Chapter Two
Sarah
If this bra lifts my boobs any higher, they're going to strangle me.
God, wouldn't that be a humiliating way to die? Sadly, I think it might also be exactly what the future has in store for me.
How do women wear these things all day, every day? I mean, I wear a bra. Obviously, I wear a bra. But I think my everyday bras might be defective because my boobs haven't sat this high since they decided they wanted to be double D's when I was fourteen.
Christ on a cracker. I look ridiculous.
"You look like you're ready to throw up," my boss, Lilah Davis, observes across the counter at the bookstore where I work as I scrub my hands down my sides, trying to situate my dress…again.
"I might," I mumble, staring at her with wide eyes. "I've never been on a blind date before. What if he takes one look at me and runs in the opposite direction, leaving me sitting at the bar by myself all night?"
It's a distinct possibility. Alex, the guy I've been talking to online, seems nice enough. But they always do…until I'm standing in front of them.
For the record, the problem isn't them. The problem is that there are two versions of me. One version is a strong, confident woman who always knows just what to say, bat her lashes, and smile just right. The other version is an awkward little bookworm who doesn't know the first thing about dating.
One of those versions lives entirely in my dreams.
The other is…well, that hot mess is me.
As soon as I need to speak up, my voice disappears as if it got eaten by a black hole. And I've yet to meet a man interested in a woman who stumbles and stutters her way through the most basic of sentences.
Tonight is probably going to be a disaster.
Truthfully? I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. This date was not my idea. I'm being forced under duress. If I don't go, my best friend, Olive Medlock, may actually kill me… especially once she realizes that her older brother is the reason I don't want to go.
He is the reason, though. He's always the reason. I think I've been half in love with Jasper since the first time she showed me his picture in college. I spent all four years just waiting for him to call her so I could listen in and then dream about his voice.
The first time we finally met three years ago, I had actual butterflies. My obsession has only gotten worse since.
Every time I see him, I get stuck on stupid. Every time he calls me baby girl, I start planning this elaborate future—one where he's crazy about me, we get married, have babies, and live happily ever after…with a lot of hot, dirty sex thrown into the mix.
We've lived a thousand lives together in my head already.
Except, he doesn't know. Olive cannot know. If she had any idea about the things I dream about with her brother, she'd hate me forever. Those are my secrets, and I'll carry them all the way to the grave before I tell those truths.
I've already lost my entire family. I can't lose Olive, too.
So…I guess I'm dating now.
Yay for me.
"Then we're keying his car and egging his house," Jazz Knudsen swears, her eyes flashing behind the counter. "It'll be the least of what he deserves for being too blind to see what's right in front of him."
"You mean the ball of barely functioning anxiety?" I retort, my voice shaking too much for the sarcasm to come through. It's true, though. I'm anxious as hell. I do not want to do this.
It just feels wrong, but if I tell Olive that I have feelings for someone, she won't give up until I tell her who. And if I tell her who, there will be a whole, disastrous chain of events that ends with Jasper looking at me with revulsion every time he sees me.
I'd rather crawl through hell naked, thank you very much. At least I know I can survive that.
"No. I'm talking about the shy goddess who knows every action movie ever made, can read an entire 800-page book in a day, knows how to shake her ass, and looks like a million dollars," Jazz says, smirking at me. "You're beautiful, Sarah. If your date doesn't see it, fuck that guy."
I laugh softly, suddenly glad as hell I decided to get ready here instead of at home. I need the moral support, and no one is more supportive than Jazz when she's ready to do damage on your behalf.
God, I love her.
"Jazz is right." Lilah flashes a grin. "You are beautiful. Especially in that dress."
She isn't entirely wrong. The dress flatters my curves, giving me shape that I'm lacking most days. I feel beautiful in it. But still…
"Are you sure you don't need me to stay?" I ask, chewing on my bottom lip. "I can cancel."
Lilah hesitates like she's going to give me the out I desperately want, and my heart leaps.
"You absolutely cannot cancel," Olive cries, stepping out of the back with her hands on her hips, ready for battle. "You're going on your date, or I'm disowning you!"
My heart plummets like a freaking meteor.
Dammit.
"You can't disown me," I say, trying to pretend I'm not disappointed. "I know all of your secrets."
My best friend just glares at me. "You're going, Sarah. I'll tie you up in my car and carry you to the restaurant myself if I have to do it."
Jazz nods, backing her up.
Awesome. Now they're ganging up on me.
"Fine." I throw my hands up, resigned to dinner with this man. It'll be awkward. He'll hate me. And then I never have to do it again. "I guess I'm going."
I know I've made a mistake as soon as I step into the restaurant. It's loud and crowded, and my heart is beating a million miles a minute.
"Welcome to Coltram's!" A hostess pops up in front of me, beaming. "Are you waiting for someone?"
"Um…" I crane my neck, trying to see, but I don't even know who I'm looking for.
Alex and I haven't exchanged photos. Olive insisted we do this the old-fashioned way and save the reveal for dinner.
One of these days, I'll learn to stop listening to her.
She has terrible ideas. "I'm meeting someone," I tell the hostess. "At the bar."
"Oh!" Somehow, her bright smile gets even brighter. "Come with me, and I'll grab you a table."
"Thanks," I mutter, scrubbing my hands down my sides again. My whole damn body shakes as I follow her through the restaurant, weaving between tables until we step into the bar.
I try to guess who he is—maybe the businessman drumming his fingers on the table or the jock flirting with the bartender—as she leads me past both of them to a high top in the corner.
"I'll send someone by with some water while you wait," the hostess says, grinning at me as I scramble up into the tall stool.
"Thanks," I huff, falling into it about as gracefully as a panda.
I don't even have time to get settled before my phone buzzes. I grumble, pulling it out of my clutch.
Of course it's Olive.
Olive: Have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!
I chuckle, shaking my head.
"Is there anything you wouldn't do?" I mutter to the phone. My best friend is…well, frankly, she's an unhinged little psycho. She creates problems out of thin air. It's one of the reasons I love her.
"Depends," a deep voice drawls beside me. "What do you have in mind?"
I squeak, dropping my phone, and whip around to find the businessman standing beside my table, grinning at me. There's something cold in his blue eyes that I didn't expect. He's handsome, with blond hair and a scruffy jaw.
"Um…I…um…" And there I go. Same story, different day. I have thoughts, plenty of them. They just refuse to exit my mouth.
He notices my dilemma and takes pity on me as he slides into the seat across from me. "I'm just teasing, babe. You looked lonely over here." His gaze lingers on my boobs. "And beautiful in that dress."
"I…thank you," I whisper, pretty sure my face is hot enough to start a forest fire right now.
We stare at each other for a long moment, neither of us speaking.
He isn't what I expected. He's older, for one thing, at least forty-five.
And he seems...intense in a way I didn't expect.
The guy I've been talking to has been effortlessly charming and kind of sweet. This man doesn't give me sweet vibes.
"So…" he drawls. "You come here often?"
"N-not really. My friend suggested it."
"Ah." His lips curve. "Is she as hot as you?"
I blink at him, caught off guard.
"You ever play together, babe?"
"P-play together?" I frown at him. Is he talking about video games or something? The last time I tried to do that, I killed my whole squad in the first five seconds. Twice.
It's not my fault they trusted me with the grenades.
"Yeah." His eyes glitter as he stares at me. "You, her…a third. Naked."
Oh.
Oh. Gross.
My heart sinks into my stomach. Oddly, relief shoots through me at the same exact moment. It's like I'm disappointed by mankind and relieved this man is a pervy jerk I can refuse to ever see again, all at once. It's a weird feeling.
"No," I say, my voice firm for once.
"Damn." He reaches across the table, running his pinky down the back of my hand. "Maybe I can change your mind. Might be fun."
He's touching me.
My whole body trembles, my anxiety so freaking loud I can't think through it.
He misreads it as interest and leans closer. As soon as he does, I smell the alcohol on his breath. Gross. "You want to get out of here, babe? Go somewhere private and let me see what's under that dress?"
I'd literally rather sleep with an actual demon. But the words won't form. They're stuck in the back of my throat, frozen.
I glance across the bar, hoping the hostess or bartender is nearby.
The whole world tilts when I look directly into Jasper Medlock's furious gray eyes. He's standing just inside the bar, his angular jaw clenched, his hands in fists at his sides, the fabric of his t-shirt straining across his barrel chest. He looks mad as hell, and so beautiful I want to cry.
Daddy.
The thought forms in my brain before I can stop it, the same way it always does. I want to hide from it and hide from him… but I can't. Isn't that the problem? I've never been able to hide from it, no matter how hard I've tried.
And I have tried. I've tried so damn hard to pretend it away, to act like I don't look at him and feel like I'm going to explode because I don't belong to him in that way. I want things from him that I know I shouldn't want, but I've never been able to stop myself from wanting them, either.
He looks at me, and I want to curl up on his lap until the world doesn't feel so heavy all the damn time. I think if anyone could make it lighter, it's him. Like Atlas, he was built to carry it on his broad shoulders.
God, I didn't even know he was home from overseas yet! And now he's here… watching my date try to convince me to sleep with him before there's even water on the table.
I'm never dating again.
"What do you say?" Alex says, lacing his fingers with mine.
I flinch, and Jasper sees it. His expression turns pitch black, his jaw pulsing with anger as his eyes drop to Alex's hand around mine.
I look too, my stomach churning at the way he grasps my fingers, his hand cold and clingy. This isn't the man I spoke with online. That man was a mask, a lie he sold to get me here.
I shouldn't have come.
"Do you want to—"
Jasper is at my side before Alex even finishes speaking. He moves like a ghost, silent and deadly. He's so much bigger and more imposing than Alex, like a beautiful monster looming over a flea. "Take your fucking hand off her before I break it," he says, his voice an ominous snarl.
And I have never—not ever in the history of my obsession with the man—been happier to hear his rumbling voice. To see him.
"What?" Alex's brows furrow as he glances up at Jasper. "Who the fuck are—?"
Jasper moves before Alex can even finish the question, yanking him out of his seat. The stool scrapes across the floor before Alex is pressed against the wall with Jasper's hand around his throat.
"You ever touch her again, and I will fucking kill you," he says into the sudden silence.
Alex's eyes dilate with fear, as if he knows Jasper means it. "I'm sorry, man. I—"
Jasper releases him, taking a step back. "Get the fuck out of here before you give me another reason to break your fucking jaw," he snaps, exactly like a man who has spent his life in the military, barking orders and expecting to be obeyed.
It's way hotter than I'm prepared to deal with at the moment.
Apparently, it's more terrifying than Alex is prepared to deal with, too. He jumps like Jasper just set off a bomb, rushing away from the table so quickly he stumbles over his own feet.
Jasper stands there for a long moment, taking deep breaths, before he turns to face me. "You good, baby girl?"
Baby girl. I die a little every time he calls me that.
"I…" I gulp and then nod. "Yes, t-thank you. Um…" I suck in air, trying to get my mind together. "Had I known he was g-going to be like that, I would have canceled the stupid date."
"What?" Jasper's brows furrow.
I wave in the direction Alex just disappeared. "He was my d-date. Or supposed to be my date." My shoulders slump, my bottom lip quivering even though I try to hide it. "Had I known he was g-going to ask to sleep with your sister and me before we even ordered, I w-wouldn't have come."
I don't care what Olive says, I'm going back to my books and my fantasies of her brother. They may never come true, but at least in them, men like Alex don't even exist.