Chapter Fourteen
Sophie couldn’t believe she’d said what was running through her mind.
But she wouldn’t take it back. She wanted to feel like the book had described, and she knew, instinctually, that Tam could accomplish that.
It wasn’t until that moment that she understood what it was like to need someone so desperately, to not care about anything else except what it was like to be in his arms.
“I will give you all.”
At his words, her heart skipped a beat. Relief, excitement, and gratefulness rose at once, and to express it, she kissed him, holding his head as she swept her tongue over his own.
She was so thrilled by the kiss, she didn’t realize he’d moved them until her behind hit something hard.
She pulled her lips from his and opened her eyes to find the desk at her back. How heady a kiss could be, indeed.
Tam stepped away from her, forcing her to drop her arms. When she did, her shift fell to her waist. Immediately, she pulled the material up to cover her.
When she finally looked at him, she found disappointment in his eyes.
Understanding why, she dropped her arms again, allowing him to view her bare torso.
The sharp desire that went through her at his hungry look surprised her.
“You’re beautiful.”
For the first time in her life, she felt it. “Thank you.”
He stepped close to her once again and pulled her into his arms, her bare breasts pressed against his bare chest, and beyond the thrill was a feeling of safety. She found it odd, since she never felt unsafe, but she wasn’t going to question it, too pleased to be in his arms again.
Tam tipped her head up and gazed into her eyes, his own almost glowing in the lantern light. “I’m going to show you what pleasure is.”
She took a deep breath. “Please.”
A smile tugged at his lips, but he didn’t say anything as he slipped his hands under her behind and set her atop the desk.
She raised her brows at him, but his gaze was riveted to her breasts.
Then he cupped them and lowered his head.
At the first flick of his tongue upon her nipple, she gasped.
He didn’t stop that. Instead, he did it again and again.
Then he sucked lightly upon it and heat pooled between her legs.
When his fingers found her other breast, the sharp pleasure had her leaning back on her hands, but he followed, not letting up on the exquisite torture.
Need grew in her belly. She wanted the release she’d read about, and only he could do that. Despite her ragged breaths, she managed to speak. “I need you.”
Immediately, the silent torture stopped. Then his hands left her and she wanted to cry.
“Lie back.” His words were almost a growl.
She shivered at the passion in his own voice and quickly lay back on the desk.
He used his hands to spread her legs and stepped between them.
Her heart raced. She knew what was to come, yet not exactly what it would feel like. Her book described it as joyous, and her married friends shared secret smiles.
Slowly, he lifted the bottom half of her shift to expose her to his view.
She trembled, both excited and uncertain.
“Relax. You’ll enjoy it all the more if you let it come as it will.” He leaned over and kissed her leisurely, but it didn’t relax her at all. In fact, it made her more anxious.
When he broke the kiss, she forced herself to let go of his neck and allow her head to rest upon the hard surface.
Then he lowered his mouth again, only this time, he sucked upon her other nipple.
She grabbed his head to her, hoping he wouldn’t stop.
He didn’t. But his hand didn’t go to her other breast. Instead, she felt it rifling through the hair on her mons. Instinctually, she tried to close her legs, but she couldn’t.
Tam spoke against her breast. “Trust me.”
She did, and loosened both her legs and her hold on his head, though she didn’t release it completely, afraid he’d stop.
He didn’t. Even as his mouth played upon her breast, his fingers continued their journey past her mons and to the very juncture of her femininity. They traveled through her folds and found her entrance, where she knew she was moist.
Tam let go of her breast, and she moaned out her disappointment.
“Ah, my Rosalind is most impatient.”
“I am. The need inside me is eating me.”
His nostrils flared. “No, I’m eating you.” As if to prove it, he bent his head to her breast and nibbled at her nipple.
She arched upward at the sensations, unable to remain still.
That was when she felt his fingers brush over the apex of her sheath.
The sensation was like nothing she’d ever felt before.
It was like lightning shooting through her, but with need instead of light.
She wasn’t sure if it made things worse or better when he did it again, and again.
He didn’t stop, filling her veins with need that had her pressing her pelvis closer to him, wanting even more, feeling there was more. Just when she didn’t think there could be more, he sucked hard upon her nipple and her body erupted.
She screamed as ecstasy threw her into another consciousness, lifting her to a higher plane of joy, filling her with pleasure and pure satisfaction.
As she tumbled downward, the feelings slowing in their pulses, she became aware that Tam was kissing her.
She wrapped her arms around him and held on, a sweet contentment filling her as she kissed him back in gratitude.
Eventually, he broke the kiss and stared down at her, his gaze in shadow. “Was it what you had hoped it would be?”
She cupped his face with her hand. “It was far more. Is that because it was you?”
His mouth formed a crooked smile. “I hope so.”
She smiled back. She’d never experienced anything close to what he made her feel. “I’m glad it was you.”
“I admit I didn’t expect you to scream so loudly. For such a soft-spoken woman, you are quite loud in your pleasure.”
“I screamed?” As she thought of it, she did remember. “I don’t think I’ve ever screamed before.”
“Then I’m glad I could give you two new—”
She felt him tense even before he stopped speaking. “What is it?”
“Someone comes.”
“Merciful heavens.” She couldn’t sit up, because he still lay upon her. Fortunately, he stood and pulled her up and off the desk, her knees giving out.
He caught her to him and whispered in her ear, “Under the desk.”
She nodded, grateful she wouldn’t have to run on wobbly legs.
He guided her to the opening under the desk and she crawled under, lifting her shift about her as she did so.
She was about to tell him her dressing gown was still out when he dropped it on the floor before her and she pulled it under with her.
His booted feet disappeared, and she heard clear footsteps on the wooden floor.
“Sir, one of the footmen thought he heard a scream in the library. Did you hear anything?”
“Harrison, I must apologize. That was me. I was walking about and accidentally stepped on this book, causing me to lose my balance and fall.”
“Did you drop the book, sir?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Do you intend to drop more books upon the floor, then?”
Tam chuckled. “Actually, I had placed this book on the floor. I was just starting to lay them out to have a good look at the timeline of each.”
“Would not the desk be a better place for that?”
Sophie put her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. Tam obviously didn’t know how intelligent Harrison was.
“I had thought of that, Harrison. But you see, I’m planning to take down far too many books to fit on this desk.”
She heard Tam slap the desk above her.
“I see.”
She swallowed a giggle. Harrison clearly didn’t see and suspected something else, but was far too polite to ask.
“Thank you for checking on me, and do tell the footman I apologize for waking him. I will be done in here in another hour or so.”
“Very well, sir.”
She listened as the butler’s footsteps receded, still not daring to move.
Tam’s hand appeared in the opening. “You can come out now.”
She crawled out and quickly tied her dressing gown, the seriousness of their escapade starting to seep in.
“Sophie, are you well?”
She looked up into his worried expression. “Why do you say that?”
“You look as if you’ve seen the ghost of Hamlet’s father.”
She touched her cheeks, which were warm against her cold fingers. “We could have been caught. You would have been forced to marry me. Please don’t think that is what I wished. I was very selfish. I apologize. You must think me a terrible person, or worse.”
His lips quirked up. “Worse?”
She didn’t find her words amusing in the least. “Yes, worse. A strumpet. A trollop. A harlot. A moll.”
“A moll? Where did you hear that? Please tell me that’s not in this book you’ve read.”
“Have you not heard of Daniel Defoe’s The Fortunes and Misfortunes of the Famous Moll Flanders?”
His eyes widened. “You did not read that book.”
“I most certainly did.”
“Here?” He gestured to the bookcases.
“Yes, here. Not as part of my studies. I bought it on break and read it between other books. I always read multiple books.”
He shook his head before stepping closer and taking her hand. “I know you are not a Moll Flanders. You were innocent before I touched you, and for all legal purposes, you are innocent now.”
She frowned, trying to understand what he meant, and then she did. She was still a virgin, and he… Her book had said how uncomfortable it could be for a man if he did not reach fulfillment. “Now I feel even more selfish, so caught up in my feelings, I didn’t think of you. I must apologize again.”
“I accept both your apologies, for your transgressions are hardly such. I enjoyed providing you with feelings.” His lips twitched as if he fought smiling.
“You find this humorous?”
“No. I find it charming. You see, I found pleasure in providing pleasure to you for the first time. I simply respect you too much to…”
To take her virginity. She was well aware of what he’d done. It was almost heroic. “Then I must also thank you for that.”
He squeezed her hand still in his. “When people enjoy each other, there is no need to be grateful. If both find pleasure in the other, then the shared experience is perfect.”
“It appears there is much for me to learn in this area. I have not read any books where such was the outcome.”
Tam’s humor seemed to have fled as he pulled her to him. “Save that education for your marriage bed. Most men are not understanding of such events.”
His tone was far sterner than she’d ever heard it, so she responded quickly. “I promise to save further exploration until then. But what if I never marry?”
He looked away from her, obviously choosing his response carefully. Finally, he met her gaze. “You will.”
He probably thought Lord Wilford would marry her, but even if they were a good match, it didn’t mean the man would choose her. “You have far more confidence in that than I do.”
His body relaxed and his smile returned. “Of course I do. I’m a man, after all.”
She looked askance at him. “And I thought you were different.” She tried to contain her smile but failed.
“I am. But still, I am a man.”
She shook her head, pulling out of his arms. “Well, this woman needs to return to her room before any more servants decide to wander through the school.” She backed up a few more steps, finding it much harder to leave than it should be, especially after what they’d done.
He stepped to the desk and picked up the book where he’d left it. “Did you come down here in search of this, or me?”
“The book. I did not expect you to be here.”
He held out the volume. “Are you happy I was?”
She should say something flippant, but she could see his question was sincere. “I am.” She took the book from his hand. “Thank you.” Then, while she still could, she turned and started down the aisle made by the bookcases.
“Rosalind.”
At his words, she turned to find him gone. Shaking her head, she continued toward the exit of the old ballroom. She had just reached the first set of double doors when she felt him. She stopped and turned again, but he wasn’t there. Then, as if drawn, she looked up to the balcony.
He stood watching her.
She waved, feeling like Romeo and Juliet except reversed.
He gave her a formal bow then strode away and out of her view.
She held the book against her chest and left the room.
As she ascended the grand stairs, she could still smell his scent, cedarwood—warm and woody.
It enveloped her, as if he were still with her.
She entered her room and closed the door, leaning her back against it as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
Images of Tam bringing her to fulfillment flew through her head, causing her body to want him all over again.
She opened her eyes and moved to her dressing table.
Sitting before it, she stared at herself.
Did she look different? Her hair was quite messy and there was a flush in her cheeks, but otherwise she looked the same, except…
Her green eyes gazed back at her as if taunting her with her new knowledge. Turning away, she glanced at her bed, the traveling book of the Curious Ladies hidden beneath the mattress. She’d wanted to know, and now she knew.
But she wanted more.