Chapter 11
Emma
I'm staring at the word document on my computer, trying to make sense of what just happened. Maybe it's withdrawal. I haven't seen Raze in a couple of days, and I won't until tonight, after his fight.
It'll be the first time he's invited me over, and I'm packing an overnight bag. Weirdly, he asked me not to go into his room until he got there, and that only raises a million more questions, but I'm saving them for tonight.
Is he really into dolls? And that's where he keeps his collection? Maybe he's a closet Barbara Streisand fan, and his walls are covered in paraphernalia. I don't know, but I'm really looking forward to tonight to see what is so bad that he hasn't been able to tell me anything about himself.
All of the tension leading up to tonight and the fact that he left me with multiple intense orgasms and then I didn't see him for days has left my mind a little full. Hence, the word document.
I decided to try it and write down some of my fantasies. They're usually just recurring storylines, the kind I come up with when I'm at work and zoning out because it's slow, or fall asleep to riding my hand. But I wrote a couple down with a little more plot and dialogue. They're short. They're freaky. They're… really, really fun.
I snap the laptop shut because I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with them. I review stories like this on my blog for fun, and what, that makes me qualified to write my own?
Raze has gotten in my head, making me think I'm special or something, and I'm not. I'm not all the things he thinks I am, and when he realizes it, he's going to feel cheated. And then he's going to dump me. I thought I could scare him away with my vibrator collection, but all it did was encourage him.
I can't shake this feeling in the pit of my stomach like this is too good to be true.
I need to start getting ready for tonight. Stetson will be here soon to pick me up and bring me to their house so I can watch the fight with him.
I pack a bag and decide to keep it simple. The idea of doing anything more than we've done, like actually having sex, makes me fluttery and nervous, even though I know it shouldn't. I didn't feel nervous during our last two nights together. When I'm with Raze, all my fears seem to drift away in the moment.
Rushing around my tiny apartment, I decide to just wear jeans with a tight crop top t-shirt and a funky oversized geometric-printed button-up sweater over it. I change into my contacts, with my glasses in my bag for the morning. I'm ready just in time when Stetson texts me.
I lock up and meet him downstairs. He's driving a huge, fancy black truck, similar to Raze's.
"Hey, sweetheart, how you doin'?" His bruise has gone down fully, and he winks, giving me a flirtatious smile.
"I'm… I'm okay. Thank you for driving me. I hope it's okay that I'm watching the fight with you?" Raze set it up, and I have no idea if Stetson was even okay with me there.
"Yeah, totally. A few other people are swingin’ by, too, so it's cool. Did you wanna invite your friend Alice? The blonde chick?" He asks casually while he makes a series of turns. I don't know where they live but Raze said it wasn't far. Sometimes he jogs from my place to his at night.
I think about his question. I don't love the idea of hanging out at Raze's house without him with a bunch of other people. Now I wish I had just figured out how to rent the fight on my own, I don't do so well with lots of people. And these are Raze's friends, not mine. I feel a familiar whip of panic and start fidgeting. Maybe I will ask Alice to join.
I pull out my phone to text her about the impromptu party Stetson is throwing. Fortunately, she gets right back to me.
Alice: Can't tonight, sorry!
Emma: It's okay! Just remind me not to be a loser and hide from all his friends until he gets home. Maybe text me in an hour and make sure I'm not crying in a corner alone, just to be safe. Haha
Alice: Very funny. You can do this! And if anyone gives you trouble, let me know, and I'll give Stetson another black eye for it.
Emma: You sure you're not into him?
Alice: Meh. I might let him take me on a date next week. He's asked enough times. Let me know after tonight if he seems like a total whore, that should help my decision.
Emma: Will do. XO
Alice tried to drag me to a party a couple of times in the past, and they were never so bad that I cried alone in a corner. But at the last one, I nearly hyperventilated when someone propositioned me for a one-night stand after some girl spilled her beer on me. Hopefully, tonight will go differently.
I noticed one more text on my phone, from my sister Stephanie. She spoke with our mom and tells me she is planning on bringing her boyfriend to Thanksgiving dinner and that I need to just deal with it. Ugh. I don't bother replying, tucking my phone away.
We park on the street of a nice, quiet neighborhood, and I follow Stetson up to a gated house. It's big but not obnoxious, painted white with brick accents. It looks like it's two stories and stretches to the back pretty far. I peek around the corner and see a yard, which is impressive around here given how tight real estate is, even if they don't have a driveway. I know they rent together, but I don't think either owns the house.
I follow Stetson into his home, and I'm equally surprised to find that it's spotless. We step into a foyer; on the left, there’s a small dining room that looks completely untouched. The kitchen is around the corner, and a massive living room is to the right, with a huge sunken sectional on a recessed floor that looks like it could easily seat twenty people.
I hang onto my bag for now and follow him into the kitchen. "Want a beer?" He asks.
"Yeah, sure. Thank you," I'm aware I'm still speaking quietly. It's hard to project around these guys. They are so intimidating, larger than life. And even though I'm not attracted to Stetson—he's too flirtatious and cocky—he's still gorgeous with his messy dark blond hair and bright blue eyes. He's lean but also ripped, and tall. Anyone would feel nervous around a guy like him.
He hands me a glass bottle after taking the cap off for me, then reaches out, "Give me your bag, I'll put it up in his room."
"Oh, uhh, he asked me not to go in there. That's weird, right?"
He chuckles, taking the bag from me, "Yeah, he's a fucking weirdo. But he asked you not to go in there, not me," he heads up a stairwell that's off the kitchen.
"Tell me honestly," I yell after him, "does he have an American Girl Doll collection up there?"
Loud laughter echoes down, but I respect Raze's privacy, so I lean against the kitchen counter and wait for Stetson to return.
The fight starts soon, and we settle into the giant living room. I relax on the couch and get distracted by the sports commentary about Raze and his opponent tonight, The Judge, who sounds more like a wrestler than an MMA fighter.
Stetson's phone starts ringing, and he gets up and heads outside, only to return with a small group of people. A guy introduces himself as Mark, who also looks like he's a fighter by his build, and two girls, Roxy and Tina. They all seem to know each other well and it makes me feel even more out of place. They're loud, laughing and bantering, even more so once they all start drinking.
Eventually Stetson steps outside again, returning with three more people. I've never met any of them, not that I've met any of Raze's friends or any people in his world aside from Stetson before now. I ignore my discomfort and turn my attention back to the screen.
It's evident from the sports commentators that Raze is favored to win. I don't know anything about MMA, but they seem to move rank just like any other sports team. You win, you move up. Raze is undefeated this year, and I knew that already. But seeing him on the screen like this, watching clips of him talking to a panel of reporters surrounded by serious-looking coaches and promoters—it's way bigger than I realized.
Again, it makes me wonder, why me?
The fight is starting, and the camera pans the room, and holy shit, there must be almost twenty thousand people there. I can't believe he's this big.
"God, he is so fucking hot," the girl Tina says. I'm sure my cheeks turn pink while I try to ignore her. He is hot, I can't blame her. I watch Stetson out of the corner of my eye, eyeing me curiously.
The fight starts, and I'm not sure what to expect, but it isn't this. First of all, Raze was right, it's not as death-defying as I pictured. Raze and his opponent are about the same size, but Raze seems more agile; he moves with such ease and quickness. Leaning as far forward off my seat as possible, fingers gripping the couch cushion, I’m completely on edge.
I gasp when The Judge whips his leg under Raze, bringing him to the ground, but Raze must have expected it because he uses his opponent's weight against him, forcing him to land beside him, then flipping himself up on top of him. The people in the room around me shout at the TV screen in excitement.
I can't help the familiar feeling growing deep in my lower abdomen, watching Raze dominate. He's so fast and strong. He hasn't thrown a punch yet, but listening to Stetson and his friends talk about him, apparently, that's where his strength lies.
I can't imagine he can get any better at this, but after several minutes, I see what they mean. He has the guy pinned for so long that they start the second round. Raze immediately kicks The Judge on his side, forcing him back a few steps, then finishes the fight with one solid punch. The guy is down and not moving.
Raze is bouncing on the balls of his feet, shaking out his fists, and I wish he were right here in this living room, I wouldn't care who was watching. I'd tear off all his clothes and beg him to fuck me.
The fight barely lasted fifteen minutes.
No wonder he tried to assure me he would be okay. Then again, he's not the one who got knocked out.
Raze warned me there's about a 30-minute lag, so by the time we finish watching the fight, he'll already be wrapping up with reporters and heading home. Santa Cruz is only about an hour from here, so he should be here soon.
I'm so excited, but now I have to sit here with these people. I keep listening to the commentary, everyone was rooting for Raze to win. And apparently, this fight was a huge deal because now he's going head to head with someone who has held the National Championship title for two years in just a few weeks.
That's the fight he wants me to go to, and I already know I will. I'm so wrapped up in the TV that I don't notice Mark sitting down next to me until the couch depresses beside me.
"Some fight, yeah?" He tilts his beer at me to clink. I tap it with mine in response. Stetson has Roxy on his lap, both prattling back and forth loudly about his chances at getting the title next year. A couple of guys sitting on the couch between us brag about their own stats in the ring, using lingo I don't understand.
Stetson notices where Mark sits and yells, "Yo, my man, you're talking to Raze's woman. Best keep that in mind, my friend."
Mark shoots me a surprised look but leans back a bit, giving me some space. I appreciate it. "No shit. I thought Raze didn't do girlfriends."
I don't love that they're talking about me like I'm not right here, but I'm too shy to speak up.
"You're Raze's girlfriend?" Tina says to me, wholly unimpressed.
"Umm… y-yes?"
"Y-y-yes?" She makes fun of me, tossing her hair to the side. I know what she thinks when she looks at me. I don't know what he sees in me, either. Tina is really beautiful and obviously already a part of his world. She understands it, acts like she belongs. “You’re not sure?” She laughs.
“I’m... No, I’m sure. I am. His girlfriend, I mean.”
“Huh. You must be the girl he took out to Viola a few weeks ago. Yeah I saw him when he came home that night. He was pretty bummed he didn’t get laid, guess you didn’t put out? Heard it wasn’t a very good date. Don’t worry though,” she sighs, leaning back against the couch, “I took care of him when he got home.” She takes a sip from her beer, barely hiding her smile.
I feel kinda nauseous.
"Emma, don’t listen to her. I was here, nothing happened, she’s implying some bullshit. And Tina, shut the fuck up. She's Raze's girl, so maybe it's time you gave up. He's never gonna be into you."
Stetson tries to mollify the situation, but his credibility narrows by the second, with Roxy practically dry humping his lap. Maybe Tina is lying, some. But half of what she said is true. It wasn’t a good date… he did take me to Viola… I didn’t put out. Neither did he, to be fair.
So, what, he came home after our bad date and complained to… this girl? Because she was already here? Was he with her? Were they together?
Tina shoots Stetson a dismissive smile, and when she turns to me, she winks.
Flustered, the only way out of this awkwardness is to get up and leave the room. I need a minute away from all the noise and the people who are talking about Raze like they know him better than I do. Away from Tina and her lies.
I'm shutting the fridge when suddenly Tina appears behind the door, and I jump back in surprise.
"Uhmm… hi?"
She smiles so broadly I can't tell the difference between fake and insane. "Hey, girl. Sorry about that. Didn't mean to scare you. It's just crazy! I mean, Raze is, like, the eligible bachelor. Sooo… just between us girls. How'd you win him over?"
"Ohh… uhh… I'm not sure…" I slowly back away and look for the bottle opener. She follows me closely. So close I can smell the bubblegum candy flavor mixed with beer on her breath.
"Is this whole doe-eyed innocent thing an act? I hadn't tried that. Omigod, do you have something on him, like blackmail or something?"
My mouth drops. "What? No! I..." I start fidgeting. What in the hell is she talking about?
"I've known Raze for a while now. I mean, we did have this thing… but then he met you. It's kind of shitty, you know? I follow his stats, we hang out, I thought we were going somewhere. Then you come along and he's taking you out on dates and you're trying to make friends with us, with Stetson?" She huffs.
The front door slams, I startle and take a step away from her, pressing my back against the countertop.
"You don't belong in this world. I mean, look at you." She points to my outfit, eyebrows raised in amusement. "I don't want you to get hurt, okay sweetie? A man like Raze is going to have a lot of expectations. Let's just say I doubt you've got what he needs to keep him satisfied." She crosses her arms and tilts her head, and what I imagine is her version of a sweet smile paints her face.
"Emma," his deep, gravelly voice reverberates through the kitchen. Voices follow him from the living room, shouting his name with enthusiasm.
Tina jumps away from me, "Oh my god, Raze! That fight was unbelievable!" She steps toward him and jumps up, placing her hands on his chest.
He gives her an annoyed look and pushes her back. "What's up?" He looks from her to me, sensing the tension in the room.
I don't care about Tina. I care about Raze. And she may be right. It makes no sense that he likes me. I'm a total freak and shy as fuck, but it's clear to me he doesn't like her, either, so I try to let her mean words and strange behavior roll off my back. Even if they don't roll off without effort. Even if I'm not entirely sure Stetson was telling the truth, that nothing happened between them after our first date. Right now, he's here for me.
"Oh, hey, Raze. I've missed you." I say shyly. I can't help but look down at the ground, not making eye contact. He moves around Tina like she's not even there, dropping his duffle bag on the ground, and rushes toward me, wrapping me up in a hug. My feet lift off the ground, and I inhale deeply, breathing him in. Freshly showered, his masculine scent is strong, and his muscular arms holding me up make me melt. I kiss his neck, and I feel him smile against my cheek.
"I missed you too, Emma. Can we go upstairs now?" He asks. And now I'm excited for an entirely different reason.
I nod vigorously. He grabs his bag off the ground and takes my hand, leading me up the stairs. I'm grateful to see Tina left us alone. Hopefully, that puts an end to that.