Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
I was meant to go out and look for my mother, head to the underground to see if she was there, but Tia's brother had totally thrown me. When he left, I shut the door to the flat and just stood there, frozen. My blood pumped through my body like liquid fire, scorching every single vein. I clenched my fists so tight my knuckles turned white, nails biting into my palms.
"Mated ..." The word tasted bitter.
No. I didn't believe it, and my panther sure as hell didn't either. Tia would have said something, she'd have told me ... wouldn't she? But maybe she wouldn't. How the fuck was I meant to put this into any kind of logic?
I heaved in a ragged breath, my chest tight with anxiety. She'd just be finishing her class now. I had to ask her what the hell this was all about, had to see the truth in her eyes.
I stalked back to my room, snatching up my smaller bag with the joggers in it and strapped it across my body. It was Wednesday, which meant Tia was in her stats class, way over on the west part of campus. Might as well have been on the fucking moon. It'd take a good twenty minutes just to get across campus on foot, and I didn't have it in me to wait. Every second felt like an eternity.
I burst out of my building, the cool air doing nothing to calm the inferno raging inside me. My feet carried me to the woodland area of the nearby park almost on autopilot. I didn't even think about it, just let my panther take control. I shifted there, my bones cracking and reforming as fur rippled across my skin. If I hadn't let him out voluntarily, I think he'd have forced the shift anyway. He was as desperate for answers as I was.
As soon as the transformation was complete, I took off through the trees, my powerful limbs eating up the distance. The world blurred around me, nothing but green shadows and the pounding of my heart. All I could focus on was getting to Tia, demanding the truth. Whatever it was, whatever she told me, I'd face it. But this limbo, this not knowing—I'd tear me apart from the inside out.
I shifted quickly under the cover of the human students' bike shed, my bones cracking and muscles rippling as fur receded and human skin took its place. The transformation left me breathless, adrenaline still coursing through my veins. I fumbled with my bag, hastily pulling on my joggers and t-shirt, grateful for the shadows that concealed me from prying eyes.
My heart pounded against my ribcage as I emerged, trying to look casual despite the urgency thrumming through every fibre of my being. The campus bustled with oblivious students, their chatter and laughter a stark contrast to the storm raging inside me.
Taking a deep, steadying breath, I forced myself to be normal. Act fucking normal, Raven. Easier said than done. My heart hammered against my ribs, threatening to burst through my chest as I made my way inside. I pushed through the doors, the cold air-conditioned interior chilling my heated skin, raising goosebumps along my arms.
The class was still in session. I peered through the glass, my heart clenching at the sight of her. Tia was perched on a stool, hunched over a computer, her brow furrowed in concentration as she tackled a complicated equation sprawled across the board.
So many nights spent under the stars at the Fell, our bodies intertwined, skin against skin. We'd work on equations like this, our voices soft in the darkness, punctuated by laughter and stolen kisses. In those moments, the rest of the world ceased to exist. It was only us, wrapped in a bubble of shared dreams and whispered promises.
I pressed my palm against the cool glass, longing to reach through and touch her. How could something that felt so real, so right, be a lie? The thought of her being promised to someone else, of our child being raised by a stranger, made my stomach churn.
As I watched her, completely unaware of my presence or the turmoil raging inside me, I felt a fierce surge of protectiveness. Whatever her brother had said, whatever shit lay ahead, one thing was certain, I wasn't going to let her go without a fight.
Her class finished twenty agonising minutes later. I was sitting on the floor against the wall opposite the door, watching it like a hawk. She came out, her eyes going wide when she saw me. A smile bloomed on her face, but it faltered as she caught the look on mine. I didn't mean to. So many years, I had been good at keeping myself in check, at keeping everything about me hidden. I had practised so much with my mother and the moves, all of that, but with Tia, I couldn't do it.
It was like she'd come into my life and opened a part of me I didn't know was there. I'd gone through life in a kind of haze, going to class, going to work, coming home, studying. It'd been a cycle, one I had done every single day. My goal was to pass college and make a life, and that had needed the repetitive grind, which I'd done with ease. But then Tia came and threw a spanner in it all, and I don't know how to explain it. Something in me was more alive now than it ever was.
"What's wrong?" she said when she saw me.
I pushed myself up off the floor. "Can we talk?"
She nodded, her eyes searching mine, looking for what it was. Her unease seeped into me, and I didn't have the strength to block, so I let it flow over me.
We got out onto the grounds and walked. There was a spot, like a garden area. Mostly, it was where the humans hung out in the day, sunbathing, chatting, thinking they were fucking important. We went there.
"Raven, you're scaring me."
"Sorry. I don't mean to. I ..." I paused a moment, gathering my courage. "Your brother came to see me. One of them. I don't know his name."
The colour drained from Tia's face, her eyes widening with a mix of fear and understanding. She reached for my hand, her fingers trembling slightly as they intertwined with mine.
"What ... what did he say?" she whispered.
I took a deep breath, steeling myself for the conversation ahead. "He told me to stay away from you. Said you were already promised to someone else back home." The words tasted bitter on my tongue. "Is it true, Tia? Are you mated to someone else?"
Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears, and my heart clenched painfully in my chest. The air between us grew thick with her emotions—fear, guilt, and a deep, aching sorrow that threatened to choke me.
"I ..." She swallowed hard, her voice trembling. I wanted to push her for the answer, to shake the truth out of her, but I held back. She had to tell me herself. I gave her the silence, the moment she needed. "He's telling the truth," she finally said. "I ..."
I yanked my hand away from hers, the sudden absence of her touch leaving me cold. "You never said anything to me. We made all these fucking promises, Tia."
She turned away, burying her face in her hands. The sorrow and shame pouring off her in waves was so intense it made me stagger. It crashed over me, a tsunami of regret and pain that threatened to drag me under.
"I'm not mated," she choked out, her words muffled by her hands. "But I'm ... I'm promised to someone. It's a political arrangement, for the good of the pack. I tried to tell them I didn't want it, but ..." Her shoulders shook with silent sobs.
The world tilted on its axis, everything I thought I knew crumbling around me. "Why didn't you tell me?. All this time, Tia. All the nights we spent together, planning our future. Was it all just a lie?"
She turned back to me, her face streaked with tears, eyes wild with desperation. "No. God, no, Raven. It wasn't a lie. I love you. I just ... I didn't know how to tell you. I thought if I could just figure out a way to break the arrangement ..."
"This is why you ended it with me? Because of them?" The words came out harsher than I intended, laced with hurt and disbelief.
Tia wiped at her face, tears leaving glistening tracks on her cheeks. I felt torn, part of me aching to comfort her, to pull her into my arms and tell her everything would be okay. But another part—the part fuelled by my panther's rage—wanted answers first.He wanted to go to her family, all teeth and claws and let them know exactly what he thought.
"I thought maybe ... I was going to ..." She struggled to find the words, her voice thick with emotion. "I hadn't decided. I just ... I'm so sorry, Raven. I thought maybe I could get rid of it."
I couldn't stop the low growl that escaped my throat. Before I could respond, Tia sat up straighter, words tumbling out in a rush.
"You have your classes, I have mine. We both have plans, and I thought ..."
"That you'd just kill our child and not tell me?" I cut in. The very idea of it made my panther howl inside , a primal cry of loss for something that hadn't even happened.
She bit her lip, eyes shimmering with fresh tears. "It's not that simple," she whispered. "You have a life, and I didn't want to ruin it. You can't even tell your mother about me. How is this going to go down?"
I ran a hand through my hair, frustration and fear warring inside me. "Dammit, Tia, this isn't just about you or me anymore. This is our child we're talking about." I took a deep breath, trying to calm. "I know it's scary. Hell, I'm terrified too. But we're in this together. You don't get to make that kind of decision without me."
Tia's shoulders slumped, and the guilt and uncertainty rolled off her. My anger softened, replaced by a fierce protectiveness. I closed the distance between us, gently cupping her face in my hands.
"Listen to me," I said. "I love you. Both of you. Whatever comes next, whatever we have to face—your family, my mother, Society—we face it together. You hear me? Together."
She nodded, leaning into my touch. I pulled her close, wrapping my arms around her as she buried her face in my chest. "You really believe we can do this?" Her voice was muffled against my shirt, but I could hear the mix of hope and fear in her words.
I nodded, my chin brushing the top of her head. "Yes." The word came out firm, more confident than I actually felt, but I needed her to believe it as much as I did. My panther rumbled in agreement, a low vibration in my chest. "We'll go and talk to Malcolm. Ask him for a mating. We'll go there first."
She pulled back a little, her eyes searching mine. "When?"
I didn't hesitate. "Now is as good a time as any."
"Right now? Just like that?"
I cupped her face in my hands, my thumbs gently wiping away the remnants of her tears. "Just like that," I confirmed. "No more waiting, no more letting others decide for us. This is our life, our family. We make the choices now."