Chapter 23 LUCA #2
"Those were the last words I ever said to my father.
That I would deal with it later." A lump rises in my throat, but I force myself to say it.
"I've spent twenty years running those minutes back in my head.
If I had stayed on the phone for more minutes to talk about shipping crates, their car would have left later.
They would have missed Bellini's truck completely.
I know that's stupid. But my brain won't stop doing the math. "
"That is total nonsense and you know it." Her voice turns firm and fierce. "A phone call about shipping boxes didn't shoot up their car. Bellini set that trap weeks before."
I rub my eyes with my free hand. "I know the facts."
She leans right into my face, forcing me to look at her. "Do you actually believe that when you're awake at four in the morning?"
"Hardly ever," I confess, holding her stare. "Guilt doesn't care about facts, Nora. It doesn't listen to sense. I've tried to fight it for twenty years."
She refuses to look away for even a second. "Then you're doing it wrong. You can't win a fight when the voice inside your head is the one beating you up."
"Where did you hear that? In some fancy self-help book?"
"From years of fixing big messes for rich men who hate feeling weak."
I raise an eyebrow. "You talked your way into my bedroom days after getting snatched off the street."
"I talked to Matteo, and he only brought me food because he thought I'd pass out on his care.
" A tiny smile touches her mouth before turning serious again.
"It makes sense that you feel this way, Luca.
You were eleven years old and thrown into a bloodbath with three crying kids holding onto your shirt.
Of course you're still stuck in that hospital hallway in your head. "
Her face softens as I speak. "I ran Enzo like a soldier from the day he turned fifteen.
I made him take guns apart blindfolded. I made him memorize escape streets before he could even drive, because I was terrified I would bury him too.
And Sofia cried herself to sleep for months while I just sat on the floor outside her door, staring at the wood because I didn't know what to say to make it stop. "
She smoothes her hand flat across the sheets. "Sitting outside that door helped her. Sofia told me about that, you know. She said whenever the house felt terrifying, she looked under the crack of the door and saw your shadow. She knew you were right there. That meant more than any big speech."
I shut my eyes against the warm glow of the lamp. "You're giving me too much credit."
"I don't hand out free compliments, Luca.
" She slides her thumb across my knuckles again, steady and warm.
"I look at facts. Sofia told me how you sat at the kitchen table every night helping her with algebra until midnight, even when you had blood on your cuffs.
And Matteo told me you took every beating from the council so they wouldn't look his way after his folks died.
Nonna said you didn't sleep in an actual bed for two years because you kept guard in the foyer with a shotgun across your knees so she could rest. You kept everyone alive.
Most grown men would have folded in two days. "
"I fell apart plenty," I say back. "I just locked the office door so nobody would see."
"Well, the door is open right now," she points out, refusing to let go of my eyes.
I open my eyes and see her watching me with those wide, clear eyes. "This wasn't how I planned on handling you."
She raises an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? What was the plan?"
"Cold. In charge. I run three companies and a crime family, Nora. I'm supposed to give orders, look tough, and feel nothing."
"You're allowed to be a real human being around me.
" She places her other palm flat against my chest, right over my heartbeat.
"I saw you scare off four guys with guns without batting an eye.
I saw you plan attacks while sipping morning coffee.
Seeing you bleed and complain about bad pasta makes you a lot easier to like. "
I give her a dry look. "Easier to like? That's the best I get?"
"Don't get cocky. Yesterday you were just scary."
"If the bosses down in Palermo hear I have feelings, I'm ruined," I joke, feeling the corner of my lips pull up.
"I keep secrets for ministers, Luca. Your secrets are safe with me, and I won't even charge you."
The tightness in my chest finally starts to let go. "Free help from London's best."
"I'm basically a saint." She reaches up and brushes her thumb over the yellow bruise on my cheekbone, gentle and slow.
"For what it's worth, that eleven-year-old kid in the hospital did good.
Enzo is fine, Sofia is okay, and Matteo is still crazy.
And Adrian took that bullet for you because he loves you like a brother, just like his parents gave their lives to save yours.
You kept them all breathing. Even if you're a terrible patient. "
I lean my cheek just a little into her warm hand. "I'm a great patient."
Her fingers rest lightly against my temple. She shakes her head. "You told your doctor you'd toss him out the window this morning. Just take the compliment and hush."
A quiet, rusty laugh leaves my throat. My ribs still ache with every breath, but the heavy brick that's been sitting on my chest for ten years feels a little lighter tonight.
Nora doesn't ask for any more stories. She just stays right where she is, her warm fingers resting against my jaw, letting the room stay quiet between us.