Chapter 15
15
Jesse exited the pick-up and the sound of the door swinging closed jolted me out of my shock. I snapped my jaw shut and went to open my door but Jesse was already there, holding out a hand to help me step down. He knew I didn’t need assistance, which was what made it all the more special. And right now, I was grateful for it as my brain was still busy trying to process what he’d just said.
We hurried to the front door and Jesse grabbed a package from the parcel box beside the porch before following me in. I felt around for the stair and sat down to pull off my boots. I stood and Jesse looked down at me. ‘Sorry. I shouldn’t have just landed that on you like that.’
‘I… I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.’
‘It’s fine. I shouldn’t have said anything.’
I grabbed his arm. ‘Jesse! Of course you should. I want to understand you. I…’ I cleared my throat. ‘I care about you. Something as important, as huge, as that? Then of course I want to know. To try and understand. But only if you want to tell me.’
I followed as Jesse turned and walked into the kitchen, placed the keys down in a dark-green glass bowl that stood on the dresser, put the parcel alongside then took a deep breath.
‘Alice was driving back from the next village after meeting an old school friend for dinner. I’d offered to take her and bring her back so that she could have a drink but she insisted. She didn’t want to drink as we were planning to head off early for a weekend away in the Cotswolds the following day anyway. So I said OK, kissed her goodbye and that was the last time I saw her alive.’
‘Jesse…’
‘You don’t have to say anything.’ His hand brushed mine for a moment before resting back on the worktop, the fingers splayed.
‘Magnus’ lot were coming down for a weekend party at his place. Huge great Range Rover with five of them in speeding along these tiny roads. A couple of people outside the pub saw them tearing by, music blaring, shouting and laughing, and the car was weaving across the road.’
He turned and rested against the sink, his gaze on a point on the horizon but I could only guess what his mind’s eye was actually seeing. I doubted it was the bucolic scene outside the window in front of him.
‘Alice never stood a chance in her little Fiat. I’d suggested she take the pick-up but she always said it was too big and she loved that car. She’d been so proud when we’d picked it up. Baby blue with a white interior. I swear she was happier the day we picked up that stupid car than she was on our wedding day.’ He let out a laugh but it was one without even the thinnest layer of humour masking heartbreak. ‘Not that it would have made much of a difference. At least, that’s what the report said.’ He swallowed hard. ‘The Range Rover came up behind her and started beeping and flashing its lights for her to get out of the way, apparently. They denied all that, of course. But Jason was working in the field that backs onto the lane. He’s got this ridiculously big tractor. We all took the piss out of him for it, but it turned out the joke was on us because it meant he saw the whole thing.’ He dipped his head and rubbed Ned’s head. The dog leant against his master’s leg, apparently sensing something was wrong. ‘Not that I would wish that on anyone,’ he finished quietly before turning and sliding down the cabinet door to sit on the floor so that his dog could get closer. Jesse fussed him as he continued.
‘It’s a one-lane road so where the hell they thought Alice was supposed to go, God knows. And she never drove particularly slow so what speed they were doing… Jason reckoned a good eighty.’ His teeth were gritted, his jaw tense and set. I wanted to tell him he didn’t need to tell me, that I hated seeing him so upset, but I also wanted to know. I wanted to know everything about him.
‘Anyway, when they got to a passing place, the moron driving went for it. Of course, it was never going to end well. Had it been any of the other places, she’d have probably just gone into a ditch. Not ideal, obviously, but, you know…’
I met his eyes as the stormy gaze briefly lifted. I knew.
‘But the place he tried to pass her was more open. At least at the edge. As he went into the passing place to overtake, he quickly ran out of space and immediately came back onto the road again right alongside Alice. The force sent her car flying, literally. It landed on the driver’s side and rolled three times before it hit a tree.’ He cleared his throat. ‘The coroner said she was most likely killed at the first impact when it landed, which is something, I guess. I can’t imagine how terrified she was in those moments and the sooner that ended was for the best.’
‘Oh, Jesse, I’m so sorry.’
It sounded so impotent. Sorry . The same word you use when you step on a toe, or accidentally nudge someone’s elbow. Society can invent ridiculous words like ‘chillax’ and give the credit of ‘word of the year’ to a laughing emoji but when the worst thing in the world happens to someone you care about, the only words you have in your arsenal are ‘I’m sorry’.
‘I know.’ He made the reply without looking up, which I was glad for. His focus was on the loyal dog so he didn’t see my eyes washed with tears for a woman I’d never met and her broken-hearted husband.
‘They actually tried to drive off, would you believe?’
‘What?’ Shock and disgust wrapped themselves around the word.
He looked up now. ‘I know. Unbelievable. By this time, Jason had called the police and motored down there in his tractor and blocked the road so they weren’t going anywhere. When Jason got out, he could smell the alcohol on the driver, well, all of them really, but they said they’d just taken a swig now because they were all in shock.’ His teeth were gritted again now. ‘Cowards. Lying bastard cowards.’
I got up from the chair and sat down on the floor near him. I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do. He was talking about his wife, a wife he had loved very much. But when I did, he reached an arm around me and scooted me closer on the floor next to him.
‘Are you sure you want to hear all this?’
‘If you’re sure you want to tell me.’
‘Yeah. I do.’
I stroked Ned’s head, now lying in Jesse’s lap as his owner’s hand rested on the dog’s back.
‘By the time the police turned up, Magnus’ parents had arrived as well and, of course, Magnus and his father tried to get it all swept under the carpet. A few years prior, it probably would have worked too. It’s amazing what money can do.’ He flicked his gaze to me. ‘Sorry. I don’t mean to imply that you or your family would have…’
‘Carry on.’
‘It went to court. There was no way on God’s green earth that I was letting that bastard walk. He killed Alice just as if he’d put his hands around her throat. The difficulty was proving it. Once they’d swigged the drink, it was harder to prove and the driver refused the breathalyser. They were all guilty as far as I was concerned but they played the victims.’
‘The victims? How on earth could they do that?’
‘Claimed that they were being victimised by the locals, that it had been Alice’s fault, that Jason hadn’t seen anything and had made it all up then threatened them. Although the last bit is true. He did threaten them but he’d just come back from what was left of Alice’s car and saw them trying to drive away.’
‘What did he say?’
‘That if they tried, he’d drive over their car with his tractor with them in it. And at that moment in time, he probably would have. He and Alice went to school together and were good friends.’
‘It must have been traumatic for him.’
‘Yeah. Horrible. It took some work but a few of us talked him into going to therapy and that seemed to help, thank God.’
‘They didn’t get away with it?’
‘No. Blood samples were taken at the police station and, despite the amount of money all their families, plus Magnus and his father, threw at the case, it ended up pretty clear cut. The driver was eventually found to have been three times over the limit plus high. It’s likely they all were but the rest of them wriggled out of any charges. Basically threw the driver under the bus.’
‘Nice. And the driver went to prison?’
‘Yes. Fifteen years and a hefty fine. Not that the fine was anything. Pocket change to people like that. I doubt he’ll do the whole term. There were a couple of appeals but it was upheld. Which is probably just as well.’
He turned to look at me. ‘I don’t know what I would have done if he’d walked free but it wouldn’t have been good.’ His gaze flicked down to the dog. ‘I’m not proud of that thought and Alice would be livid with me. She was very much the pacifist.’
‘But if the situation had been reversed, there’s no saying that she wouldn’t have felt the same. Extreme circumstances cause people to think, and sometimes do, extreme things. But I’m glad you didn’t.’
Jesse tilted his head back so that it rested on the cabinet door and his eyes focused on the ceiling.
‘So am I.’ He blew out a breath, slowly. ‘So am I.’
We sat on the kitchen floor together for several more minutes. His hand still rested around my waist, each of us having one hand on the dog. My bum was numb and I had a cramp in my leg but I was prepared to sit there for as long as Jesse wanted.
Another minute passed and he patted my leg a couple of times. ‘I have something for you.’ Quickly, he got up and pulled me up with him. Ned gave himself a shake, executed a fabulous Downward Dog and waited to see what exciting thing would happen next.
I wiggled my toes on the heated floor, loving that this house was always warm. Even before the heating had been scuppered by the storm, ‘warm’ was still not really a concept my house had yet become well acquainted with.
‘This is for you.’ He pointed to the package he’d retrieved from the parcel box earlier.
‘Me?’
He nodded.
‘What is it?’ I asked, excitement fizzing within me.
‘Open it and you’ll see,’ he replied, the smile back in his voice now.
I did as he said and tore off the cardboard. Inside was a tissue-wrapped package, which I undid more carefully. Within that lay all the stationery I could ever want for starting my new business. Beautiful paper for printed invoices and quotes. I knew from before that some people still liked a printed copy, even in these days of email and digital everything. Pastel sticky notes – how did he know I had an aversion to the neon ones? Envelopes, the most beautiful planner, three emerald-green, suede-touch notebooks with the word ‘Notes’ embossed in gold script lettering.
‘Jesse, this is wonderful! Thank you. But I have to pay you for it.’
‘It’s a gift.’
‘Jesse.’
‘Fliss.’
‘You shouldn’t have.’
‘I wanted to. Don’t you like them?’ For a moment, something in his expression wavered.
My hand automatically went to his. ‘I love them. They’re perfect. They’re exactly what I would have chosen myself. But?—’
‘There is no but. You needed stationery. Now you have it. There’s something else though.’
‘Something else?’
‘Dermot sent me over the pictures of the survey.’ He pulled up something on his phone. ‘Is this your laptop?’
I looked at the photo on the screen as Jesse pinched it to enlarge the image. It was of my bedroom. And there, on the water-stained and beyond-hope bedside table was my equally beyond-hope computer.
‘Oh, God. Yes. I forgot I’d taken it in there. Ironically, I’d been looking up house insurance before I went to sleep.’
Jesse let loose a giggle and then sucked his lips as if to try and pull it back in.
I gave him a whack. ‘It’s not funny!’ It was another blow and right now, I wasn’t sure how many more of them I could take.
‘No. No. I know. Sorry.’ And then he giggled again.
‘Jesse!’ I snapped at him but now I could hear the laughter in my own voice. ‘Stop laughing!’
‘I’m not laughing,’ he said, his action making his statement an outright lie.
‘You are!’
‘So are you!’
‘Oh God, I’m a disaster, aren’t I?’
His hand reached out and took mine, pulling me close. His other brushed my cheek tenderly until it reached my chin, which he then tilted up so that my eyes met his. ‘No. You’re not a disaster. I know you’d prefer that none of this had happened and, believe me, I wish I could make all this better for you right now, but I’d be lying if I said I wished none of this had happened because then I wouldn’t have got to meet you. To spend time with you. To…’ He swallowed hard, his eyes dropping to our joined hands.
‘Me too,’ I replied, and his gaze returned immediately to mine. His hands dropped away and brushed down the side of my body until they reached my bum, whereupon Jesse lifted me and I automatically wrapped my legs around his tight waist as his lips met mine. The kiss was tentative to begin with, but soon all reservations were scattered as my hands gripped his collar then his hair and he rested me against the cool marble of the worksurface. It was cold against my skin but the heat from this man blotted out everything.