Chapter Nine
Jasper
"Why did you join the Navy?" Sarah asks, peeking up at me as we walk hand-in-hand toward the entrance to the Monarch Butterfly Grove at Pismo Beach. It's late in the season, and the population has been down for the last few years, but she loves coming here.
I hold aside a branch for her, thinking about my answer. "Olive is a chaos demon, but she's always been so fucking smart," I murmur. "I knew our mom couldn't afford to pay to send two of us to school, so I wanted to make sure that she'd be able to help cover Olive's tuition when the time came."
"You joined for Olive?"
"Yeah." My lips quirk into a grin. "She didn't speak to me the whole first year. She was so pissed."
"She wasn't mad," Sarah whispers. "She was scared of losing you."
I hear the tremble in her voice even though she tries to hide it, and steal a glance at her. She's staring straight ahead, like she can hide her own anxiety by not meeting my gaze. It doesn't really work that way, though. Not anymore. Not since she told me about her family.
I understand her now, in a way I never did before—her fears, the things she never says, what makes her tick. She's been afraid of losing me, too. For years, she carried that. Every goddamn time I was shipped out, every time I went on a mission, every time I wasn't here, she waited, and she worried.
I want to spank her for not ever telling me—for choosing to carry so much in secret. I just want to scoop her up and hold her, too.
Had I known…hell, I don't know what I would have done differently.
It's not like I even knew she existed when I joined up.
I didn't even know she existed when I reupped last time.
But I could have made the last three years easier for her had I known about her family.
I would have made sure she heard from me every day, just so she knew I was still breathing.
Had I known that she was afraid for me—genuinely afraid—I would have moved heaven and earth to shield her. It's what I want to do now, just protect her from everything that scares her. I need her to know that her heart is safe with me, and that I'm not going to needlessly risk it.
I don't think I can fight that battle for her, though.
It's going to drive me up the fucking wall when the time comes for her to decide if she wants this badly enough to face her fears and let herself fall into it fully.
But that time is going to come. It's going to come sooner rather than later because I already know I can't live without her.
"Why'd you decide to stay in?" she asks.
I pause to drop a few dollars into the donation bin as we enter the grove. Aside from a young couple a few yards away, a photographer snapping photos, and a family with a kid in a stroller, the grove is mostly empty. At least of people.
Dozens of butterflies rest on flowers and flutter through the air, moving from one plant to the next. There are far fewer of them than there were last time I was here with Olive.
"I wasn't a great student, but I was good at taking orders and even better at giving them," I say, not lying to her. "It seemed like as good a career as any."
"I'm proud of you, you know." She peeks up at me again. "It takes a really special kind of person to dedicate their life to our country."
Jesus.
She stops walking and turns in a circle, her lips curving into a sweet smile. "It's so peaceful here," she whispers.
My cock stirs. She looks like a little nymph surrounded by nature and the butterflies.
"You look beautiful out here, baby girl." Her cheeks turn pink as I close the distance between us, pulling her into my arms.
She burrows into me with a soft sigh. "I'm glad you're home now, Jasper."
"Me too, baby girl." My lips brush her crown. "Me too."
She tilts her head back, looking up at me. "Want to know a secret?"
"Yes. Every single one you have." One day, she'll realize I mean that. I want to know every thought, no matter how fleeting. Every goddamn one fascinates me.
"I didn't want to go to college," she says. "But I didn't have anywhere else to go once I aged out. I had a full ride, so I knew at least I'd have somewhere to sleep until I figured out what I wanted to do with my life."
I groan, burying my face in her hair. The more I learn about her life, the more I hate the entire fucking world for failing her.
"I'm not sure if I stayed because I never figured it out, or if I stayed because of Olive," she mumbles. "And then she convinced me to move here with her." I feel her lips curve into a smile. "I'm glad I stayed, Jasper."
My heart is in my throat.
I tip her head back, slanting my lips down over hers. She gasps into my mouth, her hands tangling in my shirt like they always do, like she's trying to keep me right there. I fucking love that.
I kiss her breathless and then bite her bottom lip before backing away, breathing hard. "Let's go see your butterflies, baby girl."
She meets my gaze, her eyes dark, and I want to say fuck the butterflies. But I don't because they make her happy.
My phone rings when we're halfway back to my place. I groan when I see Olive's name flashing on the display.
Sarah's lips twitch. "You know she'll just keep calling if you don't answer."
"I know," I growl, stabbing the button on the display to answer. "What do you want this time?"
"Well, you're awfully cranky today," my sister grumbles.
"Only because I know you. What do you want?"
"I need a favor," she says, right on cue.
"No."
"Jasper! It's important."
Sarah hides a smile behind her hand.
"You always say that, Ol. And I hate to break it to you, but your definition of important and mine are drastically different," I point out.
My sister growls like I'm annoying her.
"You're the one who called me. What do you want?"
"I need the military."
"What the fuck?" My brow flies up as Sarah tries not to lose it beside me.
"My new neighbor is a serial killer. So I need you to call the military. You just retired. Surely you still know people."
I pull into the driveway, sighing so heavily every goddamn ounce of air expels from my lungs. Sarah is red-faced beside me, her hand clamped over her mouth, her body shaking with silent laughter.
"Olive, baby sister," I say as patiently as possible. "Why in the ever-loving fuck do you think your neighbor is a serial killer?"
"Because he is. Trust me."
Yeah, I've heard that before. Damn near ended up in jail last time she said it.
"He keeps coming to the bookstore, and he's hot and smirky, and he reads romance. I mean, who does that, Jasper?"
"You mean aside from you?" I ask dryly, grinning when I hear the confusion in her voice. Whoever he is, she likes him. No wonder she's spiraling.
"This is serious, Jasper!"
"I can hear that," I say, trying not to laugh. If I do, she may very well cut my balls off. Olive runs from love like she's in a goddamn foot race. Unlike Sarah, there is no real reason for it aside from her stunning ability to attract the worst kind of men.
The right one is out there. She just hasn't found the one strong enough to love her exactly like she is. Whoever he is, she's going to change his life. If he's smart, he'll let her. If he isn't, he doesn't deserve her. My sister may be a lot, but no one will ever love harder than she does.
"Give me his name, and I'll look into him," I mutter, willing to give her that much. Not because I think he's a serial killer. Ninety to one, he's not. But given her dating history, the odds aren't zero, either.
"Have I told you lately that you're the best big brother ever?" she says.
"Nope."
"Good, because I'm still mad at you," she retorts, making me laugh. "But I guess I still love you. Bye!"
"B—"
She's already gone.
I turn to look at Sarah, who collapses against the seat, wiping her eyes. "You know about the neighbor?" I ask.
"His name is Mason. He's definitely not a serial killer," she says through laughter. "Olive likes him, so she's spiraling."
"I'm getting that."
"I met him. He's normal." Her lips curve into a sweet smile. "He's hot. It's making Olive crazy."
I narrow my eyes at her, then reach over to unlatch her belt.
"What are you doing?" she asks, her tone wary as I wrap my hands around her waist, hauling her over the console onto my lap.
"Putting you right here where I can reach you while you tell me that you think some other man is hot again, baby girl," I growl.
"I…I…" Her eyes widen.
"Go ahead," I rasp, my hands planted on her ass. "Say it now."
"Daddy," she whimpers.
"Say it."
"You're hot!" she squeaks. "Just you."
"That's what I thought you meant."
She falls forward on my lap, pressing her lips to mine with a needy moan. And just like that, I'm not thinking about Olive, Mason, or anything but getting inside her again.
Right here and now.