Chapter 24
Emma
Our flight was blissfully short. I was exhausted but not tired enough to sleep. Initially, Stetson, Rafi and I all had seats in first class, with Rafi and I together. Since Rafi didn't join, I made Stetson sit next to me. I think he maybe felt a little weird at first, but I knew that if we didn't get over it now, it would only get weirder.
It's only a few minutes into the flight before he asks, "So, you're a closet nympho?"
There must be something about seeing a man naked that starts to take away your nerves, because my response is to slap his ear with the back of my hand. "Shut up, you're the perv who didn't leave the room in the first place."
He laughs, "Ah, I guess that's true. To be honest, I don't think I'll be able to picture you without that fucking garter belt for a long ass time. I blame you for last night."
"Well, you'll be happy to know it will never happen again."
"Mmhmm…" He doesn't sound like he believes me, but that's okay. I don't need to prove anything to him.
Any awkwardness or tension is officially gone between us and we talk more about what happened at the arena, speculating on different theories. Eventually Stetson starts flirting with the flight attendant and I pull out my book, a hard-cover sci-fi that has nothing to do with my blog. It's nice to mix it up once in a while.
* * *
I'd like to say, once I got home, I had a great week. I'd be wrong on an epic scale.
It was hard leaving Rafi unexpectedly on Saturday. Truthfully, I'd felt much better after everything, after the near death experience, the rush of seeing him fight, the threesome with his best friend… but I wasn't 100%, still feeling a little raw.
As such, it felt good to be home. I needed the comfort of my apartment, the monotony of the coffee shop.
I wasn't feeling very inspired to write, but I did try to catch up on some reading. I made several notes, noticing a trend in college sports romances and wondered why hockey tropes were so hot right now.
Rafi and I talked on the phone when we could. We argued a little bit more about where we were going to live and I started to wonder if maybe we shouldn't just find a new place altogether, as a compromise. Somewhere that had everything he needed but was also close to the coffee shop.
I realized this was the perfect solution one morning when I woke up and vowed to do some research as soon as I opened Storybrook for the day. I got dressed and made my way downstairs, and began opening the store. At 6 am I unlocked and knowing I wouldn't be busy for another hour I got on my phone to start looking for houses nearby.
Weirdly there were a few notifications on my social media, which almost never happens. I opened it up and saw something I was tagged in. I click on the image and freeze.
My palms start sweating and my phone slips out of my hands, and I watch it bounce on the ground before landing flat. I don't know how much time passes, maybe only seconds, but it's like the world around me stops moving. I only hear ringing in my ears, followed by a soundless pressure.
Then as suddenly as it was ripped away, the world rushes back. There's a jingle on the door and the rare early morning customer walks in. I leave my phone where it is and step around it, like the offensive thing could bite me, and help the customer, on autopilot. I'm not sure how I manage, but before I know it, time begins to move again and I keep on working.
My phone stays put on the ground behind the counter. I don't know if I should be grateful that it's kind of slow, or if I wish it were busier so I could be more distracted by the heavy presence of my phone. And what's on it. The anxiety is near-overwhelming, making my heart race and my hands feel clammy.
I feel nauseous and then I think, maybe it's not what I thought I saw. And I start to relax, just a bit. Just for a little while. That is, until Alice comes storming into the shop.
She's frantic, pacing next to me, but she doesn't say anything yet, waiting for me to finish making an ice coffee for a middle-aged guy holding a laptop in his hands. Absent-mindedly, I wonder, where's his laptop bag? Ignoring the hollow feeling in my stomach.
"Emma!" Alice yells impatiently, standing in front of me, hands on my shoulders. How long was she yelling my name?
"Emma, say something. Are you okay? Did you see it?"
I start to nod yes, and that's when I realize, she saw it too. It's real. And now I'm going to be sick. My hand slaps over my mouth and I run as fast as I can up the stairs to my apartment. I barely make it to my bathroom before throwing up in the toilet.
I get up to rinse my mouth but land back down on my ass, hugging my knees to my chest, sitting on the bathroom floor, my back leaning against the shower.
A few minutes later I hear my door close and Alice walks in and sits down on the ground across from me.
"Is it real?" I whisper.
She nods, slowly. "I don't understand… you and Stetson?" Her face contorts and I feel terrible for a whole new reason.
"Oh my god! I'm such a jerk! You and he were a thing, and I—" I panic, but she holds up her hands, scooting closer to me.
"Emma! No, stop, that's not—Emma, Stetson and I aren't a thing, we never were. But… Em, what about Raze? I thought you were really into him? Are you and Stetson a thing now?"
The image of Stetson and I having sex in that picture is burned into my brain. Somehow whoever took it photoshopped Rafi's legs out of it, so it shows only Stetson and me. Both with him in front of me, fucking me, and with him taking me from behind.
And a third picture of him unbuttoning my underwear, bent over in front of him. If this wasn't all bad enough, it tagged both my personal account—with all ten of my followers which included my mom, dad and sister—and my Heart Thief blog, complete with over 300,000 followers. My secret was out there. That part of me I've always tried to hide. Now everyone knows.
Of course, the horror wouldn't be complete without also tagging Stetson and Rafi's accounts, with their millions of followers. I didn't read much of the caption beyond all the information leaking my secret, but there was something about me being a cheating whore in there.
I think I'm going to be sick. Again. I make it to the toilet just in time, before falling back on my ass, tears filling my eyes.
"Emma?"
I shake my head and try to snap out of it, but my voice shakes when I say, "It’s not what it looks like. I mean, it is. I had sex with Stetson. But Rafi was there. We had a… it was a weird night and we almost got killed in that stadium. We got back to the hotel room and I had sex with both of them. I didn't cheat on Rafi."
Alice releases a heavy sigh, I didn't realize how tense she was. "Thank god. I mean, there's no judgment if you did, it's your life. But I could see how happy he made you. I'm relieved it was all, you know, consensual. But… will you tell me about the other stuff? Who's The Heart Thief?"
The tears fall silently, as they roll and stream down my cheeks. And then I'm crying, full-blown, uncontrollably, hysterically crying. Terror, fear, my worst nightmare come true. And to top it all off, this will damage Rafi's reputation as Raze. And Stetson's. I'm a freak, I always knew I was.
Who took that picture? Was it a fan? It looks like it came from a closet that was by the door near the hotel room entrance.
I don't want to blame Rafi for this but there's no other explanation. None of us knew that was going to happen that night, and I knew neither one of them would ever take pictures like that, let alone release them. But only Rafi knew I was the Heart Thief. He was the only one.
I don't notice Alice move until a warm, comforting arm wraps around my shoulders. I'm crying into her, and I feel like I can't breathe. She just keeps hugging me, tugging me in close until I'm ready to talk again.
Finally, I say, "I review romance novels. And erotica. I've been doing it for fun, but I started writing short stories recently, and publishing them on there. They're… not porn exactly, but pretty close. I mean, yeah, sometimes it's porn. And I had an offer from a company to start reviewing their vibrators and dildos. I wonder if they've changed their minds…" I start laughing, because my emotions are haywire.
And then I tell her everything. I admit more about my sex life to Alice than anyone else knows aside from Rafi and maybe Stetson. Not that it's anyone's business at all, but it feels good to tell her. To share and be honest. I've always been terrified of anyone finding out.
Which is why I'm surprised when she says, "Girl, are you fucking kidding me? Do you not think half of us out there are total sexual deviants? Most people think about sex like, all day long. You're not alone in that. You're not weird or a freak. And anyone who made you feel that way is either lying about themselves, or they're the anomaly."
I tell her about my boyfriend in college, and what he said to me. I haven’t even told Rafi all the awful names he called me when he dumped me. She was shocked and insisted he was the one with the hang-ups, not me, and called him lots of other mean names. I make a point to remind her that I'm trying to get people not to judge me based on my sexual proclivities, and we shouldn't judge theirs in turn. But she's a hardcore friend and says, "Fuck that guy, he was the freak."
It makes me laugh, but it's temporary. "How am I going to face the world? There's a naked picture of me having anal sex with my boyfriend's best friend out there for everyone to see."
She lets out a sigh. "I don't know what to say. I don't know what the answer is. I locked the door downstairs, but I imagine Raze will be here soon."
The idea of facing him right now has me panicking. I can't say why exactly, but I don't want to see him.
"I can't face him. I need some time."
"Okay. I'll go lock up. We'll close early today, and you and I will hang here and watch movies and unplug. Serves Greg right for not letting you hire any more help. But, didn't you give Raze a key?" Shit. She's right.
I can put the deadbolt and the chain on, the key he has won't open those. Is that a weak and pathetic response, to hide from my boyfriend during this crisis? Absolutely. Do I give a fuck at this moment? Nope.
I get up and immediately lock the back door since he won't be able to get in through the coffee shop. "You're an amazing friend Alice. Thank you," I tell her after she returns from closing the store for me. I'm grateful I don't have to face the public right now.
"Don't thank me for that, Emma. It's reciprocated. You've always been there for me."
I can't shake this feeling that I'm mad at Rafi. That he put me in this position, his fame, his fans. No one would give a shit who I was if I wasn't connected to him. Wasn't I just asking myself if I would trade my privacy to be with him? Is that even what I'm looking at right now?
I'm staring into space when Alice says somberly, "Both Stetson and Raze are blowing up my phone. Neither can get a hold of you, obviously. What do you want me to say?"
"Can you tell them I need time? To just, leave me alone for today? I'm not ready to talk to him. I'm not sure…" I rub my eyes, run my hands through my hair, and sit down on the couch. "I just need some space, is all."
"Okay. Raze is on the next flight out of Vegas, and Stetson is downstairs. I'll tell him to go home."
The tears start up again, more silently this time. Alice leaves her phone on for a few minutes, but when it keeps beeping, she turns it off, and we start watching old movies, and we stay like this the rest of the day.
Alice heads home before it gets dark. She brought my phone up from the coffee shop where I had dropped it on the floor this morning, but I haven't turned it on. I restart another old movie, lying on the couch, hiding under a blanket, when there's a loud banging on my back door.
"Emma!" Rafi yells. He tries to get into the apartment with his key, but it's deadbolted. I freeze in place. I should get up. I should let him in. His life is probably ruined, just like mine, with this picture of his girlfriend and best friend out there. "Emma! Open the fucking door!" He starts banging again, but I don't move. I can't.
"Emma, please. I'm begging you. I just need to see you. I just need to know you're okay."
Of course I'm not okay, but I don't respond.
"Please, baby. Please open the door."
He keeps banging, begging me to open the door, and it just makes everything harder. I asked for space, just give me one fucking day to process, but he can't even do that! Like an insolent child, I storm into my bedroom and slam the door shut, crawl into bed, and cry myself to sleep.
Unfortunately, my morning doesn't improve. Because when I turn on my phone, the consequences of yesterday, of those pictures, have started to come to fruition.
There's a voicemail from my boss and landlord, Greg. He saw the pictures and left me a message saying, "While it's not within my legal rights to fire you over this, Emma, I need you to think about whether having you employed at my coffee shop is acceptable moving forward. I think it's bad for business, this poor personal conduct, and frankly, I'm not sure I feel comfortable having you live there either. Please consider resigning and moving at your earliest convenience."
I check my email and find thousands of emails, all with the general subject line, you cheating whore, you're a slut, you're ugly, you're not good enough for Raze… See, people love Raze. He's polite, sweet, and gorgeous. Talented. He's adored, for all the same reasons I love him. I feel sick again and run to the bathroom and throw up.
I hate this. I can't read anymore. I head to my bedroom and crawl into bed, hide under the covers, and eventually fall asleep.
* * *
I don't know how much time passes, most of the day at least. Every time I wake up, I remember my life has imploded, and I go back to sleep. My phone's been off, and Rafi came back this morning and again this afternoon, banging on the door. I know he's freaking out, and I need to call him, but I just can't.
It takes me a second to figure out what woke me when I hear my name break the silence of the darkened room. I pull the covers off my head and find Alice standing at the foot of my bed. She comes over and climbs in, lying down next to me. My face is red and raw from crying, but she can't see me so well since the light is off and it's dark out.
"He's losing his mind, Emma. He's really worried about you. You haven't called him?"
I shake my head no.
"He's downstairs. I wouldn't let him in and locked the door behind me. I'm sure he could force his way in, and he probably will. But I convinced him to let me talk to you first."
"I got fired."
"What!?" She squeaks. I get out of bed and walk to the kitchen. I turn on my phone and ignore the onslaught of messages and tags and open the voicemail from Greg, our boss, and play it for her.
She's swearing the whole time, listening to his message. I never realized he was an asshole. I mean, he's an absentee owner and doesn't pay well. But I thought he liked me.
I'm crying again, and Alice is losing it. "That fucking piece of shit-bag cock-sucker! What a complete shithead! After everything you've done for him?! What does he think you do all day?? He's going to lose his coffee shop and monopoly money he plays with while you work your ass off for—"
I interrupt her by slapping my hand over her mouth. I'm too exhausted to hear all the reasons.
"Sorry," she says.
"It's okay. I know, it's true. But everything just keeps getting worse. I lost what little advertising I did have on my website. The public—who now, thanks to Rafi, knows who I am—have been sending me hate mail non-stop. And my readers, the ones on my website, they're appalled. How could I cheat on sweet sexy Raze? They didn't even know who he was before this!"
I'm losing it, and it's clear who I'm mad at. I don't mean to be. He's a victim in this too. Except, not really. He was photoshopped out. Stetson and I are the victims.
"Shit. How's Stetson?"
"Also getting ostracized. He put out a statement on Twitter that the pictures were fake, but no one believes it. He's wearing the same clothes as he was the night of the fight, and people are posting pictures of you and him from earlier… he's not great. You should go talk to Raze."
"I don't think I can. Can you… I'm sorry to ask you this. Can you just tell him I need more time? I'm not ready to face him. I'm not ready to leave my apartment. And I'm not ready to have him in my space yet. I just… I don't blame him, logistically I know it's not his fault, but his fame is ruining my life." I start crying again, and she pulls me into a hug.
"I get it. Of course I'll tell him. Maybe you could talk on the phone, then? He's… look, this isn't about him at all, but he's not doing well. I thought you should know."
I nod, but I can't muster anything more than that.
"About Greg… fuck that guy. I'll send him a text in the morning, quitting for the both of us. You can move in with me if you want?"
I give her a sincere smile because she's sweet as hell for offering. But I can't think beyond the next five minutes. I ask her to tell Rafi I'll call him later and to tell Stetson I'm sorry.
"For what?" she asks.
"I don't even know. Everything. Please, just tell him."
She nods and leaves, locking the door behind her. I go back to bed.