18. gray
18
GRAY
S ex, coffee, and a night in which I felt like I had slept more than the rest of the week combined. Whatever movie I had landed in, I liked the fact that I was one of the key characters and Amelia played the lead role.
She sat cross-legged on the kitchen island, stretching both hands contentedly as I handed her a cup of the hot drink. Tea, in her case.
As if I needed another reason to see that we complemented each other so well.
There was also the realization of what had gone through my mind when I opened my eyes and discovered that the other side of the bed was empty and cold. My first thought was about her being gone. Not just from the bed but that she might have vanished from my life completely. Just like that, and probably because she had realized it wasn't right for her.
Even now, the thought still caused an unfamiliar feeling in my chest that I hated. I felt insecure. Vulnerable. The quiet fear had a paralyzing effect. All along, I had been confident that everything was going the way it should.
But now, I wanted to take destiny into my own hands and ensure she never even thought about leaving this place. Leaving me and what I had to offer her.
Seeing her happy and relaxed filled me in a way I had never thought possible.
Yet I recognized that I couldn't influence her decisions. I had told her to use me however she needed to—without holding back. I felt a glimmer of hope—maybe it was time to end my miserable dating life and focus on this woman who I wanted more than anything.
She looked back at me over the rim of her cup with shining eyes, almost as if she felt the same way I did.
"There's something between us, isn't there? It's undeniable." As if she'd read my mind. "I'm not just talking about last night. Discovering we have similar tastes is something neither of us could have predicted.”
"That doesn't mean you have to rush into anything, Amelia. I won't stand by and watch you take someone else home, but you're not obligated here. When I tell you that you belong to me, it's part of the game. Nothing more." At least, that's what I told myself so I wouldn't lose myself in her. And I tried to convince Amelia so she wouldn't feel like she owed me anything in this situation.
She looked at me intently for a few seconds. "We should still talk about what we're doing with each other. There are a few things I'd like to do. Besides, you've integrated ‘free use’ so charmingly into our dynamic."
She took a sip of tea before setting the cup down between her legs.
"You assume I'm more experienced than I am." What did she imagine? That I'd spent half my life seducing women this way? "To be honest, in most of the relationships I've had, this dynamic was either absent or my preferences were outright rejected. Some would go so far as to call it sick or wrong.”
"Then I’m wrong too," she murmured. "It's not wrong or sick. Everyone has needs, and for me, it's a relief when you show it's okay to be taken care of. And that's exactly what I want. For you to take care of me, Gray. To make the best decisions for me. To ensure I feel safe and secure. And in return, I believe I'm exactly what you need."
Her words proved that she had a clear understanding of what was happening. Amelia had not only realized that I enjoyed making sure she felt good but she was also willing to leave that to me without protest.
"Feeling that you trust me and can let go just as much when I'm in control… it's as if suddenly everything seems right."
If she allowed, she would never have to worry again—I had already handled anything that could trouble her before it became an issue. We both knew it; the question was just what would develop from it.
Instead of answering her directly, I set my cup down between her legs as well and leaned in so our eyes were level. "I'll make sure you feel good as long as you let me."
She nodded slowly. Just as slowly, she leaned forward to kiss me. This time, it wasn't one of those passionate kisses. This kiss whispered the thank you she couldn't quite verbalize.
With a finger, I tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "That's why I want you to stay here today. Explore the rest of the house, enjoy the quiet… do whatever you want. Someone new is starting today, so I'll be fairly busy. And I like the idea of you waiting here for me this evening."
On my couch. On my terrace. In my armchair. In my bed. Wherever she was, it would help me forget about the rest of the day.
"Are you giving me a day off, Gray?"
"No. I'm taking care of you."