Chapter 13
13
By the time we got back to Jesse’s house, it felt like the end of a long but great day. I thought back over our earlier conversations as we walked to the front door together in a companionable silence.
‘Was it all right to talk about your wife? I never meant to say anything that might upset you.’
Jesse turned from where he’d been about to place the key in the lock and looked down, his gaze hooking onto mine.
‘It was perfectly all right, Fliss. In fact, it was lovely. Sometimes, people don’t want to mention those who’ve gone in case it’s upsetting, even with me, five years on.’ He gave the tiniest shake of his head. ‘The truth is, it’s the not mentioning them that’s more upsetting. They’ve gone from our lives but they’re never gone from our hearts and in the end, you can be treading on eggshells for others when all you want to do is just tell them to say her name. Talk about her, for God’s sake! So yes, it was more than all right.’ His eyes lingered on me a fraction longer before he plugged the key in the lock and twisted.
A bowling ball in the shape of Ned came hurtling down the hallway towards us.
‘Ned! Calm,’ Jesse said as he stepped across, placing himself between me and the dog.
Ned made a valiant effort at stopping, paws and claws sliding on the polished wood floor before he slid almost perfectly into place on his fuzzy bum to a halt in front of his owner, who greeted him. I moved past and gave Ned a pat on his side too.
‘I don’t need protecting,’ I said, looking up at Jesse as we both straightened away from the dog. There was an edge to my voice that I hadn’t intended.
‘I know,’ Jesse replied, his tone easy. ‘But calming down his greeting ritual is currently a work in progress. I’ve been bowled down like a skittle before now and I’ve got a lot more weight to me than you. Ned might think he’s a lap dog but the scales at the vet’s beg to differ. I just didn’t want him scoring a strike.’
‘Oh. Right. I see.’ I crossed my arms then uncrossed them then shoved my hands in the back pockets of my Prada jeans. ‘Umm. Thank you, then.’
‘No problem,’ he replied.
‘Are you smirking?’
‘Nope.’
I planted myself in front of him and Ned rested against the side of my thigh. ‘Yes, you are. What are you smirking about?’
Jesse mirrored my stance. ‘You.’
‘Why?’ I felt the tension weave itself back into my muscles, back to how it had felt in London. But that had been normal in my busy, always on life. But here, gradually, I realised those knots had unfurled without me even noticing. But now they were snapping right back in place.
‘I’ve never doubted your ability to take care of yourself. That much was obvious from the moment I met you.’
‘Says the man who later found me flat on my back in a pool of mud.’
‘We all have our moments. That’s not the point.’
‘What is the point?’
‘That just because you can do something doesn’t mean you always have to.’
I thought about that for a moment but before I could dissect it too much, Jesse spoke again.
‘I’m a little old-fashioned, I guess, but don’t get me wrong, I know for a fact that women are more than capable of taking care of themselves. Believe me, if I’d ever had any doubts about that, Alice and my sister, not to mention my mum, would have soon disavowed me of them. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to open a door for a woman.’ He shot me a look. ‘When she doesn’t beat me to it. Not because I don’t think she can do it herself. That’s ridiculous. Of course you can. It’s not about that. It’s not a form of disrespect. In my eyes, it’s the opposite. And blocking any potential collision between you and Ned in his excitement to see us is part of that. I’m sorry if it offended you but I’ll tell you now, until he’s got the hang of it a little more, I’ll be doing the same next time too.’
‘Right,’ I said after a few moments of silence. It didn’t appear that Jesse had been waiting for an answer. Once he’d finished talking, he’d slipped off his jacket and pulled off the peaked cap he’d worn and put them both in a downstairs cupboard before reaching out to take my coat.
‘Thanks.’
‘We OK?’
I nodded.
‘Good. I’ve got a bit of work to do. Did you want to set up an office somewhere so you can get started?’
‘Oh, no. That’s fine. I can just sit in the kitchen.’
‘You could. But even if the house is deemed safe tomorrow, there’s nowhere suitable over there for you to set up an office. The one room that was closest to being finished is the one with the hole in the roof and, even if it wasn’t, it’s more ideal to separate work and home if you can.’
‘I’d thought about possibly making one of the bedrooms into a home office, but the garden idea was good too if the outbuilding could be insulated and have power, and so on. Not that I have a business to run from it.’
‘You do now.’
I let out a small, disbelieving laugh. ‘One job does not make a business, Jesse.’
‘True. But I know of a few properties under my business alone that will need interior skills shortly and I’m sure other work will come up pretty quickly. Gina left a pretty big gap in the market when she emigrated. I’m sure some of that has been filled but your style is elegant and timeless and that’s what a lot of people, especially around here, want. They don’t want outlandish schemes or colours that seemed like a good idea at the time but a fortnight in gives them a migraine every time they go into the room.’
‘I can do bright and funky when it’s needed.’
‘I’m sure. I can already tell that you follow the brief you’re given, whatever that is, but put your own spin on it. That much is obvious from the photos you showed me. But your natural style is what I’m after. The ideas you had at the house, the aesthetic that you naturally spoke about for it, are exactly what I’m looking for.’
My arms folded across my chest again.
‘Uh-oh.’
‘What?’ I frowned.
‘You’ve gone into defence mode.’
‘I do not have any mode, defence or otherwise.’
‘Yep, you do. So let’s have it.’
‘Have what?’
‘Whatever’s on your mind. Then we can straighten that out and get on with our work.’ He hooked his thumbs onto the pockets of his jeans and waited.
‘You can wait all day. You’re wrong.’
‘No, I’m not.’ He looked at his watch and I felt my arms tense even more.
‘You really are terribly annoying. You do know that, don’t you?’
He sucked in a deep breath. ‘I do,’ was the reply as he released it.
‘OK, fine. I’m still concerned that this is a pity job and I’m not comfortable with it. You’ve already done so much, and got others to do so much, for free and… I can’t repay that. I never have, and never will, accept anyone’s pity or charity. It just all seems very convenient that your favoured interiors contact left the same time as I arrived in the area.’
‘We already went through this.’
‘We did but, like I say, I don’t buy it.’
‘Do you believe that sometimes the only explanation for something tragic is that people were just in the wrong place at the wrong time? That as much as you try to find a reason for something bad happening, there’s just no logic.’
I paused. ‘Yes, I suppose so.’
‘Then doesn’t it follow that sometimes someone can be in the right place at the right time for good things to happen too?’
‘Well, yes.’
‘Then can’t you accept that perhaps you just happened to be in the right place at the right time?’
I gave a dismissive snort. ‘First time for everything.’
‘There you go, then. Now, let’s see about an office set up for you.’ With that, he toed off his shoes and took the stairs two at a time, Ned at his heels.
I blew out a sigh and followed him up more slowly.
* * *
‘Do you have a laptop?’ Jesse asked as he entered one of the spare guest rooms.
‘I do, but it’s in the house.’
‘Right. Well, we’ll see tomorrow if that’s accessible.’
‘Jesse, it has to be. Even if they need to tear the whole bloody place down, I need some of my things.’
‘Then maybe you should have grabbed that when you ignored my warning and sneaked back in.’
I looked up sharply, ready to engage. His smile took me off guard.
‘That’s a hell of a battle face.’
I tried not to smile back. ‘And don’t you forget it.’
‘Believe me, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t.’
For a moment, I wondered if there was another layer to that sentence, a deeper meaning, but then I gave myself a good kick up the arse back into reality. For one, it was obvious this man was still in love with his wife and, secondly, I did not need a man. Every crappy situation I’d ended up in in my life was as a direct result of a man – my father, my ex-fiancé, my ex-boyfriend. From the short time I’d known him, it was clear that Jesse was a way better man than any of those. He wasn’t the type to let someone down, especially not someone he loved. I knew already that he’d walk through fire for his loved ones. The amount he’d done for me, a stranger, was beyond anything any of my so-called friends, and certainly my father, had ever done. But I had a feeling that being let down by this man would be worse than all the others put together.
‘Hey?’ He tilted his head to the left.
‘Sorry, miles away.’ I waved my hand.
‘I know it’s a lot but it’s going to be OK. Anyone who’s ever met you for like five seconds can tell you’re someone who kicks arse. This is a minor setback, that’s all.’
I stared at him for a second and then the laughter exploded, loud, easy and unrestrained.
‘Buying a disaster zone of a house, having a tree total its roof and my car is a minor setback? I’d hate to hear what you call a major one.’
‘Those are all things that can be fixed.’
‘Yes. I suppose so.’ Suddenly, I didn’t feel like laughing any more. ‘Sorry.’
But Jesse had already reached for my hand. ‘No, don’t be.’ His smile was gentle as his fingers wrapped around mine and squeezed the tiniest amount. ‘And now I’m sorry I said anything because it’s so good to hear you laugh. You should do it more often.’
I pulled my hand away as gently as I could and shoved it in my back pocket.
‘I think there’s every chance it was hysteria rather than amusement, now I come to think about it,’ I said.
He turned away and moved an ottoman that was sitting beneath the window to a space at the end of the bed. ‘What do you think about that there?’
‘It looks good. But why have you moved it?’
‘This space would be perfect for a desk.’
‘Jesse.’
‘Felicity.’
‘I can manage… somewhere. The bedroom I’m using, for example.’
‘It doesn’t have the room for a desk.’
‘It could do. We could move the dressing table from there into this one and then put a desk in the same space.’ I tilted my chin triumphantly.
‘True. But then what happens when you want to close the door on work? Bedrooms are supposed to be room for rest and…’ He hesitated. ‘Not work.’
‘I’m more than happy to work all hours right now, bearing in mind I might never get a job in that field again.’
‘I’m sure you would have.’
‘You don’t know my old boss. He’s not exactly the forgiving type and he has a lot of connections.’
‘Then it sounds like you’re best off out of it.’
‘Hard to think that when your savings are draining every day.’
‘Always hard to see the light when you’re in the darkness. Right, the desk is going in here. I’m not having you sit up late into the night when you should be getting rest. Now, what style do you think will fit best in here?’ He stood back, looking at the space he’d freed up.
I mirrored his stance. ‘Something period to go with the house but not dark.’
‘Exactly what I was thinking. The salvage yard down the road has some beautiful pieces.’ Jesse checked his watch. ‘Want to go and take a look now? We still have time but say no if you want. It’s been a busy day already. We can always go after we see Dermot tomorrow.’ He looked around. ‘How do you feel about giving the whole room a bit of a refresh as you’ll be spending time in here?’
Excitement bubbled within me and I knew Jesse saw it. The glint of humour in his eyes, the slow curve of his mouth. But I knew instinctively that he was laughing with me, not at me and never would.
‘Let’s go.’
* * *
A couple of hours later, an antique limed-oak roll-top desk sat neatly bathed in the final rays of evening light from the window. Added to that was a powder-blue dressing-table chair, which toned perfectly with the new toile de jouy curtains and throw cushions. We’d compromised on getting this one by literally pinkie-promising in the shop that if I got neck or back or anything else ache from sitting working on it, it would be changed for a more ergonomic one. A 1930s brass, shell-shaped lamp stood on top, adding a soft pool of light. It was perfect.
‘What do you think?’ I stuck my head out of the door and called to Jesse. I’d just finished styling a couple of other bits I’d picked up together with a bunch of fresh flowers I’d bought from a stall we’d passed on the road.
A couple of moments later, he was jogging up the stairs. I stood in front of the door, aware that I was really no obstacle, but it was the principle.
‘If you don’t like it, you have to tell me, OK?’
‘I will.’
‘It’s your house so you need to be 100 per cent, even though we can move it out again once I’m gone.’
‘I might keep it there for a while. It looked pretty good when we positioned it earlier.’
‘Hopefully, you’ll think it looks even better now.’
‘Can I come in yet?’ he asked, his expression a mixture of exasperation and amusement. I didn’t know him well enough yet to be able to tell which one was winning but if I’d had to put money on it, I’d have gone with exasperation.
I stepped back and opened the door. The bedside lights were lit, along with the one on the bureau, casting a soft, ambient light over the whole scene. It was the first time I’d styled anything other than my half-finished bedroom since I’d thrown in my job and I’d realised not only how much I loved it but also how much I wanted Jesse to love it too.
He didn’t say anything.
‘You hate it,’ I said as a balloon of disappointment deflated in my chest with full farting sound effects to complete the feeling of failure.
‘No!’ He turned, his hand going to my forearm. ‘No! I love it. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if the lamp was going to work with it but it’s brilliant. The whole thing ties in with the rest of the room perfectly too. This is definitely staying even if you don’t.’
The cool, calm, possibly resting-bitch face that I’d cultivated over the years went out of the window, as it seemed to be doing far more often since I’d moved here. I beamed up at Jesse.
‘You really love it?’
‘I really do! Believe me, I’m not this good an actor.’
‘Thank you.’ My face was beginning to ache now but I couldn’t seem to turn the smile wattage down. ‘So you’re not regretting your decision to bring me in as your interior designer on the property.’
‘I wasn’t regretting that anyway.’
‘At least now you can be sure.’
‘Like I said. I already was. Do you like it?’
‘This?’ I scurried over and plopped myself down in the pale-blue chair. ‘I love it!’
‘Good. There’s Champagne in the fridge. Let’s go and celebrate.’
‘Why is there Champagne in the fridge?’
He gave me the head tilt again. ‘Oh, Fliss. There should always be a bottle of Champagne in the fridge. You never know when you might need it.’
I was really beginning to like this man. If I was honest, perhaps a little too much. Even when I was arguing with him, I felt a connection to him that I hadn’t felt with anyone for a long time. Not since Nanny. She’d been the only person in my life who’d made me feel as though just being me was enough. Now, decades later, I got that feeling once more with a man I hardly knew but wanted to know better. And that was kind of scary.
‘You’ve got a strange look on your face. Everything all right?’
‘Absolutely,’ I replied, shaking the feeling off and stuffing it in a corner of my mind to be dealt with another time. ‘Lead the way.’