declan laying his hands on Kato like that has me seeing red.
A growl claws its way out of my throat. I should have been there to protect him.
Kato may be an alpha, but he’s mine. Nobody else gets to touch him without my say-so.
The force of my conviction almost steals my breath.
Kato edges closer to me, feet scuffing the dirty floor. It’s a submissive sort of movement, full of caution and deference. My wolf calms. Slightly. Enough for me to take a breath that doesn’t feel like I’m swallowing hot needles.
Once Kato is within touching distance, he reaches up and presses a hand to the centre of my chest, right where I’m pining for Cas. I suck in a sharp breath. Even through my T-shirt, the heat of his palm is like an inferno.
“Nate?” he asks. “Are you okay?”
No. Nothing about this is okay. Our mate is out there somewhere, and I can’t get to him.
If we’ve bred him, we might not even survive to face Declan’s justice.
And I’m apparently possessive over another alpha, which shouldn’t happen.
Alphas don’t mate with other alphas. Kato’s body isn’t made for taking knots, or for breeding, or being alpha marked.
Yet he’s there, his hand warm and comforting, and that simple touch quells my wolf’s rage.
Voices in my head—my a-father, the rest of the pack alphas, Declan—tell me it’s wrong, that no alpha should feel this way for another alpha, but I can’t deny how my body reacts to him.
Every instinct, every deep-rooted inclination compels me to lean into him. To scent him.
To take him.
If we’d been able to mate Cas properly, we’d still be holed up in the cabin, fucking our days away in his nest. Newly mated shifters often retreat for a whole week before they’re able to emerge fully sated, their hormones and possessiveness under more control.
I don’t feel in control now. My wolf is cut off from Cas.
Kato is here physically, but we’re not together.
Not in the way I want to be. Our ruts were cut short, and we both have unspent energy needing to be burnt out.
We can’t spend it on Cas, but we can spend it on each other, make right what I should have done before now.
I watch Kato through my wolf’s eyes. His visible pulse in the flutter of his jugular. How his pink tongue darts out to wet his irresistible lips. The flex of the muscles in his forearms. That visible strength entices me like little else does.
Kato takes a sudden step backwards, his hand slipping away. His eyes are narrowed, full of wariness.
“Nate, why are you looking at me like that?”
I blink slowly. “How am I looking at you?” I ask, my voice low.
“Like you want to eat me,” he says, and gives a half-hearted chuckle. “I promise I won’t taste great. Ciggies and alcohol-soaked meat doesn’t sound particularly great now, does it?”
My gaze rakes over him, and I inhale deeply. He doesn’t smell of tobacco and booze right now. He smells like woodsmoke and an underlying layer of something…different. Fear? Anxiety?
Nervousness.
He shuffles backwards again, and it’s the wrong thing to do. Running from me won’t work. Not when we’re in a small space like this.
Before he can step further away, I burst into movement.
Kato makes a valiant effort to slip out of my grasp but I’ve got size on my side, my arms banding around him and holding tight.
My hands are fisted in the back of his shirt, keeping him there.
I dip my face into the crook of his neck, nosing up along his pulse point, hearing how it’s getting faster with my proximity.
He breathes, long and reedy. “Nathan…”
“No,” I murmur. “That’s not what you call me.” I bite at his neck—just a nip, not hard. He stiffens before going lax as I taste him, all salty skin and sweat. I lick him like a mother wolf would her cub. Cleaning him, getting my spit and scent all over him.
Cas will still smell of us both. I need to ensure the same of Kato. Permanently.
He shudders as I switch to his other side, repeating the movement. Bite. Lick. Bite. Lick.
“What do you call me?” I prompt again.
“Na—”
“No,” I interrupt, retreating so I can look straight into his hazel eyes. “Come on, Kato. You know what I want to hear.”
“Alpha.”
“Yes,” I hiss. “Not just any alpha—your alpha. Isn’t that right?”
He nods, frantic, his hair bouncing wildly around his face. “My alpha,” he breathes.
I don’t think I’ll ever get over the sound of those words from his lips.
It’s one thing for Cas to say it, but Kato?
Alphas aren’t supposed to defer to anyone but the leader of their pack.
Offering my throat to Declan feels wrong, unnatural, but Kato submits to me like he was made for it.
It’s beautiful, how the weight seems to slough off him when he says it, all that coiled tension unfurling.
And because he’s being so good for me, so sweet in his submission, I have to reward him. “Get on your knees, Kato,” I say, my alpha bleeding into my words.
Unlike Declan, I don’t need an alpha command to make Kato obey. He crashes to the floor hard and fast, his desperation clear.
The picture isn’t complete, of course. Cas should be here too, kneeling for me beside Kato like the good boy he is.
I can give my alpha what he needs right now, though.
He needs to get out of his head, to know his worth.
What better way to show him how I feel than to lavish him with the sort of attention he’s been silently begging me for?
Pushing him away isn’t doing either of us any good. We’re in this together, him and Cas and I. I thought I could save Kato from myself.
Turns out I was only hurting us both.
Kato’s mouth parts. Whether by instinct or eagerness I can’t tell, but the result is the same.
I grasp his chin, thumb digging into his plush lower lip.
He inhales deeply but doesn’t move, other than the rise and fall of his chest. Mine does the same, our breathing aligned, our hearts beating in the same rhythm.
This is what we both need. He’s wanted this from me since day one, and I’ve denied myself this pleasure for fear of sullying him with my touch and making him even more of an outsider.
My feelings have been locked up tight for so long my realisation hits like a dam bursting: I can’t hold myself back from Kato any longer.
Attention. Direction. Domination. I’ll give it all to him, distract from the agonising ache he must be feeling for Cas.
I can’t save us from our entwined fate, but I can provide a worthy distraction. Not just that, but take us to the next step. Ensure the mating holds the only way I know how.
“Take me out,” I say, my voice little more than a growl.
His hands fly out before I’ve even finished the order, a ravenous expression on his face as he undoes my jeans, shoving them out of the way enough to pull my cock out. I haven’t loosened my grip on his jaw, so his eyes flash to mine, a question in his gaze.
“Do you want it, Kato?”
“Yes, Alpha,” he utters, as though the words were wrenched from his lips.
“What is it you want, exactly?” I can’t help it, the satisfaction that rolls through me when I make him beg for it. It shouldn’t be as intoxicating as it is, and yet, I need to hear it.
He takes in a ragged breath, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Your cock.”