24. Cas #2
But no. I doubt I’ll ever be rid of the sight of Niall’s body, his clawed-open throat gaping like an extra mouth, dark blood staining his entire front, limbs splayed unnaturally around him. His freckled skin corpse-like. Because that’s what he is.
All thanks to me. If I hadn’t run here. Hadn’t ingratiated myself with them. If I’d been brave enough to contact the council. Told them everything that Bash had done to me.
A sob wrenches out of me. I want my alphas. Want them more than anything right now. Want to be held and to be told that everything is going to be okay, that I don’t have to go to Bash, that Niall’s not really dead and this is all simply a horrible nightmare I can’t wake up from.
My mind kicks into overdrive. I don’t know if I can do it—lie to them.
I’m aware of my distress distantly, like it’s happening to somebody else. My emotions surge, threatening to overwhelm me. And that’s what has me desperately schooling myself. If Nathan can tell I’m distressed, he’ll speed right back here.
The prospect isn’t unwanted. I know if I tell either of my mates about Bash, they’ll kill him for sure. But would they be able to do it before Bash took his retribution out on Adrian?
No. They wouldn’t. Nathan is miles away, and I feel sick at the notion of forcing Kato to be responsible for the loss of another life.
I spit to clear my mouth, wiping my lips with the back of my hand. Grimacing at the mess I’ve made, I check my phone. It’s been two minutes already. Time is ticking. I need to make a decision.
Another look at the picture my former boss sent me confirms what I need to do.
He’s not fully in frame, but Adrian is there beside Niall.
Trying my best to ignore the viscera in the image, I zoom in on the half-obscured head of brown curls.
Adrian’s hair is plastered to his skull, matted with blood.
He’s not dead—he can’t be—because nobody, not even Bash, would bother to tie up a dead shifter.
Which means he’s still alive. It means I can save him.
And I have to, don’t I? Nathan would never forgive me if I let his best friend die.
One of them is already dead on my account.
My alpha doesn’t have many people left. I cannot be the cause of more of his pain.
He’s had enough of it for a lifetime. He was willing to martyr himself for me, faced down rut-crazed shifters and went head-to-head with his alpha.
He’s lost his home and his pack. I can’t let him lose Adrian too.
Which means I have only one option. Lie to Kato. Go to Bash. Hope that whatever he does to me, Kato and Nathan can survive it together.
It’s that last thought that keeps me together as I stumble back to the cabin on wobbly legs. I can do this for them.
I’m back in no time at all, having barely been able to collect myself. My finger has stopped bleeding, but Kato might smell it. My vomit, too.
When I burst inside, I sprint towards the bedroom.
“Need a pee!” I shout in Kato’s general direction.
If he responds, I don’t hear it over the pounding in my ears.
I stumble into the bathroom, stopping at the sink.
I grasp onto it and slowly raise my head to look in the little mirror, letting out a slightly hysterical laugh.
Nathan’s so tall that he’s installed it at a height where I can only see half my face. Still, it’s all I need to see how my eyes are bloodshot from tears, little lightning bolts of burst vessels making me look deranged.
How the fuck am I going to get past Kato like this?
I brush my teeth and drink water straight from the tap to rid myself of the taste of bile. I relieve myself too, because fuck knows when I’ll next get the chance. I check my phone. Five minutes. No more time to waste.
As I’m leaving the bedroom, however, a flash of pink in the corner of my vision makes me pause.
It’s the fleece blanket, the one that smells perfectly of both my alphas.
A sob sticks in my throat. Other than the clothes off their backs, that blanket was the first thing they ever gave me.
It’s not fancy or expensive or impressive as a gift, but it was from them, therefore it’s special.
They gave it to me when I was just a stranger, one who’d shown up on their lands with no right to want anything from them.
I reach out, fearing it may crumble under my touch, fade to dust and ash. It doesn’t. Of course it doesn’t. It’s as soft and tangible as it was the first time I felt it, waking up in Nathan’s bed.
I press my eyes shut against the onslaught of tears. I don’t want to leave them. Never would, if I had the choice. If I had to do this all over again, I’d choose them every time, regardless of the pain and hurt I went through to get here.
Is it wrong to say it was all worth it?
I wipe my tears away with the blanket, which is sodden with them already, and leave it on the bed, hoping it might offer Kato and Nathan a semblance of comfort once I’m gone, just like it did for me when we were last apart.
With a breaking heart, I slip out into the living area.
“Sorry, Little Ghost,” Kato says, abashed.
“Spilled some cayenne and chilli flakes. You know that shit gets everywhere.” He turns around and leans against the countertop, the long, lean lines of him irresistible even with his face flushed red from the heat of the cooker and the spice in the air stinging my eyes.
“No worries,” I croak.
His brows crease. “You heading somewhere? What was up with Adrian?”
I swallow before responding, the lie almost sticking in my throat. “We’re going for drinks in Inverness. He invited me.”
“Is he not at the horse fair?”
“Absconded. Gone AWOL.” I laugh, the sound too high-pitched.
“Nate’s right. He’s such a brat.” Kato pouts. “What about my chicken, though?”
“I’ll have it when I—when I get back.” Never. That’s never going to happen. “Sure I’ll need it after a couple of pints with Adrian.”
Kato nods sagely. “It’ll probably taste better after marinating for longer, anyway.” He rubs two fingers together. “It’s all in the juices.”
I smile. Or try to. I’m not sure what my face is doing. All I know is that I need to hide it. So I rush towards Kato, throwing my arms around his waist and burying my face in his chest, the soft cotton of his T-shirt swallowing up the last of my tears.
His arms go around me, strong and comforting. “You gonna miss me when you’re out with your friends?” he asks, a note of humour in his tone.
I nod into his shirt, unable to speak. If I speak, I fear I’ll tell him everything.
“Do you want me to run there with you?”
I shake my head. “I’m meeting them at the end of the road.”
“Okay. I’m not sure when Nate’ll be back, but call us if you want to be picked up later? I can drive in to get you, or even just meet you in fur.”
I pull back, collecting myself. “I’ll let you know.”
He brushes a strand of hair off my face. “Have fun. I’ll miss you.”
I press my lips together to stop them from wobbling. Nodding is all I can do.
Kato cocks his head. “You okay? That spice in the air sure did a number on you. Your poor eyes. I’m sorry.”
“I’m fine.” I’m not. Nothing is fine.
He grins crookedly and leans down, pressing a quick kiss to my lips. When he pulls away, all I want to do is tell him everything. Tell him that I don’t want to leave him. Tell him that I’m not fine at all.
Tell him that I love him. That he needs to tell Nathan for me too, because I’m leaving and he’s not even here. The last time I saw him I was half-asleep in Kato’s arms, giving him a lacklustre wave from under the duvet.
I can’t say it, though. Can’t do this to Kato. He’s already lost one love of his life. I can’t force him to lose another. Even if he doesn’t love me back yet, I know telling him will make it hurt all the more.
I turn and head to the door, knowing that I can’t hold myself together a moment longer.
“See you in a bit,” he calls after me. “Have fun!”
“Say goodbye to Nathan for me.” It’s the last thing I say to him before I walk out of the cabin for what is likely the final time. I make it five steps before the tears start again, rolling down my face in thick rivulets. I let them fall. When I shift into my wolf, they’ll stop anyway.
Fraying at the edges, I close my eyes. When I open them again, I’m closer to the ground, the world in different shades. I break into a run, a very human thought haunting me, telling me I’ve been here before.
Last time, I was running away from danger. This time it’s towards it. Not blindly, either. Eyes wide open, knowing exactly what I’m going to find once I stop running.
Three letters. One word.
Run.