Chapter 19
19
A few minutes later, the men were back at the table with another round of drinks and the atmosphere, thank goodness, was entirely different.
‘I’m sorry it felt like I wasn’t including you when talking about the house. Of course I meant us,’ Jesse said quietly, reaching for my hand as he slipped back into the chair beside me.
‘I know. I think I was just overreacting because I felt like I was suddenly on my guard,’ I replied.
‘Understandable. It was an honest mistake, but I realise now that it would have sounded like I was trying to take control because it had been in our family, or something… I promise I’m not.’ He dipped his head before meeting my eyes once more, his face close to mine. ‘It’s been a long time since I was a “we” – it’s going to take some getting used to. I would never make a decision without involving you or even think of doing so. It’s your house.’
‘Which you’re working on for free for a reason I’m yet to understand.’
‘I can remind you why later.’ The smile I loved slid back onto his face and he kissed my cheek before returning to the table conversation. He took one look at his sister and pointed a finger. ‘Don’t.’
‘I can’t help it!’ she said, dabbing at her eyes with the heel of her hand before tilting her shoulder in a one-sided shrug. ‘I can’t remember the last time I saw you looking this happy. No wonder you were so angry over there.’
‘Let’s forget all that now,’ I said. ‘Come on, let’s order. I’m bloody starving!’
Thankfully, the rest of the afternoon was a complete reversal of the first part. Relaxed conversation and easy laughter. Although I understood it, and even the reason behind it, it was hard to completely forget that, as an outsider, I’d immediately been subject to a treatment that a local wouldn’t have by someone I had considered my friend. Jules and I chatted and laughed but I think both of us knew, deep down, that something had shifted. I felt that, yet again, I was having to prove myself worthy of fitting in somewhere. And frankly, I was getting tired of it.
* * *
‘You and Jules OK now?’ Jesse asked as I climbed into bed that night, having returned to my original plan of staying over at his place after all.
‘Absolutely.’ I kept my tone light and breezy.
‘Oh, good.’
Excellent. He bought it.
I turned to plump up my pillow and found Jesse looking at me.
‘What?’
‘You know I can tell when you’re lying, don’t you?’
‘I’m not lying.’
‘Yep, you are. You do this cute wrinkle thing with your nose when you fib. And your voice drops a little lower.’
‘All right, Poirot. First of all, nothing I do is “cute”. I’m not the “cute” type.’
‘Oh, you really are. I’ve got a list if you want to hear?’
I kind of did but, as a matter of principle, that would have to wait.
‘And, secondly, my voice is perfectly normal.’
‘Fibber.’ He reached over and scooted me onto his lap. ‘So what’s going on? Is this going to be a problem?’
‘Of course not. There’s no problem. She apologised and it’s forgotten.’
‘It’s not though, is it?’ There was no accusation in his tone.
‘Jesse, I’m fine.’ I pushed myself off and finished faffing with my pillows. ‘I’m just tired.’
He leaned over and kissed me, paused a beat then snuggled down in the bed. I lay there for a moment before wriggling over towards him. His arm automatically went around me and held me close as I nestled into the gap between his collar bone and his neck, resting my thigh on his hip. He didn’t believe a word I’d said, for good reason, but he was still there for me and that was enough.
* * *
Spring was now bursting into bloom. Plants once buried beneath the overgrown mess were now emerging from the earth and fighting their way through the brambles to the light. The garden was definitely a work in slow progress but I’d discovered hacking away at brambles to be a very therapeutic form of exercise.
The integrated solar panels on the new roof of the house were finally getting the chance to begin earning their keep a little as the sun shone down on Paradise Farm. If I stood back and squinted – a lot – I could almost see how it got its name. There was still an awful lot to do but the weeks were flying by in a haze of work, both on my fledgling interior design business, which was growing feathers remarkably quickly, as well as on the house itself.
Once the roof had gone on and it was warm enough to spend any length of time at the property not huddled under four blankets and a duvet, I’d decided to take the opportunity to evaluate what I had. Or rather what I no longer had. So much had been damaged by the rain the night of the storm, the only solution was to hire a skip and get rid of everything that wasn’t salvageable. Once I’d assessed what was left, I began to realise that many of the items I’d brought with me either didn’t suit what I was creating with this new property or held negative memories. A table Adrian and I had bought in Sienna, the lamps I’d bought for the guest bedroom when we’d had his parents to stay after we announced our engagement. I still appreciated the design of the pieces but the first thing I thought of when I saw them was Adrian. And that most definitely wasn’t the vibe I was going for.
‘Are you throwing those out?’ Jesse asked when he saw them standing outside the front door. ‘Also, good morning. You left without having breakfast.’
‘I’m not hungry and good morning.’ I reached up and linked my fingers behind his neck, my work-booted feet on tiptoe to reach him as I kissed his lips.
‘You need to eat.’ He handed me an apple.
‘Thanks.’
‘Coffee?’ He held up two insulated travel mugs.
‘Lifesaver, thank you!’ I bit into the apple and took the mug he held out to me before perching on a low dry stone wall that bookended one side of the front garden.
‘So?’ Jesse pointed at the lamps and table. ‘They don’t look damaged.’
‘They’re not. But I don’t want them any more. I was going to sell them.’
‘They look pricey.’
‘They were. Do you think Ray at the salvage yard would be interested?’
‘I expect so. Might be tricky getting what they’re worth though.’
‘Unless you barter for me?’ I fluttered my lashes at him.
He gave a low chuckle as he put his own mug to his lips. ‘Oh no, you’re not using that one on me again.’
‘Funny, you didn’t seem to mind last night.’
‘Last night was going to happen whether you blinked those baby blues at me or not.’
He sent me a grin that made my toes curl with anticipation inside the pink steel-toed boots he had bought for me. ‘Besides, it’s time you took on Ray yourself.’
‘Me?’ My voice pitched up an octave.
‘Yeah.’
‘Oh… I don’t think that’s a good idea.’
‘Why not?’
‘They were expensive and I need all the money I can get to help fund this money pit!’
‘Which is exactly why you can do it. You’ve got the drive.’
‘He doesn’t like me. He likes you! Please?’
Jesse swallowed his mouthful of coffee and turned to me with a frown. ‘Who said he doesn’t like you?’
‘Well, nobody. But I can tell. He never talks to me and I’m sure he thinks I’m just a hooray from London playing about down here.’
Jesse shot me a look.
‘He wouldn’t be the only one. Even you thought that the first time you met me.’
‘The first time I met you, I had tweety birds circling my head after you gave me concussion so that doesn’t count. Ray doesn’t dislike you so get that out of your head. He’s just a bit shy. I’ve got an appointment in a couple of hours but nothing on right now other than working on my girlfriend’s money pit. Fancy a ride up there?’
Jesse put out his hands to help me up from the wall and then scooped one arm under my bum, lifting me against him. I wrapped my legs around him and had the novel experience of looking into his face on the same level while vertical.
‘Hello.’
‘Hello.’
I felt him smile through his kiss before he placed me gently back down on the ground and hefted the three items into the back of the pick-up. The marble side table had taken both Adrian and me to lift it. Jesse did it alone.
‘What are you smiling at?’ he asked as he swung himself into the driver’s seat and pulled the door closed.
‘Nothing.’
‘Liar,’ he replied with a grin, then started up the truck and pointed it in the direction of Ray’s Salvage Yard.
* * *
‘I did it!’ I said, practically bouncing back into the cab of the truck, my voice unnaturally squeaky. ‘I got what I wanted for the pieces. Actually a bit more!’ I flung my arms around Jesse’s neck and did a little dance in the seat. ‘I can’t believe it!’
‘Why not? Fliss, there’s nothing you can’t do if you put your mind to it. Haven’t you noticed that yet?’
‘It’s not the same. Here, I mean. I’m… I knew that world. The world I was trying to get back into. How to be, how to talk, what to say. Everything’s different here. And I’m different.’
‘Yep, you’ve got a posh accent, but the rest of it? That’s all you. People, for the most part, will treat you how you deserve to be treated. Do unto others and all that.’
‘I didn’t know you were religious.’
‘I’m not. Not especially. Alice loved to go to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve and I’d go along to that but she went periodically on her own. I don’t think that particular rule has to be linked with any religion. It’s just a good ethos for life in general.’
‘You’re right. It is.’
‘Went well then, did it?’
‘Yes! Ray’s super nice, actually. I think you were right when you said he’s just shy. But once I got him talking, he was fine.’
‘So you don’t think he hates you now?’
I stuck out my tongue.
‘Want to know a secret?’
‘What’s that?’
‘You know the reason Ray never spoke to you?’
‘Why?’
‘He has a crush on you.’
‘Oh, he does not!’
‘True. Told me in the pub after one too many beers.’
‘Oh!’ I thought about it. ‘I’m sure that was just the beer talking anyway.’
‘Nope. He remembered. The next time I came up here, he was all flustered and trying to apologise.’
‘Why?’
Jesse gave a shrug. ‘Guess he thought I’d be angry for some reason, or jealous? I don’t know.’
‘What did you say?’
‘Told him I needed not to fuck it up because you were probably better off with him anyway.’
I giggled. ‘That was very sweet of you.’
Jesse pulled a face. ‘I do not do sweet. It was honest is what it was. Ray’s a good bloke.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Before I went in.’
‘Promise not to get stroppy?’
I folded my arms and raised a brow.
‘I didn’t want you to know in case, you know…’ He scratched the side of his jaw and made a rolling motion with his hand.
‘No. I don’t know.’
Jesse did a head wobble and rolled his eyes. ‘In case you used it to your advantage.’
‘You think I’d do that?’
‘No. I don’t. You’re right, I should have told you. Some people would though.’
‘I am not some people.’
‘Like I said, you’d be better off with Ray. He’s less likely to do stupid things like that.’
And then he threw me that grin that would keep me from ever looking anywhere else.
* * *
It had taken a few weeks for Jules and me to get back to where we’d been but, thankfully, with both of us wanting and working at it, we had. When I fancied a change of scene from my desk, I’d take my laptop and notes into the café and have lunch there at the discounted family rate, despite me trying to insist I pay full price. It had also been an opportunity to meet more of the villagers. They’d chat about the house, how it was coming along, and as time went on, the conversations felt more natural and relaxed. The questions weren’t just about that, but also me. How was I settling in and how was the new business coming along? One couple had even asked for a card to pass on to friends who were looking for an interior designer.
I’d caught sight of myself in the hall mirror at Jesse’s one morning, a hard hat at my hip, work boots on and the once carefully cut layers of my hair now overlong and growing out. I’d looked so different and in a way, it had felt as if I were seeing myself for the first time. The real me. The one who wasn’t pretending to be anything she wasn’t. The one who was happy to say, ‘This is me, take it or leave it.’ And then I’d called Ned and we’d both run to the Mini and jumped in to head out to survey another job.
* * *
‘At last!’ Daphne said, taking my hands. ‘Come in, come in!’ Jesse’s mum bustled me in the door. Despite several invitations, neither Jesse nor I had felt ready for the whole “meet the parents” scenario but eventually, we’d had to bite the bullet. ‘We were so looking forward to meeting you before and then that awful storm came along and then one thing and another, well, the time just goes, doesn’t it? Thank goodness you were all right though. Jesse said at the time it was a close thing.’
‘Let the poor girl breathe, Daph.’
I looked up from where Jesse was helping me off with my coat to see an older, greyer version of him striding along the hallway towards us, a broad smile on his face.
‘Hello, son. Jules and Pete are already here. And you must be Felicity. It’s a pleasure to meet you at last. I’m Doug.’
I held out my hand. ‘Call me Fliss, please. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Both of you,’ I said, taking Daphne in as I spoke. Doug looked down at my hand.
‘None of that here, lass. The way my two have been chatting about you, we feel like we already know you, don’t we, Daph?’
‘We really do,’ she agreed, laughing as she snuck a quick glance up at her handsome son. ‘Come on, give us a hug!’
I hugged them both, feeling the knots I’d tied myself in over the meeting already melting away. Jesse hadn’t told me much about his parents, apparently in contrast to the amount they’d been told about me, but it didn’t matter. They both had the same warmth that had emanated from Jules the first time I’d met her.
‘Yes, yes, hello, you!’ Doug said, bending down to fuss Ned. ‘I expect you’re looking forward to a nice bit of roast chicken, aren’t you?’
Ned’s ears pricked up and he began doing what I could only describe as a happy dance on the spot.
‘You said the magic word, Dad.’ Jesse laughed, bending down to give his dog a pat. ‘Go on, boy.’ He motioned towards the kitchen and Ned took off.
‘Come on through and Doug can get you a drink. What would you like? I do love your dress. Isn’t it beautiful? Jules did say you had wonderful style. I can see what she means now. Here, take a seat. Doug, where’s that drink?’
‘She hasn’t had a chance to tell me what she wants yet.’ He spread his hands on a laugh. ‘Although I reckon this might hit the spot.’ He turned back towards the fridge and a moment later had extracted a bottle of Veuve Clicquot. ‘What do you say?’
‘I say yes, please!’ I replied, hugging Jules and Pete before taking a seat at the well-worn, long kitchen table.
‘Good girl. Should always keep a bottle of Champagne in the fridge, I reckon,’ he said, busying himself with glasses and I realised where Jesse had picked up the habit from.
Jesse sat beside me, his hand resting on my knee. ‘You OK?’ he asked quietly.
I smiled and nodded. I’d been nervous but within moments, I’d been made to feel entirely at home – but better. I’d never felt this comfortable or valued within my own family and I felt a pang as Jules said something to her dad as she helped him with the drinks. He responded, taking her hand as he did so. The love in each of their eyes was clear and I couldn’t help but wish I knew what that felt like.
Jesse’s hand moved to mine and I snapped out of my daze, my gaze hooking onto his. He said nothing but the gentle squeeze of his hand said more than any words ever could have.
We didn’t leave until gone nine o’clock that evening, having been persuaded to stay for tea, Daphne insisting that we all must as otherwise, she and Doug would be eating leftovers for days.
‘So lovely to meet you, Fliss,’ Daphne said as I hugged her back tightly.
‘And you. Thank you so much for having me.’
‘Our pleasure, love,’ Doug added as I hugged him too. ‘Look forward to seeing you again soon.’
‘Me too.’ And I meant it. This had been one of the best days of my life. A wonderful Sunday roast with all the trimmings, and family around the table, talking, laughing, all enjoying each other’s company – and I’d been a part of it. I’d been made to feel a part of it and I knew I’d never forget it.