Raven

Chapter 21

TWENTY-ONE

Lachlan dropped me off around the corner from where I lived, then I ran and got my bike out of the garage. It felt like such a bad idea, almost like fate, or something was trying to warn me that this was all going to blow up in my face. That feeling in my chest, the one so deep it felt like something dark digging around in there, was getting stronger.

But I had to meet Tia. I just had to.

There was no way but using my bike to get to the Fell. I couldn't use the buses, and while I could maybe have asked Lachlan to drop me close, I'd be screwed for getting home again. Plus, I didn't want to risk him. We'd already risked enough getting Anika and her son to Malcolm's place.

Riding to the Fell was a delicate balance of going as fast as I could without tearing up the roads and bringing attention to myself with the roar of my bike. Honestly, it felt like I was riding through mud and mire as I tried to ride, my heart pounding so hard in my chest, needing to push me on. Even my panther was urging me, pacing inside, wanting me to put my foot down and just get us to his potential mate.

It didn't help that I couldn't use the main roads. It'd be so much faster that way, but that'd mean I'd have to use the main bridge, and that place was manned at all times. The only way near that bridge was under it, and that meant swimming the river. Not a chance.

So, I stuck to the lanes and the small roads, and sometimes I had to go back and around just so I wasn't seen. I was about three-quarters into the ride when I spotted my first set of sweepers. To anyone looking, they were three guys on bikes, paused at a layby, just chatting. They looked approachable. The kind of guys you could ask for a jump start or maybe a hand changing a tire. They were meant to look like that, but under all that nice guy facade, they were armed to the teeth. They'd be carrying silver and iron, metals—anything that would render Others incapacitated. The easiest way to tell they were sweepers? The cattle wagon hidden not so far away, lights out, tucked away at the end of a lane, ready to take out any Other they captured. I'd bet my bike that a little further down the road, was another set of inconspicuous looking people, ready and waiting.

If they saw me, they'd be on me like a swarm of wasps on a spilled sugary drink, and with the shit already on my head, I'm not so sure I'd have got out alive.

I cut the engine to my bike, turned off my lights and got off so I could push it behind a hedge in a field and use that as my cover as I made my way out of town. I think I pushed my bike a good mile, and fuck did my back ache, but Tia was worth it. I'd have pushed my bike the whole way if it'd got me to her.

I sent out my senses before I emerged from the hedges, making sure I couldn't feel any life close by. What I did feel was farm animals. They had a way about them.

I made it to the second bridge. This was a small, less used bridge. It was old and rickety, and to be honest, I'm surprised it was still standing. The humans didn't bother to check on this one, mostly because they were idiots, and assumed no Others would use it, mostly, because it led us to nowhere. But that was exactly why we did use it, and why it was easy to get on the road that led to the Fell.

The Fell was a weird one. It was a shared space. By day it was Humans, by night it was open to Others, which, the joke was on us, right? We could use it at night, but we couldn't actually get to it if we were out of curfew, which was fine in the winter months when it went dark around three, but summer? It stayed light until almost eleven and curfew was ten.

Instead of parking my bike in the usual car park, I tucked it in behind the information centre and put some tarp over it. Any human coming this way probably wouldn't find it, or even care, but never say never and the last thing I wanted to do was get into any kind of fight.

My panther roamed under my skin, his fur lining every part of my insides. He was determined to come out, wanting to go and search for Tia. Wanting to protect and claim the child she might be carrying inside. I didn't need to see my face either, to know that the edges of my jaw would be sharp, the definitions in my face would be more prominent. One snap, and I'd shift and my panther would hold nothing back.

Only a fool would get in the way of a shifter and his mate and child. It was like my body was running on the primal instinct of my cat, and while I did have some semblance of control, I'm not sure what that would have looked like if pushed.

There was no one around, though.

Not even Tia, it seemed. I couldn't sense her. I inhaled the moment I took my helmet off, needing to detect her scent to calm something in me, but all I got was the leftover smells from the day. Humans had been here with kids. They left a sickly sweet stench in the air.

A growl rumbled along my throat. My panther was not happy. It was a fight for me. Against the gnawing in my chest and the voice in my head, the one that said, she'd not only not come to meet me, but she'd never intended to, and all that in the street was some ruse to get rid of me. The mind was a cruel thing at times. More cruel I think than any humans.

I had no idea what I'd do if she wasn't there, how I'd calm my panther.

My mind raced and my panther rushed against me. I made myself walk, heading the way we always went when we got to the Fell together. This was our place. She loved it since I'd shown her it and any time I picked her up and asked where she wanted to go, it was always here.

I fought against the angst in my head as I ran past the stream. It was harder for me in this form than it was for me as my panther. He had paws and claws and the natural affinity to climb. I was clumsy and all arms and legs. Especially in my desperation to make it to Tia, my head was all over the place. That really didn't help and it made me lose my footing. I had to get up there. I had to look, even if I just couldn't scent her.

The clearing was empty. "Shit." I inhaled a breath, stuffed my hands into my pockets, and walked over to the fence where we'd looked out across the world so many times and made so many plans. It was almost like stepping back into a version of us from two weeks ago when we were ready to take on the world together. I could almost be that person again, the one who believed.

She hadn't come.

She wasn't coming.

I ran my hands through my hair and turned my back on the fence, let my backside hit it, then I slid down, taking me down as I sat with my knees up, my elbows resting on them, my head in my hands. I just breathed. I had to breathe because of course my panther was running inside. He wasn't mad, he was pining, needing the mate when I couldn't get up and go find her. Despite what she might want or what she might have said, he didn't give a shit about the rules of life. In his head, all he had to do was go and find her.

Maybe I was late. We hadn't settled on a time. Maybe she'd been here and I'd been too long. It was almost two in the morning. Was she supposed to sit here and wait for me all night? Maybe she thought I'd be the one not to turn up and she'd left.

My panther beat inside me, his solution was to shift, to charge the hell out of there and run right down to her at the college because that would get us to her. He had no clue, no care what would happen if we did that. For me, going to the college wasn't an option, not at this time of night. The only thing I could really do was go home and wait for the morning to come and then try to talk to her then, in the daylight. But that had my panther screeching at me, and hell if I'd never heard him react like this. He set my teeth on edge, my skin tingled along every single fibre. He was pissed. He wanted Tia and there was nothing fucking stopping him.

I raised my gaze to stare into the darkness, and the colours of the world had shifted. My panther was pushing. He'd shifted my eyes. They'd be bright green now, with dark slits down the centre. I had to close my mouth, to press back where my jaws and teeth wanted to shift. "No," was all I managed to growl.

I put my head down and clenched my fists to my temples, closed my eyes and tried to calm him the way I calmed other people down, sending threads of my power inward rather than outwards, doing anything just to stroke down his back and soothe him from this need to go out into the world and chase her down. It held me paralysed so I sat.

"I never thought you'd be one to give up so easily," a voice said from somewhere above me, making my heart slip into my throat.

I scanned the darkness above us and then I spotted the familiar figure. "Tia?" I couldn't even explain the level of relief at seeing her. "Tia?" My panther was in my throat making it hard to speak and I had to clear it. She was at the top of the waterfall, which of course was where I hadn't checked because I'd been unable to see her or scent her. I should have.

She must've read what was probably going on through my mind because she held up a small vial. "I got this off a girl in my class," she said. She smirked. "I guess it worked." She grinned.

"Did you want to hide yourself?"

"I wanted to make sure I made it here without being followed."

"Who would be following you?" But she was coming to the edge of the waterfall. It wasn't so big. We could jump down it easily enough. Maybe humans would need a hand, because it was at a level which, if landed wrong could break a bone or two, but Tia and I had jumped down so many times. Yet as she moved towards the edge, something lurched inside me. "Don't," I said. "Not in your--."

She stared at me, wide-eyed, and I could see that from where I was. Of course, I was on my feet by then and at the edge, all but ready to go up there and get her myself.

She cut me off, hushing me. "Don't say it out loud." She looked out. From where she was, she had the better vantage point to see if anyone was coming. I looked behind me, around me. We were alone.

"Sorry. But you shouldn't get up there. It's not safe."

She put her hands on her hips. "I'm not some invalid. I'm fine."

I wanted to agree with her but my panther didn't care. What he saw was the woman carrying his child and she was in a place that could bring her danger. He wanted to go up there, scoop her up, and place her somewhere safe. I had never been around shifters when they'd been pregnant, hell, I was isolated from most shifters, apart from the contact with my mother and Malcolm, so I had never seen anyone around pregnant women before, but inside my head and my body, my panther was going nuts and I didn't know if this was normal, but he seemed to have it down pat.

"If I ask nicely, will you please come down?" I had to speak slowly, letting the growl out along with my words. She'd have known. Her own panther would respond to mine.

She came down. But she didn't come all the way over to me.

I wanted to close the gap, to wrap my arms around her and scoop her up, but I had to hold back on that too. I just didn't want to scare her away. There was a chance here. She'd met with me, so that had to mean something and I didn't want to tip the balance into the version of Tia that told me to get out of her life.

"What happened with the humans?" she said, before I had the chance to say anything.

And okay. I could do that. Start with something on my side, something easy. I shrugged. "They gave me a fine and slapped me on the wrist."

"A fine? How much?"

I stuffed my hands into my pockets again, took a step back. That was the part I didn't want to say. "It's not important. I'll get it sorted." Though I had no fucking clue how. And then I moved back, one step and then another, slowly.

Tia tensed. I sensed it as much as saw it. "Tell me how much. I know how these things work. They fine you stupid amounts and then when you can't pay it, they lock you up."

I took a breath. "Ten," I said.

"Ten?"

"Ten thousand."

I felt the jolt from her. It lanced against me and I winced, because my control wasn't that much and her emotions hitting mine that were already on high alert ...

"When do they want it by?"

"My birthday."

She put her hand to her mouth. "But that's just three weeks away."

"Two weeks and five days." I'd have added seconds, but I wasn't counting. "It's fine. I'll get it figured out. Can we just talk about us? About the... baby?"

But she ignored me. "How are you going to sort the fine out?"

"I don't know. I haven't fully figured it out yet."

"Do you have that kind of money?"

"Not lying around. It's fine. I'll figure something out. If I get desperate, Malcolm said I could sign up for the Sentinels and do a two-year stint. The first year alone is more than enough to cover it. Once I'm signed up with Malcolm, no one can touch me, not even humans. I'll get an advance and pay them off, and then when I'm done, I'll be clean."

I felt her again—a rip against my ability, so harsh I had to take a step back. I'm not sure if she saw me flinch, but I managed to protect myself and throw up an extra shield.

"I could lend you the money," she said quickly.

"No. I'm not taking your money. It's for college."

She came up to me then, closer. Close enough that I looked down at her. I knew my eyes were still shifted, I could tell.

"Raven ..."

I bowed my head a little. I needed to gain control. I was like a firework standing close to a heat source. "Please, can we talk about the baby?" I was barely holding on and she had to have felt it from me. This wasn't even an extra ability thing. It was shifters, mates, potentials. We all had connections with each other and what we felt, and our animals danced.

"Let me give you the money. It's half my mess. If you don't want to take the money, you can pay back half of it." She looked at me with such sincerity and I felt it from her too, that I almost backed down.

I didn't want to. This wasn't her mess. No matter what she said. "I'll think about it. Let me see what I can come up with myself."

She studied me for a moment and then nodded. "If you can't figure it out on your own, come to me and I'll give you the money, loan it, whatever makes you comfortable. You have to promise me that. I couldn't live with myself if you got carted off to some human prison."

"I promise. Malcolm's offer isn't a bad one. But please, can we--"

She cut me off again. Not with words this time, but with her lips. She pushed up, pressing her mouth to mine, pressing her hand into my chest right over my heart and it beat for her. My hand instantly went around her back, pulling her into me, my mouth pressing hard against hers.

"Tia ..." I breathed.

"Sorry."

"No." I shook my head. I didn't need her to be sorry.

"I'm a few days late. I'm never late. I snuck a test out of the cabinet in the bathroom. Arsehole one has a stash of them." Arsehole one and two is what we'd named them. Ashley and Sabina were their names, but they were arseholes. Did everything they could to make Tia's life hell. Giving them names just made us feel better. "I know they're meant for humans, but I thought, why not. So I peed on it, and two blue lines came up."

A large part of me wanted to smile, hell, I wanted to fucking grin, but the seventeen-year-old part of me, he wanted to ask what the holy fuck did we do now? Because I didn't know what this meant for us, and in truth, right at that moment, I was just a kid. A kid in an almost man's body and I had no idea about the world, even if I felt like I knew it all. "Are you keeping it?"

She didn't move away from me and maybe that made it worse, with the apprehension coming off her. I had to hold myself still and keep my mouth closed and let her answer. "I want to," she said. "But I don't know if it is possible."

"It is if we want to. We could go to society, get them to okay a mating? We do it now, they won't know about the baby. We can wing it, fake the dates." I didn't know where these ideas were coming from, and I could only imagine what my mother would be like, but then, I was almost eighteen. She couldn't do a thing but be mad at me and this was too important.

"What about your life? College, work?"

I moved closer to her than I felt like I could and she didn't back away. "You would be my life. You are my life."

"If you sign up with Malcolm, when you’re away for two years we won't see you."

"If we're mated that won't matter. Me being a Sentinel gives us status. Because I sign up with the Sentinels and I get to move to the compound and if you're my mate, when I finish my stint of service, if I stay and if I graduate, you can come with me. But there's no way I won't graduate. We'll be set up for life. We'd have a life."

"But you'd not be around. For two years, you'd be gone. There's no leave. Our child, your child ... they'd have no father for the first two years." Her eyes searched mine. "You told me yourself, growing up without a father was the worst thing in your life. Could we do this to our own?"

"That's because he isn't here now and I don't know him. The baby won't know I'm missing. It'll be young. I can slip back in, form those bonds." In my head it was right. And no, I didn't want to be away from my child. "If I'm a Sentinel, you'd be protected, you both would. Society would push you both up the ranks."

"If this is the best way then why do you sound like you're trying to convince yourself too?"

I had to bite my lip. "I'm just a student with a bar job right now. I have nothing to offer, nothing I can do to protect us, but we have this chance." The truth is if I told my mother and she turned me out, I'd have nothing. Not that I imagined she’d do that. "This is the answer to everything even if neither of us want it. It gets my debt with the humans paid off, it sets us up for life, it's just two years of our lives."

"And what if you don't come back? Being a Sentinel isn't a game, Raven. You're not out on a picnic or a hike. You're fighting a war, you're defending our society." She stepped into me then and she wrapped her arms around my waist, pressed her head to my chest. I held her against me, wrapping my arms equally around her. Her heart beat against mine. "I don't think I'll make it if I lost you, baby or not. I love you."

My panther reached for her, silver fur flickering. I wanted to wrap around her and hold her so close. "I can promise you, you’ll never lose me."

"Is this why you pushed me away?"

I felt her trembling against me. "I was going to get rid of the baby and not tell you," she said, the words trailing off. "I thought ... If you didn't know then I could just set you free. But I couldn't. I looked at you and I know that I'm not saying I'm ..."

"It doesn’t matter. You told me now.” I lifted my hand to her face and brushed her hair back, exposing the bruise. “Who did that? Who did this?"

She stared into my eyes, hers roving over mine. "I live in a very patriarchal family. And one girl in the family ... brothers ... they couldn't hide it from them."

"Your brother did this?"

"He didn't mean it. He just lost his temper."

And my panther was raging again, rising up and ready to kill. Brother or not, he'd put his hands on her, and Tia felt that because she held onto me. "Don't," she said. "It's just my brother being a dick and it got out of hand."

"He hurt you." The growl was barely contained in my throat.

She heaved in a breath. "It doesn't matter. What matters is here, us. Okay? I'm afraid, Raven."

"You have nothing to be afraid of, I'll take care of you."

"And we'll mate?" She said. "You and me? We'll go to society and ask to be mated."