5. amelia
5
AMELIA
N o sooner had he left the door than I wanted to run after him, pleading with him to stay just a little longer and not leave me alone. Tonight, I had been too tired to even think. During the drive to Wolf Creek, I had focused on the traffic, and now, for the first time since yesterday, I was truly alone with myself.
Initially, I avoided my own thoughts by pacing around. The kitchen was already organized, and one of my cups awaited me on the countertop, right next to the tin containing my favorite tea.
The floor throughout the cabin was only half done, and the fireplace, although in its intended spot, was still wrapped up. The huge windows were installed but not yet fully fixed in place. The small staircase leading up to the loft that served as the bedroom had no railing yet. All these little details proved that Gray hadn't lied. The cabin was still deep in renovations.
Did that bother me? Not in the slightest.
Especially not when I looked at the shelves that had undoubtedly been installed very recently to make room for my books. Gray had already taken the liberty to sort them. He must have been busy all morning since everything he had brought over with Wilder was already put away.
Most of the furniture was still unpacked, let alone set up. In the living room, for instance, there was just a wide, padded bench. The blanket on it must have been Gray's; something told me that everything here hadn't been there a few hours ago.
With arms crossed, I stepped in front of the windows and looked outside. Mountains and forest as far as the eye could see. To the side, I noticed the beginnings of the garden, which made me miss all of my houseplants.
This cabin came with its fair share of work, but I couldn't have been more relieved to be here. A refuge. A place where I could remember who I truly was. Without all the things I had effortlessly left behind in Toronto, and with good reason.
Unpack.
Perfect. The next instruction I could focus on to avoid dealing with the real issue lurking in the back of my mind.
Motivated, I grabbed the first box, took out my stuff, and began distributing it around the corners of the cabin. I familiarized myself with the bathroom and the rain shower, made up the mattress, and arranged my pillows. My clothes remained in their box because the shelf for them wasn't assembled yet. Mentally, I made a note to ask Gray for some tools so I could get started on a few projects—if he didn't keep pushing me to mingle.
Eventually, I returned to the kitchenette and reached for my mug to make some tea. That’s when I noticed the note pinned underneath it.
If you ever need an alternative to all that herbal stuff…
What then? Would he persuade me to try soda? Water? Alcohol? I was tempted to take up the offer right away but found myself standing in front of the large window instead, this time with a cup of my favorite tea in hand.
Despite the warmth of early summer, I savored each sip and realized that this place was quickly growing on me, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
How I was supposed to survive the next few hours without dealing with my personal dilemma was still a mystery. So I did the only sensible thing—pulled out my phone, and after realizing that the reception up here was terrible, tackled the first official project in the cabin. I set up the router to get online, and after a good two hours, I finally managed to connect.
My first official act was to call Manon. She only insisted on updates every three days, but it certainly wouldn't hurt to talk to her now.
After her reaction to Gray and her unwavering support, I owed her that. At least that's what I told myself to justify not dealing with the elephant in the room.
"So, you're still alive? Somehow, that reassures me more than it should, considering I gave you permission to run off with that hunk. I want details, Amelia. Immediately." Her slight whining amused me. Last night, she hadn't let Gray's presence stop her from making it more than clear how attractive she found him, but in his absence, there was really no stopping her.
Had I almost drooled at our first meeting too? Best not to relive that memory.
"There are no details. We just clicked from the very first second, and he might be the reason I was able to leave without any regrets." I sighed.
Knowing I wasn't the first person on earth to be cheated on gave me a slight sense of confidence, especially since it happened to someone like Gray, who had also been betrayed by his partner.
One could argue that he wasn't perfect either, but ultimately, there's no excuse for cheating—no matter the circumstances. And since he was married, his wife certainly knew the kind of man she had by her side.
"And he was just sitting there in the restaurant?"
"Yes. His date didn't show up, and I was almost caught spying. The seat opposite him was free, and I sat down before…"
"Before you realized who you were sitting with?"
"Exactly," I murmured.
"And now? How is it up there? What did he say? Is he already regretting inviting you?"
Despite a shaky connection, I switched to a video call and walked Manon through the whole cabin, showing her where I'd be staying for the next few days, ending with the view I would enjoy from the window.
"Do you really think it was a good idea to follow a virtual stranger into the wilderness?" The question burst out before I fully realized how it sounded.
As if I might actually suspect Gray of being a serial killer, which was, of course, ridiculous.
"You see something in him, don't you?" Manon hit the nail on the head.
"I don't know if it's because I've only dealt with George lately, but conversations with Gray feel different. When I'm around him and we talk… sometimes, there's just a complete void in my head. Just like that. And all I can do is stare at him. Like I'm losing my mind, you know?"
The silence on Manon's side made me more nervous than it should. For a few seconds, all I heard was her breathing before she finally answered. "Would you sleep with him? I would. He's hot. God, his hands! And that look… how is it that you haven't been constantly swooning since yesterday?"
"Maybe because I'm stopping myself?" Mostly. Not all of my thoughts were under control when it came to Gray. And even less so, the obvious reactions of my body.
"How long has it been since you slept with that jerk? And yes, he has officially lost the right to be named."
Manon knew so many details of my relationship—even the intimate ones. Over the years, there hadn't been a single thing we hadn't discussed, which is why she had looked forward to the end of my relationship much earlier than I had.
"A few months."
"Months," she repeated. "Do you hear what you're saying? If it were up to me, you've been separated since the date of your last intercourse ."
My amusement was tinged with pride because Manon had actually remembered the word. An episode of The Big Bang Theory was to blame… and her puzzled face when Sheldon first used it.
"That also means you're practically a virgin again. So, there's nothing stopping you from hopping into bed with Gray and…"
"Please keep those thoughts to yourself. It's bad enough you imagine your best friend and a man you don't know having sex."
Laughing, she defended herself. "I'm just envisioning a new life for you. You won't take charge, so someone has to make sure things start looking up for you."
"I still don't want to use him for rebound sex," I countered, even though it was a desperate attempt to divert her.
"Are you sad?"
"No."
"Then why would you need comforting?"
"Sometimes, I hate you for your logic, M. You do know that, right?"
She made a kissing sound. "Anytime."
"I kissed him," I blurted out.
"And you're only telling me now?!"
"Last night. Just when you called."
"Did I interrupt? Oh my god, Amelia, why did you even answer the phone?"
I wondered that, too, and grimly remembered that he had essentially insisted. "He wanted me to. And no, there have been no kisses since."
"Why?"
I would have loved to claim that I didn't know, but that wasn’t the truth. "If anything is going to happen, I have to make the first move. Gray insists on it."
The thoughtful expression on Manon's face was unmistakable. In her eyes, it was the man's role to make the first move. She wanted to be pursued while I had learned to take what I wanted—otherwise, I wouldn't get it.
With Gray, that surely only held until he wasn't crossing any unseen boundaries by getting close to me. I was just good at deflecting certain things or ignoring them. He had the same talent since he also ignored my hints.
"Then find him and keep kissing him. Don't stop until what you want happens. Afterward, please call me and let me know if the big-D energy is just a fa?ade or not." Knowing Manon, she would expect play-by-play details.
Honestly, the idea of pushing it didn't sit well with me. Why not wait and see how things unfolded over the coming days? How things would be if everything took its natural course?
"Anyone looking can see that he's into you, Amelia. You can't tell me you feel nothing when he's standing next to you and…"
Radiating that big-D energy she had just mentioned? It actually made my knees weak.
"So? What's it going to be?"
Manon jolted me out of my thoughts. It wasn't good to fantasize about all these things concerning Gray without knowing if they were true. What if he…?
After he kissed you like that? Sure, keep telling yourself that.
"I…"
"Repeat after me, Amelia: I won't deny myself some fun with Gray."
"I won't deny myself some fun with Gray," I repeated, rolling my eyes internally.
My best friend, however, clapped her hands in satisfaction. "Perfect. Let him distract you. And don't forget?—"
"To report back to you? Of course not."
We ended the conversation, and I felt something akin to relief. Manon never held back her honest opinion. Knowing that she didn’t see a problem with Gray and me getting closer oddly comforted me. And her readiness to support me in every decision concerning him and what had happened made me feel even more secure.
Nothing was worse than being teased by Manon when I did something against her principles or contrary to what she envisioned. Funny? Always. But still a torment.