2. Eris
Damn. Why didn’t I make that call? When I saw him, I should’ve run the other way.
Now, here I was feeling empathy for a crazy man.
Rayzor wasn’t lying. I felt it in my spirit, but that doesn’t change anything.
There’s a laundry list of things– red flags flashing before me.
He hid, then allowed her back into his life, and she wanted to destroy me. I’d be a fool to forgive that.
“You’re trying to play with my head. And none of this negates the fact that you fucking lied to me…”
“I didn’t fuckin’ lie, though…. I just didn’t tell you. There’s a difference, and I would’ve told you just how I did when you asked me.”
“But I had to find out from some bitch that you laid up with. She wanted to hurt me.”
“And I’m sorry as fuck for that shit, baby. I fucked up. You weren’t fucking with a nigga, I had yak in me, and I wasn’t thinking.”
“But it’s with her. The same woman you risked your life with. That wasn’t just… nothing. She came there with an agenda.”
“And it dawned on me she did, but shit, I can’t change that.”
“And it won’t change us… either.”
“Nah, baby. That’s where you got shit fucked up. Those bodies are in the trunk because of you. I told you when we locked in that it was an open-book test and you still wanted it. You might leave a nigga occasionally, but this shit here forever.” He patted my ass.
I sat on the edge of the bed in a daze, like the whole world had stopped moving. In and out of reality, praying that this wasn’t happening. On the other hand, I wanted to hurt Rayzor. Call the police, protect the kids. None of this felt sane.
In the closet, Rayzor moved around. I knew he was getting dressed because I saw the shadows on the ground. My eyes dragged across the dimly lit room, zeroing in on my phone lying on the dresser.
Time ticked with each thumping of my heart. I could hear the blood rushing as it beat against my ribcage. My mouth watered terribly; I also heard my spit gliding down my throat.
Rayzor emerged from the closet fully dressed.
He stood in front of the mirror.
“I know once I leave you’re going to try to call twelve, and I’m not gon’ stop you. Just know that ain’t gon’ stop me from loving you, Pretty Teeth.”
With that, he left, leaving the phone to taunt me as I listened to him stalk down the hall. It felt like the world collapsed on me as I slid down onto the floor. Naked, afraid, and conflicted. I pulled my knees to my chest, wrapped my arms around my knees and dropped my head.
“God, what the hell is going on?” I cried.
The next morning
“No,” I jolted from a dream drenched in sweat.
I had to adjust my eyes to the brightness of the sun.
“What the…” I questioned because the last time I checked, I’d fallen asleep on the floor after crying myself to sleep.
Laughter came from the living room. I roughly ran my hand through my hair, confused and dazed. Covers were sprawled on the other side. I didn’t sleep alone. My eyes dragged across to the nightstand, closet, bathroom and lastly, the dresser where my phone still lay. I never called the police.
My heart pounded loudly thinking that Rayzor was likely back here in the house.
I swung my legs over the bed and grabbed my robe, putting it on swiftly then rushing to the kids. I skipped the mirror.
The kids’ rooms were empty as more laughter came from the living room.
I halted in my tracks at the sight of Rayzor watching TV with them like a happy family.
“Morning… baby,” I said to Levi, side-eyeing Rayzor.
“Morning, Mommy,” he replied, oblivious.
“Morning. You slept in late today,” Erin said.
“I didn’t mean to. Why didn’t you come wake me up?”
“Rayzor told us not to.”
I cut my eyes as he continued watching TV. He chortled a bit at the screen, ignoring my glare because he knew he shouldn’t be here.
“Come eat.” He pushed up from the couch. “The kids already ate,” he said, walking past.
The kids remained in the living room as I followed him closely.
“What the hell are you doing here, Courtland?”
“I’m waking up to my family. You cool?”
My first thought was the garage. When my hand touched the keypad, I felt queasy.
I held my breath as I yanked it open so hard that the wind whipped my hair.
“The car,” I acknowledged the empty spot it once occupied. A navy blue Mercedes-Benz GLE 450 4Matic SUV sat in its place, with a white bow. I was too perplexed to think.
“What about it?” Rayzor said from behind me. Heat from his chest radiated against my back.
“Trevon and Michael?” I asked, feeling sick at what possibly happened to them.
“Gone,” he replied, sending a chill through my spine. He pulled me back inside and closed the door. “You got a 450 in the garage, and you’re worried about some other shit?”
I stayed there for a second, staring as if something would change. On one hand, I was happy it was gone; on the other, I was afraid to know what happened to them.
“So, you think giving me a car will fix what happened?”
He pulled a plate of food out of the oven.
“It’s not supposed to.”
“Then where are they?”
“Far away from you.”
His jaw flexed.
“Courtland–”
“Eat.”
He started to walk off but paused. “I love you. Enjoy the car.
He didn’t confess, apologize or explain. He covered the scar with a bandage, but it left me with a void.
“Rayzor! Look!” Erin’s voice said from the living room.
He glanced over his shoulder before heading toward her.
“This article about your fight in Vegas. You knocked him out cold, damn!”
“Language!” I yelled.
Levi whined.
“I wanna see too.”
“You know you’re not supposed to be watching stuff like that. You’re not old enough,” Eris argued.
“How ‘bout we look at something else, aiight?” Rayzor diffused the situation.
He moved on with life like last night didn’t happen. I hate how my heart softened for him. How I wanted to be understanding. There’s still the animalistic ways he possesses that locks my heart away, but it’s still his.
Hours later
I stood close by at the arcade with the rest of the crowd as they gawked at Rayzor’s performance on the car game with the kids.
Levi, so short, head barely above the wheel, his small feet pressing the gas, and his car going off road.
It was hilarious as he thought he was winning when my baby is in the last of last place.
Erin was engaged, going head-to-head with Rayzor, the crowd hyping her up as she focused with the biggest smile.
Rayzor’s hand was laxed on the wheel as he smoothly controlled the digital car. A smile and focus in his eyes. This wasn’t the man I feared hours ago. This was the man who had stolen my heart long ago yet left me conflicted.
The race was intense. Levi had long ago lost, but he didn’t know it.
“Imma beat y’all!” he yelled, mashing the gas and turning the wheel every way but the right way.
“You’re losing, Levi,” Erin told him.
“No, I’m not,” Levi pouted.
“Yeah, you are.” She pointed to his screen. “Look.”
Rayzor chuckled. “You doing aiight, lil’ man.”
The corners of my mouth turned upward. His laughter hit me harder than it should. I enjoyed it.
It was competitive between Erin and Rayzor. Well, more so Erin because they were neck and neck. She had fallen behind and caught up, and vice versa.
“Come on, Rayzor, you gon’ let a girl beat you!” someone yelled from the crowd, and the crowd antagonized.
One round later, Erin did everything to win, but in the end, she fell short and Rayzor won.
“Cheater,” she pouted.
“Nah. That’s fair, lil’ bit.”
The crowd surrounded him, but he picked up Levi and kept Erin close.
“Head up…”
“Chin up,” she added, completing their saying.
“You take a loss and keep it moving. Life don’t stop because of an L.”
He handed Levi’s heavy ass to me, and Erin stood beside me when Rayzor was ambushed by kids.
“You’re the boxer Rayzor, right?”
A teenage boy approached him with a group of friends behind him.
“Depends on who’s asking.” Rayzor stood tall.
The boy’s eyes lit up.
“I told y’all,” he said to his friends standing by. “I wanna be just like you when I grow up. Can I get a picture?”
Erin rolled her eyes.
“Ugh. Another one. That’s like the hundredth one today,” she mumbled beside me.
“It’s his job, Erin.”
He posted with the boy for the photo while the crowd waited on their turn.
Rayzor searched for us amongst the crowd– our eyes locked. My insides somersaulted and went into overdrive when he winked at me. What the hell was wrong with me? This wasn’t normal. None of it was. Yet, I watched him bring joy into kids’ lives like he didn’t just cause an uproar in mine.