Chapter Nineteen #2
Sophie rose, more worried now, and walked calmly to the window, taking one of her mother’s hands. She kept her voice low and soothing. “You can tell me. Maybe I can help. What did you fear?”
“I’m not supposed to tell.”
Sophie’s heart stopped at that. “Who are you not supposed to tell?”
“Anyone. I swore an oath to keep it a secret. I’m very good at keeping secrets. Did I ever tell you my marriage to your father was arranged? But, of course, we grew fond of each other.”
Sophie’s mother didn’t always make sense, while her father was strictly logical, but in her distress, it was becoming difficult to follow her thoughts. “No, you didn’t tell me that. Was that a secret?”
Her mother nodded. “A small one, but I didn’t want you and your brothers to think you would have to go through the same arrangement.”
“That was very kind of you. Is that the reason you also swore an oath, because you were being kind?”
Her mother shook her head.
“Why did you swear it?” Witnessing a murder or stealing from a peer ran through Sophie’s mind even though she couldn’t see her mother involved in either.
“I did it for your father. He’s a very important man in the House of Lords. I also did it so I could keep you when you were born.” Her mother’s gaze softened and she reached out before snapping her hand back.
“Keep me? Why, did Father wish to give me away? Was I sickly?”
Her mother laughed, an eerie sound that sent shivers down Sophie’s back. “Not at all. I do believe that was part of the problem. You were a robust and loud baby, while your older brother was weak and quiet. You just reminded Lord Dowling that you weren’t—” She clapped her hand over her mouth.
Dread started in Sophie’s veins. “I wasn’t what? Mother, tell me. It’s about me, so I should know.”
“That’s true. You should know, but no one else has to. Come.”
As her mother pulled her back to the settee, Sophie remained quiet, wanting to know even if it hurt her, as long as her mother would stop her odd behavior.
“It was long ago, over twenty-five years ago, when my sister was carrying her first child. It was time for her lie-in and she asked me to come. She lives so far north, as you know, with very little Society. Of course, your father let me go.”
Sophie nodded, but didn’t speak.
“My sister had exaggerated her incapacity, and as it happened, we had a lovely time together—but as her time drew near, I would go for an afternoon ride to alleviate my own boredom, taking only a groom with me.”
Fearing her mother had been set upon by a highwayman, or taken against her will by a neighboring lord, Sophie clasped her hands, needing to know but worried.
“Those rides were enchanting. My sister’s estate had a wild beauty of its own that I couldn’t resist. The best part was sharing it with Rollo.
Every day he accompanied me, and he was so charming, nothing like your father’s staid presence.
Rollo was full of laughter and life, happy always, and completely captivating.
I was weak and fell in love, but I was married. ”
She was so stunned that it took Sophie a moment to imagine her mother as a young woman, a married young woman, who loved another. Sophie understood how that feeling overpowered everything, and just possibly her mother had done something out of character.
“That summer was the happiest of my life. Rollo offered to spirit me away, but I knew I couldn’t leave Lord Dowling. He would hunt Rollo down and kill him. When I returned home, I was despondent, but I eventually resumed my duties, and that’s when I discovered I was pregnant with you.”
Sophie couldn’t hold her tongue anymore. “Who was Rollo?”
“Oh, why, he was the groom, of course. Who else could he be?”
At her mother’s incredulous stare, her heart stopped. She was the daughter of a stable groom!
Almost at once, thoughts flew through her mind. That must be why she was more comfortable among the commoners. Was it also why she was so forward and brave when with Tam?
Tam! Her heart lurched.
“So you see why I had to keep it a secret. Could you imagine if any of Lord Dowling’s friends discovered the truth?
I’m sure he would be quite embarrassed. I do admit it was terrible of me, but to be truthful, your father was always, shall we say, cool?
Rollo was warm, so very warm.” Her mother sighed as a soft smile played upon her lips.
Sophie set her hand on her shoulder. “Where is Rollo now?”
“I imagine he’s still on your aunt’s estate.”
“But you’ve visited her many times over the last two decades. Did you not seek him out?”
“Oh, I couldn’t. Lord Dowling always accompanied me. I’m quite sure Rollo has married some lovely commoner and has a dozen children.”
Sophie swallowed hard as she squeezed her mother’s shoulder. “I’m a commoner.”
Her mother’s gaze, which had drifted away, snapped to her. “No, you’re not. We raised you as a lady and so you are. You are far too elegant and kind to consider yourself anything less.”
“No, I’m not. I’m neither.”
Her brow furrowed. “You were raised as a lady. Everyone knows you’re a lady. Therefore, you’re a lady.” Her voice rose with every word until it bordered on screeching.
Quickly, Sophie took her mother’s hand and spoke softly. “You have protected me all these years. Thank you.”
“You’re the daughter I always wanted. You can have the love story I never could. I want you to be happy.”
She gave her mother a weak smile to keep her calm, but inside she felt her heart dying. It was quite a leap of faith for a peer to marry a commoner, but to marry a bastard child of a lady would be a flight of fancy.