Chapter 24
SUNDAY
Tears blind me as I walk away from Razor. He really left me no choice. I want more than to be his whore. I don’t really believe that’s how he thinks of me, but to everyone else; I am exactly that.
The idea of being with any other man leaves me cold. I only want him, but he needs to feel the same. I kind of guess he does, but is so God-damned stubborn he won’t admit it.
I’m at a loose end and unsure what to do now and so I head off to see Lou, hoping she has some work she can throw my way.
As I enter the cafeteria, she is sorting out the dishes, and her smile is a welcome one.
“Hey. Sunday. Are you here to help or early to eat?”
“Help.”
“Then grab an apron.”
I do as she says, grateful for the distraction, and after a few minutes, she says casually, “A problem shared is a problem halved.”
“Is it that obvious?”
“I’ve seen it all, honey. I’m probably guessing it’s concerning a certain man in your life, not too far away.”
“You guessed right.”
“It’s always a man in this place, honey.”
“I guess.”
I sigh as I load up the plates.
“I’m probably overthinking my relationship with Razor. He appears to want to be exclusive but won’t move it on. He wants my company, me in his bed, but when I ask where this is going, he won’t reassure me.”
Lou sighs, her hand on her hip as anger clouds her expression.
“He’s a hard nut to crack. Him and his brother, but if you want my view on it, I really believe he likes you but doesn’t possess the tools to deal with it, emotionally, I mean.”
“I guess.” I shrug. “I just tried to have it out with him, but he doesn’t believe there’s a problem. He’s happy with how things are.”
“I bet he is.”
She rolls her eyes.
“So, you walked away. How did he take that?”
“He didn’t like it.”
She nods. “You did the right thing. A little distance may help. But what happens when he lumbers into the bar tonight and throws you that look they all have.”
“I’m weak; we already know the answer to that.”
Lou chuckles. “It’s easy to walk away and play hard to get. To create distance and make them work for it. That applies to real life, not life in The Rubicon because these guys could turn a nun inside one hot damned minute in their company.”
“You got that right.” I groan out loud. “What am I going to do, Lou?”
“Keep pressing on the wound, honey. One day it will change. He must come to terms with this in his own way first, and then if it’s meant to be, it will.”
“But how long do I give him?”
“As long as it takes, or until you decide this life is not for you and start again.”
“Start again?”
She smiles, but it’s a sad one.
“Many broken angels leave here mended, honey. Not everyone falls for a Reaper. They make their way into the world courtesy of the Reaper scholarship program and go on to live happy lives and meet their soul mate outside these walls. Perhaps you will be one of them. Tell me, what was your dream growing up?”
“To be an actress. Isn’t that every girl’s dream in Los Angeles?”
“Then what did you do about it?”
“Nothing. I worked at my father’s waffle house because I was all he had.”
“And now? Would you trade this life to follow a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame?”
“No,” I smile. “My dream changed. I decided I would prefer to be on the other side of the camera; theatrical makeup, preferably.”
“So, you need college for that and contacts.”
“I do, but it wasn’t an option for me. My mom died when I was two years old, and my father had three young kids to raise and a mountain of debt in the business. College was a dream for our family, and we accepted we would never have the opportunity.”
“But if you had that now, would you follow it?”
“I suppose, but not in Los Angeles.”
I shiver; the memories of what still lurks there are too raw to dwell on.
“Somewhere else, then?”
“Perhaps.”
She grins. “There. You have a plan, at least. Think on it, and if you ever want to cash in on the Reaper scholarship fund to a college of your choice, come and find me. I’ll make it happen.”
Tears mist my eyes as Lou shifts the burden a little, and I whisper, “You were right. It appears that a problem shared is a problem halved.”
“I’m always right, honey. Brewer will tell you that.”
She winks, causing me to giggle, loving how easy it is to live here among these amazing people who have taken me in as family and demand nothing in return.
* * *
Luckily, Razor stays away from the cafeteria, and after I finish up there, I head home for a shower and to change for working in the bar.
I love living here. It’s so easy to fit in.
The work is there if you want the distraction; if not, they allow you to do your own thing.
My preferred choice is always the bar. I love the easy banter of the Reapers.
They make me giggle with their loaded words and suggestive glances.
It’s all just a game though. It’s common knowledge I only have eyes for Razor, and I’m nervous about how that will play out later tonight.
What will I do? Will he even come into the bar, or stay away? I told him I needed space. Will he honor that?
I sincerely hope not, because I’m regretting my actions earlier.
I really wanted to spend the afternoon with him, but my conversation with Cara and the other women wouldn’t leave me.
I do want more, but it’s obvious he’s incapable of giving me that.
Perhaps I should stick with it and go the distance.
If not, I can start again somewhere far away from Los Angeles.
I am so homesick it hurts, and yet it was decided I wouldn’t contact my father, for his good, not mine. I can write, but give no details of where I am. I wonder how long this will last before I can see him again—be a family again?
I’m so worried about him. He is still in Los Angeles where Santiago rules. The Reapers assured me that protection was in place, but how can I be sure?
For some reason, I need answers, especially after the day I just had, and so I muster some bravery from deep inside me and take a detour toward the office of the only man who can help me.
I second-guess my boldness as I hover outside the door marked President.
I shouldn’t be here; I should have spoken to Lucy or Razor to ask on my behalf. I almost turn away, but the door opens and the man himself is standing there like a powerful force that can slay demons with one hard, destructive glare.
“Hey,” he smiles, his eyes kind.
“You looking for me?”
“I–”
My mouth dries and he winks, “I was just heading home for food, but I can spare some time.”
“I don’t want to be any trouble.”
He jerks his thumb inside his office.
“I kind of like trouble, darlin’. Let me help with that.”
He makes it impossible to fear him, and as I inch inside his office, my gaze falls on the low couch and the wooden desk strewn with papers.
He points to the couch and grabs a nearby chair, sitting astride it as he sighs. “I only have beer or whiskey; you’re welcome to either.”
“I’m good, thanks, but I appreciate the offer.”
He nods. “So, what’s troubling you?”
“My father.”
I don’t mess around, and he nods. “I thought so.”
“It’s just, well, I miss him and I’m kind of worried about him being in the same town as well, you know.”
“Santiago De Sauro.” His brow furrows.
“I have the local MC watching out for your father. They can drive the fear of God into most operations, and I’m aware that Santiago gives them a wide berth.”
“So, he’s okay.”
“Of course. You have my word on that.”
“I would love to, well, speak with him.”
“That can be arranged.”
He shakes his head.
“I should have arranged it before. I’m sorry, darlin’, my mistake. I’ll sort out an untraceable phone; one you can use to call him.”
“Really.”
My eyes light up and his gaze softens.
“You must forgive me, Sunday. I kind of lose touch with what matters sometimes. Of course you want contact with your family.”
I smile, my heart beating fast because being in such proximity to the great Ryder King is a little intense.
I have never met a man like him. He commands the respect of every person here, and I can see why.
He has a personal touch that many lack. He is cool, supportive, and offers comfort when needed.
Go against him and you’ll know about it and would be lucky to survive the fallout.
But right now, he is being so kind that it sets my mind at rest.
“Anything else?” he raises his eyes. “I heard you were being cared for by Razor. Are you okay with that?”
“Of course.”
I say nothing because he wouldn’t appreciate hearing of my dilemma, and he nods, as if satisfied.
“Go and find Lucy in the morning. She’ll hook you up with a phone.”
“Thank you.”
He winks. “Anytime, darlin’. My door, although normally closed, is always open if you find the courage to knock.”
I’m speechless because it’s obvious he can see through wood now, and his wry smile makes me blush.
He points to the door. “Come, I’ll walk with you. Ashton will be wondering where I am, and I’m guessing you’re heading to the bar.”
“You guessed right.”
As we walk down the corridor, it’s a surreal experience for me because, aside from when I arrived, I haven’t seen much of our president. He is an intimidating man in every way, and a little piece of my heart is infatuated with him, and I doubt I’m alone in that.
Ashton is one lucky lady for sure.