Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
It was official.
Chase needed to pull himself together — shove the guilt and uncertainty down until he needed a roadmap to find it — or he’d lose Greer.
She hadn’t said that. Had sat quietly in her Bronco as he’d driven to the café, her hands clasped in her lap. Her gaze focused on the passing scenery. She’d been there, but distant.
Just like he’d been for the past few days.
So focused on her safety, he’d been unable to see the toll the events had taken on her.
Sure, he’d known she was exhausted. Pressured.
That she harbored guilt. But hearing the tremor in her voice when she’d talked about the same mission he’d nearly died on — all the red in his ledger he still owed Rhett — it had all become painfully clear.
She was drowning, too.
It had changed him. Or maybe just lifted some of the shadows. And he’d finally understood what Foster and Kash had been trying to say.
That she was his redemption. His second chance.
He sighed as she sat across from him, chewing on her cheeseburger. Looking as if she wanted to be anywhere but there.
He reached out, gave into the urge to tuck some hair behind her ear. She startled at the light touch, pushing out a few frantic breaths before relaxing.
He’d done that to her. Left her questioning his intentions. If he’d thrown away several months’ worth of friendship. Decided she wasn’t worth fighting for.
He could fix it.
At least, he hoped he could. That their relationship hadn’t cracked beyond healing. That there was still enough of them worth saving.
Greer chuckled. “Have I got something stuck in my teeth?”
He grinned. “No.”
“Then, why the look?”
“I’m just trying to gauge how much I’ve screwed things up.”
Those full, pink lips pursed into a slight frown. “Screwed what up?”
“Us.” He waved between them. “This. I know I haven’t really been there for you since…” He swallowed. “Rhett.”
Greer leaned back in her chair. “I’ve nearly tripped over you a dozen times.”
“I don’t mean physically. But even then, it’s been in an annoyingly overprotective way. I just…” Christ, how did he say he couldn’t think about losing her without hyperventilating. “I’m not sure…”
She forced a weak smile, studying him for a few seconds before bracing her elbows on the table. “It’s okay if you think we missed the moment.”
That voice inside his head started poking at him as dread settled low in his gut. “What moment?”
“Ours.” Her chin quivered. It wasn’t something others would notice, but he did. Like an earthquake-level event that rocked him to his core. “I know I was the one who wasn’t ready. Who kept pushing things off. And I suppose, I’ll have to live with that if what’s happened has changed things.”
“What? No. I mean…” He pushed down the rush of fear. “Why do I get the feeling we aren’t having the same conversation?”
Another quiver, then she stood, popped the last bite of her burger into her mouth before she tossed some cash on the table. “You’re right. I’m tired. Can we talk about this later?”
She pushed past the table, walking quickly to the door. The hinges creaked, the cool night air rushing in as she stepped outside, her silhouette blending in with the shadows and fog just starting to creep through town.
Chase jogged to catch up, reaching her as she opened the driver’s door before cursing and spinning. She stopped cold, trapped between him and her SUV. Just like that first night before everything had gone off the rails.
Before he’d gotten lost in the abyss.
He held firm, hating the way her eyes teared over. “Greer…”
She held up her hand. “You don’t owe me an explanation. I get it.”
He stopped her from shoving him out of the way. “Get what? Because if you’d let me stumble my way through the conversation, I was trying to apologize.”
“For what?”
“Not being there for you the way I should have been. Getting lost in all that darkness. Having my head stuck up my ass. You pick.” He sighed. “I’m not on the other side of this, yet. Losing Rhett…”
He pressed his hand against the vehicle. “Even knowing I couldn’t have saved him, I still feel responsible. Still question if I deserve,” he gestured between them, “all this. But I’m still crazy about you. A fact I’m scared nothing will ever change.”
Greer stared up at him, eyes wide, mouth slightly open. As if she wanted to speak but couldn’t find the words.
He smiled. “I don’t expect the road back to be easy. I’m just hoping there’s still one open for me.”
Greer bit at her bottom lip, a couple tears breaking free before she fisted his shirt — stepped into him. Head pressed against his shoulder, her heart thrashing against his chest.
Definitely all the redemption he needed.
He gathered her close, holding her tight as the world faded for a moment, all the chaos and pain easing. He didn’t take it further, content to simply stand there, entwined.
A throat cleared behind them. “I’m thinking you two should spend more time in this parking lot. Good things happen.”
Chase groaned as Kash’s voice cut through the tender atmosphere, snapping him back. He hugged Greer tighter for a moment before easing away — looking over his shoulder. “Are you stalking us?”
Kash shrugged, one arm wrapped around Jordan, Nyx hugging his other leg. “Just stopped for some coffee before heading back to the station.”
Greer sighed. “You already worked a full shift at Raven’s Watch.”
“And you already worked more than that.” Kash tsked. “There’ll be plenty of time for all of us to catch up on sleep once this asshole’s behind bars. Until then, we need to spell each other off. That includes you.”
“Men.” Greer focused on Jordan. “You sure you’re okay?”
Jordan tilted her head. “After twenty years running missions for Rook, pulling a few extra hours is nothing. I’m fine. The baby’s fine.” She waved at the Bronco. “Get some sleep.”
Kash winked at Chase, the ass, before they headed for the café, looking way too relaxed. Or maybe Chase had simply forgotten how to play it cool. Box away any unwanted feelings. It had been second nature in the service. Since he’d met Greer…
He’d been floundering.
Barely stumbling through while holding it all inside. Having the medic part of him unravel this week…
That had been the beginning of his descent into oblivion.
Greer wrapped her arms around herself, looking more than a bit lost, as she shifted her weight from foot to foot. He grabbed her hand, led her around to the passenger side before opening the door.
He crowded her, holding her attention before she climbed inside. “Kash is an ass.”
She gave him a small, genuine smile. “He’s not wrong, though.”
“I’ll make you a deal. Come back to my place, where I know we’ll be safe, and we can sleep on the couch, again. Or in the bed. But, we’ll just sleep.”
She arched a brow. “You promise not to get up in an hour and sit in a chair and stand guard? Because that’s creepy.”
He held up three fingers. “Scout’s honor.”
“Fine. But you’re not earning a badge for this.”
He closed the door once she’d buckled up, then rounded the grill and slipped behind the steering wheel.
The engine growled as he pulled out of the parking lot and joined the late-night traffic.
Fog rolled in off the ocean, threading through the trees and across the street as he headed for the property.
He waited until they’d turned onto the long winding road up the cliffside before giving her a nudge. “So, Nick Colter. Did you meet him when you shifted over to counterterrorism?”
Greer eyed him, obviously aware he was digging for intel. “He was still with the NCS. Had infiltrated a terrorist cell and needed a working profile for one of the newcomers. He was worried he’d been burned.”
Chase nodded, constantly checking his mirrors. “How long did you two date?”
She twisted to face him, studying his profile for a while before shrugging. “We were on and off for about a year. Nothing serious. I was still dealing with Troy’s death. Was well on my way to drowning myself in tequila.”
“And he offered you a lifeline.”
“More like a hint of light at the end of a tunnel. I still had to drag myself out, but…”
“Can I ask what happened?”
She shifted in her seat. “He got outed. Nearly died, then went dark. I tried to help, dragged his ass back from a few nasty places, but he wasn’t ready to be saved. He resurfaced two years later. Sober. Focused. But by then, whatever we’d had was long gone.”
She reached out and drew her finger along his arm. “He was joking about the dinner thing. The guy’s in a serious relationship with some badass operative.”
Chase glanced at her. “You’re badass.”
“I used to think so. But every time I do something remotely death defying, Jordan walks over and says, ‘Hold my beer’.”
He laughed. “Trust me, she puts us all to shame. And thanks.” He winked. “For not calling me out on the obvious fishing expedition.”
“We both have a past. But if it eases those voices in your head any, there’s one thing Nick could never be.”
He arched a brow in question.
She looked him dead in the eyes. “You.”
He shook his head. “And just like that, you turn the tables on me, again. Looks like you’re ahead by two.”
“Only if we’re keeping score.”
“You’re always keeping score, sweetheart.”
She smiled at the endearment, looking as if she wanted to launch across the console — kiss him — when her eyes widened. She tapped his shoulder, pointing out the left side of the vehicle. “Chase. Pull over.”
He frowned, swerving onto an old access road, his headlights mapping out the scene. Blue strobes throbbed in the distance, the mist pulsing like a heartbeat. Twin beams lit up the forest beyond, tunneling through the fog until the light bled into darkness.
Chase stilled, a volley of scenarios racing through his head before he pushed them all down. Breathed. “Looks like a cruiser.”
“On a decommissioned forest road?”